A Barren Future
by Mercy2908
Summary: After the war, the men start returning home. Their return will mean new dreams of love, happiness, family... or will those dreams become a nightmare?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This is one of my favourite stories. It has very strong drama, which I enjoy writing, and also some tender moments, friends, children... a bit of everything. I hope you enjoy it too.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The afternoon rays filtered through the window, falling over her figure behind the counter. It was a beautiful day with a blue sky and a bright sun; one to be out in the open and not confined between four walls. Louise, though, had to miss this warm summer day in the same place she had been going to every day for the last four years. She really didn't mind it much as she felt she couldn't enjoy herself right now anyway.

Like every Sunday afternoon the place was quiet and almost empty. There were always the few customers who usually hung about but other than that there was not much activity going on. Lou leaned over the wooden counter and drummed her fingers on the surface out of boredom. She hated days like this when there was nothing to do and her mind tended to wander to the darkest corners of her soul.

She cast a glimpse through the window by her side and noticed that the town streets were as deserted as the place before her eyes. In that moment her attention got caught by the image of a lady with her little daughter walking up Rock Creek's main street. The mother was talking to the girl who was looking at her mama with eyes full of wonder as she tasted a big lollipop. They stopped their walking and turned their attention to something behind them. They had smiles on their faces as a man joined them and kissed the lady and scooped the little girl in his arms. Lou stared at the family intently till they disappeared from her sight and let out an audible sigh. She diverted her eyes from the window as nothing else could catch her interest. A few people were strolling about but other than that the street was deserted. Louise had heard that the Hendersons were holding a barn-raising today, so almost everyone in Rock Creek was spending the Sunday on the family's farm.

Tired of her position over the counter and in an attempt to entertain her mind with something else, Louise grabbed a feather-duster and began dusting the little reception. It was the third time that she repeated the action and there was not a single speck of dust in sight, but anyway she kept flipping the duster over the counter and the pigeon-holes behind it. As a matter of fact, Louise couldn't complain about her job being dull or uninteresting. She really enjoyed working in the hotel. It was a place where she got to know lots of interesting people and the pay wasn't too bad. It gave her a decent income to make a living and keep her house.

When the new hotel had been built in Rock Creek, she hadn't hesitated to accept the job offered. The owner, Mr. Faber, was a businessman full of new and modern ideas. It was his opinion that the hotel would attract more customers if the first thing to meet them was a beautiful smiling face. Louise wasn't sure about Mr. Faber's ideas but she knew that he had employed her because she had an amiable nature and, unlike many girls, she wasn't prone to accept any too friendly propositions from the brasher customers. Obviously, she had to face many of those creeps, but she knew how to give them a piece of her mind without losing her composure.

Lou was intent in dusting the pigeon holes where the customers' messages and letters were placed; her mind now focused on the task at hand. Her back was towards the lobby, so she did not notice the person's presence till she heard somebody clearing their throat behind her. Immediately Lou turned round and as soon as she spotted the person, her serious countenance turned into a big smile.

"My, if it's none other than the honeymooner," Lou quipped. The other woman grinned at the remark. She was a bit younger than Louise, with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. "So did you have a good time, Sally, uh… pardon me, … Mrs. Douglas?"

Sally's eyes shone with apparent delight and she arched her eyebrows mischievously without saying a word. Louise giggled, feeling happy for her friend but at the same time a twinge of jealousy seemed to surface over her. Sally had been her friend since they both began working in the hotel reception almost four years ago. She was a pleasant girl and Lou had instantly forged a strong bond with her. It was really welcoming to have a friend of her age who she could trust. It helped her to find each passing day a bit more bearable.

Her friend had married a couple of weeks ago and had been away on her honeymoon since then. Lou had witnessed how Sally had fallen hard for John Douglas, a farmer that had settled down in Rock Creek a few months ago. The feeling had turned out to be mutual and soon John was courting Sally, and not much later he had proposed to her and she had accepted without a single hesitation. Despite her lately constant worries Louise had attended her friend's wedding and had tried to pretend that the whole thing didn't add up to her already troubled mind.

"I brought you a present," Sally said, snapping Lou from her reverie. She handed Louise a little parcel and the brown-haired woman accepted it with a smile. "So how's work been?" Sally asked.

"As usual, same old stuff," Lou answered without much enthusiasm. "You're crazy to start work on a Sunday after your time off."

"Well, it's kinda quiet to start off again," Sally said.

"Rather kinda boring," Lou quipped as she took her hat from the hanger and placed it on her head. "But I won't discuss that. Now I'm out of here and you have fun." She rounded the little counter and as she passed by her friend Lou added, "And thank you for the gift." She was about to leave when Sally grabbed her by the arm and called her name, "Louise." Lou looked at her questioningly and the blonde lady asked, "Any news?"

Louise looked down and shook her head ruefully. Mentally she cursed Sally for bringing up the subject. Not that she didn't think about it constantly, but she hated to show it in front of people. She didn't need anybody butting in her matters; she just wanted to be alone fighting her own demons. It was too hurtful to talk about it, especially to somebody whose demeanor seemed to be chanting the wonders of married life.

"Don't you worry none, Louise. It's going to be all right and …" Sally began but Lou cut her off in mid-sentence. "Oh sure," she exclaimed, plastering a smile on her face, trying to look detached and indifferent. "See you tomorrow," she finally said before stepping out of the building without looking back once. She hated being patronized and feeling pitiful looks on her. Sally was a good friend, but sometimes she seemed a bit too dense to understand Lou. Louise didn't have any need for empty meaningless words of comfort even though she knew that Sally was good-intentioned.

Lou walked along Rock Creek's main street and like every day she headed straight for the small building which housed the telegraph and the post office. Mrs. Peterson, the lady running the place, was at the door, sweeping the walkway before the small office. Lou thought ruefully that life in this town had really changed since the war broke out. When the men had gone to fight, many women had to take over their men's jobs and responsibilities. Now that the fighting had ceased, the differences could still be spotted. Mrs. Peterson's husband had been killed in a skirmish three years ago. She had two small kids to raise on her own, so she didn't have any other option than to work long hours in the small office that had previously been run by her husband. That seemed to be the common destiny of many women in the city, whose husbands hadn't come back and never would.

Lou wondered if she'd have to share the fate of those women. He husband's last letter had reached her three months ago, a month before the war finished. Since then she hadn't heard anything from him and worry was eating her. It scared her to think that Kid might have been wounded or worse in the last months. Lou couldn't even think or talk about what might have happened to him. Maybe he was badly injured in a hospital all alone, while she was thousands of miles away. If she could just know something. His last letter had been filled with sorrow and hope at the same time. He wrote that he knew that the south was inevitably condemned to a defeat and it wouldn't be long for the war to finally end. He sounded so excited with the prospect of coming home to her after those long, lonely years.

That letter had warmed Lou's heart, and she had felt happy and hopeful for the first time. When news of the end of the war had come through, she had begun dreaming about Kid's return every day. Unfortunately, so far it was still only a dream. The days had turned into weeks and the weeks into months, and Kid didn't seem any closer to returning than during the war. Lou knew that it would take him a while to reach her; she couldn't imagine what the situation down in the south was like, but things sure wouldn't be easy after the long war. What she didn't understand was why Kid hadn't sent word through so far. He knew that she would be worried if she didn't hear from him; that was why Lou feared that something terrible must have happened to him.

As Lou made her way towards the post office, Mrs. Peterson saw her and from her position at the door she gestured 'no' with her head to Lou and voiced a silent 'sorry'. Louise stopped dead in her tracks, knowing that today would be another barren day, there would be no news from her husband. There wasn't a day that she didn't visit the office hoping to find a stray letter or a telegram, so Mrs. Peterson knew all along without asking what the young lady came for every day. At times Lou had felt uneasy around the older lady, knowing that her husband had served for the north and had been killed in service.

She had first thought that her daily asking about Kid's letters wouldn't sit well with the woman, after all Kid was a southern soldier fighting for the side which had killed her husband. However, Mrs. Peterson had never had a nasty attitude towards Louise, but rather the opposite. Even on one occasion, feeling Lou's uneasiness the woman had voiced her opinions openly. 'In this damned war there are no good or bad sides. It just means death and destruction. Men are silly enough to get themselves killed for some stupid sense of honor and pride. And it's us women who end up suffering for it. So it's in times like these when we should stick together.' Louise really felt great respect for the lady. She wasn't sure whether she would be able to react as detached and strong as Mrs. Peterson. If something were to happen to Kid, Lou knew that she would sure hate the guts of whoever could hurt her husband even indirectly.

Lou voiced a silent 'thank you' to Mrs. Peterson from across the street. She knew that she should be used to the disappointments by now. Every day it was the same, but Lou couldn't help but hope that one day a letter or telegram would be waiting for her telling her that Kid was on his way to her, or at least that he was fine. These three months were proving to be worse than through the whole war. At least then she had known where Kid was and even though it was scarce and far in between, his letters had always reached her. But this not knowing was driving her crazy.

Lou began walking slowly towards the stables where she had left her wagon. Once again she'd have another miserable evening; she would lock herself up in her bedroom, in the bedroom that she had barely shared with Kid, and she would give her restrained tears free rein then. It was too hard to carry on every day and smile as if everything was fine. It surprised her how she had changed in these last years. Not long ago she wouldn't have been able to pretend like she could now. She really felt able to control herself more easily even though some days her mood got the better of herself and she could be snappy and grumpy for the smallest thing.

She was walking with her head hung low and without really looking where she was going. So Lou didn't see him till she had bumped straight into him. She looked up and met the smiling face of the old marshal. "Why, if it's none other than Louise McCloud," Teaspoon exclaimed, ceremoniously tipping his hat to the woman. "And here I thought you had moved out of town."

Lou looked mortified by Teaspoon's words. She hadn't visited him for weeks, but she hadn't really felt like being social lately. She was aware that she had purposely avoided Teaspoon and Rachel. They had been her only support in all these years, but right now seeing them brought her back memories of better times, memories which were too painful right now. "Teaspoon, I've been too busy with my job," Lou mumbled, feeling the color reach her cheeks.

"Honey, you've been workin' in that hotel for years now, and it has never prevented you from visitin' this old marshal's office," Teaspoon said with a half smile.

"Well, it's not only my job, I've been quite busy cleaning the house and all the chores I have," Lou excused herself again.

"Louise, you live in that house all on your own and last time I checked it was the cleanest place this side of Nebraska, you could even eat off that floor of yours," the marshal added. Lou looked at him with hurtful eyes, and Teaspoon didn't miss her pained expression. He had talked without thinking and mentioning her being alone wasn't one of his smartest moves. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," the marshal hurried to apologized, "I understand what you're goin' through but you don't do yourself any favors if you stay away from your family. And we miss ya, Louise."

Lou smiled at his words gratefully and felt tears taking over. Lately she was an emotional wreck, and she hated it. She had never been one to cry easily or to crumble down, but now it seemed that the smallest thing left her in tears. "Where is he, Teaspoon?" she almost cried.

The marshal took her hand in his and patted it affectionately. "I don't know, honey, but you have to keep your faith."

"That's all I have right now," Lou said bitterly. "But we should have heard from him by now, Teaspoon. It's not like him at all. What if…?" her voice faltered.

"Don't even think it," Teaspoon chided. "He'll come back, Lou, but I'll tell you what, if we don't hear from that husband of yours in two weeks, we'll leave and find him."

Louise nodded silently. She had entertained the thought for a while now, but her hopes for his return had prevented her from riding out. On top of it all, she wouldn't know where to begin looking. In these four years Kid had moved so much. Yeah, she knew where he was last when he wrote that letter, but he might be anywhere now. Knowing that Teaspoon would be with her in the search made her feel more secure. "Thank you, Teaspoon."

The old marshal beamed happily and added, "That's what family's for." In that moment in the deserted street the stagecoach made its entrance in town at breakneck speed, leaving clouds of dust behind it. Teaspoon followed it with his eyes as the coach stopped just in front of the hotel and the driver called, "Rock Creek, ladies and gentlemen!" The marshal turned his attention back to the young lady, and clearing his throat he added, "Uh, Lou, I'm afraid that I need to be on my way. I have to meet the new doctor who must be getting' off that stage at this very moment."

"A new doctor?" Something happened to Doctor Bailey?" Lou asked.

"The usual stuff. He got old, and his time for retirement came," Teaspoon answered with a sigh. "This new doctor seems to be well recommended by the high powers in the territory."

"Really?" Lou asked surprised. "And with those contacts he has chosen a place like Rock Creek?"

"I guess the folk's got his reasons," Teaspoon said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Well, I'd better head for home now," Louise mumbled. "Thank you for … you know."

Teaspoon tipped his hat again, and bidding her good-bye he began making his way towards where the stagecoach had stopped. He hadn't taken but a few steps in that direction when he heard his name being called behind him. He turned around and realized it was Louise. He looked at her questioningly and the petite woman said, "Why don't you and Rachel come to my place for dinner tonight?"

"That would be just splendid," Teaspoon accepted with a grin.

Louise giggled happily. "I'll see you at six then," she added and scampered towards the stables.

Teaspoon kept looking after her thoughtfully. He just hoped that his words to Lou didn't prove him wrong. He knew how hard all this waiting had been for her, and he'd hate that after all these years she'd have to face a bleak reality. Teaspoon prayed every day that Kid would be safe and sound somewhere, and he was on his way back home to his wife. The marshal had grown very attached to the petite girl, who admittedly wasn't a girl any more.

From those days of the Express, Louise and Rachel were the only ones that had remained with him. His boys had all gone their different ways when the Pony Express had shut down. Cody had joined the army even before the runs had stopped. Jimmy had left shortly after. Teaspoon knew that he had been on the move for a while and then he had followed Cody in joining the army. A few months after their wedding Kid had left a shattered Lou to join the conflict in the south. The marshal knew that he had done everything to leave Lou well cared for in the hope that the war would be over in months. Unfortunately, the war had stretched for four long years and the money Louise and he had saved when working for the Express had eventually run out and Lou had to look for a job. Teaspoon knew how Kid must have felt about his wife having to support herself. Kid had a strong sense of pride and he must have felt that he had failed Lou even though he was aware that she was able to take care of herself.

What Lou needed now was her husband's presence, Teaspoon thought as he walked slowly along the main street. His mind retuned to those troubled times of the end of the Express. Buck had been the last one to leave, and for a time Teaspoon had entertained the idea that Buck would stay, but after a few months he had also gone his way, without even saying good-bye. It was like Buck not wanting to make so much of his departure. They had all gone and only the girls had stayed. Teaspoon had never admitted how much importance those boys, now men, had played in that time of his life and it pained him to think that he knew almost nothing of where their fates had taken them. He just hoped that now that the war had finished, his boys would find the way to return home.

* * *

Louise drove her wagon toward her property. Before Kid had left for the war, they had bought the place together with a million dreams. The first time they had seen the homestead they had both instantly fallen in love with it. It was just exactly where they would want to build up their dreams and raise a family. The property had a spacious house that, although it had been in need of repair, had a homely and welcoming air to it. The barn had been in perfect state and although it wasn't very big, it had the potential of being extended in the future. At the far end of the property there was a little copse of fir trees with a little creek running through it, where Lou usually visited on those hot days in the summer.

Kid had worked so hard in the place before leaving. He had wanted to make sure the house was as comfortable as possible for Lou when he wasn't around. She knew that his decision of leaving for the war had broken him inside, but she was aware that it was something he had to do and she hadn't wanted to stand in his way of his ideals. Louise never doubted for one second that her husband loved her immensely, but there were moments in the life of a man where he had to follow a lead stronger than his heart. Lou never completely understood what could be so strong to risk your life for, but she had accepted his decision however painfully it had been.

She stopped the wagon in front of the house and looked around. Kid had so many dreams about this place; he had always wanted to own a horse ranch and make a living out of it. He was so good with horses that Lou couldn't imagine him doing anything else. _This is where our ranch will be_, Lou thought proudly. She knew that she would have been more than able to begin Kid's plans for a ranch on her own while he was away. But it was Kid's dream, their dream, and they'd do it together if he came finally. _'If he came home…'_ Louise cringed at her own thoughts and felt like crying as she realized that she was already losing her hopes.

She chided herself for betraying herself. She needed to be strong and believe that Kid would come to her. Only two months had gone by since the war had finished, and many things might have happened to delay him. But Kid would come back, yes. They would begin their ranch, and they'd have babies, a big family. The thought of having children of their own had always scared Lou, but something had changed. She longed to be a mother; she didn't know if it was because she missed Kid so much during all these years that she'd have wished to have a part of him with her. Her brother and sister had been with her for a few years, and she'd been happy with their presence. Now they were in their teens and they had left home to carry on with their own lives. Theresa had been employed as a companion of a wealthy lady from Saint Joseph and seemed to be having the time of her life. The lady traveled quite a lot, New York, the big cities and even Europe, so Theresa was happy to have to put up with the lady's funny mood just for the enjoyment of that.

Jeremiah had always been a restless soul and had always resented the fact that he had to be scooped up with two girls. The fact that despite being the man of the family he had to be under his eldest sister's will had never agreed with him. He had been a bit like Jesse, who had wanted to grow up too quickly. Jeremiah, though, had been happy with his two sisters for a while, but when he was old enough, he had gone his own way. Now he was eighteen and was living in Canada last time Lou had heard from him. She wished he'd come home once Kid returned but she feared that her little brother was too much of a wild soul to settle down in one place.

The truth was that Lou felt terribly lonely in this big and now cold house. These last two months had been the longest and saddest of her existence. Every day seemed endless, and sometimes she felt that it would be like that for the rest of her life: the silence from Kid and her not knowing made her see no light at the end of the tunnel. Louise sighed and shook her head trying to shush away those negative thoughts stumbling into her mind. She realized that she was still sitting on the wagon seat and couldn't tell how long she had been like that. Quickly she jumped off the buckboard, and tied the horse to the hitching post. Like every day she'd get changed into an older blouse and skirt before seeing to the animal.

Opening her front door she stepped in the lounge. She looked around and thought how proud she felt of her home. Kid would be so surprised if … no … when he came back. When he had gone, the house had been sparingly furnished, but along the years Louise had managed to make her house have that homely atmosphere. Even though she felt very lonely here lately, she had to admit that the house was very special for her. This was the first place that she could call her own.

When she had been a kid, she couldn't rightly remember the feeling of being home. She didn't have many recollections of living together with her parents, and when her ma had left her father, they hadn't stayed in one place for long. Lou knew that her mother had always feared that he'd find them and what he might do to them. When she died, Louise and her siblings had been sent to the orphanage, a place she had never felt comfortable in and which she could barely call home.

After she escaped the place, she had been roaming till she met Kid when riding for the Express. On those days she had felt that she had found her place for the first time after so many years, but all in all, the bunkhouse was far off from the place she had dreamed to be her home someday. Even though she loved the boys dearly, it had hardly been comfortable to sleep in the same place as a bunch of boys and she had hardly had any privacy. It was after marrying Kid and getting the homestead that she had felt that the place was truly her home.

Lou removed her jacket and placed her on the peg next to the door. As she was about to climb the stairs to her bedroom, she cast a look at the lounge, and suddenly she realized that somebody had been or was in her house. The framed picture of her and her siblings that she had on the mantelpiece had been moved from its usual position, and the cushions on the settee looked as if somebody had been sitting on them. Nobody had come and seen her for ages, and lately she didn't stay much in the room, basically she just tidied up the place every day as she had done that very morning. Her heart began beating wildly and her breathing came in uneven puffs. What if somebody was in her place? She remembered how Rachel had found a man inside her house one day, and he had tried to attack her. Fortunately, Teaspoon had appeared like a blessing and thankfully, he had stopped the man's intentions.

"Hello?" Lou called faintly and fearfully, but nobody answered. Maybe whoever had trespassed on her property had already left, she thought hopefully. However, in that instant she heard a faint noise coming from upstairs and she realized that she wasn't alone. Her first thought was running out for help, but she feared there was a burglar and they might steal her dear belongings. Not that she had anything really valuable in the house, but she had some small tokens that had been presents from Kid and she'd hate to lose the only things she kept from him. No, she had no other alternative than face whoever had the nerve to enter her house. Louise took a deep breath and grabbing the shotgun she usually hid under the stairs she began to climb the stairs stealthily. "God help us," she whispered as her wobbly legs led her closer to danger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Louise got to the top of the stairs with trembling legs. Everything was in complete silence, and she had the impression that her light steps and beating heart could be heard resounding loudly in the house. She took a strong hold of the gun and began advancing along the corridor.

All the doors were shut but for the one of the main bedroom, her bedroom. She was positive that she had closed it that morning before going to work. Lou had grown into a woman of fixed habits and with one look, as she had just done, she could tell that there was something different in her place. So now she was sure that somebody was in her bedroom. She gulped nervously as she slowly made her way towards the room.

It had been so long since she had been in a fix like this. When riding for the Express, she had to face danger on a daily basis and used her gun more often than she'd have liked to. However, since she stopped working as a rider, Louise had led a very peaceful life and hadn't used a weapon in ages. Now it really felt strange to hold the shotgun, and she hoped that she could keep a cool head in the present situation.

Breathing deeply to calm her frayed nerves, Lou reached the threshold of the bedroom and from that position she could make out a man, his back to her. He was facing the window and the light coming from it made the figure appear dark and blurry for her eyes. Louise breathed deeply once more and aiming the gun to the still unsuspecting man, she talked in a threatening low tone, "Put your hands up and turn around slowly." She pulled the hammer of the shotgun and watched the man move from the light as he turned towards her with his hands above his head. Her heart leapt as her eyes met those she had dreamt so much about for years.

"Never thought that I'd get this kind of welcome from my wife," he said with a chuckle.

The weapon fell off her hands onto the floor heavily and her eyes filled with tears. Covering her mouth with her hand she tried to stifle a sob which threatened to escape, but still she didn't move; she just kept staring with big eyes. She felt that if she even stirred the figure before her would vanish into thin air. Tears were already rolling down her cheeks as she looked at her husband intently, unable to believe her own eyes.

Kid stared at her as if she were a mirage. He had wished to see her for so long, and after all these years she was now before him as beautiful as ever. It had taken him longer than he thought to get home, but finally he was here. Kid had arrived a few hours before and in a way he was glad when he found the house empty. That gave him time to wash and make himself presentable for his wife. He knew that he looked terrible with dust and grime from all those days walking and riding (he hadn't been able to get himself a horse but a couple of weeks ago) and the long beard that he had let grow gave him a somewhat scary appearance. And the last thing he wanted was for Lou to be scared of him. He wished he could look the same as the last time they had been together. Kid was aware that that wouldn't be possible; he had got too thin and all those terrible years in the battlefield had left their unmistakable mark not only in his soul but in his whole self. So Kid had the time to have a bath and a good shave before Lou arrived. It really was good to be home again, but in a way he felt like a stranger in the dainty house that Lou had obviously taken so good care of.

After the bath he put on the new shirt and pants that he had bought in Seneca with the few dollars that he had left. He had a look at himself in the mirror and was surprised to see the image meeting him. In half an hour he seemed to win back twenty years, and even still quite worn, he looked like the young man he actually was. After that, he had wandered through the house, not being able to keep calm. He was so nervous for seeing Lou that he couldn't stop for a minute.

It seemed like forever when he finally heard the wagon pull up outside the house. Kid looked out of the bedroom window and when he saw her, he felt a lump in his throat. He couldn't help but stare at her. From his position he couldn't see her very well, but her image just set his heart racing. After a while, he became worried as Louise kept sitting on the wagon, looking ahead of her. He wondered if there was something wrong with her and for a moment he had been about to jump out of the window to her. Then she saw her jump off the wagon and enter the house, and now she was before him like a divine apparition and he couldn't believe it.

They kept looking at each other, reveling in the presence of the other, but still unable to move. Kid felt his heart thumping wildly and finally managed to whisper, "Lou."

Hearing her name in his voice triggered her, and in a flash she ran the few steps between them and threw herself into his arms. All those years of longing and waiting were surfacing, and she let all her pent-up emotions to be released. Her hands and body hurt to touch him, to feel that he was here for real. Lou was sobbing against his chest as she held him for dear life. With her face buried in his shirt she heard his clear voice cooing her as he had done so many times in the past. "Oh Lou," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. Louise looked up, peering at every single detail on his face. Kid cupped her face in his hands and dried her tears with his thumbs. He smiled at his wife and tilting her head towards him, he kissed her sweetly on the lips. She pulled away and without a word she disengaged herself from his grasp and began scanning her eyes all over his body and frantically touching him everywhere, clearly looking for any hidden wounds.

"I'm fine, Lou," Kid said, but she didn't seem to hear as she continued her inspection blindly. Kid had to take her hands in his to stop her. Louise looked up at him once more and he repeated, "I'm fine, honestly."

She nodded understandingly and said in a very soft voice, "I was so worried I thought something had happened to you."

Kid brushed the rear of his hand against her cheek and whispered, "I promised I would come to you, didn't I?"

Louise just smiled feebly and having her at arm's length Kid stared at his wife with avid eyes. "You're really a sight for sore eyes, Lou," he said with a husky voice. "You look beautiful. You sure aren't a scrawny little girl any more but a complete woman."

Kid ran his eyes all over her. Her hair was longer than he had ever seen it and it was neatly tied in a ponytail. Louise was dressed very elegantly; she was wearing a white lace blouse completed with a cameo brooch pinned on the collar and a very smart blue skirt. Kid wanted to imprint that image of her in his mind for all eternity. He had dreamed about her for so long that he wanted to revel in the feelings.

Lou brought her face closer to his and whispered in his ear, "I've always been a woman, Kid, especially when I'm with you." She peered at his eyes seductively, and that was all he needed to join his mouth with hers in a long, avid kiss. Everything around them disappeared in the moment; it was just the two of them, and the world might well vanish for all they cared in that precise instant. They took their sweet time to getting reacquainted after those barren and bleak years, exploring each other nervously and shivery. The faint rays filtered through the window and fell on the couple as they became one in what had been an unforgettable Sunday afternoon.

* * *

Feeling that she was being watched, Lou opened one eye and smiled broadly at meeting those blue eyes she had been dreaming about for so long. Kid was propped on his elbow, hovering over her and watching her intently. Lou brought her hand to caress his face, irrationally fearing that he'd disappear with the slightest movement from her part. "What are you doing?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Watching my love sleep," Kid answered with a husky voice. "I could spend my whole life just looking at you."

Lou turned a shade of red and smiled at him timidly. She traced the outline of his jaw with her index finger and coming to the end of his neck she cupped her hand in his nape and drew him towards her. Their lips met in hunger, avidly as if there was no tomorrow. She pulled away breathlessly, her face merely inches from his and gazing deeply into his eyes she whispered, "I love you, Kid." In that instant the sound of a stomach grumbling interrupted the romantic moment. Kid blushed embarrassed and Lou quipped amused, "I hope that's not your declaration of love." They laughed heartily and disengaging herself from his strong grasp Louise said, "I'll fix us something to eat, Kid. You must be starving."

Kid protested vehemently and secured his grip round her waist. "I'm fine, Lou. Please. You're the only food I need," he added, nibbling at her ear.

Louise whacked him on the hand to make him release her. "Young man, I plan on taking good care of you," she said as she slowly eased off the bed. Kid exaggeratedly pouted his lips in protest and she chuckled at his gesture. "I'll make us some dinner, silly." At the mention of dinner she jumped up in a flash and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" She opened the wardrobe closet and taking the first dress out of it she threw it over her carelessly. "I forgot he was coming."

Kid had also slipped out of the bed and was putting on his clothes as well. At Lou's words he stopped and asked with a frown, "Who?"

"Teaspoon … well and Rachel, I guess," Lou answered. "I invited them over today. They'll be here any minute now." She finished dressing quickly and approached her husband, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. Placing her hands on both sides of his face she leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his lips. "You've come back for good, haven't you?" Louise asked fearfully, gazing at his eyes intently.

Kid kept a serious stance and stated firmly, "Nothing on this earth will ever drive me away from you again." The expression on her face was one of utter delight. Louise was still feeling like she was in a haze, not completely believing that her husband was back, back for good. It seemed as if she were in a dream and in her heart she feared that she'd wake up at any moment and Kid would be nowhere to be found. She had to repeat to herself that it was real. Now everything would be all right.

While Kid had been in the war, she had felt that her life had been put on hold for the whole time. Somehow she couldn't say that she had really lived in all those long years. It had practically been a vacuum in her existence, where she could only dream about what she didn't have and what her life would be like when Kid returned. Now he was back and all those plans and dreams could finally come true. They would begin their new married life, build up their ranch, have love, peace, family, children… everything. She was ready for that and more. Yeah, now everything would be all right, it had to be.

That evening Louise felt as if she was walking on the clouds. She hadn't felt so light-hearted and alive in a long time. Teaspoon and Rachel had arrived not long afterwards, and they had been as pleasantly surprised at seeing Kid as Lou had been. They had a very agreeable dinner, sharing some laughs and remembering old days. Lou had reveled in the feeling of hearing her husband's voice, his laugh, watching him. She couldn't help but stare bedazzled at him. Lou still found it hard to believe that he was there and she had kept touching him all evening to convince herself that he was there for real. The smile that had settled on her mouth since the first moment she had laid her eyes on Kid hadn't faded one bit during the evening. The feeling was so strong that it seemed to ooze through all her pores.

The conversation at the dinner table had centered on the past days of the Express. Kid hadn't made the slightest attempt to talk about his time at the war. She knew that he must have got his share of suffering and disappointment. The South being defeated had sure hurt him severely; she was well aware of her husband's deep love for the land where he was born. Lou was curious but she wouldn't press him to talk. Kid sounded like himself in this light-hearted conversation and she knew that he'd open up to her when he was ready and not before. The only thing he had said was that it hadn't been easy to do the journey back to Rock Creek. He had hardly had any money left and he had practically made most of the way on foot. Teaspoon, though, didn't have the same reservations to talk about the terrible war. "Son, it must have been hard on you to finish those years with such an end."

Lou noticed how Kid's eyes suddenly got a cold shine like steel and his mouth stretched in a thin stiff line. "The end was the lesser of evils, after all. I've seen things in this damned war that nobody should have, things I can't even think about." Lou squeezed his hand encouragingly and feeling the warmth of her palm in his, Kid's stiff stance softened and he smiled faintly at her. "Now all I want is a quiet life for me and my wife," Kid mused.

Teaspoon grinned broadly at his last words and added, "And you really deserve it, Kid. Little Louise was beside herself with worry for your return."

"I know," Kid muttered.

"And it's time you two gave us a little one to dote on," the old marshal quipped with a chuckle.

"Teaspoon!" Rachel chided and joined in his mirth at watching the couple's blushed expressions. "Leave the young'uns alone."

Kid chuckled, trying to conceal his own embarrassment. "We'll do everything in due time, Teaspoon. There'll be plenty of time for that and everything. We have the rest of our lives," he said, which elicited a big smile from Louise.

Rachel and Teaspoon bid them good-bye soon, not making the slightest attempt to hide the hints that they wanted to leave the couple alone in their first night together, which caused more embarrassment from the two. The rest of the evening was spent relaxed in each other's company, between kisses, caresses and laughs. The moment they had finally made it to the bedroom, Kid could barely keep his eyes open. Lou understood that he was physically drained and needed his rest. She wondered when he had last slept on a bed. It was no wonder that he crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow despite his attempts to keep awake for her. Louise was just happy to fall asleep in his arms, knowing that for once those constant nightmares wouldn't disturb her sleep. Her husband was by her side and her troubled mind had finally found its peace. Sleep came not long after and Lou drifted to sweet dreams about a blue-eyed cowboy.

The sun hadn't even risen when Lou was driven out of her sweet sleep. She didn't know whether it was the morning cold air or the faint neighing of a horse in the distance that had wakened her. Opening her eyes she realized that the arms that had wrapped her in his hold last night were gone. In the darkness she slid her hand to reach for her husband and feel him. Louise panicked as she found his side as empty and cold as it had been in the previous four years. Her heart was racing and her mind in turmoil. Had it all been part of her dream? Lou sat up on the bed in a flash, and then she saw him and she breathed out relieved. Kid was sitting on the rocking chair by the window; the full moon casting its light over his figure. His eyes were lost ahead of him and he hadn't noticed her presence yet. "Kid?" she called from her position at the edge of the bed, and her voice in the silence of the night startled him.

Kid turned his attention to her at once and on seeing her he smiled. "Hey." Louise eased off the bed and coming closer to him she perched on his lap and rested her head on his shoulder. "You should be sleeping, Lou," he chided.

"I can't without you," she admitted. They stayed in that position for a while and then she asked, "What are you doing up at this time of the night, Kid?"

He didn't answer straightaway, and for a moment Lou thought that he wouldn't. She closed her eyes, reveling in his proximity and warmth, breathing in his smell, and then his voice resounded strong and clear in the stillness of the room. "It's the nightmares."

Lou's eyes shot open, and she lifted her head from his shoulder and met his gaze. "About the war?" she asked in a soft voice.

Kid nodded ruefully and added with a stern voice, "Not only that."

Louise brushed her hand against his cheek. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she whispered.

He looked at her intently and said, "I don't want to keep anything from you, Lou. You're my wife." He remained silent for some moments, just staring lovingly at her and then he spoke up. "It's the same dream over and over again." His voice was barely a whisper and he stopped for a moment to breathe in deeply. "The explosions sound very near and bullets whizzed past me inches away. There are dead bodies scattered all over the place, people keep falling at every second but that's not my worry." He paused again and gulped audibly. "I desperately look everywhere, I'm frantic scanning among the people around me and the ones on the floor but I can't find …" His voice trailed and he couldn't continue for a while.

"Find what?" Lou asked.

"You," Kid said with a shaky voice. "I know you're there somewhere, but I can't find you. And then I see you lying there on the ground, bleeding, between the lifeless bodies. I kneel before you and rock you in my arms crying for help. You look at me and try to speak, but you slip through my fingers and vanish into thin air and … and …" he tried to continue but the words got stuck in his throat.

"Shush, it's all right, Kid," Lou cooed as if he were a small child. "I'm fine and now we're together. It's just a dream, it doesn't mean anything."

"I'm so sorry, Lou. I should never have left you. It was the worst decision I've ever made. I was so wrong and if something had happened to you, I …"

"Nothing happened to me, Kid," she cut him off, unable to bear the idea of him blaming himself for nothing. "I was safe just here; you saw to it that I was safe. And I understand that you had to go, that it was something you had to do. Please don't torture yourself like that. We have each other now and we'll always be together."

"Always?" he asked with a faint smile in his lips.

"Always," Lou stated without hesitation and kissed him full on the mouth, trying to make him see that she meant every word.

* * *

The following day with a heavy heart Lou had to leave for work like every morning during the last four years. She wished she could spend every single minute with Kid now that he was back as she wanted to make up for all those long years and would have liked to have a few days off work. However, she was aware that they couldn't afford that now; they needed the money she was making as her wages were the only income they had at present. She just couldn't quit her job at the moment. In time they would have the ranch, their dream, running, but now they didn't have the means for that.

Last night Louise had finally made Kid get into bed, and he had fallen asleep in no time. It didn't surprise her that he had those nightmares; she couldn't begin imagining what he had been through in those four years of war. Knowing him as well as she did Lou was sure that it must have ripped him up inside to see so much death and destruction around him. Kid had always had problems when he had no other option than take somebody's life whoever the person was or whatever they had done. So Lou knew that it couldn't have been easy for him during the war despite the fact that it had been his decision and he knew what he had gotten himself into. She just hoped and prayed that his demons would eventually disappear, and he could enjoy some peace.

The day dragged, and Lou couldn't wait for Sally to relieve her. She had been clumsy all day; her mind set somewhere else rather than in the hotel reception. Today she had made more mistakes and mishaps than in all the years that she had been working in the place. Hopefully, there wouldn't be many fussy customers who would complain about her to the boss. Finally, her working day seemed to come to its end as she saw Sally come through the door. Her face lit up; she had never felt happier than today to see her friend. The blonde woman hadn't even reached her when Lou was taking her jacket but to her chagrin, Mr. Faber, her boss, chose this very moment to have a little talk with her. He steered her to the back office behind the reception, and Louise patiently listened to the man's ramblings. Mr. Faber was a good and honest businessman, but he could have the knack to talk restlessly about the most uninteresting topics in the worst moment.

Noticing Lou busy with Mr. Faber through the half-open door, Sally smiled at herself out of sheer relief. Luckily she didn't have to listen to one of the man's usually soporific talks as Louise seemed to be the victim today. Sally took her jacket off and placed it on the hanger on the wall. As she was scanning the registration book, she heard the door open and a man entered. As it was customary, she fixed a big smile on her face as the man approached the counter.

"Afternoon, sir," she greeted. "Anything I can do for you?"

Kid came closer to the girl behind the counter timidly. He wanted to surprise Lou by coming and taking her home at the end of her working day. He didn't expect to find another woman instead, and for a moment he thought that he had just missed his wife. However, as he came closer, he spotted her through the door behind this other woman.

"Thank you, Ma'am, but I'm just waiting for Louise … and …" he began but the lady cut him off in mid-sentence.

"I assure you that any inquiries you have can be dealt by any member of our staff, and that includes myself," she said with a stiff tone.

"You don't understand," Kid insisted, annoyed with this lady for not letting him explain, "It's kind of personal. Louise and I …"

Again Sally cut him off, talking to him very coldly. "_Mrs._ McCloud," she said, emphasizing the title of the name, "is busy right now. So come up with whatever you need from this hotel, or I'll have to ask you to leave right now."

In that instant Sally heard Lou bidding good-bye to Mr. Faber, and she nodded at her boss as he slipped out of the reception towards his own office at the end of the corridor. Louise came after him and to Sally's astonishment she approached the obnoxious man who had been bothering her the last few minutes with a big smile, and she planted a big kiss on his cheek. Lou turned to her friend and said, while hooking her arm in his, "Sally, this gentleman here is my husband."

The blonde woman's expression turned into one of utter delight. "Oh," she exclaimed, hurrying to shake hands with Kid, "this is really a surprise. It's a real pleasure to meet you at last and I'm sorry about my behavior before."

"It's all right," he said with a big smile, "it's good to know there's somebody keeping men off my wife."

Sally smiled and added, "I assure you that she does the job herself quite well."

Lou pinched her husband on the arm teasingly and looking at her with eyes bright with amusement Kid said, "Oh I'm sure she does. She has a knack to keep us men on our toes."

Sally laughed heartily and when she sobered, she remarked sincerely, "I'm really happy for you, Louise."

"Thank you," Lou replied, without averting her gaze from Kid.

Sally got round the little counter and coming close to the couple she said, "But I don't know what you're still doing here." She began pushing them towards the door as the two of them cast her grateful and bemused looks over their shoulders. "Enjoy the rest of the afternoon for goodness' sake. You deserve it," she exclaimed before giving them the final push through the door with a final "Have fun".

"See you tomorrow," Louise called from outside, but her friend was already out of earshot. She turned to her husband who was looking at her lovingly.

"She seems like a very nice lady," Kid said.

"Yeah, she is," Lou agreed, looking intently at her husband in the eyes. Kid took hold of her arm and hooking it around his, he steered her towards Rock Creek's main street. They walked along silently and Kid finally said, "Let me buy you some lunch. I need to talk to you."

"About what?" Lou asked suspiciously.

"Patience, Mrs. McCloud," he added, touching her nose with his finger mockingly.

Lou scowled exaggeratedly. She hated it when she was kept guessing, and Kid knew it. Louise tried to keep a long face but watching Kid's amused expression she couldn't help but chuckle despite herself. It felt so good to walk arm in arm with Kid after all that time. She had never got used to being alone and, although she had always been proud of her independence, the loneliness she had felt since Kid's departure had been too much for her. Somehow she had become accustomed to be part of the family that the riders, Teaspoon and Rachel had been for her, and more importantly she had got used to Kid. He had always been there for her and whenever she had sought him out or needed him, he had never disappointed her. They had connected like two pieces in a jigsaw from the very beginning. That empty space that she had always been so proud to have had been filled by him, and when he had gone, the emptiness had grown and had felt lost like a child without its mama. Not even Teaspoon, Rachel or her siblings had lessened the feeling.

As they strolled leisurely along the street, Louise beamed proudly. On their way to the restaurant they passed by the telegraph office and noticing Mrs. Peterson at the door Louise waved at her and smiled timidly. Somehow she really felt the weight of guilt pour over her for having her husband back while the woman had lost hers in the war. She had been lucky however unfair it was but the world worked that way. From her position Mrs. Peterson waved back and smiled broadly, knowing that Louise shouldn't be expecting any letters or telegrams any more.

Kid and Lou reached the restaurant, and soon they were enjoying a delicious lunch. As they were tasting a beautiful pudding as dessert, at some point Kid held her hand caressing it softly with his thumb and placed a sweet kiss on it. Lou eyed him suspiciously and asked in a mocking tone, "What do you want from me, Kid?"

He cleared his throat nervously and looking at her amusedly he said, "Why do you say that?"

"I know you pretty well, I'm afraid. You turn all sweet when something's on your mind. So now speak up."

Kid smiled but didn't reply straightforward. He kept his gaze on the tablecloth pattern as he rubbed Lou's hand with his thumb absent-mindedly. "I've been talking to Teaspoon," he finally began, "and it seems he's in need of a deputy."

"So what?" Lou asked, fearing his answer already.

"Well," he answered hesitatingly, knowing that she wouldn't be too pleased with what he had to say, "the pay's not too bad and we need the money."

"Kid!" Louise protested. "You've just come back from all that fighting, and you want to get involved in more? I'm sick and tired of worrying all the time!"

"Oh come on, Lou. You well know that Teaspoon ain't in more danger than Reverend Johnson. All the excitement he gets is to lock up the regular drunk every night." Louise kept looking at him skeptically, not liking the idea one bit. "Oh please, Lou. It will be only temporary till we get our ranch going. I don't like the idea of you working and supporting us both. I just won't sit idle while you slave away."

Louise smiled placidly at his words. She was far from slaving away at her job, rather the contrary; sometimes it was extremely boring out of inactivity. She was well aware what was bothering him, what had bothered him all along. When she had felt forced to find work, it had really meant a wound to his pride. When they had married, Kid had sworn that he'd take care of her, that he'd make sure that she lived as comfortable and problem-free as possible. However, circumstances had played against them and the war had taken longer than everybody had first thought. Louise had hated that damned war, and, although she didn't hold a grudge against Kid and somehow she even understood his decision, she had abhorred how it had taken her husband away from her for so long. That had been her main concern, but not the hard months before getting the job, or the actual fact of having to work. She had never been afraid of hard work and after all she had lived in her tender young years, working at the hotel was nothing. Kid, though, had been terribly upset because he felt that he had failed her as a husband and his letters had been filled with regrets and apologies.

"The same old Kid," she said with a wink. She knew that he'd never change. He was always worried about her when her safety and welfare were involved. In other times his excessive protectiveness would have angered her, but now she found it very sweet and moving. For once she wanted him to fuss over her, and she needed to feel protected with him. "You've already made up your mind, uh?" Lou added teasingly and Kid just smiled. She remained in silence while he stared at her with pleading eyes. "All right, all right," Louise finally conceded, "but stop looking at me with those puppy eyes."

Kid laughed and reaching over the table, he planted a soft kiss on her cheek. "You'll see that we will have our ranch running in no time, and then we'll be able to chuck in everything else."

Louise leaned over closer to him and whispered in his ear, "Well, it will be sooner if you get this girl in trouble, Mister."

Kid gaped at her with big astonished eyes, and Lou let out a peal of laugher. Sometimes she got as shocked with herself as Kid was at the moment. She felt that she had changed so much in the last years. She had grown into a woman with confidence and calmness. However, there was still a great deal of that shy girl who had tried to hide behind a man's appearance. She had been so wary around men that she'd never have thought that she'd ended up a married woman one day. Meeting Kid had made her ghosts fade away and now she was ready to have everything with him. Louise leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you," she said with a big smile.

Getting over his initial reaction Kid cupped her face in his hands and looking at her eyes intently he whispered, "We'll have everything, Lou. I promise." Louise gave him that look telling him that she trusted him and nothing would come between them now, or would it?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Three months had gone by since Kid's return. In all this time Louise had felt that little by little her life was adjusting to being with her husband again. She had been on her own for so long that somehow it felt kind of strange to wake in his arms every day. Many days she had to consciously remind herself that Kid was back and the thought made her feel like the happiest woman on earth. Their married life couldn't be better.

When they had first begun back in their Pony Express days, they had fallen into a routine of fighting, but now things were really different. Since his return, Lou couldn't recall one single time that they had fought. Things were as smooth as silk, and Lou couldn't complain. They acted as if they were a couple of honeymooners. Kid lavished her with kisses, caresses and attention all the time; they really couldn't keep their hands off each other for long. It was practically the same as when they had first got married. In fact it felt as if everything between them was new and fresh.

Back on their first days as a married couple they hadn't really enjoyed much of their brand new marriage as Kid had left just a few months after the wedding, just enough time for him to make sure that Lou would have a house and the means to get by. So now they were making up for that time they had been apart. Four years felt like a lifetime. It was as if they had to reacquaint with each other, like they were first rediscovering the person they had married. They usually talked for hours on end, something that had somehow lacked on the first moments of their awkward courtship. Express rides could take days or even weeks, it was a very unsocial kind of job. That was basically the reason why the other riders had never really had a steady girl for long. Kid and Lou had been relatively luckier as they had met and fallen in love while working together in the same place.

However, working in that relationship under those circumstances had been very hard. They had very little time to be together; either one of them was on a ride or there was always somebody else around to enjoy any kind of privacy with each other. So in those snippets of time they had been able to grasp to be with each other they had been more interested in exploring the passion they felt than in sharing words and thoughts. For that reason now they could really revel in the long conversations they had. Kid talked to her about the tortuous years of the war, all the calamities he had witnessed and the horrible things he had felt forced to do just to survive, to survive for her. Hearing him had been absolutely soul-shattering for Louise; her heart went out for her husband and for all those who had gone through that senseless war. In a way Lou wished she didn't have to listen to Kid's account, but she knew that it did him good to unload his heart to her. It was a way to heal inside.

His nightmares hadn't completely stopped, but they were not so often now. When they happened, Lou had to shake him violently to wake him. In a first moment Kid looked as if he had no clue where he was, and when finally Lou's face made way into his hazy mind, he threw his arms around her and held her for dear life. The following day Kid was all apologetic for keeping her awake, despite her assurances that she wanted to be there for him no matter what. Since the first night of his return, Kid hadn't talked about the content of his haunting dreams, but Lou presumed that all of them were pretty similar. He always kept tossing and thrusting, yelling her name desperately.

Apart from that, everything seemed to run smoothly. Even though she hadn't liked it a bit, she had finally relented on Kid working as Teaspoon's deputy. She had to admit that Kid was right. Rock Creek hadn't known many problems in these years, and sometimes Lou and Rachel teased the old marshal for the laid-back job he had. Anyway, she couldn't help but worry about her husband. Now that the war had finished, more and more drifters and less than desirable people were seen around town. The end of the conflict brought many changes, which made evident how the war had ripped the country and shattered the soul of its people. She hated to think that Kid could get involved in the middle of something nasty again now that he was one of the marshal's deputies.

Lou just hoped that he could soon leave the job. Actually, he didn't work many hours there, just enough to earn some money to add up to her wages and still have some time to work on building their ranch. However, Lou didn't feel at ease with the idea of Kid working for the marshal. She wondered when the worries would end once and for all. The long years of the war had been anything but easy, and now that Kid was finally back, she still didn't get her peace of mind. Hopefully, they would eventually be able to make a living out of their ranch. So far Kid had only managed to save enough to make some repairs and have the stables in perfect condition to house the future horses. He expected that in a couple of months they would be able to get and train the first horses and if they were lucky, next year they could even begin breeding. However, at the moment they had to live on their incomes from the hotel and the marshal office.

Another piece of good news reached them a few weeks ago. Rachel had received a letter from Cody, saying that he was safe and sound. In his very long letter he told them in detail what his life had been like in the last years and described his adventures in the army in an exaggerated and detailed fashion. On reading his words they had to laugh; it was unmistakable to see Cody through the lines. He sure hadn't changed a bit; he was still the same extravagant fella. Seemingly, he was still serving for the army, and he promised to visit sometime, but he never mentioned when.

At least, they could feel relieved to know that another one of the boys had returned from the war undamaged, and it was not only Cody, in his letter he also mentioned that he saw Jimmy quite often as well. Lou knew that Jimmy wouldn't write; it wasn't his style, but she was sure that one day he'd turn up at their door. That was Jimmy. Cody's letter had taken a load off their minds, knowing that their two friends were safe, but unfortunately, they didn't know anything from Buck yet. They didn't even know where he had gone when he left Rock Creek. Every day Lou prayed that wherever he was, he was fine and could sometime find the way back to them. But that was all she could do so far.

That morning Louise got up early and began fixing a big tasty breakfast. Kid was still sleeping and hadn't even stirred when she had left the bed, which she was glad for. Kid needed his rest; working for Teaspoon and spending long hours around their homestead made him exhausted. On top of it all, when his nightmares kept him awake all night long, he looked as if he were on the verge of a breakdown. She just loved to listen to him as he proudly told her about his ideas and plans. He really didn't mind all the hard work and she knew that someday they would remember these first months of effort with fondness.

Kid had even promised to her that one of those days they would go away for a honeymoon that they never had. Lou didn't care about honeymoons; she was just happy to have him back and thinking about the way they had taken on their relationship, she didn't see much difference between them or any newlyweds. He was as romantic as ever, and she felt as if she touched the moon whenever they were together. They really couldn't keep their hands from each other. It was no wonder that by the pace they were going a little surprise might be on its way.

Louise was frying some eggs and bacon when she felt a couple of hands circling her waist. She smiled broadly as Kid kissed her neck, sending shivers all over her body. "Why didn't you wake me?" he whispered in her ear, "You know I hate to be in our bed without you."

Lou turned around in his hold and standing on tiptoe she kissed him on the lips briefly. "Why don't you sit at the table and I'll bring breakfast over? I've made your favorite." Kid didn't move but grinned mischievously. "I know what I'd like for breakfast, and it's not quite what's in the skillet," he said huskily as he untucked her blouse and ran his hands under the material.

"Kid!" Lou chided, slapping his hands away as she made herself presentable again. She giggled amused at her husband's antics and added, "There's no time for that now." Lou turned him around and playfully smacking him on the backside she said, "Come on, I won't be a second."

Kid pouted teasingly and sat at the dining-room table, and not long afterwards Lou appeared, bringing two plates brimmed with eggs, crispy bacon and sausages, and the coffeepot. She placed one of the plates in front of her husband and another at her place at the table. Kid smiled at her as he dug in the food. After a while, Louise cleared her throat and said hesitatingly, "Kid?"

Noticing the hesitation in her voice, he turned his full attention to her at once. "Yes, Lou?"

She did not speak immediately, choosing her words carefully. "Uh… do you think Teaspoon could spare you for a couple of hours today?"

"What for?" he asked breezily.

"I want you to come to the doctor with me," she said tentatively. Kid stopped the movement of the fork towards his mouth in mid-air and looked at her apprehensively with his mouth agape. "Lou…" he uttered faintly, his voice tinged with fear. She took hold of his hand and said, "I think I might be pregnant."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than she felt being lifted by strong hands and swirled around in the air. She laughed as Kid stopped his display of excitement, naively realizing that he shouldn't do a stunt like that in her condition. However, he kept her in his hold and looking her in the eyes he asked, "Are you sure?"

"Well," she answered, "apart from missing my monthly, I don't really feel much different. That's why we need to see a doctor."

Kid smiled broadly, his eyes shining with a mixture of emotion and excitement. "Oh Lou," he cracked and kissed her on the lips softly. "Nothing could make me happier than this. I'm the luckiest man on earth right now."

Louise couldn't stop giggling all the time. She had never seen Kid look so excited and the thought comforted her. He deserved something really good after all those years of deprivation in the war. Kid was the best man she had ever met, and Lou thanked heaven every day for bringing him into her life. A man as noble and handsome as Kid could have had any woman, but surprisingly he had chosen her. Louise really felt lucky to be married to him and sometimes she wondered why he had fallen in love with her in the first place.

When they had initially met in the Express, she had to admit that she was far from being beautiful or womanly. She had always felt that she was very plain, so plain that she had managed to fool people into thinking that she was just another boy. She really wasn't anything special to look at. She was lanky, scrawny and not very feminine. However, Kid had seen something in her that had drawn him almost from the beginning. For some time Lou had thought that him being the first to find out her true gender had bonded them together, and that had eventually led them to something deeper. However, soon she became aware that it was more than that.

That first stolen kiss they had shared and had begun all might well not have meant anything to him; it might have been just the result of being young and lonely in a new place with a new reckless job. Kid could well have stopped things then and there; after all a stolen kiss didn't involve any kind of promises or commitments. It was nothing. Kid was a heck of a match and after those first weeks of adapting to that new life in the Express, he could easily have fallen for one of the pretty girls in Sweetwater. Louise was in a really awkward position where proper courtship was unthinkable. Any other man would have fled from a relationship which was too complicated to start with, but not Kid.

Surprisingly, he stuck to her and it was her who he sought out to talk, to keep company with and to timidly flirt. Their beginning was slow, too slow in her own opinion, as Kid wasn't one to rush into anything. However, even under those circumstances she always knew that it was her who he had fallen for. She loved the way he had timidly let her know without actually verbalizing his feelings. It wasn't such a wonder that he had caught her eye from the very first day. He was all a girl could dream of, but in those first moments she had never thought that the feeling could be reciprocated. Even today she marveled at the undying passion he had for her. Although she had changed greatly from her days as a "boy", she still didn't feel special to look at. Evidently, she wasn't like one of those proper ladies that she had felt so jealous about. Louise knew that she could be obnoxious, rude, stubborn and an innumerable list of other defects, but at the end of the day there was one and only one reality: Kid loved her. He had really given her more than he realized.

Having a baby was a dream come true for Louise. To have a piece of him growing inside her was the greatest gift life could grant her, and in a way she felt extremely happy to be able to give Kid something so precious back. She knew that he would fly over the moon when he learnt the news, and she hadn't been wrong. He had always wanted to have children; he had openly talked about it even before getting married. Louise had been warier about the subject, but now she was ready and nothing could be better than to be the one to give Kid his first child.

* * *

It was mid-morning when Kid and Lou headed for the doctor's office. She began feeling uneasy as soon as they were at the door of the surgery. She had always hated going to the doctor, and not even the reason for their visit today made her feel less jittery. A lady welcomed them as she let them in. She introduced herself as Mrs. Logan, the doctor's wife, and asked them to sit while they waited for the physician. The waiting room was deserted and the lingering smell of medicine and the complete silence surrounding them gave the place an eerie atmosphere. Lou shifted on her seat uncomfortably and began biting her nails nervously. Kid turned to her and smiled briefly at seeing her look so fidgety; he took her hand in his and said, "Will you stop that? There's nothing to worry about, honey."

"I know," she mumbled. She knew that her fear of doctors was irrational, but she couldn't help it. The image of the doctor who had treated her mother so many years ago when she had fallen sick was imprinted on Lou's mind and still haunted her. He had been anything but kind to her; Louise remembered his imposing figure hovering over her small size as she looked at him fearfully and him blurting out the news unmercifully the day her dear mother passed away. It was a moment she would never forget as long as she lived, and the image of that unkind physician was linked to her irrational apprehension around doctors.

In that moment they heard steps coming down the stairs at the end of the room and a man appeared. Noticing the couple in the waiting area he came towards them and introduced himself as the new doctor. He was a relatively young man, in his late thirties, slender and tall, sleek black hair and the whitest teeth Lou had ever seen. He kept smiling all the time as he and Kid made small talk. Louise remained silent while she took in the scene before her eyes and especially the image of the doctor. This was the new physician that Teaspoon had talked to her about, and she wondered why the man had specifically chosen a small town like Rock Creek for his practice. Clearly the fella was the city type and Rock Creek wasn't the most exciting place in the world.

Unquestionably Kid seemed quite taken by Doctor Logan as the physician made a display of all his kindness and charms. He turned to Lou and tipping his head he added, "Could you bear with me for a moment? I'll be with you in a few minutes." He showed his white teeth in a smile, and Louise forced herself to smile back.

The couple watched as the doctor disappeared behind a door just opposite the seats they were occupying in the waiting room. When Lou was sure that they were alone she blurted out, "I don't like him."

Kid turned his head to her and asked with an amused expression, "Why?"

"He's … too nice," Lou muttered.

"Too nice?" he repeated, a note of amusement in his voice. He knew of the irrational fear his wife had for doctors. Sometimes Louise really surprised him. Somebody who usually acted so soundly and sensibly like Lou also seemed to have this senseless streak that Kid found really disconcerting but very endearing at the same time.

"He seems too eager to please and be kind with that fake smile of his," she whispered with a scowl.

Kid chuckled at his wife's words. "Of course he's kind, he has to be. He's the doctor and new in town," he tried to reason with her. "Maybe we should have him and his wife for dinner sometime."

Louise remained silent and simply shrugged her shoulders. If she had any say in it, of course she wouldn't have that man under her roof, but she decided not to say anything. She knew that she was being completely irrational, but this man didn't inspire good feelings. Kid really was too kind to everybody, and never saw anything bad in anybody. Not that this man had done anything to her, she had just met him, but that smile of his with those sickening white teeth gave her the creeps, and he was a doctor on top of it all, which wasn't the best quality in her personal list.

Kid squeezed her hand and kissed her on the cheek softly. "Stop that beautiful head of yours from worrying. He's just gonna tell us whether our baby is growing in there," he added, placing his hand on her abdomen, which brought a smile to her lips.

They remained in silence for a few minutes and then looking at him sideways, Lou said, "I still don't like him."

In that moment the door through which the doctor had disappeared reopened, and he gestured at Louise to follow him inside. Lou rose to her feet, feeling jittery. She was about to head for the doctor's surgery when Kid grabbed her by the hand, stopping her. She looked at him quizzically and he said, "I love you, Louise McCloud, and let me tell you that I'm very proud of you."

Louise smiled broadly and bent to kiss him lightly on the lips. Somehow his words had a soothing effect on her, and she walked towards the doctor's office decisively, but as soon she stepped inside, she was once again overcome by shyness and nervousness. The doctor was sitting behind a big mahogany desk, and his wife was also in the room, busy tidying the medicine bottles on the shelves. Her presence didn't surprise Louise as on most occasions doctors' wives acted as their nurses, and she found the thought of another woman in the room comforting. The doctor smiled at her and told her to take a seat. Louise timidly sat on the chair in front of the desk and kept her eyes downcast, turning her wedding band on her finger over and over again. She heard the doctor clear his throat, and she forced herself to look up at him.

"So Mrs. McCloud, your husband tells me that you have strong suspicions that you might be expecting," Doctor Logan began.

"That's right," she answered with a soft voice.

"How long have you been married?" he asked curiously.

"Four and a half years," she said proudly.

"Any more children?" he asked again.

"No," was Lou's curt answer.

"Any miscarriages?" was the doctor's next question and Lou just shook her head.

"And you've been married nearly five years?" he repeated the question, his smile turned into a surprised frown for a second.

"That's right," was all she said. She was in a hurry to end the whole thing as quickly as possible, and she didn't bother to explain to the doctor that the reason there were no children yet was because her husband had been fighting in the war for four long years.

"Very well, then," the doctor said, his smile returning radiantly. "Let's see if your suspicions are correct."

Outside the room Kid couldn't keep calm. Even though he had been the one to try to soothe Louise, he had to admit that he felt as nervous as her or even more. Thinking that she might be expecting his child was really the best news, but at the same time it filled him with apprehension. A child was a great responsibility and he didn't know if he would be up for the job. Neither he nor Lou had had good models in both their fathers, but Kid knew that he'd never turn into the man his father had been. He had been a drunkard that had forced him, Jed and his mother to a miserable life, beat them up for no reason and had finally abandoned them to their luck. No, he'd never been that man; he'd kill himself before hurting any of his loved ones.

Kid thought proudly that he was already a better husband than his father had ever been to his poor mother. She had been a good woman, but life hadn't been kind to her. Kid couldn't understand how a man could hurt a woman, let alone his own wife, the woman he was supposed to love and cherish over everything else. Just the thought of anything or anybody hurting Lou infuriated him and filled him with terrible fear. This fear for her safety had been what had caused their rift in the past, but back then he couldn't help feeling like that. He just wanted her fine and safe, but she had thought that he doubted her abilities.

Fortunately, that was far in the past and they had been able to overcome their differences. Now they couldn't be better and if the doctor confirmed that they were going to have a baby, it would definitely complete their life together. He knew that Lou would be a terrific mother; she had done so well with her brother and sister that Kid didn't doubt that she would be wonderful with their own child. Kid smiled at imagining Lou holding their baby in her arms. He could picture them perfectly as the baby learnt its first words, walked its first clumsy steps or called him 'pa'. He just couldn't wait for that.

Kid was smiling from ear and ear as all these thoughts occupied his mind when a shrill scream pierced the air, coming from the room next door. "Lou!" Kid called and was on his feet in no time, rushing towards the door. He tried to open it, but on doing so he found himself face to face with Mrs. Logan, who pushed him out of the way and closed the door behind. "You can't go in there, Mr. McCloud."

Kid was getting more and more agitated by the minute, especially when this woman didn't let him go to Louise. "My wife needs me!" he almost shouted at her.

"Your wife is fine," the woman stated seriously.

"Fine? What the hell is that husband of yours doing to her to have her screaming?" he asked at the top of his voice.

"Some complications arose, that's all," she said, "but I beg you to stay calm."

"Complications?" Kid snarled. "We came here to get confirmation about my wife's pregnancy. She was perfectly fine, and now she's screaming in pain!"

"Please, Mr. McCloud, everything's under control," the woman tried to appease him with a stiff tone. "Getting all wound up isn't gonna help your wife any. And I insist, she's fine."

Her words managed to calm him down, but only barely. Worry didn't leave him and he was out of his mind. The woman gestured for him to sit down and wait, and after that she slipped into the room again. Kid was in turmoil, fearing of what was happening to Lou inside the other room. His gaze bored in the door opposite him, praying he could see through the wooden frame. His nerves didn't leave him and he found himself pacing up and down the small waiting room.

The words that the doctor's young wife had told him kept repeating on his mind. Some complications had arisen. But how? Louise was fine just this morning as she had every day in the last three months. They only wanted to know if they were going to have a baby, only that. Kid sat down again and turning his hat in his hands nervously he watched the door intensely, hoping it would open soon. He didn't know how long it had been, but for Kid it seemed like forever when finally the door opened and Doctor Logan appeared. Kid was on his feet in no time and grabbing the doctor strongly by the arms he shook him hard. "Where's my wife? How's she?" Kid demanded roughly.

The doctor managed to disengage himself from Kid, and he said, "Your wife's fine, Mr. McCloud." His words lifted some pressure off Kid's troubled mind and he hung to the doctor's every word as he spoke. "I'm afraid that your hopes for a pregnancy were basically ungrounded and unfortunately, it was something quite different. I had to carry out a thorough examination and …" The following words were lost to Kid completely. The doctor's medical gibberish was making him feel sick, and Kid felt the bile rise to his throat as the physician seemed to glow at sounding so technical and clever. In a haze Kid managed to get snippets of the doctor's harangue "unexpected problem", "deep hemorrhage", "internal damage". Finally, his last words made way into Kid's hazy mind but he had to ask again out of shock, "What?"

The doctor cleared his throat uncomfortably, and for the first time he was not smiling. "I'm afraid that Mrs. McCloud won't be able to bear children."

The words were like a punch to his face. It seemed so absolutely unreal that the doctor's words sounded like a cruel joke. They had been so elated at the prospect of becoming parents; Lou had been over the moon, and she had a special brightness in her eyes that he hadn't seen before. And now this man was saying that they couldn't even dare to dream of having children ever. His first thought went for Louise and when he had finally managed to pull himself together, he managed to say, "I need to see my wife."

The doctor nodded understandingly and added, "She might still feel a bit weak but there's no reason why you can't take her home."

Kid didn't seem to hear the doctor's words as he rushed inside the room where Lou was. As soon as he stepped inside, his eyes fell on her figure lying on the bed at the far end of the room. Her head was turned towards the opposite side, so Kid couldn't see her face from his position. He wondered if the doctor had told her everything, but when he came closer and saw her bleak expression, he knew that she knew. He approached her tentatively and called her name but she kept looking ahead of her. He sat down on the bed next to her carefully and stretched his hand to take hold of hers, but Louise moved it away from his reach, a gesture that surprised and hurt him at the same time. "Honey, I'm so sorry," Kid whispered, his voice cracked with the pain he was feeling for them both.

"I want to go home now," she said loud and clear. Her tone was demanding and her voice sounded cold and detached as if she wanted to hide the pain that Kid knew she was feeling.

"Oh sure, my love," Kid said, trying to smile at her softly but she wasn't looking at him; in fact, she seemed to avoid his gaze completely. Kid wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, that she needn't worry or anything that would bring her some comfort, but somehow he felt unable to utter anything intelligible. That lost and blank look that she now had was something that frightened him, and he felt frozen and drained of all energy. He wanted to erase that coldness from her eyes and to have her back laughing and playful. It really wasn't fair, Kid thought. It seemed that life didn't give them a well-deserved respite. He had barely been back three months and a new heartache was tumbling their rocky existence. All in all, Kid was grateful that Louise was fine after all; she was the most important bit of his life and he'd be happy as long as she was with him. Coming to terms with the fact that they'd never become parents would be hard, but nothing mattered if Lou was in his life.

* * *

About half an hour later they were ready to leave the doctor's office. Kid had tried to help her and make her take his arm for support, but Lou had roughly shoved him away. Kid was really hurt by his wife's behavior, but he decided not to say anything about it. He knew that she was in pain, and he was more than happy to be on the receiving end of her frustration if that meant she could release some of her pain. She hadn't said a word since she had demanded to go home, not one single word.

Kid wished she would talk to him because he had the weird sensation that the woman who had entered the surgery this morning and the one now before his eyes were not the same. He had never seen Lou look so cold and stiff. Kid understood that the day's events had been a terrible blow to her and somehow she needed to give vent to her pain. But those expressionless eyes that she had were scaring and somehow Kid wished she could yell at him and hit him instead of looking so deadly calm. They would have to grieve together for what they couldn't have, and Kid hoped that the pain would bring them even closer than they had been since he came back.

Kid stopped for a moment to thank the doctor and his wife for their help, but Lou continued her way out without even looking back. He knew that he had been hard to both Doctor Logan and the lady, but he understood that they had only helped Lou. It was ironic to think that he and Lou had begun their day with so many hopes, and in a matter of minutes those hopes and dreams had been completely shattered. It really wasn't the doctor's fault if things were this bleak, but his first instinct had been to launch his frustration into the physician. Kid felt that he owed an apology to the man and did so. The doctor disregarded his words, assuring him that Kid's attitude was completely understandable. Anyway, Kid really felt in debt with him; after all Lou was fine and that was the important part. Even though he was still confused about what had been wrong with Lou, he knew that the doctor had just done what he had to for her welfare.

Kid bid a quick good-bye to Doctor Logan and his wife as he was worried about Lou, who had wandered out of the office on her own after her predicament. He had seen that her legs were wobbly and he could tell that she was still dizzy, but she was so stubborn that she had refused his arm for support at all. He dashed out of the doctor's office after his wife, slamming the door shut in his hurry. The doctor and his wife stayed in the middle of the waiting area, looking at the door which had just closed loudly.

After Kid's raucous exit, the room was in silence until suddenly Mrs. Logan turned to his husband, her eyes shining furiously. "What the hell were you thinking?" she bawled, violently hitting him on the upper arm with her fist.

He roughly pushed her hand away and spoke in a very calmed way. "I made a mistake, all right?"

"A mistake?" she exclaimed in the same loud tone. "You caused her a miscarriage! She could have bled to death."

"She didn't. I knew what I was doing," he continued without losing his composure.

"Ha!" she let out sarcastically. "We can't attract people's attention, you know that, Charles."

"They're just two ignorant farmers like the rest of this town of bumpkins," the man said spitefully. "There's nothing to fear, this is the perfect place to hide."

"What if somebody finds out," the lady mumbled with a shaky voice.

The man grabbed her face by the chin and forced her to look at him. "Nobody knows a thing and nobody will, Mrs. Logan," he stated without the slightest hesitation and in a quick movement his lips were devouring hers avidly.

The woman pulled away breathlessly and for the first time she let out a peal of laughter. "And all that hogwash you talked to the husband." She guffawed uncontrollably and then she added, "You know how it makes me want you whenever you talk business."

The doctor joined her in the mirth and said in a low voice, "I'd be delighted to oblige, Mrs. Logan. Let's call it a day." He locked the main door, closing down the office even though it was just the middle of the day and then he began to steer the woman up the stairs. She let him pull her along delighted but she asked anyway, "What if somebody needs the doctor?"

The man curled his lips into a sneer and just blurted out, "Damn them."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The ride home was unbearable, and it seemed to take forever. Lou kept still and silent as if she wasn't there at all. Kid continuously looked at her worriedly all the way to their house, but she never acknowledged him once. He noticed that she sat just on the very edge of the wagon seat, as if making sure that their bodies didn't touch. Kid was perplexed and hurt at this attitude of hers. He knew that she was hurting and wanted to comfort her, but how could he do that if she kept this cold manner towards him? He hoped that when she got some rest, they could talk things through. It was something that affected both of them, and they really needed to discuss their pain. Otherwise, Kid knew that if they kept it within themselves, it would end up affecting everything around them, even their marriage in the long run.

When they reached their homestead, Kid hurried to help her off the wagon, but Louise was quicker and jumped off the buckboard. She was still weak, and her legs did not respond for her so Lou fell on the ground heavily. Alarmed Kid ran to help her up from the hard ground. "Lou!" he called worriedly. "Are you all right?" He grabbed her by the arm, and she tried to push him away, but Kid reinforced his hold on her. "Stop this childish attitude, for goodness' sake. You're going to hurt yourself," he chided annoyed.

Louise didn't have the energy to protest and simply let him help her off the ground and steer her towards the house, one arm around her shoulders protectively and his hand holding her waist. They walked inside in silence and the sensation of feeling so vulnerable right now and his sweet gestures were too much for her, and for the first time since leaving the doctor's surgery Louise gave free rein to her hot tears, which gradually burst in sobs. Hearing her bitterly crying Kid pressed her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her small frame.

"Shh," he cooed, like he had done so many other times before, "everything's gonna be all right." The love behind his words made her heart melt and cry harder, but at the same time they enraged her. How could he say that everything would be all right? He had heard what the doctor had said, and still he assured her that everything would be fine. Lou felt that it was far from being all right, and she wanted to punch him hard on the face. She couldn't have her husband patronize her like everybody else had done when she didn't know if he'd come back from the war.

It had been years of hearing soft and endearing words that meant nothing, and for Louise it had been unbearable. She hated to inspire sympathy and pity in the others; she didn't need any of that nonsense to face her problems. She was more than able to see the reality however bleak it was, and there was no need to disguise it. When Kid had returned, all those pitiful looks and remarks behind her back had stopped, but now they'd begin again. She couldn't have it, especially if even her own husband was the first to make her feel so pitiful. Lou wanted to fight his hold, yell at him and hit him hard, but she was drained of all energy and her sobs continued to rack her petite body. Finally, the crying subsided and she heard Kid ask in a soft voice, "Shall I take you to bed, honey?" Lou simply nodded at his question; she felt so tired and right now she wished she could sleep and never wake up.

Lou was finally sleeping in their bedroom, getting her deserved rest after the nerves and predicament of the morning. Unwillingly she had let Kid help her into bed, cover her with the quilt and finally giving her a kiss on the forehead, he had whispered 'I love you'. Even though she had wept against his chest and at some point she had let him comfort her, she still kept that same attitude since they left the doctor: she was recoiling from him whenever he tried to come closer to her.

This wasn't new for him; it was the way she dealt with her problems. All those times in the past when her demons had haunted her and stirred up her existence like when her father took her siblings or when Charlotte appeared, Louise had tried to keep him clear of her trouble. It had been hard but Kid had thought that she had finally learnt to trust him and share her problems with him, because her problems were his as well. And now they were married, but it seemed that she still closed up and didn't let him in. He hoped that when the first shock of finding such a hard reality faded a bit, they could find the comfort in each other.

Kid couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through. He was really exhausted and jittery, and his mind was completely jumbled, and it wasn't his body that had suffered what Lou had. No wonder she hadn't even stirred when he had checked on her a few times. Kid really didn't know how to feel about what the day had brought about. He was still in a haze, unable to believe the news the doctor had dropped on them. They were supposed to be gaily celebrating the good news that they had hoped to get this morning, but instead he was plagued by worries for Lou and bitterness.

He remembered his hopes and the joy he had felt when Lou had playfully blurted out her suspicions that morning. At first he had been shocked as he had never thought that they would be on their way to being parents so soon, but when he got over his first reaction, he couldn't have been happier. However, now the hard reality they had been forced to meet killed all those dreams. There would never be a baby in Lou's arms while she sang a lullaby. No child would learn its first words from them nor walk its first steps tightly gripping his big hand in its little one. No child would call him pa or Lou ma. There wouldn't be cheerful and loud birthday parties, nor Christmas with dozens of presents for the children. It would be just him and Lou for the rest of their lives, and for the first time the thought reached his mind and left a painful mark.

Kid felt the pressure in his chest as the reality fell over him like a ton of bricks. He sank on the couch heavily and resting his elbows on his thighs he hid his face in his hands. All those years that Kid had been fighting in the war, all he had had in his mind was to be back with Lou. Many times he had fantasized about their life together, and every time he had pictured her surrounded by children, their children. That image now seemed like a cruel joke. Kid took a shivery breath and mustering all his willpower he tried to get a grip of himself. He couldn't crumble down; he had to be strong for Lou because she would need his support and his help more than ever.

In that moment a strong knock sounded at the main door, which snapped Kid out of his reverie. Slowly he rose to his feet and when the knocking became more insistent and loud, he rushed to open the door. He silently cursed whoever was causing that ruckus, which could wake Lou from her rest. Finally, he reached the door and when he opened it, he found the two smiling faces of Teaspoon and Rachel. Before Kid had time to say anything, Teaspoon's loud voice resounded in the stillness of the house.

"Rachel, look who I found, my fleeting deputy," the marshal said with a big smile, and Rachel had the same expression of utter delight as they walked in the house unceremoniously. At the older man's words Kid remembered that he had forgotten all about his job after what had happened at the doctor's. That morning he and Lou had stopped by Teaspoon's and had told the old marshal about his motives for wanting to see the new physician. Teaspoon had reacted to the news as they expected he would. He couldn't beam more proudly if he were actually related to them both by blood. Since Lou and Kid joined the Express years ago, the bond that all the riders had formed with Teaspoon, Rachel and before her, Emma, was so strong that they never doubted they were anything but family. Teaspoon had become the father figure that most of the riders never had. So it was only natural that the older man had jumped with joy at their news. Even though Jimmy had always seemed closer to the old marshal, the married couple seemed to have formed new bonds with him and Rachel now that the rest of the riders had gone. Teaspoon would have been the only grandfather that any of the children Lou and Kid might have had would have known, because for them Teaspoon was like a father.

"Teaspoon!" Kid tried to shush him before his voice could reach Louise's ears and wake her.

"Don't worry, Kid," the marshal said with the same loud voice. "It's understandable to want to be with your wife on such a joyous day, but we wanted to join in your celebration."

Rachel was giggling happily and before Kid could react, she hugged him in a motherly fashion and added, "I'm so happy for you two, Kid. By the way, where's the expecting mama?"

At this point Kid had to raise his voice to put an end to their excessive enthusiasm and gaiety, "Will you two stop it?"

The seriousness in Kid's tone made Teaspoon and Rachel sober at once, and the ex-rider continued in a calmer tone, "There's no baby." Before either of his visitors had time to offer any words of encouragement or comfort, Kid told them what had happened during their visit to the doctor. Talking about it wasn't easy, but somehow Kid felt better to be able to unload his troubled mind onto his friends. He hadn't realized how much the day's events had affected him until he found himself telling everything to Teaspoon and Rachel. A myriad of feelings coursed all over him: sadness, desperation and anger, but above all he felt completely powerless.

His only concern was Lou and making her happy, and so far he hadn't accomplished any, but rather the contrary. For one reason or another she ended up suffering, and just the thought of her bleak expression a few hours ago left him shattered. He had been the cause of her suffering for years because he had decided to fight, and when they could find some peace and happiness, another obstacle appeared on their path. Kid knew that nobody was to blame if things had turned out like that, but he couldn't help thinking that he was some kind of jinx and was rubbing his bad luck onto Lou. Looking back on his life he could only think of one lucky strike, coming to the Express and meeting Louise. The rest had been just a succession of bad moments, an abusive father, his mother dying, Jed leaving. No, there weren't many good memories, but somehow he had believed that he could make Lou happy, and he still did.

Kid finished his account and the two smiling faces he had found at his door just a few moments ago had turned into hurt expressions. They remained speechless for a while and it was Rachel who finally broke the silence.

"Oh Kid, I'm so sorry," she muttered sincerely. Kid just nodded and she asked, "Where's Louise?"

"Resting upstairs," was his curt answer.

"I'll go and see her," the lady said and scurried up the stairs without waiting for any indication.

The two men remained on the same spot and Teaspoon patted Kid on the shoulder affectionately, but didn't say a word. For once in his life he didn't have anything to say, because nothing he could say would make things improve or Kid feel better. After a while the old marshal just asked, "How's Lou, son?"

Kid sighed deeply and said, "She hasn't said a word since we left the doctor and doesn't even let me come close. I don't like seeing her like that, Teaspoon. I'm worried."

"Women take these things hard," the marshal replied, "just give her time and you can talk things through. It's just the shock, she'll come round."

"I know," was all Kid said but worry didn't leave him. Lou was the strongest woman he had ever met, but the person resting in their bedroom at this moment didn't look like his lively and courageous wife. Kid had never seen her look as hurt and drained as she did now. He just prayed that the alien woman that had set in her soul disappeared, and soon he could have the old Lou back.

Upstairs in the bedroom Louise had woken suddenly as the insistent knocks at the door reached her ears. For one moment she felt disoriented and confused to find herself in bed in the middle of the day; she was even about to jump out of bed to answer whoever was making that racket downstairs when realization dawned on her devastatingly. Memories of the day stabbed her painfully and left her completely empty.

She heard the door open downstairs and recognized the joyous voices of Teaspoon and Rachel. Tears blinded her eyes as she could make out snippets of the conversation between her two friends and Kid. Then everything went still, and she knew that he was telling them, and hot tears trickled down her face. She felt so hurt and embarrassed that she wanted to die. Lou knew how people sent pitiful looks at those women that were called barren, and now she was one of them. How could a day that cherished so many hopes end up so miserably?

Her visit to the doctor was a blurred image in her confused mind. She remembered lying on that makeshift bed as the doctor examined her. He had already told her that she wasn't with baby, that she had reached the wrong conclusions. At that stage she was all right with it. What if she wasn't pregnant yet? There was no hurry, and Kid and she had all the time of the world. But then acute pain as she had never felt before hit her, and she noticed something hot trickling down her legs and somehow she knew that she was bleeding. Louise could hardly make out the doctor's and his wife's words telling her not to panic, but she could hear the fear and hesitation in their voices. For a moment she thought she was dying, but right at that instant her only wish was for the pain to finish.

After that she hardly remembered anything, and the next thing she was aware of was the hovering figure of the doctor looking down at her and unceremoniously saying that she would never be able to have children. Louise had the sensation that she had lived the moment before. The coldness in the doctor's words and the pain afterwards were the same or even harder than when her mother had died. For a moment she felt like she was eight years old and was a lost and confused child. Thousands of thoughts had flashed through her mind in that moment and still she couldn't think clearly.

The image of Kid's smiling face that morning kept popping before her eyes, and it left her numb with grief. How could she face him now? It wasn't fair for him because he deserved to have what life had deprived him from at an early age, a real family. Now for what Lou thought was her fault he couldn't even dream of having that family someday. No, it wasn't fair. Louise wanted to scream in frustration. She could deal with it, after all it was her body, her problem and she couldn't flee from it, but how could she ask him to forget his dreams for her? Knowing her husband she was sure that he'd be happy to do that just for her, but accepting that would be just terribly selfish on her part.

A light knock at her door stopped her train of thought, and Lou heard Rachel's faint voice outside the bedroom calling her name. Louise closed her eyes tighter; she didn't want to see anybody now. She just needed to be left alone. After some brief moments she heard the door creak as it opened and light steps resounded in the room.

"Louise?" Rachel called softly, but Lou didn't even stir, wishing that her friend would leave her alone. She knew that Rachel wasn't a fool and wasn't buying that she was sleeping and her next words confirmed Lou's suspicions. "I know you're not asleep, and it's fine by me if you don't wanna talk, sweetheart. I just want you to know that you can count on me and Teaspoon if you need anything."

Rachel stared at the lying figure of her younger friend for some moments, and when she saw no reaction from Louise, she turned to leave the room. However, she stopped dead in her tracks as she heard a faint voice behind her. Rachel turned around, and Lou opened her eyes and her voice cracked. "Thanks."

Rachel smiled despite the anguish she felt for her friend, who looked so small and forlorn right now. Coming closer to her she planted a brief kiss on her forehead and whispered in her ear, "That's what family's for, honey. But now, young lady, you get your rest."

Louise didn't try to say anything, but closed her eyes to let herself drift to a dreamless sleep once again. Her soul was broken and was crying to see some light in this bleak day, but all she could see around her was darkness and shadows. Little by little her weary body finally relaxed and in no time Louise fell asleep.

Later that day Kid decided to fix something for Lou to eat. Teaspoon and Rachel had long gone, and now that he was on his own, the house seemed cold and enormous. It was strange how the place appeared so different to his eyes now. In the three months since he had come back, he couldn't recall one single bad moment, and surprisingly he and Lou hadn't even fought one single time. These walls had only witnessed their love for each other, their serene conversations and especially Lou's laughter had resounded warmly every day all over the place.

Louise had been sleeping for hours and hadn't eaten anything since breakfast that morning. Kid had made some broth and placed a plate with the hot soup on a tray; he suspected that Lou wouldn't be too willing to eat, but at least a bit of hot broth would do her good. Finally, to cheer her up a bit Kid had cut one of the beautiful flowers from their tiny garden and placed it in a vase on the tray. He knew that they were her favorites. He made his way up the stairs, and when he reached the bedroom, Kid opened the door tentatively. He peeked inside and to his surprise he found her fully awake, looking ahead of her but still with the same blank expression.

He let himself in carrying the tray and smiling at her he couldn't help but exclaim happily, "You're awake!" Lou didn't say anything, but kept looking blankly, and Kid instantly sobered as he placed the tray on the bedside table. "I brought you something to eat, Lou."

For one moment Kid thought that she hadn't even heard him, but after a few seconds she spoke up her voice sounding clear, cold and detached of all feeling. "I'm not hungry."

Kid expected this reaction from her and tried to reason with his wife. "Honey, you have to keep up your strength."

"What for?" she mumbled miserably.

"What for!" Kid repeated sarcastically, staring at her purposefully, but she never met his eye. He paused for a moment, and sighing deeply he crouched next to her and tried to catch her eyes. Kid reached out to get hold of her hand but Lou instantly recoiled it and buried it under the quilt. The gesture filled him with deep sadness, but he tried not to show it. "How are you, Lou?" he asked softly.

"Just fine," was her curt answer.

Kid sighed again, frustrated at her stubbornness. "I don't think you're fine in the same way I'm not." He wasn't talking about her physical state, but rather about the scar that had been imprinted in their souls after the visit to the doctor. For the first time her eyes met his, and Kid found such deep anger and fury in them that almost scared him. She didn't talk, and he said, "Louise, I know how you're feeling, but we can't let this beat us." He stopped for a second and then continued despite the hard looks she kept casting in his direction. "We have to think positively. We have each other and that doctor might be wrong. Maybe we should get a second opinion and see a doctor in St Jo…" He couldn't finish because Louise sat up against the headboard unexpectedly and shifted so that her body was as far from Kid as possible.

"I'm not seeing any more damn doctors!" she barked at the top of her voice. "I know what this one said, and that's enough for me!"

Kid rose to his feet from his crouching position and warily sat down on the edge of the bed, trying not to make her more nervous than she already was. "Please calm down, honey. We'll do whatever you feel like."

"Did you hear what that doctor said or were you deaf or dumb there?" she asked sarcastically, looking daggers at Kid.

He just nodded ruefully, unable to stop the anger rising to his chest. Why did she have to be so spiteful? He knew that she was hurting, but she wasn't alone in this. He was as broken as her, but she seemed to think that only she was hurting and the idea angered him deeply. "I clearly heard him say that we couldn't have children but…" he talked bitterly but she cut him off in mid-sentence.

"No!" Louise shouted as if she had been wounded. "It's me, Louise McCloud, who can't have children, not you!" She was getting more and more agitated, and Kid feared that she might hurt herself as she was so close to the edge of the bed that she might fall off it.

"Honey, will you calm down?" he said in a soft voice. "We're in this together, so what happens to you does happen to me. That's what marriage means." He spoke sincerely because that was the way he felt. Everything that affected one or the other directly involved both of them, and in this situation the cause was stronger as it concerned their possibilities to become parents. There might be nothing wrong with Kid, but if the woman he loved couldn't be the mother of his children, that left him in the same state as her.

Louise seemed to sober a bit and looking at him disdainfully she talked venomously. "Always the same good boy. Always eager to sacrifice everything for poor Louise. Always playing hero. Well, you can stop that with me because I'm damn tired of that smarty pants attitude of yours. Be a man for once in your life."

Lou felt tears pricking her eyes, but she would choke them. She knew that she was being so cruel to Kid, but she couldn't help herself. All she wanted was for the whole world to hurt as much as she was right now, and that world included her dear husband. The words that her mouth had so devastatingly uttered popped out in a rush and for a moment she thought that somebody else had spoken up. But no, it had been her saying all those terrible things to the person who meant the world to her. She was ridiculing what she loved in Kid the most: his nobility of character and his good heart. She had never met somebody as generous and upright as Kid, and she and her words were hurting his male pride deeply. It was too late to take them back, and anyway, Louise's mind was in such a tumult that she couldn't think clearly.

Kid looked at her with a hurtful expression, but tried to keep his composure. He knew what she was trying to do, but he wouldn't let her rile him up. It was just her pain talking through her, and Kid used all his willpower to keep calm. One of them needed to be strong for both their sakes. He turned his back to her and said, "You need to eat the soup before it gets cold."

The calmness reaching her ears wound her up so much that the anger rising was such that she wanted to actually hit him. "I don't want your stupid soup!" she growled energetically. "I don't want your pathetic words. I don't want anything from you!" By now tears were rolling down her face and paying no heed to her words Kid rounded to her side in a few quick steps.

"Please Lou calm down," he repeated for the third time and tried to hold her in his arms but Louise shoved him away roughly.

"Don't touch me and leave me alone!" she roared and buried herself under the bedding.

Kid stood with a hurt expression, watching her trembling shape under the quilt. He knew that she was sobbing, but he felt paralyzed by her attitude. "Leave me alone!" she repeated, her voice muffled by the material over her head. Kid kept staring at her figure for a few moments and after a while he turned round to leave the room with that woman that he didn't know any more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ten days had gone by and Louise still remained in bed the entire time. Kid was frantic with worry; he knew that there was nothing wrong with her physically, and yet as the days passed she didn't make the slightest attempt to leave their bed. Her attitude hadn't changed since the day they visited the doctor. She hardly spoke and when she did, she was caustic and offensive.

Kid was at a loss; he didn't know how to help her. She insisted on staying in bed, and the only relief that Kid had was that at least she was eating a bit. Rachel came every day, but she didn't get any more from Louise than what Kid did. She just got the same treatment: monosyllabic answers and her already famous _'leave me alone'_. At night when he lay in bed next to her, Kid had the impression that he was sleeping with a cold piece of marble and not his wife. He wanted so much to hug and hold her between his arms but she wouldn't let him.

The very first night he had tried to comfort her and feel her warmth she had pushed him away unceremoniously without saying a single word. From that day on when she noticed that he was getting into bed, she moved to the furthest edge of the bed and lay curled up all night long, making sure that he didn't touch her. This attitude pained and confused Kid terribly. It was as if she blamed him for what had happened and wanted to punish him. Kid would be glad to be the target of her frustration and anger if that meant that she'd be snapped of that sulky mood. He wished that she would yell at him, insult him or even hit him, anything that showed that she was alive.

At some point it seemed as if his wife had left and this cold and strange woman had occupied her place. Teaspoon and Rachel kept telling him that Louise just needed time to come to terms with the blow they had received, but Kid wasn't sure any longer. He had never seen her act like that before; she was the strongest woman he had ever met, and he had admiringly seen her fight everything. Yet, now it seemed as if no spunk or life was left in her, and she looked defeated and forlorn. Kid wished that Teaspoon and Rachel were right, and soon he could have the old Lou back.

As he sat at his table, forlornly tasting a steaming cup of coffee, he heard a faint noise coming from upstairs. Louise was awake, he thought, but he didn't make any attempt to rush and see her. He was becoming very wary of his wife's odd mood, and he realized that all this was sadly affecting their life as a couple. Kid didn't look forward to beginning the day with one of her acrid remarks or the image of her bleak expression. Once he finished his coffee, he'd bring her some breakfast. She wouldn't eat much like every day, but at least she would nibble something. Lou had never been a big eater, and now that she didn't feel quite herself, she was eating like a bird.

Some light steps were heard upstairs, and Kid imagined that Lou would be going to the outhouse. It was the only moment when she left the bed. As the steps continued sounding all along the corridor on the second floor and the stairs, Kid knew that he hadn't been wrong. He cast a glimpse, expecting to set eyes on her at any moment, having the same appearance as in the last ten days, her hair tousled and wearing her dressing gown. The steps became louder, and when he saw her appear, his mouth opened in surprise but no sound came. Louise was dressed elegantly and her hair was neatly done in a braid. When her eyes met his, her steps became slower and she descended the last flight of the staircase sluggishly, keeping her eyes downcast.

Kid was on his feet in no time and ran towards her. "Lou!" he called happily, and on reaching her he dared to hold her hand and this time she didn't try to move it away. "You're up!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

Louise didn't meet his eyes and simply said, "It's time I went back to work." Kid grinned broadly, quickly forgetting the agony of the last few days. He gladly realized that Lou had only needed some time for herself as his friends had assured him. Hopefully, now they would be back to how they had been before the fateful day of the doctor's visit. They would need to talk things through, he would listen to her but they would eventually be fine.

Louise descended the last step of the staircase and let herself be drawn into Kid's hold, but she didn't hug him back, leaving her arms sagging at her side. He took her by the hand and steered her towards the dining room table. Moving a chair for her to sit on, Kid kept babbling on in his excitement. "I'll make you some breakfast. You can't imagine how glad I am to see you up, honey. I knew you'd be fine. Now give me ten minutes, and I'll make you a delicious breakfast. Won't be long." His excitement didn't match hers. Louise kept silent and her eyes constantly downcast, in an attempt to avoid meeting his. Kid rushed to the kitchen not noticing her quiet stance at all; his only thought was that his wife was up and ready to go back to life. Nothing else mattered right now.

As he promised, Kid was back in a few minutes with plates brimmed with tasty food. He sat next to her and casting a smile she never saw, he began eating and making small talk while she remained quiet. After a few minutes they both were silent and the only sound heard was the clanking of the forks against the china plates, and in that moment she called his name hesitantly, "Kid?"

Hearing Lou speak surprised him as she had been silent all the time while he had been excitedly babbling on. He turned all his attention to her and said, "Yes, honey?"

Louise kept her eyes fixed on her plate and cleared her throat nervously. She took her time before continuing, not sure how to talk to him. "Uh…" she began hesitatingly, "I know that I've been horrible to you these last days."

She paused for a moment and squeezing her hand encouragingly Kid added, "It's all right, Lou. I understand."

For the first time, Lou dared to cast a brief glimpse at him, and smiled forcefully. She breathed in deeply, knowing that the next bit wouldn't be easy for neither of them. "I want you to know that it's fine by me if you file for a divorce."

The smile that had been permanent on Kid's face since he had seen her vanished instantly, and his face creased into a frown. "What are you talking about, Lou?"

She didn't answer his question, but continued with her own harangue. "You have strong reasons, and I guess you could get a divorce quite easily." Her body was shivering, but she tried not to show it, so she managed to sound self-assured, her voice clear and loud.

"I'm not divorcing you, Lou!" he barked, annoyed by the conversation. "I can't believe you're seriously talking about it." He yanked the napkin from around his collar gruffly and threw it on the table carelessly. Suddenly the food didn't appeal to him any more and dumbfounded he glared at his wife, who kept her eyes glued to her plate.

"You should think about it, Kid," she insisted softly. "I won't stay in your way, and you have enough reasons to want a divorce."

Kid couldn't believe his ears and unable to keep still any longer, he rose to his feet and stood before her. Placing a finger under her chin Kid tilted her head towards him, forcing her to look at him. "What reasons are those? Because I don't see any," he asked angrily.

"I'm faulty," she stated without any hesitation.

"Faulty?" he repeated bedazzled, not getting what she was implying. Actually, the whole conversation didn't make any sense. "You're not faulty! Stop talking crazy."

"I can't have children, so you got yourself a defective wife!" she barked and jumped to her feet angrily, pushing him away and out of her way.

"Oh for goodness' sake, Lou," he tried to protest but she cut him off.

"I married you because I thought I could make you happy, but I was wrong," she reasoned in a softer tone.

"And you do, you really do, Lou," Kid insisted, praying that she could see that he was serious. She made him the happiest man alive since the moment she accepted to become his wife.

"So what about 'nothing could make me happier than this'?" she asked, quoting his words when she had told him that she could possibly be pregnant. Those words had haunted her for the past few days and made her feel utterly miserable.

"Because it was you, Lou."

Louise didn't seem to hear him as she continued, "It pains me terribly to say this, but we need to accept that I'm not what you deserve. You could still find a nice girl and have that family you want."

Her words shocked him so much that for one moment he couldn't find his own voice. He kept staring at her in disbelief, and after a while he managed to protest vehemently. "I don't want another woman. I only want a family with you, only with you."

"But I can't give you that!" she retorted loudly.

"Then I don't want it," Kid stated without the slightest hesitation. They remained silent in the middle of the room, their eyes boring into each other. It was Kid who first moved away and said in a sarcastic tone, "I got to go to work. Please do us both a favor and stop thinking for me." He turned to leave and she watched him as he disappeared from her sight into the next room. Only when she heard the front door slam shut, did she cover her face with her hands and let sobs rack her frail body.

* * *

Kid had a terrible day as the conversation with Lou that morning was constantly on his mind. He had been surly and snappy, and naturally Teaspoon had noticed this change of demeanor in him. The previous days hadn't been easy either, but at least he had been able to keep his problems apart from work, but today he just felt unable.

Teaspoon had tried to talk to him, but Kid had refused to answer any of his questions. He really couldn't talk about it; the thought of losing his dear Louise left him on the verge of tears and breaking down. She couldn't be serious and he needed to let her see that nothing had changed between them. He loved her as much as ever and the fact that they'd never be able to become parents didn't change his love for her. He'd be happy as long as they stayed together; he didn't see her in any worse light because of what she couldn't give him. Kid believed that she had already brought so much into his life that sometimes he felt unworthy of her love. If she wanted to have children, they could always adopt a child. There were many children who sadly had nobody in this world. After all, they were orphans themselves, and they knew what being alone meant.

When their homestead came into view, Kid slowed Katy to a light trot as they approached the house. It was later than his usual time of getting home, but he was aware that he had delayed the moment to leave town. He feared what he might find at home, how Louise might be, and the thought saddened him deeply. For a few moments Kid stayed on Katy, deep in thought.

There was a light burning in the lounge and another in the kitchen. Lou was home as he expected. He knew that, as she had told him, she had gone to work today. Unbeknownst to her, he had watched her get to the hotel that morning and leave in the afternoon. He had wanted to pay her a visit as he usually did when he patrolled the streets of Rock Creek, but today he didn't know what to tell her after the argument that morning.

Kid finally eased off his horse but did not go into the house straightway. He decided to see to his horse first. Usually he always let Lou know that he was home with a kiss, but today he didn't think the occasion was suitable for that. He took his time with his faithful mare, so it was an hour later that he plodded towards his house with a heavy heart.

Opening the door slowly he let himself in and found Lou on her knees, trying to get the fire in the hearth going. She stopped the task as soon as she heard his steps and stared at him silently. Louise had heard him pull up to the house an hour ago, and she knew that he was delaying the moment to meet her. Kid took a few hesitant steps into the room but stopped at a certain distance from her.

"Hey," he greeted, but she never said a word, just kept looking at him with big eyes. Kid felt self-conscious and strangely uncomfortable, and said the only thing he could think of, "How was your day?"

Louise lowered her eyes and just shrugged her shoulders in indifference. Rising to her feet she cleaned the soot from her hands on the apron she was wearing. "I'll make you some dinner," she muttered as she headed for the kitchen but stopped and turned around as she heard Kid's voice behind her.

"I love you, Louise, you know that," he said, looking intently at her. Lou didn't say a word and he continued, "I told you that nothing on this earth would drive me away from you, nothing, not even you, and I'm not planning on changing that."

In that moment Louise wanted to run to him, wrap her arms around his neck and feel his kisses on her lips, but instead she just stood motionless. She knew that she loved him, but somehow right now she felt unable to let her heart talk. Thousands of sensations filled her, and she really couldn't understand what was happening to her, why she felt so empty. Kid's presence strangely angered her, but the thought of him leaving her filled her with absolute anguish and pain.

All in all, she had been serious when she had mentioned the divorce issue that morning. She had been pondering their situation for days and she had reached the conclusion that she could never make Kid completely happy, at least not in the way he deserved. It would break her inside, but he needed to understand that it would be for his own good in the long run. She didn't really care what happened to her; she didn't see how she could expect anything from life if all her dreams disappeared, but it wouldn't be fair to force Kid to share her same pitiful destiny.

Lou had expected him to react in the way he had that morning. She was well aware that Kid loved her deeply, and he had wanted to marry her almost since the beginning of their courtship. It was no wonder that he had refused her idea about a divorce flatly. Admittedly, she didn't want a divorce either, but she couldn't erase from her mind his bright eyes, his broad smile when he thought that they were gonna be parents. How could she carry on knowing that she would never be able to give him that ever? She couldn't pretend that everything was fine because it wasn't.

"Sometimes loving's not enough, Kid," she finally said calmly.

"It is enough for me, it was for us when we decided to get married," he reminded her. "You know, for better or for worse."

Talking about their wedding was painful as it had been one of the happiest days in her life despite the imminent war, the tension between her friends and that boy dying just after the ceremony. All in all, she had felt strangely happy to finally become Kid's wife. Like usual, he had been worried that she hadn't had the ideal wedding he had wanted to give her, and she had to assure him that she had loved the wedding despite everything. All she had cared about was Kid and the rest of the world wasn't important. That moment seemed so far away that she sometimes wondered if it hadn't been a dream; it just didn't seem real to her right now. Kid talking about their wedding made her anger surface.

"I relieve you from the worse," she snapped angrily.

"I don't want to be relieved," he answered back in the same tone. "I meant every vow we took."

She walked the few steps separating them angrily till they were face to face. "Are you implying I didn't mean them?" she growled furiously, irritated that he would hint that she had made light of their marriage.

"I'm not the one eager to jump out of this marriage," he spat.

Louise glared at him silently as she realized that she didn't have anything to say. "Go to hell!" she finally shouted and swirling around she plodded towards the kitchen where out of sight she dropped onto a chair heavily and began weeping silently.

Faintly she heard Kid's voice on the other side of the room. "I'm not going anywhere, Louise McCloud. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

Kid remained rooted to the spot for a few minutes, watching intently at the kitchen door through which his wife had disappeared. For one moment he had the impulse of going after her, but on second thought he believed that words in their present moods wouldn't do them any good. So he turned around and got out of the house. He urgently needed to breathe some fresh air, as fighting with her had left him drained and empty. Lou could be very stubborn, and many times he had let her have her way, but this time it would be different. Now she wouldn't win over him because he wouldn't accept to lose her, not when she loved him as he knew she did. No, this time he needed to be strong and show her that all he cared about was only her. Yeah, he would show her.

* * *

That night Louise was already in bed when Kid re-entered the house. On the table she had left him some stew that she had apparently fixed that evening. Kid didn't feel like eating, but something inside stirred as he watched the care in which she had disposed the plate and the cutlery on the table. There was nothing amiss, the plate perfectly centered, the cutlery brightly clean, the glass spotless, a napkin folded neatly on a side; everything was impeccable. She might be hurting and mad at him right now, but it moved him to think that she went through the trouble to set the table for him.

It really surprised him the way Lou took care of the house and him and how she took pride in it. It was a new side of her that Kid had known just when they got married. When they had worked together in the Pony Express, Louise had always refused to do anything traditionally considered feminine, stating that she was a disaster in housekeeping or cooking. When Rachel or Emma had been away, it was Jimmy or Teaspoon who had taken the challenge to cook for the hungry bunch, but never Lou. Kid guessed that in those days when she had tried to assert some respect among the riders, she had avoided to be linked to any activities normally performed by women. However, when they had married, Louise had really adapted to her role as a wife and surprisingly she seemed to like it.

Kid sank down on the chair and forced himself to eat the food that Lou had prepared for him. It felt odd to be at the big dining room table all by himself. In the last days he hadn't bothered to fix anything for him, rather he had just had some small bite as he hadn't had much of an appetite. Kid sighed as he fondly remembered the meals he and Lou had shared at this table. He especially enjoyed their dinner as it was the moment of the day that they had the time to talk and relax in each other's company.

More than once Louise had surprised him with a romantic dinner, dressing the table beautifully with their best glassware and china and preparing his favorite dishes. Now that he was here all alone, the memories made him feel completely desolate. Kid took a few small mouthfuls of stew, but he felt he couldn't eat any more. After picking up the remains of his dinner and washing up the plate and the cutlery, Kid plodded up the stairs, pausing before his bedroom door, and finally he opened it carefully.

His eyes fell on Lou's figure lying on the bed; the darkness was complete, and he couldn't make out his wife's features, but he had watched her sleep so many times that he could picture her beautiful face peacefully sleeping on his mind. Kid noiselessly took off his boots, but didn't bother to remove his clothes before lying on the bed over the bedding. Throwing a look to Lou he couldn't help but sigh voicelessly. His whole body screamed to touch her; he needed her so much, and it felt as if she were light years away from him. An arm over his head, his eyes directed to the ceiling, sleep didn't come easily but finally his eyes felt heavy and Kid drifted to sleep.

* * *

The rays filtered through the widow and fell directly on her eyes, but Louise fought the urge to open them. She didn't want to wake up and wished she could sleep on and forget about everything else. In that moment she noticed something touching her head. Her eyes popped open instantly and the blurred image before her finally became clear. Kid lay propped on his elbow and was looking at her while he caressed her hair with the rear of his hand. Louise shivered at the fire she saw in his eyes. She didn't say anything or try to move, but kept staring back at him.

"You're so beautiful, Lou," Kid muttered huskily. He had awoken that morning and seeing her sleeping like an angel, he hadn't been able to control himself. This was the woman he loved, and he just needed her terribly.

They kept staring at each other for long minutes, neither saying anything and then Kid lowered his head to meet her lips. Lou wanted to protest and push him away, but as soon as she felt his mouth over hers, she was lost and kissed him back with the same passion. Kid thought that he had touched heaven as he felt her responding heartily. He had missed her so much in these past two weeks.

Lou didn't want to think and just let herself be carried away by her instincts. Suddenly, as she felt his hand roaming up her thigh, the image of his happy face that day when she thought she was pregnant popped into her mind at the same time, and she knew that she had to stop. Lou tried to pull away but Kid's hold was too strong, so she had to forcefully shove him away. Feeling her rough pushes Kid let go of her and kept staring at her bedazzled. By then she was already out of the bed and his grasp. Her back was to him as she tied her dressing gown tightly round her thin waist. "We can't do this," Lou muttered.

Kid was having a hard time trying to compose himself; he was still trembling from the torrid moment and the hot kisses. He still couldn't understand Lou's attitude, wanting him and at the same time refusing him. When he finally found his own voice, he managed to ask, "Why not?"

Louise swirled around so that she could see his face. "What's the point?" she spat. "I can't get pregnant."

Kid couldn't believe his ears and sighed ruefully. "Because we love each other, that's the point," he said softly, trying to stay calm. He didn't want to get into another fight with her again. He knew that doing just that would lead them further apart from each other. "I love you and you love me, I know as much."

Lou cursed him for making her speechless for a moment, but finally she charged again. "Well, it's not right if you're leaving me."

All his efforts to keep his composure failed miserably as he heard her words. "I'm not leaving you!" he barked irritated. "I'm sick and tired of these crazy ideas of yours!"

"Why can't you accept that things have changed between us?" she asked loudly. "We can't even talk without fighting any more."

"That's not true, Lou. Please stop doing this," Kid pleaded and coming closer to her he wrapped his arms around her petite body. "Please," he repeated, intently looking at her with begging eyes.

Louise tried to pull away, feeling completely affected by his closeness. "Let me go," she ordered gruffly but he wouldn't release her.

"Please," he repeated for the second time, meeting her troubled eyes.

Louise stared at him for a few moments, almost crumbling down but finally she pushed him away from her roughly and as she was leaving the room she said, "Leave me alone, Kid." He sighed deeply as he heard her light steps become fainter and fainter till he couldn't hear them any more, just silence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The sun was shining brightly above in a spotless sky, but a light breeze was blowing, hinting that the autumn was close at hand. Kid roamed the streets of Rock Creek aimlessly with a thousand thoughts racing in his mind. He couldn't stop replaying his conversations or rather the fights with Lou in the last two days, which left him completely shattered. Louise had got this crazy idea of wanting a divorce into her head, and knowing her as well as Kid did he was sure that it wouldn't be easy to convince her in another direction. His wife was as stubborn as a donkey, and in her present emotional condition she wouldn't be willing to listen to him.

Kid was sure that she was acting this way because right now she felt miserable and unworthy. There was no doubt that she loved him as strongly as ever; this very morning for a moment she had melted in his arms, but something had made her stop suddenly and push him off her. Again she had insisted on the same story, and they had got into a fight, ending up with her leaving the bedroom and his presence like a bat out of hell. When Kid had made it downstairs, she wasn't anywhere to be found. Lou had already left for town, and he never felt more lonely. He didn't want to feel like this because they had so much, but her stubbornness could ruin everything they had. He had to fight her because he wouldn't let her carry out her crazy idea so easily. Kid cursed himself for ever mentioning his wish to have children. How could he make her understand that as long as they were together nothing else really mattered? He'd be happy knowing that they would grow old together. He just needed her in his life and certainly wouldn't let her go.

Without actually being aware of where he was going Kid found himself heading for the school house. In that moment the children came flocking out of the building, almost knocking him down in their hurry to be free of their daily duties. Kid had to laugh as he climbed the few steps leading to the school. When he stepped inside, Rachel was sitting at her desk, intently scribbling down in a notebook. As the woman heard heavy steps at the end of the room, she looked up and smiled on setting eyes on Kid. She rose to her feet and came closer to him. "If you came to learn, I'm afraid you're a bit late. School was just dismissed."

Kid managed a weak smile which didn't reach his eyes. "Can we talk?" he asked her straightaway.

"Sure," Rachel quickly agreed. She made him sit down on one of the small chairs while she sank down on the floorboards just across from him. "I caught sight of Louise this morning. I'm glad that she's up and about."

"Yeah," he replied bitterly.

The tone did not go unnoticed by Rachel, who quickly asked, "Something wrong, Kid?"

He let out a deep sigh and tried to explain to the woman how things were between him and Lou lately. The words almost got stuck in his throat as it sounded incredible to his own ears what he was about to tell. "She wants a divorce," he finally managed to say.

"She what?" Rachel asked aghast.

"All this matter is really affecting her," Kid explained. "She says that she can't give me a family and make me happy. It's just crazy, Rachel."

The older woman shook her head in disbelief, but somehow she could understand what Lou was going through. It wasn't easy to admit and accept that she was the cause why they would never have children. Louise was very proud and self-demanding, so her attitude didn't really surprise Rachel. "Actually, it is a sweet gesture, showing how much she cares about you," Rachel remarked.

Kid's mouth twitched bitterly, and he added, "I know that, but that doesn't matter much if I end up losing her."

Rachel squeezed his hand encouragingly and said, "I'm sure it won't amount to that. She's just upset, and I bet she will eventually come round."

"I hope you're right."

"Have you told her how you feel about all this?" Rachel asked.

"Of course," Kid replied a bit rougher than what he had intended. He paused for a moment, looking apologetically at Rachel, and then he added, "She just doesn't listen to reason and insists that I should find myself another woman." He snorted at how ridiculous everything sounded. "At this pace she will be selecting the candidates herself."

At his words Rachel couldn't help but let out a peal of laughter, which she immediately regretted at noticing Kid's mortified expression. "Sorry, Kid, but I don't think she's being serious. You're worrying too much."

Rachel couldn't believe that Louise was actually encouraging her husband to find another woman. She knew that Lou had always been so jealous of the attraction that other women had felt for Kid. Actually, when Rachel had first come to work for the Pony Express in Sweetwater, her confrontation with Lou back then had been caused by her jealousy. Louise had mentioned how the boys had behaved towards the new housekeeper, but Rachel knew that deep down all that had been in Lou's mind was fear and insecurity. Even though Louise had never been absolutely clear about her first reaction to her, Rachel had later understood that she had felt ridiculously threatened that Kid found other feminine charms in different women more appealing than her.

Along her rocky relationship with her now husband, Rachel remembered, Louise had shown a jealous streak that she often hadn't been able to hide. There were two memorable moments that Louise had been out of herself with jealousy of Kid. The first one had been just after she and Kid had broken up. He had shown a keen interest in the new school teacher, and understandably Lou had been very upset. Even Rachel had felt a tinge of melancholy at seeing her two friends drift apart, but fortunately, the story hadn't gone much further. However, Rachel knew that the episode had left a mark in Lou. Somehow it had made her realize what she had lost when she had decided to break things off with Kid and that he wouldn't pine over her for ever.

Rachel believed that because of that brief episode Louise's jealousy had strengthened even though she and Kid weren't together at the moment. Something similar had happened when an old friend of Kid's, Doritha, had unexpectedly appeared in Rock Creek. Even though she was a married woman, Lou's insecurities had been stirred once more and in a way Rachel admitted that her fears hadn't been ungrounded as the lady wanted something more than mere friendship from Kid. Now all that was far away, but still Rachel knew that Lou wouldn't let her husband go willingly. She was just upset and only her pain was talking through her.

"I hope you're right," Kid said, snapping Rachel out of her reverie.

The woman smiled and noticing his worried countenance, she asked, "Do you want me to talk to her?"

"I'd appreciate that," Kid replied. "She always listens to you and maybe talking to another woman…" his voice trailed and letting out a deep sigh he added, "I just don't know what to do anymore." He really felt at a loss how to talk to or treat his wife right now.

"Don't worry, Kid," Rachel tried to assure him. "I'll talk to her today."

"Thanks, Rachel," he said sincerely, praying that the woman could manage to get through the wall that Lou had built between her and the rest of the world. So far he had been unable to reach her in any way, and like in his haunting dreams she seemed to slip through his fingers and he couldn't do anything to grasp her.

Rachel pushed the door open and decidedly stepped in the building. As soon as she was inside the hotel lobby, Lou's angry voice reached her ears. Seemingly she was having a very heated argument with a customer. The man's face was red with anger, and Lou had that cocky attitude that Rachel was so familiar with.

"Are you deaf or just plain stupid?" Louise growled; her voice boomed in the quiet lobby, which attracted the looks of the few people around.

"What an insolence!" the man exclaimed, visibly annoyed. "Your superiors will certainly hear about this shameless treatment to my person, Miss! Never in my life had I witnessed such rudeness!"

"See if I care," Louise spat disdainfully. "And it's Mrs., you idiot."

The man stalked towards the stairs grunting and huffing furiously, and only then Rachel approached the counter behind which Lou was watching her silently. Rachel smiled at her, but her friend did not return the gesture. "Don't you think you were a bit too hard with that poor man? What the heck has he done?" she asked softly.

"What do you want, Rachel?" Lou said, instead of answering her question. She felt so angry all the time lately and the simplest thing managed to irritate her intensely like never before.

"I came to see how you are doing," the woman said in a soft voice.

"I'm very well, thank you," Lou answered curtly. "Anything else?"

Rachel breathed in, trying not to lash out at Lou in her obvious bitter mood. She realized that it wouldn't be easy to talk to her friend. Rachel knew that Lou could be terrible when she was in a bad temper. "And your husband?" she asked again, choosing her words carefully.

"Kid's fine as far as I know," Lou replied without much enthusiasm.

"He didn't look so fine to me this afternoon when he came to see me," Rachel said, risking to spark Lou's anger towards her. The younger woman just glared at her friend silently and Rachel continued, "Why are you acting like this, Louise?"

"That's my business," Lou barked scornfully.

"I thought we were family, and families care about each other," Rachel said, but watching no reaction from her younger friend she continued, "Kid's so miserable and glum, honey."

"Well, that makes two of us," Lou retorted. "He knows what he can do to get out of his misery."

Rachel shook her head at her friend's stubbornness. "You ain't serious about that crazy idea of a divorce, are you?"

"It's not crazy; it's just the sensible thing to do," Lou replied without the slightest hesitation in her voice.

"He'd never consent to divorce you, you know that; he loves you," Rachel insisted, and Louise just shrugged her shoulders. "So that's it? You've made up your mind and what now?" She talked quickly, running out of patience at her friends' attitude. "Please Lou, think things through before doing anything drastic."

"Me?" Lou asked, taken aback by her friend's intensity. "I'm not doing anything. It's Kid's decision now. I just don't care about anything." Louise tried to convince herself that was the truth behind her actions, but actually the reality was that she did care, more than she would let on. All she wanted was the best for her husband because he was a good and honest person and deserved something better. Right now she didn't feel that she could offer him anything worthy. Honestly Lou thought that it wasn't fair for him to be condemned to share her same destiny, and he really should be up for some happiness. However, the thought of actually doing something to expel him from her life left her numb with pain; no, she wouldn't have the strength but she would accept it if Kid decided to assume that they would have to go different ways.

"Louise, you're just scared," Rachel exclaimed. "Things will look better if you just give yourself some time."

Lou's anger came back in full force. "Stop that patronizing attitude with me, Rachel Dunne!" she roared furiously. "I can't have children, and that ain't gonna change!"

"Lou, that's not what makes a marriage," Rachel said. "There are many couples in your same situation. You can always adopt a child."

"I don't want a quick fix!" Lou growled, becoming tired of going over the same thing again and again, "and I can't let Kid resign himself to that."

"Louise…" Rachel tried again but her friend cut her off in mid-sentence.

"Will you stop hassling me and stick your nose into your own damn business?" she roared at the top of voice, not caring who could hear her. Both women kept glaring at each other; neither talked or tried to move. In that moment the front door opened and Sally's voice reached their ears.

"Afternoon!" she greeted in a sing-song voice. "I…" she tried to continue but was brusquely cut off by Lou's gruff manner.

"You're late!" she lashed out as she grabbed her jacket roughly and rounded the counter. "Don't let that happen again!"

Both women stared at Louise as she left the hotel quickly and disappeared from their sight. Sally wasn't surprised at Lou's words to her because since she had been back to work after being off sick, she had been impossible to talk to, always in a snappy mood. Sally was aware of what had happened to Louise, and she couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through but that didn't justify her attitude, especially with the hotel's customers. Sally had tried to talk to her and offer her encouragement, but Lou hadn't wanted any of that. Her attitude had been cold and harsh towards her and Sally just hoped that she'd get over her present condition soon. She really missed her friend; Lou had always been so agreeable and kind that she hardly recognized this new side of hers. Sally looked at Rachel, and the older woman met her eyes. There was no need for words as both women understood what the other was thinking. Rachel shook her head ruefully and smiling faintly at the young lady, she left the hotel without uttering a single word.

Louise walked along Rock Creek's main street quickly and grunting under her breath. Right now she felt so furious with Rachel and Kid that her head was beginning to ache from the pressure. How could they dare to talk about her behind her back? Rachel didn't have any right to judge her as she couldn't understand her feelings. She came with that know-it-all attitude of hers and trying to meddle in her affairs. That was something that Lou just couldn't stand. Rachel had been her confidante for years now; Lou had found an invaluable support in her and she was really grateful for her friendship. But her unasked words and advice were completely infuriating and she didn't need any of that. Deep down Louise knew that basically her friend had told her a couple of truths and that was what had sparked her fury. She inwardly admitted that she was being horrible to Kid, and he didn't deserve that treatment when it wasn't his fault. She wished that she could forget what had happened, and that everything could be just the same, but she felt unable to do just that.

Louise was so wrapped in her own thoughts that she wasn't really paying attention where she was going. Her head was in turmoil and her only concern was to get home as soon and quick as possible and be on her own. Tears pricked her eyes, but she stubbornly held them back. Louise couldn't understand why she was on the verge of tears all the time now, and she seemed not to have any control over her outbursts any longer. The thought infuriated her deeply and frustration coursed over all of her. She should be able to come to terms with the fact that she was unable to have children; it shouldn't be so painful but indeed it was.

Actually, the idea of having children of her own had scared her a few years ago. So why was it so difficult now to accept the reality? Maybe it was because she wasn't a young girl any more, or just because Kid was in her life now. Anyway, the fact was that knowing her reality was ripping her inside, and she didn't know how to stop the searing pain she was feeling. Lou desired something she could never have with all her heart, and the thought that the wish was as strong in Kid just broke her. He could have other options and she swore to herself that she wouldn't stand in his way if he decided to set out for a new life without her, however painful it was. Maybe now he didn't see what lay before them, but one day Lou feared that he'd be bitter and regretful to be tied to her all his life. Rachel was right; she was scared of the day he'd realize his mistake and she'd be shattered. So she'd rather finish things now instead of fooling herself into thinking that his love would last forever under the present circumstances.

Her confused thoughts were blinding her, and in her rush along the main street she bumped into a strong body. Louise looked up at the man and was about to apologize when her eyes met the dazzling white smirk of Doctor Logan. He tipped his hat at her in greeting, and Lou cringed in disgust. The image of the doctor really turned her stomach as it was inevitably linked to bitter memories of the worst moment of her short existence. Noticing her expression the doctor gently took her by the arm and asked, "Are you all right, Mrs. McCloud?"

Lou roughly yanked her arm free and answered curtly, "Just fine." She averted his eyes, unable to stand the man's presence much longer.

"Maybe you should call on my office later and I can check that everything's fine," he offered but was cut off by Lou's rough words.

"No! I told you I'm fine."

"I see that but…," he tried to insist, but he stopped as something caught his attention, forgetting the lady completely. At his sudden stop Louise looked up at him and noticed that the doctor was staring at something behind her intensely; his smile gone. She turned her head and saw the person who Doctor Logan followed with his eyes. It was a tall man in his forties, fair hair, bushy moustache, bowler hat and a cream suit that Lou thought was too thick for this time of the year. _'Another of those stiff city types,' _Lou thought as the man seemed to head for the hotel, but she knew that today he wouldn't find a free room. The hotel was packed.

The doctor kept staring at the man till he disappeared into the hotel, and only then he realized that Louise was still before him. He cleared his throat nervously and muttered clumsily, "Uh… I've just remembered… uh… my wife's waiting for me. I didn't know it was this late. Good day, Mrs. McCloud. My regards to your husband."

The doctor tipped his head and Lou just nodded politely before he rushed along the street towards his office. Louise kept looking after him; she shivered as the meeting with the doctor had made her relieve that horrible day. She wanted to erase those moments and memories, and averting her gaze she continued her frantic walk towards the stables. The tears she had tried to hold back flowed freely now and silently she cursed Rachel, the doctor and the whole world for making her appear so vulnerable.

Meanwhile, Doctor Logan stormed into his little surgery and seeing no one around he called out for his wife, alarm in his voice. "Anne! Anne! Where are you?" In a few seconds the woman appeared, coming down the stairs and wiping her wet hands on the apron she was wearing.

"Charles, what's wrong?"

The man came closer to her and grabbing her by the arms he blurted out, "Edwards is here; I've just seen him."

Mrs. Logan's expression turned into one of utter astonishment. "Edwards? Tom Edwards?" she asked and her husband just nodded. "Where?"

"He was just heading for the hotel," he just said and asked angrily. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"I don't know!" she retorted in a gruff voice, annoyed that he thought that she could have the answer to his question, implying that there was an ulterior motive and she knew about it. She was as clueless as him and she had only an explanation to give. "He's a traveling salesman, so I guess he's just here on business. Did he see you?"

"No, I was at a safe distance," he replied. "Anyway, even if he had, he'd have no clue who I am. Your refined friends never took much notice of me," he spat bitterly. "I've always been too ordinary for their high standards, never good enough for that selected circle of friends of yours."

"Oh Charles, don't start with that," she exclaimed, letting out an audible sigh, and asked, "What are we going to do?"

He looked at her with a serious countenance and simply said, "We'll have to get rid of him."

The woman stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "You can't be serious, Charles. He's my best friend's husband, and they have three small children to raise."

"Any better ideas, dear?" he asked sarcastically. "We can always wait for him to come and pay his respects to Doctor Logan and his lovely wife. He'll sure get the surprise of his life." He guffawed maliciously while the woman kept staring at him with a serious stance. "Are you sure you want to risk that?"

Mrs. Logan glared at him silently and finally averting her gaze she muttered, "Do whatever you have to." The man sniggered and strongly grabbing her by the chin he said, "That's my girl." She shoved his hand away roughly and without uttering a single word, she left the room, cursing under her breath.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Weeks went by and the situation at home was practically the same. Louise's cold stance hadn't changed towards Kid; she hardly talked and he was at his wits' end. He didn't know how to help her and all his attempts had failed miserably. Kid still remembered her angered expression and hard words when he had naively tried to cheer her up by bringing a puppy home. He hadn't known that she'd get so upset. His ears were still ringing with her angry shouts. _"Do you think a pet can take the place of a baby? Are you so stupid to believe that I'd forget everything just with your insensitive presents?"_

Kid had to admit that he had been a fool because he had never given it a thought to how she'd take his present. Not for a single moment had he intended to make light of her feelings. His only concern had been to cheer her up, but it had been a terrible idea, at least initially. Kid had then been completely taken aback when she had almost bitten his head off as he had intended to take the dog back because she had really grown attached to Blacky (that was how she had dubbed the little puppy). The dog followed her everywhere around the homestead and was so protective of Lou that he barked furiously if anybody came too close to her or had unclear intentions.

Kid thought ruefully that unfortunately he had no problem in that respect as now Lou never let him come too close. The only company that she accepted willingly was the puppy's and sometimes he foolishly felt jealous of the attention the little dog got from her, the attention that he wanted for himself. All contact had died between them and recently Kid had decided to sleep his nights in Jeremiah's old room, leaving the master room for her. He just couldn't stand being next to her and being unable to reach out and hold her. It was driving him crazy, and with a heavy heart he had taken the decision to sleep somewhere else. Sleep, though, didn't come easily at night as he stayed awake for hours, thinking of a way to close that gap opened between them or at least helping her in any way possible. Kid was frantic with worry as days and weeks went by and his wife stayed in the same bleak mood, with no visible change.

The only thing that Kid was pleased about was that she had stopped talking about divorce. To his utter relief Lou hadn't even tried to go to a lawyer about the matter. She just never mentioned it any more. In fact, she didn't talk about anything much, only what was strictly necessary and if possible, using monosyllables. Her daily routine hadn't changed a bit; she still woke up every day to go to work and even took care of the house and the meals like the best of wives. He had a hot meal on his table at the right moment, his clothes were spotless, not a single mark or crease, and all the house looked just absolutely pristine.

Kid thought that maybe Lou was simply relieving some of her frustration in her daily chores. He couldn't complain about anything in this sense, but still he felt as if she were a ghost round the house. She never smiled or laughed; she spoke even less and the only times when Kid noticed some life in her was when he, though involuntarily most of the times, managed to rile her up. Other than that, she was like a walking expressionless shadow. Every day when they sat down to eat, Louise never opened her mouth to speak once. It was Kid that babbled on in a long monologue about his day in Teaspoon's office, the ranch or about anything that came to his mind. Kid wasn't sure if she even heard anything of what he told her, but he knew that he needed to keep that bit of contact going. If complete silence came between them, that would mean the end of everything. He just had to make sure that she knew that they were still a married couple, and that she was as important to him as ever. Kid hoped that at some point she could emerge from that hole where she seemed to have buried her soul.

Even though things were bleak in his marriage, he had to admit that something was going as well as he had hoped. Kid had finished the necessary repairs and improvements around the ranch and a couple of weeks ago he had bought the first pair of horses. It had taken him all his free time to break and train them, but finally the job was done and Kid couldn't help but feel an intense sense of pride. Today he would be expecting a man who was interested in buying them. They were good horses and Kid didn't doubt that he'd close a good deal. That would mean that their dream was on its way. Kid had tried to share his enthusiasm with Lou, but she hadn't seemed to care much. She just kept the same grim expression that Kid was now so used to seeing in her.

That morning they were finishing their breakfast, and Kid had been talking about his hopes about the possible buyer as Louise ate in silence. At some point his words had run out, and the only sounds in the room were the clink of the forks against the china plates. Kid sighed deeply as he watched his wife. They had talked so much about running the ranch, both full of hopes and dreams, but now that it seemed that things were going on the right track, he felt completely lonely. He had so much on his mind right now that they were taking its toll on his mood; worry over Lou didn't leave him at any moment and things in the marshal's office hadn't been easy either.

Kid reached for the coffee pot and finding it empty he offered, "I'll make some more coffee."

He rose to his feet and stomped into the kitchen. Today he really needed to have good strong coffee in his body as the day was going to be long and hectic. Louise didn't say a word as usual and kept her attention focused on the plate before her. When she finished the last bite, she slowly stood up and after rubbing off the creases on her skirt she picked up her plate, but as she was about to move, something caught her eye. Next to the place where her husband had been sitting there was a stack of papers with the image of a man imprinted on them. She kept looking at them for a while and almost jumped out of her skin when Kid talked behind her.

"We're going to hand them out in the city to see if we can find out something." Lou looked at him and to his surprise Kid thought that she looked genuinely interested and was listening to him. "Personally, I think that we won't get much; he must have been just passing through Rock Creek."

"Who is he? What's he done?" Lou asked to Kid's utter astonishment; that was the most she had talked in weeks.

He wanted to whoop in joy when Lou spoke those words, but he couldn't because he thought it wouldn't be a very smart movement, so he just decided to answer her question in a calmed voice. "A couple found him dead near the lake a few weeks ago. I told you about it, don't you remember?" She shook her head no and Kid continued, "A bullet was lodged in his skull. There was no sign of much violence as if he knew his murderer or was taken off guard. Now finally the printer has sent these fliers and we'll try to find out who he was, but I'm afraid it's a lost cause."

"I've seen this man," Lou stated without the slightest hesitation.

Kid turned two surprised eyes to his wife. For the last two weeks he had talked to almost every single citizen in Rock Creek, and nobody seemed to know a thing and ironically his wife, the person living under his same roof was telling him that she did know something. "You sure?" Kid asked, still with a stunned expression.

Lou nodded and began describing the man physically, and when she mentioned him wearing a smothering cream suit, Kid had no doubt that she was talking about the same person. When he and Teaspoon had gone to retrieve the man's body, he clearly remembered that he was wearing a cream suit, which had attracted his attention as it was a color that wasn't really popular in Rock Creek. "Where?" Kid asked again.

Louise shrugged her shoulders in indifference and said, "In the hotel, I guess."

"Not there, Lou," Kid retorted. "Teaspoon checked the last few weeks' entries with Mr. Faber, and we haven't discovered any stranger staying there who had disappeared like that."

"Then I don't know," Lou concluded and started heading for the kitchen as it had been her first intention. Kid went after her and insisted with his questions. "Did you see him in town or maybe somewhere on the road?"

"I don't remember," she muttered as she filled the bowl of water and placed it on the floor. The puppy appeared straightaway and as he drank greedily, Louise knelt next to him and patted him affectionately, forgetting Kid's presence completely.

"Was he alone or in somebody's company?" Kid asked again but she didn't say a word. Louise was beginning to get tired of all the questioning, and when he insisted her quick temper made its appearance. "Lou?"

"I don't know, Kid!" she snapped in a loud voice, clearly annoyed. "I can't remember. I just know that I saw him, all right?"

Kid just nodded and opted for not pursuing the matter. She could have seen the man anywhere, and it really wasn't that important when Lou didn't know anything about his identity. At least he was happy that they had their first real conversation in weeks, and that gave him a little hope. It would take time but he prayed that he'd have his wife back, the old Lou and not this stranger she had become.

* * *

The rest of the day had turned out much like Kid had expected it would. All morning he had the arduous task of asking around about any possible information of the dead man. Now with a picture to go by it was easier, but still the people in Rock Creek had no recollection of seeing the fella at all, especially when the man had been dead for two weeks now. If somebody had seen him, they would probably have forgotten by now. Everybody except Lou, who was convinced to have set eyes upon the man, even though she didn't remember much more.

Louise had always been quite the observer and Kid clearly remembered her watchful eyes during their Express days, especially at the beginning when everybody thought she was another boy. Lou had never said much, but she watched everything with those big eyes of hers and never seemed to miss a thing. They were so expressive that Kid could tell just by looking into her eyes if she was happy, sad or angry. Many times when she was just across the room from him, a look in his direction and he knew what she was thinking or trying to tell him. Unfortunately, now those eyes seemed to be dead; all their liveliness was gone.

Thinking about Lou brought a mixture of bitter-sweet feelings into his heart. Kid felt that his life had changed so much since they were together. It had been his thinking about Lou that had made him insist to continue their search of the dead man's identity. Teaspoon had wanted to drop the matter completely, stating that he was a passer-by and little would be found out, but Kid had convinced him otherwise. He had noticed the wedding band on the man's finger and knew that his wife would be waiting for him and frantic with worry. Kid remembered being told about Lou's despair when she didn't know if he'd return from the war. Now he just didn't know if Lou cared about him or anything at all. That man's wife must be going through the same state of uncertainty and the thought made him uneasy. Sadly, there was no way to make her agony end as they hadn't found out anything about the man.

Although his search for the identity of the dead man had been barren, at least his other business had turned out to be better than he had expected. As soon as the buyer had seen his horses, he hadn't hesitated in closing the deal with Kid. They had finished the whole matter in town where the man had paid good money for the horses straightaway. Kid couldn't help but beam with pride. That money would let him acquire more horses for their ranch, and he could now afford a little something to celebrate his first success with Lou, something that he had been thinking about for a while now. So without a second thought he had spent the money in the little treat that he and Lou well deserved. A hopeful Kid wished that this could help his wife to resurface from that deep hole. He hated the cold way she reserved for him; they were acting like strangers under the same roof more and more, and Kid just didn't know how to talk or behave towards her any more.

It was a bit later than usual when he made his way back to his ranch. The buyer had insisted in buying him a drink, happy for the excellent horseflesh he had purchased. Kid wasn't very keen on visiting the saloon or even drinking; he just preferred the peace and quiet of his home, but he hadn't been able to resist the man's offerings. To Kid's own chagrin the fella wasn't as unscrupulous about drinking as he was, and while Kid hardly tasted the glass before him, the man had one after the other. Kid was eager to go home and see Lou, but the man didn't appear too willing to call it a day. Finally, the former rider was able to get rid of him and with utter delight he headed for his place.

Kid knew that Lou'd be waiting for him with their dinner ready. Although the situation between them was very tense, to say the least, she never missed cooking his meals, washing his clothes or simply having everything in the house perfect for him. This attitude really baffled him and he wondered what made her refuse any contact with him but at the same time be the ideal housewife.

Easing off his horse Kid rushed into his house, and he saw her sitting at the dining-room table. Everything was laid for supper and she had obviously been waiting for his arrival. Lou briefly met his eyes and then turned to leave. "I'll heat up dinner," she said in a neutral voice.

Kid was quicker and grabbing her by the arm he stopped her from going. "One moment, Lou. There's something I need to tell you." He really felt full of enthusiasm for his little surprise and couldn't wait to share the news with her.

Lou looked at him, curious at seeing him look so happy. She assumed that he must have made a good deal with the fella coming to buy the horses. Kid hadn't talked about anything else for days and even though she heard him with half a heart, something of this had managed to get to her. Lou had seen her husband work with those horses tirelessly, and she really admired his dedication and zeal. In other moments she would have shared the same feelings, but now her mind was too jumbled for anything. She even felt jealous that he could find some happiness in that while she couldn't care less for anything.

Kid made her sit on the chair she had previously been on and approaching another next to her he sat just across from her. He leaned his elbows on his thighs and run his fingers through his hair nervously. Lou watched him with the same serious countenance. "I want to ask you something," he finally said.

"I told you I don't know anything," Louise muttered with a very calm voice.

Kid looked at her with a baffled expression, not getting what she was talking about. Then it dawned on him that she meant the matter about the dead man. "Oh nothing about that, Lou," he said smiling in her direction while she kept a bleak expression. He began telling his account about the day's good results as he had sold the horses at an excellent price. "So I thought it was high time we enjoyed a treat." Kid produced a couple of strips of paper and handed them to his wife. Lou looked at them with curiosity and finally asked, "What's this?"

"I've been thinking of going to that cattle fair in Denver for a while; it will be a good opportunity for the business," Kid explained. "So I thought we could also make an occasion for us. These are tickets for the stage to Saint Joseph and from there we can take the train, first class and all. What do you think, honey?" Kid was all smiles, which contrasted with her bitter expression, and he hadn't even finished his last sentence when she blurted out unceremoniously, "No."

Kid's expression changed radically and a frown creased his face. "But, Lou, that's something we always talked of doing. I'm sure Mr. Faber will let you have a few days off. We'll have the time to relax, talk, have fun, you know, treat us to one of those fancy hotels, go to see a play, anything together, like the honeymoon we never had."

"A honeymoon, pfff!" she spat the word as if it were an aberration. "By the way things are going between us, I can't believe you could even consider something like that!"

"That's precisely why we have to do this," Kid rebuked. "We need some time to ourselves, to get back to where we were."

"That's not possible," Lou stated firmly.

"Why not?" Kid insisted, hurt by her words.

"I can't be the same person to you. I'm not the same person," she muttered faintly, turning her eyes from him.

"You can't or you won't?" he asked sarcastically.

Louise glared at him silently but opted for not answering his question. Instead she said in a cold and detached voice, "If you aren't happy, you can always get out of this uncomfortable situation, you know."

Kid sighed inaudibly, inwardly cursing himself for making the dreaded issue of the divorce come up, though unwillingly. He was at a loss how something that he had thought could have brought her some joy had turned the whole situation against him. "You're right. I'm not happy but I want to be with you no matter what," he said huskily taking her hand in his.

His words reached her soul, and for a brief second her icy countenance melted, and for that tiny moment Lou contemplated to close her eyes and let him lead her blindly to wherever he wanted to. However, the despairing feeling that she was lately so familiar with came full force. She yanked her hand free and stood up. "You should have asked me before squandering money like that," she said in a voice she didn't recognize as her own. Lately she felt as if somebody else had invaded her body, her mind, her whole soul, as if she had no control over herself anymore. However, she knew that it was her and only her who acted and talked in that spiteful way to everybody close, especially her husband.

Kid looked at her with a hurtful expression, unable to utter a single word. Soon the pain turned into a deep anger. He had noticed the brief hesitation, and he was sure that something had clicked inside her, but again in a matter of seconds she was back to her bitterness. Kid tried not to let her words or actions affect him because he knew that she didn't really mean them. He understood that she was hurting, but now he couldn't do anything but feel deeply annoyed. He had only been thinking of her when he had bought those tickets, and she was demeaning his loving gestures with her horrible words. Every single day his only concern was her, and it was only her who occupied his mind every second, but he was beginning to wonder if all his efforts to help her were really worth it. Nothing seemed to help her out of her continuous miserable mood and Kid was really getting weary.

Before leaving his presence, Lou repositioned the chair where she had been sitting exactly in its former position around the table, making sure that the chair back didn't touch the edge to the table in order to avoid future rubbing marks. Kid stared at her without uttering a single word and, as she was about to turn, she muttered, "I'll warm up our dinner."

Kid rose to his feet and said scornfully, "Don't trouble yourself. Suddenly, I don't feel hungry anymore." He cast a last angry look at his wife and banging his hand against his chair purposely he made it crash on the floor with a loud bang. He stared at the fallen chair impassively, then without the slightest attempt to lift it up, and sighing loudly he plodded towards the stairs and his now lonely bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Kid walked slowly towards the railway station; his body feeling the weight of his weary soul. The two days he had spent in Denver had seemed like an eternity and finally he would be on his way home. Despite his insistence he hadn't been able to convince Lou to join him in the trip. She had flatly refused and knowing how stubborn she could be Kid wasn't surprised that he hadn't managed to change her mind.

With a heavy heart he had set off in this brief trip, which he was finding really disagreeable from the beginning. They had bid each other good-bye coldly as if they were strangers; he couldn't tell if she was glad to see him go or on the contrary, she dreaded him leaving her or whether she'd miss his company. Her countenance didn't let on anything, good or bad; she was impassive as if she didn't feel anything. Yet, she had prepared him some refreshments and sandwiches for the trip, an attitude that baffled him completely. Some days she didn't even say a single word to him, but every single day she saw to it that he had everything he needed. "Was it her way of saying that she still cared?" Kid wondered but he couldn't find the answer.

The trip to Denver had proved to be distasteful and hard. The empty seat by his side on the stagecoach and the train was a continuous reminder that Lou wasn't with him and the reason behind it. He regretted not using his beloved horse for this trip as it would have been easier, but Lou saying that he was squandering their money had hurt his pride. So he had been forced to use his tickets even though he felt very uncomfortable in a first class compartment all on his own.

In his loneliness, thoughts invaded his mind, memories of the last weeks and with every inch of country passing by his eyes as he blankly looked though the window, his mood fell deeper and deeper. It seemed unreal the way things were going between him and Lou; the first few months after his return had been magical. How could something that special change so drastically? Kid knew that Lou was hurting worse than what he had first thought. She had never been very open about having children, but for a few hints. Kid had even thought that she didn't particularly warm to the idea of becoming a mother, but seemingly he had been completely wrong.

Maybe Teaspoon was right and women took motherhood as seriously as that. Kid could understand that she was taking it hard because it hadn't been easy to come to terms with the reality for him either. However, he couldn't understand why she didn't let him help her and kept pushing him away. Lou was living with her pain all alone, and he seemed to be running out of ideas to make her react and take her out of that dark cell where she had locked her very self. It left Kid shattered to think that he was losing his wife little by little. However, there was one truth; he'd fight for her with every ounce of strength he possessed even though that meant to fight against her. He wouldn't let her vanish from his life easily.

The couple of days that Kid had spent in Denver hadn't been as he had originally envisioned them in his mind. He had wanted to share these moments with Lou and he was positive that this time away from Rock Creek would have been the ideal opportunity to talk things through and leave their problems behind. Not even the initial objective of his visit to Denver had distracted his thoughts. On walking around the cattle market Kid realized that the effects of the long war were noticeable. He had been told that this annual event was one of the biggest in the territory, but even though Kid had never been to it before, he could tell that the long arm of the war was still playing havoc. Kid noticed that the horses lacked the quality he had expected. Months after the end of the war, there was still a shortage of good horseflesh since many had been requisitioned by both sides.

Even here far from the conflict, those years of hardness were tangible. Many ranchers had put their businesses on hold while away in the war whereas for the ones staying the situation hadn't been easy either. Despite his present mood Kid had found the visit quite enlightening as he had been able to talk and interchange views with other horse ranchers. Now he had a clearer idea in which direction to lead his next steps. Teaspoon had promised him that he would put him in contact with the group of Indians the marshal used to get the horses for the Pony Express from. So Kid was hopeful that with those magnificent horses he would be able to have a flourishing business, which would eventually make a good life for him and Lou.

Lou… Every single thought came back to her. He had missed her so much in the few days that he had been away. Even in her late bitter mood, Kid still longed for her presence, and now he worried whether she would be fine. He knew that she was safe at home, but after all that had happened he wondered how she would be doing all by herself. It was the first time since he had come back home that they had been apart, and Kid wasn't taking it very well. So he was glad that this trip was over and soon he would be on his way home to Lou.

The station in Denver was packed with people coming and going in a flurry of activity. The noise of the trains arriving and departing mingled with the voices of the dozens of people found in the place. A voice announcing the arrival of his train reached Kid's ears, and he made his way through the crowd slowly, carrying his carpet bag, which contained just a few garments and items and which Louise had prepared for him before leaving. A couple of children came barging towards Kid and one of them knocked into him, snapping him from his deep thoughts.

The children did not even stop to apologize and Kid kept staring at their two retreating figures between laughs and games with an amused expression on his face. He turned around to continue his way, without really paying attention to the people walking towards him in the opposite direction, and this time it was him who almost knocked over a gentleman. Kid was about to utter a clumsy apology, but when he looked up at the man, he stopped his flow of words and the only thing he was able to say was a name. "Jimmy!"

James Butler Hickok had a smirk on his face as he watched his old friend's surprised expression. "Seems to me you're still as clumsy as ever, Kid," he said with a teasing expression. Both friends joined in a friendly embrace. Their past discrepancies were forgotten, and all that was left was the warm feeling of having re-met after so many years. It was Jimmy, who after the initial surprise, spoke first. "What are you doing in Denver, Kid?"

His sandy-haired friend proceeded to explain his visit to the cattle fair without getting into much detail. Kid knew through Cody's last letter that he and Jimmy were living their days in the city, but in his lately troubled mind he hadn't given any thought to the possibility of visiting them. Now Jimmy was explaining that he was coming back from visiting his sister Celinda and her family who were living in a little town not far away.

"So how's Cody doing?" Kid asked.

"He's the same big mouth or even worse. Need a respite from him from time to time or I'd end up killing him," Jimmy said with a smirk and Kid smiled broadly at his words. "Buck's around as well, so it's good I don't have to bear his presence on my own."

"Buck?" Kid asked surprised. They hadn't had any news from his Indian friend for years, and he and Lou had been wondering how he was. It had been something that had worried and saddened Louise at the same time. The thought that their friend could be in terrible trouble scared her, but it also broke her heart to think that he didn't try to contact them if he was perfectly fine.

Jimmy nodded and added, "Cody bumped into him, and from time to time he gives a hand to Cody's regiment in his dealings with Indian tribes."

"Really?" Kid asked notably surprised. He knew what Buck's opinion about the army had been back then. He hadn't been very willing to help them in Indian matters, and it was only because of Teaspoon that he had accepted to work with the army on a few occasions. Kid had to admit that his friend had been right in his reluctance as the results had been disastrous for his people. So now it really astonished him that Buck would willingly be working with the army.

"I guess he's had to accept that he was fighting a lost battle, so he's trying to do something to ease things. It's not an easy task to be in the middle of conflicting forces," Jimmy explained and after a pause he concluded, "These are really hard times for his people."

"These are hard times for everybody," Kid said ruefully.

Jimmy nodded somberly, and as an idea struck him in that moment, he blurted out the question straightaway, "Why don't you come with me, Kid? They'll sure be glad to see you and you can take another train tomorrow."

Kid shook his head and added with a heavy heart, "Sorry, Jimmy, but I really need to go home." As much as he wanted to see his friends, he couldn't delay his return home. Those days without seeing Louise had been plagued with worry, and only when he set eyes on her, would he find some peace of mind.

Jimmy chuckled amused and added, "Seems Lou's got you under her foot, ain't she?"

Kid didn't say anything but kept a serious countenance. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about Lou's problems with Jimmy. Not that he didn't trust his friend, but talking about it made the situation more real somehow. Sometimes he wanted to fool himself into thinking that things weren't so bad with Lou, but actually talking about it made him realize the bleak reality.

As Kid remained silent, Jimmy added, "I guess we'll have to pay you a visit then." He had thought of going back to Rock Creek for a while and seeing the friends he had left there. So far he hadn't found the courage after the way he had left. They had shared so much during their Pony Express days, but his latest days at the station had been dampened with tension, especially with Kid. Jimmy had left almost without saying good-bye to the people who had cared so much for him, like a thief in the night, and he had even believed that he would never set foot in his old home. After meeting his friend now Jimmy realized that Kid didn't hold a grudge against him, and it gave him hope that things could rekindle.

Kid kept silent for a moment and after a few seconds he added ruefully, as he continue to look lost ahead of him, "That might cheer Lou up."

The bitter gesture didn't go unnoticed by Jimmy, and he quickly asked, "Something wrong with Lou?"

Kid looked at Jimmy straight in the eyes and after a slight hesitation he finally said, "She's not fine, we're not fine."

In that moment the last call for Kid's train reached their ears and he had to stop the conversation with his old friend. "What's the problem?" Jimmy asked with a troubled countenance.

Kid fumbled for words but realized that there was no easy way to tell his problems. His train was about to depart, and he really needed to be on his way to Lou. "Jimmy, I really need to go," he said walking towards the train, followed by his friend. He jumped on the train just as it began moving slowly off the station.

"Kid!" Jimmy called, straining his voice over the noise of the screeching wagons, "What's wrong?"

Kid looked at his friend's figure walking briskly next to the train as Kid stood just at the door. "You and the boys come home soon and everything'll be all right," was all he could say. He had to believe that, he wanted to believe that. The train began to speed up and Kid cast a last look at Jimmy's shadowy figure which became lost as the train moved farther and farther from Denver and closer to home and Lou.

* * *

The reception home after his trip to Denver was as cold as when he had left four days ago. Not that Kid had lured himself into believing that the brief span of time away would radically change the situation at home, but a little hope had lurked deep down. Nothing was different, and Lou had the same bleak and detached demeanor as in the last month or so. At least being at home again made Kid feel somehow at ease because now he could keep an eye on her and make sure that she was looked after properly.

In just these four brief days Kid could tell that she looked even thinner. He guessed that she hadn't bothered to cook much for herself; lately though it sounded paradoxical by the way things were between them, Lou only cared to have everything in perfect state just for him. She seemed not to worry about her anymore. She ate when he did, and even though her looks were as neat as before the incident, Kid had the sensation that she had given up on herself. Kid just prayed to all saints to find the inspiration to snap her from that bleak mood.

His hope that his bumping into Jimmy and the promise of the boys coming would cheer her up had crashed as Lou had been unmoved by his excitement. She had barely shrugged her shoulders and let out a derisive snort. "They won't come," she had simply stated and not many words had come out of her mouth in the following days. Her reaction had saddened and surprised Kid at the same time; he knew that she had long had the wish to know that their three fellow riders were safe and sound, especially Buck. However, Louise hadn't seemed to mind his good news at all. They hadn't talked more about the subject and her attitude had filled Kid with such a sense of frustration that he wanted to yell.

That day Kid was sitting outside Teaspoon's office aimlessly. There wasn't much activity going on, and Kid had the sensation of being idling around. He could be using that time on his ranch instead of warming his seat in Teaspoon's office. Just a couple of days ago he had bought new horses, and he wished he could be working with them right now rather than spending his time sitting like he was at the moment. But for now his only purpose was to watch the people of Rock Creek going past and to relax in the few weak sunrays of the budding winter.

There was another reason for him to be outside instead of in the office where it was cozy and warm. As much as he appreciated Teaspoon's company, Kid sometimes needed to break free. The old marshal was really concerned about him and Lou and the subject logically came up almost on a daily basis. However, today Kid didn't want to talk about it, and he knew that in an uneventful morning they would end up bringing up his problems. Kid felt drained and just needed some carefree space without thinking about his worries. That, though, was easier said than done because his mind was constantly occupied with thoughts about Lou.

Distracted as he was, Kid didn't notice her presence till her hovering figure blocked the rays reflecting on his face. He looked up, initially annoyed at the person stealing the warmth over him, but when his eyes fell upon her smiling face, he stopped his protest straightaway.

"Hello, Kid. What a nice surprise!" she said.

He stood up clumsily and tipped his hat to the lady. "Glad to see you, Amanda." It was Amanda Davis, one of the local women. Kid remembered when they had moved from Sweetwater to Rock Creek, the young lady had clearly shown her interest in his friendship and, Kid suspected, in more than that. He had to admit that she was a real beauty and almost the whole male population in Rock Creek would give their right arm to be with her.

Even though he and Lou hadn't been together at the time, he couldn't see himself with any other woman. Lou was the only girl who had occupied his mind and heart since he had learned the truth about her gender. Kid realized that luring himself into being with somebody else rather than Lou would be just a lie and it would hurt him, Lou and the other person in the long run. So he had never encouraged Amanda in any way. However, Lou had one of her well-known jealousy attacks. Obviously, she hadn't been very open about it and had tried to hide it, but Kid knew her very well and he had read through her straightaway. Louise had never liked the lady now before him, and even after they got married, she got annoyed if they happened to bump into the woman.

"Mama told me you were back," Amanda said, flashing her radiant smile at him. "I've been away for the last few months, and I'm really glad that our good men are finally back."

"Thank you," Kid replied, feeling a bit embarrassed at the lady's words. She began talking endlessly, and Kid found himself enjoying the conversation mainly made up of snippets of the town gossip. For once his head was free of all the problems which were now his everyday life, and guiltily Kid felt pleased to have the attention of such a lovely lady. He had to admit that she was as beautiful as ever; her blonde hair shone in the daylight like gold, her skin was as delicate as porcelain and her emerald eyes were lively and expressive.

Realizing that it was a bit too late the young lady exclaimed, "Oh Kid, I really should have been home by now." She laughed at her own private joke and added lightly, "My wagon isn't far. Would you…?"

"Sure," Kid replied without the slightest hesitation, and they walked together the few meters between the marshal's office and the wagon in silence. When they reached her carriage, Amanda shook hands with him politely. "It's been very nice to see you again, Kid," she said without letting go of his hand.

"Me too," he replied as he helped her onto the wagon. He handed her the reins of the horse and she added, "You should come home one day. I'm sure mother would love to have you over for dinner."

Kid kept thoughtful for a moment, realizing that she hadn't included Lou in her invitation; actually in all her babbling she hadn't mentioned her once and he had to admit guiltily that he hadn't either. "That would be lovely," he said hesitantly, "I'll talk to my wife, and I'll let you know when we're free." He knew that they wouldn't go anywhere where Amanda Davis was concerned if Lou had any saying about it, especially with their last problems, but somehow he felt the need to pronounce her name to the lady. It didn't feel right to carry on as if she didn't exist.

Kid noticed that at the mention of Lou the young lady's expression changed slightly. "Oh," she let out with a stiff demure. "Louise." She paused for a moment and debated with herself whether to say her next words but finally she disregarded her doubts and blurted out in a low voice. "I heard about her handicap. I'm really sorry for you, Kid. You're a good man, and it's not fair."

Kid stared at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. It seemed that their personal life was popular knowledge to every busybody in Rock Creek. He wondered how on earth the matter had become public gossip. Amanda's words were making him very angry not only because she was talking so freely about his personal life, but also because she was practically implying that their situation was Lou's doing. He couldn't utter a single word as hers had left him flabbergasted, and he simply stared at her in disbelief.

"Mind you," the young lady continued without noticing the anger mounting in Kid's eyes, "it's hardly surprising considering her past; all that riding isn't healthy and for good reason it's not work for us women."

Kid couldn't control himself any more. With each word she pronounced he got more and more shocked. Was that what people were saying in Rock Creek? It angered him to think that people were implying that Lou had brought the situation upon herself. That was far from the truth, and he prayed that those rumors wouldn't reach her ears. That would shatteringly add up to the already heavy weight in her soul. Kid glared at the woman before him and with a very cold voice he just muttered, "It's my wife you're talking about." He paused a moment and unable to stand the lady's presence any more, he said, "Good bye, Amanda."

Amanda noticed the change in Kid and instantly realized that she had made a mistake. She had talked without thinking and had let her true feelings come up to the surface. Truth to be told, Amanda hated the guts of Louise McCloud. She had never understood why a man like Kid had ignored all her clear hints. She was well aware that men were attracted to her, but Amanda had only wanted Kid since the first time her eyes had fallen upon the rider. She had gotten the surprise of her life when news of Kid's wedding had come to her knowledge, especially when she learned who he was marrying. It had hurt her pride to know that he had practically refused her over Louise McCloud, somebody who had led a rather dishonorable life in her own opinion, living wildly in the same room as a bunch of boys.

The whole town of Rock Creek had been shocked when they learned that the puny Pony Express rider was actually a girl. Amanda didn't really mind that, but it angered her that Kid would rather be with somebody as plain as Louise, who had no difficulty in fooling people into thinking that she was a boy. When her mother had told her the latest gossip about the couple, she had beamed happily, thinking of Lou's predicament as a kind of personal vengeance.

_"Serves them right,"_ she had thought spitefully. In a small town like Rock Creek rumors spread like fire, and Amanda's satisfaction had grown even bigger when somebody had told her that the couple were having marital issues. She had thought that maybe now it would be the perfect time to make her move. Hopefully, within time the married couple would walk their separate ways and she would be there for Kid. But now she realized that her words had been spoken in a rush, and she might have ruined any future possibilities.

Amanda cleared her throat and fumbled to find an excuse but nothing seemed too plausible to her. She tried to smile in his direction, but Kid didn't reciprocate the gesture. "I didn't mean anything by that, Kid," she said awkwardly and pausing for a beat she added the only thing that came to her head. "So when will we be expecting to have you and Louise for dinner?" she asked in a futile attempt to mend her mistake.

"I don't think we'll have the time or patience to socialize and gossip any time soon," he said through clinched teeth. He wanted to launch all his anger at the lady but despite everything, he was a gentleman and had to bite his tongue. "Good day, Amanda," he hissed and turned on his heels and left the lady without even looking back once. Kid was so intent in his present state that he never noticed that two very angry eyes had intently been watching him and they sure weren't green.

* * *

As soon as Kid closed the front door of his house, he knew that something was out of place. Usually when he came home after his day in town, he was welcomed with the smells of Lou's cooking, but today the familiar aroma was missing and the house felt unusually cold.

"Lou?" He called but there was no answer. He walked into the dining room and found nobody. The table wasn't laid out as usual, and the fire wasn't going, which explained the coldness in the house. "She should have been home by now," he told himself as he stopped to light the fireplace. Once the task was finished, he continued his inspection of the house looking for Lou. He searched the kitchen, the lounge and even the back garden, and when it was clear that she was nowhere downstairs, he began making his way up the stairs.

Kid walked along the corridor as he called her name repeatedly. Heading for the master bedroom he opened the door and let out his contained breath as his eyes fell on his wife. Lou was sitting in her rocking chair, swinging back and forth in a continuous and monotonous movement, and she looked at him in a way that Kid seemed completely confused about. She almost seemed to be angry, and he wondered what was crossing her mind now. With her arms folded and still with her coat on, Louise continued rocking back and forth without uttering a single word.

"Lou!" Kid finally said. "I've been calling you dozens of times, honey. What are you doing up here?" When she didn't answer, he asked in a concerned voice, "Are you all right?"

Lou didn't say a word, but kept looking at him with eyes full of fury and scorn. Realizing that she wasn't going to speak, Kid crouched before her and resting a hand on her knee he asked again, "Are you all right, Lou?" Feeling his touch was enough to make her react, and she jumped to her feet, pushing his hand off her roughly, which almost made Kid fall backwards. "Don't touch me, you bastard!" she yelled.

Kid stood up slowly as if in a trance, and looked at Lou as if she were out of her mind. He didn't know what had sparked this reaction in his wife. Even though their relationship had lately been cold, to say the least, she had never used that kind of language with him. "Lou!" was all he managed to say.

Louise glared at him and pointing at him threateningly she barked, "I'm not gonna let you make a fool of me!"

"I don't understand, Lou," Kid muttered, watching her warily.

His innocent look fuelled her already hot anger and she spat scornfully, "I saw you with that … that …Amanda Davis!" The name of the woman almost got stuck in her throat, suffocating her.

That afternoon when she decided to stretch her legs outside the hotel for a few moments after the long hours confined behind the counter, she couldn't believe her own eyes. Her husband was in a very animated conversation with that hateful woman and Lou wanted to die in that precise moment. He was laughing and seemed to be having the time of his life. Lou had felt tears prick her eyes, and she fought the urge to cry stubbornly. Old feelings of jealousy came back full force, and in that moment she wanted to kill them both with her bare hands. Lou had never liked Amanda Davis; she was well aware that the lady had been more than interested in Kid all along and, even after they got married, the woman had shamelessly flirted with her husband and snubbed her.

Lou had tried to disregard the feeling; she had always found it too humiliating to show jealousy before Kid. It made her feel more vulnerable, and Kid never seemed to see anything in what she so clearly saw the signs of. Amanda Davis was the woman who embodied everything that Lou knew she could never be and her attitude towards her was exactly the way that Louise had always feared people would treat her. Seeing that woman and Kid laughing so carefree had almost made her physically sick. He had even walked her to the wagon as if they were a couple of regular loving birds.

Was there something going on between them and she had been blind to it? She knew that she had been neglecting her husband of all physical and emotional contact. Maybe he was finding somewhere else what he didn't have at home. Lou admitted that even though she had told him about finding another woman, she had never been really serious. Everything in her mind was so confusing; she couldn't be with him like before, but the notion of losing him made her experience a pain like she never had before. All she knew was that she wouldn't share him with anybody and least of all with Amanda Davis. If he wanted his freedom, she was ready to oblige, but she wouldn't let him play with two packs of cards at the same time.

Lou's words left Kid completely flabbergasted for a moment. It had been so long since he had seen his wife look so angry and in a way he liked to notice some kind of reaction in her. Although what she was talking about was completely false, the bottom line was that she still cared despite what had happened.

"We were just talking," Kid simply said as he waited for more lashings on her part. He knew that in her present state it wouldn't be easy to appease her, but he couldn't let her think that he was entertaining any romantic notions with Amanda Davis or any other woman.

Louise didn't seem to have heard his words as she continued barging against him. "Did you take her with you to Denver occupying my place? Didn't the city have enough entertainment for you?" Lou asked question after question venomously. She knew that she could be really hurtful if she put her mind to it, and right now she wanted to make Kid hurt as much as possible.

"You know that's not true, Lou," Kid exclaimed mortified by her words. "There's nobody else in my life."

"I told you that you could get your freedom if you wanted to," Louise continued in the same loud tone, "but I won't let you make a cuckold of me!"

"There's nobody," he repeated, trying to keep calm but her words were beginning to anger him. She wasn't listening and whenever she mentioned the dreaded subject of a divorce between them, fear invaded his whole self and all calmness he could muster seemed to go.

"You owe me proper respect! Remember I am your wife!"

Her last words took the best of him and as soon as the thought entered his mind, he blurted it out sarcastically without thinking, "You should remember that as well."

Lou stared at him, silently for once, looking daggers in his direction. She walked the few steps between them in a cocky way, and when she was barely inches apart from him she looked in his eyes purposely and letting out a derisive laugh she barked angrily, "So that's it? I don't satisfy your manly needs, Kid? I don't comply with my marital obligations to you?" He didn't say a word and kept looking at her with glacial eyes. "Answer me, Kid. Is that the problem? Do you miss dancing and romping about? Come on, Kid, tell me!" Her tone was demanding and almost hysterical, but Kid continued without saying a single word. His silence unnerved her and she turned round from him while continuing her angered harangue. "Is that what you want? Poor Kid! His wife's really losing it and he feels neglected as a man." With every word she was getting more and more spiteful and Kid couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Shut up!" he ordered.

She turned her angry eyes to him again and continued regardless of anything. "Why? Isn't it the truth? You want my body, don't you? Well, take it!" she barked every word, and as she talked she walked to the bed and dropped her body on it heavily. "Come on, Kid, be a man and take me!" she called, her voice shaking from the anger and bitterness she was feeling.

Kid looked down at her, lying impassively on the bed; her body tense as if she was ready for a sacrifice. He was like in a senseless nightmare, unable to believe what the fight had turned into. He didn't recognize this woman any more. Where was his sweet Lou? What had happened to her? He stared at her for a few minutes, deaf to her words that still resounded in the room. His frustration made his anger resurface, and he couldn't control himself any more as he growled, "Go to hell!" He regretted his words as soon as they were out of his mouth but now it was too late. Casting one last pitiful look at Lou he stormed out of the room slamming the door shut behind him. The sound reverberated in the now quiet room, and when everything went silent again, Lou let out a bitter wail as her body curled up into a ball and silent sobs racked her body.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The weeks went by, and Christmas time came to the McCloud's household as coldly as the weather in the severe winter of that year. Their last bitter argument about the matter of Amanda Davis had left a noticeable mark in their already wounded marriage. Lou spoke even less if that was possible, and she seemed like a ghost going around in her daily chores around the house. Kid watched her with an intense longing and pain every day as things remained the same. He really missed his wife and was unable to reach her.

With each passing day he had the sensation that she drifted farther and farther from him. Kid found himself fighting the feeling that he had failed and Lou, the Lou he loved, was gone forever. He just couldn't give up on her; he knew that his vibrant and sweet wife was somewhere inside that bitter woman's body that had occupied her place. Many times he had the temptation to stop his personal fight and stop all their suffering, but fortunately, he always came to his senses. If he ended up doing just that, where would that leave him? He would lose the reason why he got up and worked every day. His dreams and his plans wouldn't mean anything if she weren't in his life. Besides, the thought of something terrible happening to her still hovered in his mind, especially in her present situation. He knew that somehow she had lost all control over herself and keeping an eye on her made him feel more reassured. That was the reason why he avoided leaving the ranch and Sweetwater as much as possible. Sometimes he had been forced to be away at Teaspoon's request or because of his business and he had been sick with worry over her. He didn't know why, but he couldn't help but fear for her; the sensation that Lou wasn't safe on her own scared him to death. Maybe he was overreacting, but she had never acted in this way before. Kid might know Louise McCloud perfectly well, but the woman now living under his roof was a complete mystery to him.

Kid often wondered if she was really serious about this divorce thing. After their argument over Amanda, he knew that she still cared for him and her reaction had surely been provoked by her fear of losing him. In a way that gave him hope that everything wasn't as lost as he had come to think it was. Even though from that day on she had given him an almost silent treatment, he hoped that time would heal her wounds and her icy countenance would melt eventually.

Despite the fact that today was Christmas Eve, Kid didn't feel any different. For him it could be like any other day and in fact, he'd rather forget about it, but Rachel and Teaspoon had been adamant that they should enjoy a family dinner. Kid was sure that Lou wouldn't be too thrilled at the prospect, but their friends had stubbornly insisted that it would do Louise a whole lot of good. Kid doubted their words, but they'd managed to persuade him.

A first time he had gone to Lou, repeating the invitation from Rachel. The former station mistress had planned to have Christmas dinner at her place. She still lived in the house where the old way station had been as she was able to purchase the property a few years ago. As Kid had predicted, Lou had flatly refused to go out that night. Kid couldn't blame her as he practically felt he had no energy to have a celebration either. Yet, he had to agree with Rachel and Teaspoon; it wouldn't do her any good if she closed herself to the world even more. She needed to be reminded that she still had a family and they cared for her as always. So with a lot of persuasion on his part Louise had finally accepted to take part in the Christmas dinner, but they'd have it at home. The idea of leaving her home and going somewhere else seemed to appall Lou even though it was her dear friend Rachel's home, a place that contained so sweet memories for both of them. So Kid suggested having dinner at their home, and she nodded her approval unwillingly. Kid didn't know if she had finally accepted because his words had really convinced her or just because she had got tired of listening to his relentless arguments. Anyway, the important bit was that she had accepted and moreover, the occasion had been a perfect excuse to approach and talk to her without having her glaring eyes upon him.

Since that terrible fight in the bedroom Kid had been very wary of his wife. He still tried to keep the words going between them while they had their meals even though he was the only one who did the talking. He knew that after that jealousy episode the gap between them had widened since she seemed in a constant foul mood. Kid had wanted to prove to her that he was a faithful husband and the likes of Amanda Davis didn't mean anything to him. The mere notion of having an affair with that woman was simply ridiculous. After that "memorable" conversation, Kid had seen Miss Davis in her true colors, and he realized that it was no wonder Lou had felt a dislike towards her all along. Somehow he wished Lou had witnessed their conversation, so she'd know that her fears were completely ungrounded. However, he just couldn't tell her the details of that conversation because that would mean to reproduce that woman's horrible words about his wife. That would upset her for sure, and Kid would hate to add on to her already troubled mind with the town's gossip about her problems. Therefore, he had to keep the matter to himself and bear her suspicious eyes on him all the time.

Although Kid wasn't much into the festive spirit, he wanted to make a special occasion of the season for Lou. There was a chain with a pendant in Tompkins' store, which Louise had fallen for the first time she saw it months ago. Kid had made a mental note of this and originally before all this happened, he had thought of it as the perfect gift in their first Christmas together. Lately he hadn't given much thought to the idea, but as Christmas had fallen upon him so suddenly, his original idea had seemed like a good one. After all his failed attempts to cheer her up, Kid was sure that she wouldn't be very impressed with any Christmas presents, but at least he hoped that she could see that he had remembered and how much he still cared for her.

Rachel had arrived that afternoon to fix the dinner that they'd enjoy that night. She went straight to the kitchen, and Lou had followed her. From his position in the lounge, Kid could hear the older woman's voice contentedly babbling but not once had he heard Lou's. He knew that his wife hadn't limited that cold stance of hers exclusively to him, but she also kept the same attitude with their friends. Rachel had tried to come closer to Louise, but on those occasions she had practically sent her friend packing. The former station mistress didn't have the patience Kid possessed, and lately she hardly visited them.

Moved by curiosity, Kid had sneaked outside the kitchen and unbeknownst to both women he had taken a peek inside. Rachel was talking, and from time to time she cast an awkward look at Louise, who sat forlornly with the puppy on her lap. She didn't seem to pay any attention to Rachel's words or anything around her as she caressed the dog absent-mindedly. Kid wondered what was in her mind. If she could just talk to him, he was sure that they could get over any issues. Lou buried everything inside her and Kid feared that eventually all that would end up harming her. At this point Rachel had already given up her talk and focused her attention on the cooking while Lou's position hadn't changed a bit. _'It's going to be a very long night,' _Kid thought ruefully before returning to the seclusion of his lounge.

Kid had been right. The situation at the dinner table didn't look very appetizing, and it wasn't the food that occupied their thoughts. Teaspoon had arrived a while ago and the four of them had sat down to dine. They were a pitiful sight as Lou's cold presence made the atmosphere awkward and tense. Kid, Teaspoon and Rachel had tried to keep the conversation going at the table, but it was getting increasingly more difficult when Lou looked as if she were attending a funeral.

Kid had been hoping that his fellow riders could make it for Christmas, but Lou had been right again and they hadn't turned up. A week ago they had received a new letter from Cody; he was the only one who wrote regularly. He had sent his greetings for Christmas and said that he would be away for the next few weeks but he didn't say much about Jimmy and Buck. He mentioned Jimmy bumping into Kid a few weeks ago and expressed his concern about Lou.

Kid hadn't bothered to reply to his letter and to go into detail about his and Lou's problems. It didn't feel right to write about it and he was sure that Lou wouldn't appreciate the gesture. Maybe Rachel had written to Cody updating him about the family, but he doubted that she would be more willing to talk about Lou's problems than he was. Kid felt deeply disappointed that his friends hadn't answered his call. Deep down he knew that their visit wouldn't have done much more to help Lou than what he, Rachel and Teaspoon had done so far, but he would have liked to see them. He had selfishly thought that being with the boys would have helped to raise his spirits that lately were as low as they could possibly be.

For a moment silence settled and Kid took the time to look at his wife. She kept her eyes focused on the plate before her, picking at the food, because saying she was eating would be an overstatement. The plate and the fork seemed to be her excuse tonight to avoid the three people sharing her table. Kid studied her profile and realized that she had never looked so thin and small. It broke his heart to see her appear as lost as a small child. He cursed himself for all the times he had run out of patience and ignited by her words and attitude, he had lashed out at her. She needed his understanding and he hadn't always been able to do just that.

Kid thought that this was the worst Christmas he had ever lived. He remembered with fondness the one and only Christmas he and Lou had shared. It had been while they were still riding for the Express and he had to smile every time he thought of that kiss that Lou had managed to plant on his lips in a room full of people. Later she had shyly told him that she hadn't given much thought to whom could be watching them; she had just felt the need to kiss him and had followed her heart without thinking about the consequences.

That Christmas had been pretty special and in the same way he had thought that they would have had a great celebration for this one. Kid couldn't have foreseen that the situation would be quite different and this Christmas would surely leave a very memorable mark in all of them. Even on those Christmases that he had spent during the war hadn't made him feel as negative and desperate as now. In those days he had the hope of the future moments to be spent with Lou, but today he sadly realized he felt drained of all hope.

Realizing that he was letting the negative feelings affect him he reminded himself that he should make the effort and keep his hopes up just for her. Today she seemed to close down even more than usual. Kid understood that celebrating the birth of the Lord was making her pain worse as she would never be celebrating the birth of a child of her own. Kid was determined to end the gloomy and awkward atmosphere reigning at the moment in the dining room; even Teaspoon seemed to have lost his well-known gift of the gab.

In that moment Kid suddenly remembered the two letters that he had picked up this morning, and he knew that this would necessarily get through her some. Taking them out of his jacket pocket he said, "Lou, I almost forgot to tell you," he tried to sound more enthusiastic than he felt and for once she lifted her eyes from the plate to meet him. "Mrs. Peterson gave me these letters for you. Guess from whom." She kept looking at him with a neutral expression and didn't try to talk. Kid sighed ruefully and without expecting for any further indication he opened the first letter and began reading it aloud. It was from Jeremiah, who wrote from Canada. The letter was very brief, and he just wished the family a happy Christmas. It seemed that he was courting a girl over there and was spending the season with her folks.

"Good grief! Young Jeremiah with a sweetheart and all," Teaspoon exclaimed happily.

"Knowing your brother's restless and rash spirit, won't be long he proposes to her and you'll have a wedding to prepare, Lou," Rachel quipped trying to keep the jovial feeling going.

"That would be wonderful, wouldn't it, honey?" Kid added, watching his wife's reaction or lack of it carefully. She didn't seem very moved by Jeremiah's letter, and Kid thought that maybe it was because she was missing her siblings on a day like this, which surely added up to her mood.

"I guess," Lou whispered so softly that the three others had difficulty in making out the words she had uttered. It was the first time she had talked all evening.

Seeing as she wasn't going to talk any more, Kid produced the letter Theresa had also sent to her sister. The girl was in San Francisco and explained that she'd be accompanying her employer to a party thrown by the city mayor on Christmas Eve. Theresa sounded very light-hearted and wrote lengths about her daily life as a companion of the rich lady. She complained about the woman's odd moods and said that she missed Louise and Rock Creek terribly, but all in all, she sounded quite happy. Kid skillfully omitted the part where Theresa teasingly hinted that she'd love a nephew or a niece as her Christmas present. It was a good thing that he had read the letter beforehand, because in her present state Lou wouldn't welcome that kind of remark warmly. Kid knew that she had never told her siblings anything about her lack of prospects to become a mother and more than once Kid had felt tempted to do so himself. Yet, he didn't think it right to tell them without her consent; it felt as if he would be talking about her behind her back and knowing her he was fully aware that she wouldn't like that. Kid just hoped that at some point she could find the courage to explain everything to her siblings.

As with her brother's letter Lou didn't seem very moved or thrilled to hear news from Theresa. Kid sighed for the umpteenth time at seeing her look so impassive, and the rest of the meal continued without much incidence. At the end of it Kid announced with much more enthusiasm than he was actually feeling that it was time to swap presents. Rachel and Teaspoon had both brought gifts for the couple and Kid went and picked up his for Louise and his two friends. Lou stared at the beautifully wrapped presents placed on the table before her but she didn't make any attempts to open them. The other three were busy unwrapping their own, and at the same time Kid kept casting worried looks in Lou's direction.

To everybody's surprise Louise spoke up, her eyes downcast, avoiding looking at anybody. "I didn't buy anything," she said in a whisper, feeling on the brink of tears by Kid's and her friends' thoughtfulness. She was aware that she had lately treated them outrageously and yet, they had taken the trouble to get something for her. Right now she felt like the worst scum, and she wanted to shout that she didn't deserve any of this. However, she just voiced a pitiful excuse.

"That's all right, honey," Teaspoon replied. "We know you've been busy. Besides, to see your pretty face is enough present for us." Kid smiled at the old marshal, feeling grateful for his kind words to Louise. Teaspoon had the ability to make people feel better without turning to a patronizing attitude, which was something that Lou would hate.

Louise's mouth seemed to twitch in an awkward smile, but her countenance was serious and her eyes sad. She knew that all three of them were watching her constantly, watching her silences, her reactions. Her latest behavior made them wary towards her, and they treated her as if she were made of porcelain and could crack at any moment. Lou hated to feel this vulnerable, and for a moment the room seemed to suffocate her. "Uh…," she began awkwardly, "I'm sorry but I think I'll go to bed. My head's hurting terribly."

"Don't worry, honey," Rachel said as Lou was already on her feet and walking towards the stairs. "You get your rest."

The three other occupants of the dining room watched her as she disappeared up the stairs from their sight and they remained in silence as Louise's light steps resounded above them. When the bedroom door was faintly heard clicking shut, Kid let out his held breath. He kept thoughtful for a few moments, staring at the still wrapped-up present lying untouched on the place Lou had just occupied, but Teaspoon's voice brought him back to reality.

"Is she always like that?" the marshal asked. He knew from Kid that the situation at home was difficult, but Teaspoon hadn't witnessed his friends' reality himself till now. He had kept away, wanting to give the couple their space and intimacy. So he had really been surprised to see Lou in that mood; he hadn't thought that things would be so tense between his two young friends.

"Pretty much," Kid replied ruefully.

"I don't know how you can stand the situation so stoically, Kid," Rachel added. "You have the patience of a saint." She had tried to approach Lou all this time, but the younger lady's rudeness and sullen mood had been too much for Rachel. She wanted to help Louise and it broke her heart to see her like that, but if Lou didn't let herself be helped, Rachel admitted that there was little that she could do about it.

"There's nothing heroic in that, Rachel," Kid answered with a wry expression. "She's my wife and I love her." Rachel smiled and squeezed the young man's hand affectionately. "But I'm at my wits' end." He let out an audible sigh and run his fingers through his hair.

Teaspoon heard the exchange between Rachel and the former rider while absently he stroked his chin. "I've known a few people in a similar condition as our dear Lou," he finally spoke up.

"Condition? You mean unable to have babies?" Kid asked.

Teaspoon shook his head while he said, "No. What I mean is the condition of her soul. As far as I can see, Louise is in a continuous deep state of melancholy, and I imagine that right now she doesn't see much worth to fight for. She feels unworthy, and as she doesn't love herself very much at the moment, she believes that nobody should love her either."

Kid listened to Teaspoon's every word and found that he might be right about Lou. "It's all so confusing. She keeps pushing me away, fighting me and yet… it's baffling the way she cares about having everything perfect for me. I just can't understand her attitude."

"She might want to make up for the deficiencies she finds she has as your wife," Teaspoon explained, "It might be contradictory but it has its logic in her mind."

Rachel had listened to the old marshal attentively and exclaimed, "Teaspoon, you never cease to amaze me. How can you be so awfully clever?"

Teaspoon smiled; somehow proud of the admiration he had gained from the lady and just added, "Life's school, Rachel. I've seen more than many and unfortunately, more than I'd have liked to. One's bound to learn somethin' from life's tribulations."

Teaspoon's words didn't leave Kid indifferent and he knew that the marshal was right about Lou. That was exactly what was happening to his wife, but knowing the cause of her attitude didn't mean he was nearer to finding the solution to her problems. "But how can I help her, Teaspoon? I've tried every possible way but it seems that all I manage is to widen the gap between us."

"I don't know, son," the marshal admitted. "Somethin' should eventually snap her from that mood."

"But what?" Kid asked loudly, lifting his arms in exasperation. "I just don't know what else to do."

"I think you need to prove your patience a bit more," Rachel offered.

"Just be there for her. She's bound to need your help eventually, Kid," Teaspoon added.

"I hope you're right. Seeing her like this is breaking me inside," Kid admitted. He had never voiced his own predicament and fears. He was so intent in being strong for Lou that he had overlooked what the situation was doing to him.

"Louise's a fighter. She's just in a tight spot right now, but I bet that with a little push of our part she'll be able to jump off that wild horse at some point," Teaspoon said. His heart went out for the young couple, and it pained him to see them grow apart like this. He knew how deeply Louise loved her husband; he had witnessed her undying loyalty and love in those years that Kid had been away in the war. Now she was blinded by her pain, and she seemed unable to distinguish what was really important in her life. Teaspoon gave Kid a crooked smile and added, "And maybe a little talk with Papa Teaspoon will help to do the trick."

Kid didn't say anything. He knew that if somebody could get through to Lou, that somebody was Teaspoon. He had always had a special way with all the riders, and they ended up trusting the old marshal with their own demons. Teaspoon always had that insight and his wise words managed to reach them however serious the problem was. Kid hoped that the older man could really do something this time because he was already running out of options.

* * *

It was the first week in January. Christmas and the New Year were already a past memory and the cold days of winter had settled bitterly. It was one of the coldest winters Kid remembered, and the freezing wind was leaving a magical picture of whiteness and frost in the fields. Despite the beauty of the landscape, the bitter coldness made every single soul in Rock Creek eager to find shelter at home as soon as the day was over. However, Kid spent most of his days busy outside his place since he honestly wasn't sure whether it was colder in his house or outdoors, as the glacial atmosphere of his place permeated all over his body, even his soul.

That afternoon he was working on his ranch, exercising his horses in the corral. Teaspoon had dropped by an hour ago and had offered to give him a hand. Now the old marshal leaned over the corral fence, watching the young man expertly handling the horse. He couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in watching his rider. Clearly working for the Express had improved Kid's already good abilities with horses, and Teaspoon felt that he had somehow contributed to this. Finally, Kid halted the horse and eased off it smoothly. He came towards Teaspoon and sliding over the fence he passed to the other side and positioned himself next to the marshal. "I think I'll call it a day," he said.

Teaspoon patted him on the shoulder and added, "At this pace it's incredible you still can stand straight on your legs." Kid smiled without much enthusiasm, knowing that his frantic daily activity had to do more with his avoiding Lou than with his love for horses. Teaspoon cast a look at the house behind them; a single room was lit downstairs, and after a beat he added, "Suddenly I feel kind of thirsty."

"Let me take the horse and the gear into the stables, and we'll have something to drink in the house," Kid offered but the marshal lifted his hands in a gesture to stop his deputy.

"Don't. Please you take your time. No rush," he said and noticing Kid was about to protest, he hurried to reassure him. "I can well drop by your house for a refreshin' glass of water. Louise is there, ain't she?" he ended up saying and lifted an eyebrow at Kid purposefully.

Kid caught the hint and he just said with a smile, "All right. I'll take my sweet time with the horses." He slid back inside the corral, and unhitching the horse he led it towards the stables. Teaspoon stood motionless looking at the house for a few brief moments, and then he walked towards it with steady steps. Once he reached it, he opened the front door and called Lou's name a couple of times. She appeared after a few moments but didn't say anything on seeing the old marshal. She just kept looking at him with a quizzical expression. Teaspoon smiled at her broadly and said, "Hi honey. Would you possibly have a glass of water for this old dog?"

Lou remained silent as she headed for the kitchen followed by the marshal. Grabbing a glass she filled it with fresh water from a pitcher she had on a table. Teaspoon voiced a husky 'thank you' and proceeded to empty the liquid into his dry throat. "Lovely!" he said as he finished it off in one gulp. Louise hadn't said one word yet, and Teaspoon watched her carefully and asked, "How are you, Louise?"

She took the empty glass from his grasp roughly and turning her back to Teaspoon, she placed it in the sink. "Fine," she answered curtly still with her back to him.

"You might say so, but my eyes tell me a different story," the marshal remarked.

Lou swirled around and glared at him silently for a few minutes. She seemed to be on the brink of exploding with fury whenever somebody wanted to talk about "her problems". She just wanted to be left alone and was tired of every know-it-all coming to her with their worthless advice. "You finished, Teaspoon?" she asked sarcastically and without waiting for his reply, she stomped past him, eager to leave his presence, but the old marshal grabbed her by the arm and stopped her.

"I haven't finished yet," Teaspoon said, looking her in the eyes intentionally.

Louise yanked her arm free forcefully and barked furiously, "It's been a while since I stopped working for you, so stop bossing me around."

"I thought you could use a friend's shoulder," he said in a steady voice.

Lou seemed to sober some and after a few seconds she quipped in the same sarcastic tone. "I already have enough of your "clever" advice. As you once told me, we can't save people from themselves. I can't be saved, and I don't want to."

"What about Kid?" he asked again, feeling that this was going to be more difficult than he had first thought. She was in a foul mood, and he knew that he needed to pull those strings that could make her react.

"What about him?" she said with a neutral voice.

"Doesn't he deserve to be saved?" Teaspoon continued, using the metaphor she had mentioned. "He loves you and you know if you fall, he will fall."

Lou felt the beginning of a headache. Many other times she occasionally found it difficult to follow Teaspoon's gibberish, and now in her troubled mind the task was almost impossible. "Kid has the key to his own salvation. He can leave whenever he wants," she said in a soft voice.

"Is that what you really want?" Teaspoon asked, and Lou nodded more energetically than she felt. She wanted to believe and make everybody believe that it was what she wanted, but deep down she knew that she'd die the day Kid left her side for good. "So if you're so sure," Teaspoon continued, oblivious of her internal fight, "why don't you leave?"

In his tone Louise heard the challenge and as she wasn't one to be daunted, she responded showing a resolution she didn't feel at all. "Maybe I will," she stated, not believing her own words for a moment. She knew that she'd never have the guts to leave her husband however tense the situation between them was. Lou swore that she wouldn't cause him any trouble if he decided to finish things off, but taking that step herself was something that she couldn't and didn't want to do.

That was basically the end of the conversation between Teaspoon and Louise. He left the house with a heavy heart, knowing that he hadn't managed to help his friends at all. Louise was stubborn as a mule and in her present mood Teaspoon suspected that nothing he or anybody could say would make her change her attitude.

Kid saw Teaspoon from his position at the stables door and waited for him expectantly, but by the way the marshal walked towards him, he knew that the marshal had as little luck with Lou as he had in the last weeks. As he reached the stables, the younger man asked, "So?" Teaspoon shook his head ruefully and proceeded to fill Kid in on what had occurred between him and Louise. When the marshal finished, Kid was boiling with anger.

"You did what?" Kid exclaimed visibly annoyed, unable to believe what his boss was telling him.

"Kid…" Teaspoon tried but the sandy-haired man wouldn't let him.

"You told my wife that she should leave! I can't believe this!" he barked.

"I was just trying to make her react," Teaspoon explained.

"I don't want her to leave me, no matter what," Kid cried, apprehension filling him completely.

"She was probably bluffin', son," the marshal said, trying to calm him down. "I wouldn't worry."

"What if she wasn't?" Kid asked in the same hectic manner.

"Well, Kid," the marshal continued warily, "you two have to begin thinkin' sensibly. By the way things are goin' between you two, maybe you should humor your wife. You two are hurtin' and it might help you if you stay away from each other… for some time."

Teaspoon's words were like a slap to his face, and Kid kept staring at him for a few minutes as if the marshal had lost his mind. "Never!" he cried when he finally found his own voice. "No matter what she says, I'm sure she loves me and I'll be there for her come hell or high water." He sighed loudly and casting a last look at Teaspoon, he said, "Excuse me now, but I have to see my wife."

With that said, he ran towards the house without even saying good-bye to the old marshal; his only thought was to unravel what Teaspoon's words might have tangled. As soon as he stepped in, he began calling her name desperately while he dashed round the house, looking for her. He found her in the bedroom, folding some of her clothes neatly over the chest of drawers.

"Lou!" he called breathlessly, and she looked at him quizzically. "Lou," he repeated, delighting in the sound of her name. He stared at her for a few moments and Louise looked back in curiosity. "You aren't going anywhere, are you?" Kid asked with begging eyes and as she remained in silence looking at him, he repeated even more desperately, "Are you?"

Lou glanced fixedly in his eyes and watching the desperation in them she finally said in a very soft voice, "This is my home, ain't it?"

He looked at her eyes and for once he could see some peace in them and he couldn't help but grin happily. Coming closer to her he took her hand, and when she didn't try to pull it away, he kissed it and said, "That's good to know, Lou, really good to know."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Kid couldn't say that things had really changed between him and Louise. She still tried to avoid any contact with him, and most of the time her countenance showed the same desperation and sadness. Yet, there was definitely something different. Now Lou seemed to open up a bit when he talked to her. Her answers were still short and curt, but at least she was talking, which filled Kid with hope. He couldn't rightly tell whether Teaspoon's talk had any impact on her, or whether she had realized that her jealousy of Amanda Davies was ungrounded. Either way the fact was that there was a slight difference now, and even though it could be almost imperceptible, for Kid it was like a gigantic step forward.

Today the peace and calmness that he enjoyed during his daily duties as Teaspoon's deputy had been broken. Somebody reached the small jailhouse, announcing that a big fight had just broken out in the saloon. So Kid and Teaspoon had instantly dashed towards the place. When they got there, absolute chaos reigned; chairs crashing against the walls, bottles and glasses flying over their heads and every single soul giving and receiving clouts in abundance. The noise and the shouts did not allow Teaspoon's voice to impose his authority over the fighting mob. The marshal signaled Kid to try and stop the brawling going around a stout man who seemed to have been the initiator of the quarrel.

The deputy plodded towards the man, and as he grabbed him by the arm, the big fella swirled around and came face to face with Kid. The first punch hit him straight on the face, and his body staggered slightly, but the second one directed to his left eye made Kid fall backwards on the hard floor heavily. He strained to rise to his feet, and then suddenly a shot was heard, which stopped all the noise and fighting. Total silence ensued, and when Kid directed his only intact eye towards the source of the shot, he saw Teaspoon lowering his smoking gun and his voice boomed over the now silent saloon.

That afternoon they arrested a bunch of people, and the usually quiet marshal's office immersed in a whirl of grunts and protests, which were really trying Teaspoon's patience. While the marshal tried to re-establish order in his office, Kid sat on a chair dejectedly, pressing a wet cloth against his sore face. He was feeling dreadful; his lower lip was split and bleeding profusely as well as his left eyebrow and on top, his eye was beginning to turn a purplish color and swell. The marshal came to him and said, "Son, you look terrible."

"Really?" the deputy asked ironically. Trying to smile, his face contorted in pain instead as the smallest facial movement made him ache all over.

"Why don't you go home, Kid?" Teaspoon offered. "Go freshen up and get yourself patched up." Kid just nodded, tying to keep as still as possible and without waiting for anything further he tottered out of the office. "Take the rest of the day off," the marshal called after him, and from his position at the door he watched Kid's sluggish figure mount his horse clumsily and ride off. He shook his head wryly and before re-entering his office he let out, "These boys!"

The ride to his ranch seemed interminable today as all his body was protesting in pain at the continuous bouncing over the horse. It was now that he realized that his fall after the brawler's punches had left his body sore and achy. Kid chided himself for being caught off guard in the saloon, and now his entire body was suffering the consequences of his clumsiness. He should have learnt by now what to expect in a brawl like the one in the saloon, but he had been slow and instead of striking the first blow, he had been on the receiving part. When his place finally came into sight, Kid couldn't help but smile as broadly as his damaged lip let him. Easing off Katy as awkwardly as he had first got on her he plodded into the house; his whole body aching from the ride. No sooner had he stepped into his place than Louise appeared and taking in his appearance she asked, "What happened?"

"Usual stuff," Kid answered. "A brawl in the saloon. Seems those fellas have little or none respect for a man behind a badge."

Lou shook her head and kept a serious expression. She had always feared what could come upon her husband in his chosen profession. That was why she had been so against it since the beginning, but now she didn't say a word. Walking the few steps between them Louise took a closer look at his face. She cringed at the state of his face, realizing how painful his wounds must feel. Without changing her stiff expression she grabbed his arm and pushed him towards the kitchen a bit too roughly.

Kid let himself be dragged along amusedly. "Sit," she ordered without much ceremony and as he did so, she filled a bowl with water and took a cloth and some ointment from a drawer. Lou came closer to him, her petite figure hovering at mere inches over Kid. They hadn't been so physically close in months, and her proximity was driving Kid crazy. He wanted to reach for her and his fingers hurt longing for her touch. The need was so strong that in a daring movement he lightly rested his hand on the small of her back, but Lou swatted it off instantly. Sadly Kid was used to her reaction, and this one did not really upset him.

Tilting his head towards her, Louise began washing his wounds with steady movements and a firm hand. "Keep still," she said with a neutral voice; her eyes intent on avoiding his. Kid looked at her in awe and used the opportunity to take in every detail of her beautiful face. It had been so long since he had been able to do something as simple as to gaze at his wife's face. His eyes traveled from her downcast eyes, past her tiny nose to her mouth. Kid gulped nervously when he fixed his gaze on her sweet mouth. His heart was racing wildly, and her intoxicating smell and the softness of her hand on his face were pushing him to the limit of his control. He needed to find a distraction; her appeal was so strong but finally a question came into his mind.

"What are you doing so early at home?" he managed to ask in a husky voice and suddenly worry took over. "Are you feeling all right?"

Lou took her time answering because right now she did not trust her own voice. Despite her cold exterior his closeness was affecting her in such a powerful way that the sensations coursing all over her left her stunned. Lately she had felt so empty and cold that she had even believed that the capacity to feel anything other than pain had been seared from her. Her love for her husband had never diminished, but the feelings of a woman for a man had been non-existent for months. Now they seemed to resurface, but Lou knew that she needed to suppress them. However devastating it was, she had to remind herself that she couldn't make him happy, that she was barren and dry. She felt she was like an arid desert; no good could come from her. Even with these destructive thoughts she felt her body tremble at his proximity and when he had barely rested his hand on her back, she had to jerk it off as if his touch burned her. She didn't want him to notice how much he still affected her; she just couldn't encourage him any. It wouldn't be fair for him.

It took her a few seconds to compose herself, and she finally answered his question curtly, "I've been fired."

Kid turned two surprised eyes towards hers, but she looked away. "What? Why?" he asked completely flabbergasted at her news.

By now Lou had finished seeing to his wounds. She turned from him and simply shrugged her shoulders as her answer. She busied herself by putting away everything she had used for patching Kid up, and tried to show as much indifference about the issue as possible. However, Kid was really interested in knowing what might have happened resulting in his wife losing her job.

"What explanation did they give you?" Kid asked, annoyed with the thought that Mr. Faber had treated Louise unfairly. By experience he knew that his wife was the most committed and hard-working person he had ever met. While they were employed by the Pony Express, she had been relentless in her daily duties, and Teaspoon and the rest had always been full of admiration for her.

Lou turned around so that she could see him and leaned her hips on a cabinet. With her arms folded in a protective stance her face showed that she wasn't particularly willing to talk about the subject, and instead of answering his question she said matter-of-factly, "The bottom line is that I'm out of a job, so you'll have to support me from now on. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Kid tried to talk but she didn't let him. "Yes, but…" he began but she cut him off mid-sentence.

"Don't worry, Kid. I won't be a burden for you," she talked in a very cold voice. "I'll earn my keep around here. That is, till you leave or send me away."

Her words sent a stabbing pain directly to his heart, which for a moment made him forget his physical injuries from the fight in the saloon. He felt unable to articulate a single word but kept staring at her like in shock. For weeks she hadn't hinted that the idea of a divorce was still on her mind. Since the day they had that last conversation, her magical words about this being her home had been like a blessing to Kid. He had thought that she had given up on her insistence that they should go separate ways. She hadn't mentioned anything along those lines till now, and Kid had cherished the hope that things would go back to the way they had been eventually. Yet, once again the dreaded subject had made its appearance, and he felt all the weight and strain of the last months on him.

Sometimes he had the sensation that he was fighting a lost battle, and he felt tempted to give in to the impulse to give up. Whenever he thought that there was some improvement in their situation, something just happened that made him see that everything was an illusion. He had even begun to think seriously about Teaspoon's advice. Maybe a temporary separation would do them good, but the mere notion of leaving her scared him to death. He knew that he couldn't do that. However hard things were, he still wanted to believe that their problem was just temporary despite the fact that many months had passed since that fateful day at the doctor.

Kid remained motionless in the same spot for what seemed like hours, but he felt unable to react. A myriad of feelings coursed all over him, and his soul seemed as if it had been torn to pieces. He had genuinely believed that things might improve, but his hopes had been devastatingly shattered once more. The pain left him numb for a few moments, and he never even saw or heard Lou go past him and leave the kitchen. For the first time in years he felt the need to cry like a child. He had never experienced so many negative feelings in his life, not even when everything had been so bleak in his youngest years, and right now he didn't seem to find a way out of it.

* * *

The following day Kid was back to his daily activities, and at the moment he was doing his usual patrol round the streets of Rock Creek. The solitude of the task gave him the perfect opportunity to mull over his problems. He really welcomed this time on his own even though most of the time he just managed to get his thoughts more tangled. That morning he hadn't caught sight of Louise at all. He knew that she had woken up earlier than usual, and had already mucked out the stables and cleaned the whole house. Other than that he had no clue where his wife was this morning. He thought that she might have gone to town for provisions because he couldn't think of any other possibility. He knew from Teaspoon and Rachel that she never visited them now, and there were not many people in Rock Creek she was close to. So as he left the ranch Kid had been full of concern for the whereabouts of his wife.

Now that Lou wasn't working, Kid wondered how the change would affect her. Yesterday she had appeared indifferent when she had announced her dismissal. However, he wasn't sure if those were her genuine feelings, and she was just pretending that she didn't care. Lou was a very proud woman, and he was sure that this must have affected her somehow. He hoped that the whole matter didn't add up to her troubles already. Going to work had served as a distraction for her, Kid thought, but now she would have more free time on her hands even with working around the ranch.

As all his thoughts were playing in his mind, the hotel appeared before his eyes. Kid stopped his walking for a brief moment, deep in thought, and without the slightest hesitation he marched towards the building decidedly. He was still annoyed at the notion that Lou had been treated most unfairly by her employer, so he was now going to demand an explanation.

As soon as Kid stepped into the hotel, he spotted Mr. Faber, the owner, behind the reception counter in an animated conversation with Sally Douglas. He came to them, and it was the man who first noticed his presence. "Mr. McCloud, how good to see you around these parts," Mr. Faber greeted him.

Kid took off his hat and tipped his head to the man and the lady, "Mr. Faber, Sally."

"Hello, Kid," the young lady returned the greeting with a nervous smile. "How are you?"

Kid just nodded his response with a serious countenance, realizing that neither had asked him after Lou. Not wanting to beat around the bush he bluntly asked the man what he had come for, "Mr. Faber, my wife told me that she was dismissed yesterday, and I feel that you haven't played it right with her." His voice was tinged with annoyance which he didn't bother to hide.

The man looked at Kid impassively for a few seconds and finally said, "I'm afraid I had no alternative. You have to admit that there were strong reasons for it."

"What reasons?" Kid asked again. Lou had never given him any kind of explanation, and he wanted to hear what this man had to say. It really infuriated him to think that Louise had to go through the humiliation of being fired.

"I'm really sorry to say this, Mr. McCloud," the hotel owner answered. "Your wife is a fine lady, and she's been an excellent employee for years. But lately her behavior had been improper and rude towards the customers to the extreme. We've had more complaints in these last months than in all the years this hotel had been running. I've given Louise warnings all this time and advised her time and time again to change her attitude but I'm afraid she just decided to ignore my words. And yesterday things went too far when she hit a customer."

"Oh God," Kid sighed, closing his eyes briefly. "I had no idea." He had really been in the dark about his wife's doings outside their home. Teaspoon and Rachel had told him that Lou had the same cold attitude towards them as she had for her husband. Yet, Kid had thought that she was coping with her job successfully, and now he realized that he had been so worried about their problems at home that he hadn't given a thought that Lou's condition was affecting all her contexts.

"I know of your wife's problems," the man continued, "and I've tried to be understanding. But this is a business after all. I can't have customers being scared away like that; otherwise, I'll end up closing down the whole establishment."

Kid listened to Mr. Faber with a desolate expression, and with each piece of news he learned his mood sank deeper and deeper. He sadly realized that Lou was actually in worse condition than he had been aware of. It wasn't only a matter of marital problems, but it was affecting her in all directions, and Kid feared that the whole thing would seriously harm her in the long run. Lou was isolating herself from everybody and everything, and as Teaspoon had rightly said, by doing that, she was trying to punish herself. The Southerner did not know what sin she thought to have committed as to believe that she deserved some kind of purge.

"I'm so sorry," Kid finally managed to say, but couldn't utter anything else.

Mr. Faber nodded in understanding and added, "Maybe this time at home could do her some good, and I'll be happy to reemploy her once she's sorted out her problems. As I told you, she was my best employee."

"Thank you," Kid said softly. Mr. Faber then excused himself and left the reception of the hotel to attend to his other matters. Kid and Sally remained in silence for a few brief moments and finally the blonde lady said, "I'm sorry, Kid, but unfortunately, he talked the truth."

He nodded with a wry smile. "I just don't know how to help her, Sally," he let out in exasperation. "I feel as if I'm losing her a bit every day, and I'm scared that one day I won't have anything from her anymore."

"You have to keep the faith," she offered, feeling genuinely sad for the situation between Louise and her husband. "You have to believe that she will come round eventually."

"That's easier said than done," Kid admitted ruefully.

"I know."

"Nothing seems to bring her any joy," Kid continued in the same miserable tone. "Most of the time her body is there, but somehow she's not. I really miss my wife, Sally, but I really don't know how to bring her back to life." Kid stopped for a few minutes, and the lady remained in silence as well. She really couldn't provide any consolation when she didn't know how to help Louise either. Sally had tried to understand her and offer her friendship, but it had been an impossible mission. Lou just wouldn't listen to her, and every time her tone had been less than kind. After the silent lapse an idea hit Kid and he asked, "Why don't you and John come over for dinner tonight?"

"Uh… I don't think it's such a good idea, Kid," Sally answered hesitantly.

"I'm sure she'd be glad to see you. Lou's always thought highly of you. You're a good friend of hers," Kid insisted.

"She hardly speaks to me," she admitted.

"That doesn't mean that she doesn't appreciate your friendship any less."

"I don't know, Kid." Sally doubted that Louise would appreciate anything right now and having dinner together wasn't the smartest idea in her opinion. She didn't welcome the thought of spending the whole evening among uncomfortable silences.

"Please Sally," Kid almost begged. "Please."

The woman wanted to refuse, but she felt unable to escape his pleading eyes and the misery in his voice, and sighing loudly she simply said, "So what time shall we come over?"

* * *

That evening Kid was helping Lou to fix dinner in the kitchen. When he had announced that Sally and her husband would be coming for dinner, she hadn't said a word aloud, but he knew that she hadn't been pleased at the news at all. Kid really wasn't sure why he had invited them and insisted on it; their visit wouldn't make much difference to Lou, but he just didn't want her to close down to the world. It broke his heart to imagine what his wife was going through in her troubled mind. She had always been so lively and fresh, and it was unbelievable to see that she was losing herself. So Kid felt that he needed to do something. With all probability he wouldn't achieve anything this time either, but he just couldn't remain idle while his wife became a bitter self.

While he was cutting some carrots and tomatoes for a salad, Louise came next to him and washed her hands in the sink. For a few moments she watched her husband's neat movements with the sharp knife and then she said bluntly, "I don't know why you had to invite them."

Kid turned to look at her, surprised that she had actually talked on her own initiative, but at the same time he was beginning to get annoyed. Nothing he did seemed to feel right to her and he was getting tired that his attempts to help her weren't appreciated by her. "I thought Sally was your friend," he replied in a curt tone.

Lou did not say anything straightaway, but took her time as she dried her hands in the apron she was wearing. "She is," Lou finally stated matter-of-factly, strangely feeling the need to defend her friendship to Sally Douglas even though she hadn't much cared about it lately. "But I don't like her husband. He's a moron."

Kid turned his irritated gazed to her. "Why Louise? Because he's too nice?" he asked sarcastically, using her own words when she had first met Doctor Logan that fateful day. Kid had teased her about her remark, but now his tone was far from pleasant. Lou glared at him silently and he added, "I often wonder how on earth you accepted to be my wife. Am I just nice enough for your liking or am I that nasty?"

He swirled around and stormed out of the kitchen, cursing himself for getting riled up so easily. He knew that at least one of them had to keep a cool head, and it was no good to get in a snappy mood. He was aware that the whole situation at home was already affecting him, but for both their sakes he needed to be the strong one.

Later that evening Sally and her husband arrived just at the time Kid had told her. Even though Kid had tried his best to show all his kindness to the couple, Lou's cold welcome was clearly making Sally very uncomfortable. During dinner the blonde lady tried to engage Lou in conversation, praising the food, talking about the weather, and even bringing up some of the town's gossip, but Louise just answered with cold monosyllables, and eventually Sally gave up.

The women at the table remained in awkward silence while John Douglas kept babbling on in a monologue about himself and his farm. It was the first time that Kid met the man, and he had to admit that Lou had somehow been right in her opinion about Sally's husband. Clearly he was full of himself, and when there was nothing left to say related to his farm and himself, he began talking about the wonders of his wife and the blissful life they had together. Kid heard the man with half-heart; somehow his words were upsetting him a great deal. John Douglas talked as if he was the expert in marriage and women, and he babbled about his wife as if she were a model of perfection. Kid wanted to shut him up and let him know about the wonderful relationship he and Lou had, but unfortunately, he couldn't do so. Their life together was far from blissful, and the man's words were making Kid even more aware of their lacks in their marriage.

All night John had directed all his interminable monologues to Kid, but suddenly at some point during the conversation he addressed Lou. "I heard that old fox of Faber gave you the sack," he began and at his words Louise turned her gaze at him with a neutral expression. Despite his wife's protest of his choice of words, John continued impassively. "Let me tell you something, Louise. That's not the most suitable place to work for two lovely women. You definitely are better off at home being a full-time wife."

Kid feared that John's words would spark Lou's well-known fury. The man sure didn't know a bit about Louise McCloud if he talked about the job at the hotel as an unsuitable activity for women. Considering her old job as a Pony Express rider, Kid thought the man's remark extremely ridiculous to his own ears. He expected Lou to snap with one of her caustics comments; if Louise hated something, it was to be told what she could or couldn't do. However, to Kid's utter surprise, she just looked at the man impassively and forced a wry smile on her face.

The man continued talking, and again his attention turned to Kid while Louise hardly heard what he was saying. She thought that John was a conceited and fastidious man who bossed his wife around like a puppet on a string. She had never liked him, but for Sally's sake she hadn't voiced her real opinion about her husband. Now in her present situation Lou just didn't feel the need to pretend to be interested in him or his boring conversation.

"I keep telling Sally to quit," John continued. "After all, we don't really need the money. The farm's doing so superbly that we have more than what we actually need. But now she's going to humor her old husband and leave that job. In her present condition she has to take extra care of herself, and it won't be long she'd finally hand in her notice." As he talked, the man grinned broadly and brushed his hand on his wife's face tenderly.

Kid kept looking at John, not really understanding what he was talking about. However, this time the words registered on Lou's mind instantly, and all of a sudden she turned her attention to Sally. "You are pregnant?" it was more a statement than a question.

"I…" Sally tried to utter something, but nothing suitable came to her mind. She kept looking from Louise to the two men, but nobody seemed eager to talk.

"And you never told me!" Louise said, anger evident in her voice. At John's words something had snapped inside her, and the jealousy she felt for her friend's lucky condition turned into fury towards her.

"I…" the blonde lady tried again. She had kept her pregnancy a secret from Louise because she feared that the matter wouldn't sit well with her friend. She was always in a sulky mood, and Sally hadn't had the nerve to talk to her about her good news when she knew that it was a delicate issue for her. Now she cursed John's clumsiness for bringing the matter into the open and caught her unaware. "I… I was just waiting for the right time."

Her words managed to infuriate Lou even more. "The right time! The right time!" she exclaimed at the top of her voice as she jumped to her feet.

"Lou!" Kid tried to calm her down, and as he reached to grab her arm, she pushed him away roughly. Louise glared down at Sally for a few seconds; her face contorted in anger. After several brief moments of silence she blurted out loudly, "Out of my house!"

"Wh... What?" Sally let out in a nervous stammer.

"Lou please," Kid tried again but to no avail. Louise didn't seem to hear anybody.

"Out… of… my… house!" she repeated, uttering every word very slowly but still in the same angered tone. "I don't need your cheap compassion or your pity! If you want to practice charity, go to church!"

At Lou's outburst Sally was too shaken and baffled to react or say anything at all. Her husband, though, turned to Kid and said in an annoyed tone, "Kid tell your wife to take it easy. You should teach her some manners, my friend."

Kid didn't even try to speak and briefly closing his eyes he just braced himself for what he feared was coming. And he was right this time because Louise turned her full attention to the man and looked at him as if she was about to eat him alive. "Excuse me?" she barked cockily, "Let me tell you something, you brainless oaf. I'm not like your silly wife and nobody… nobody orders me around in my house … understood?" she stopped momentarily but continued straightaway. "And now out!"

"Let's go, Sally. We don't need to stay where we're not wanted," John said coldly as he helped his wife to her feet. The lady hadn't said one word and seemed too overwhelmed with the situation to react.

"Did it take you so long to figure that out?" Lou wheezed sarcastically, letting out a mocking guffaw.

"Louise please!" Kid hissed, unable to keep quiet any longer. The situation was going too far, and his wife seemed out of control. He just couldn't understand how the night had turned into this chaos. Lou was being bafflingly rude, and her attitude made him feel very annoyed. His scolding gained him a glare from her before she turned and stormed up the stairs without saying a single word.

The couple were already at the door, and Kid rushed to reach them before they left. They were in the middle of the hall and their expressions were understandably far from pleased. "I'm so terribly sorry," Kid began in an apologetic tone. "I don't know what came over her and …"

"It's all right." Sally talked for the first time after Lou's outburst. She was very upset and hurt by her friend's words, but somehow her reaction hadn't really surprised her. "We understand…" she tried to say but her husband cut her off mid-sentence.

"I'm not all right and I don't understand," John said in a very irritated tone. "I have never felt so insulted in my whole life." He paused briefly and watching Kid's bitter expression the man hurried to add, "I really pity you, Kid. You're an honest fella and don't deserve somebody like her. But I guess not everybody can be so lucky to be married to someone as wonderful as Sally."

The moment his words were spoken, Kid was fuming. He felt the urge to punch this man hard in the face. How did he dare to talk about Lou like that? His wife was an exceptional woman, and no one had the right to demean her with their words. Lou wasn't fine at the moment, and Kid wasn't going to allow anybody, least of all John Douglas, make light or fun of her problems. Nobody had the slightest idea what she was going through, and they had no right to judge her.

Kid silently glared at the man for a few minutes and finally said in an obvious angered mood, "As my wife rightly said, you should leave now. Don't forget to close the door behind you."

With this said, Kid swirled around and plodded towards the staircase, leaving the couple alone in the middle of his hall. He climbed the stairs two steps at a time and headed straight to the main bedroom. The door was shut, and he opened it tentatively. The room was in total darkness, and Kid strained his eyes to locate his wife. Finally, he could make out her figure lying on the bed. Walking a few steps forward Kid could see her more clearly; her face was buried in the pillow and her body was curled up in a ball. He dared walk a few more steps and called her name softly, "Lou?" When she didn't answer, he tried another approach, "Lou, you were right. He's an idiot. Next time I'll ask you first before inviting anybody."

As he talked, he advanced slowly towards the bed. When he finally came next to her, his heart almost broke as he noticed her shoulders shaking and heard her muffled sobs. "Oh Louise," he whispered sadly and sitting down on the bed he rested a comforting hand on her back. "Tell me. How can I help you, Lou? Why don't you let me, my love?" He asked the questions almost in a lament, never feeling as useless and powerless as right now.

Her next reaction didn't surprise him; Louise turned from him and his touch and covering her head with the pillow she cried, "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" Kid just nodded somberly even though she couldn't see him and without uttering a single word he rose to his feet and left the bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The morning had made its appearance with a bright sun and a beautiful blue sky. Winter days were giving way to the long awaited spring, and the air seemed to carry the aromas of the fields in bloom. Like every day Kid rode his faithful mare to town for his daily duties as a deputy marshal. Last night he hardly got any shut eye again, and he didn't feel like eating much either. Louise had left three days ago, and he couldn't stop thinking about her all the time.

The incident with Sally and her husband had never been mentioned again, and in the following weeks Lou had taken over working around the ranch with boundless energy. He had to admit that her dismissal from the hotel had brought about some improvement in their life together. So far Louise had shown little or no interest in the ranch, the dream that they had talked so much about and now was a reality. However, since she was home all the time, and reasoning that she needed to earn her keep, the ranch had been a linking element between the couple.

Lou genuinely devoted a great deal of her days to her work around the property. There was a lot to do every single day, but she never seemed to get tired. She didn't care whether she had to muck out stalls, feed and clean the animals, or exercise the horses. She did everything without a single complaint. Kid knew that she had always loved to work with horses, and that love was now visible in her daily duties. Kid was happy that finally something had somehow brought them together, and now he had an excuse to talk to her without having to touch any delicate matters like their marital problems. Lou still was as passive in their conversations as she has been in all these long months, but at least she seemed interested in what he had to tell her relating the ranch.

Kid couldn't help but look up at his wife with awe. He didn't know how, but she managed to have the house in perfect condition, have the meals ready at the exact times to eat and still finish all her chores around the ranch. To Kid's delight she had even begun riding again, and some days she spent hours on her horse. When Kid had returned from the war, he cherished some good memories from the dozens of times they had gone riding together. They had always enjoyed those moments and riding had been a constant element in their awkward courtship years ago. However, since the day all their problems had begun, Lou had stopped riding altogether and the only horse she came near was the one she hitched to the wagon when going to town.

It was as if she had denied herself everything that formed an intrinsic part of herself, and that included her passion for riding and horses. So in all these long months Kid had taken care of Lightning for her, and it had also been him who rode the beautiful black mare regularly. In a way, being near the horse Louise loved most dearly made him feel closer to her, but now that she had begun riding again, he had left the task to her gladly. Although he couldn't share these rides with her as they used to, Kid felt happy that she had opened the door separating her from everything just a crack, enough to let something fill some of her lonely world.

Many times Kid had felt tempted to join her in one of those rides, but he hadn't even dared to ask her. He was afraid to do something that could break the streak. In all these months he had learned that she couldn't be rushed to do anything. Every time he had tried to do something to help her, the results had been just the opposite of what he had intended. So after his multiple failures he had learnt that he had to wait patiently, and hopefully Louise would get over this present situation. She should be the one to take the first step towards her recovery and nobody else.

It had been three days ago that she had literally shocked him. Kid had returned from town that day at the usual time and not seeing her around, he had begun looking for her. Normally she was either finishing the last chores on the ranch or fixing dinner in the kitchen, so it had surprised him not to catch sight of her in those usual spots. Kid had headed for the master bedroom straightaway, and as soon as the room came into sight, he had stopped dead in his tracks.

The image welcoming him had made fear creep into his very soul. Dressed in her old clothes from her days in the Pony Express, Louise was folding some of her clothes neatly and shoved them in a carpet bag placed on top of the big bed. She had begun wearing her old pants and hat since she had started working on the ranch or riding her horse, so it wasn't such a surprise for Kid to see her in that attire, but obviously she was now going somewhere other than for a simple ride. The first thought in Kid's mind had been that she was finally going to carry out her threats, and this was actually the end of them. The notion sent a stabbing pain to his heart, and he felt unable to move, talk or even breathe.

Sensing somebody in the room, Lou looked up to find her husband's figure at the door, his eyes staring at her, but she didn't say a word and continued her packing silently. It took Kid some minutes to get over the impression of the image and finally he walked into the room and asked almost in a stammer, "Wh… where are you going, Lou?"

She hadn't stopped the task at hand and without looking at him she answered without much enthusiasm, "Off to Saint Jo to see my sister. She arrived a couple of days ago and wants to see me. Got the letter today."

At her words Kid had felt an immense sensation of relief and let out the breath that he had not been aware he had been holding. Smiling broadly he added, "I'd love to see little Theresa; it's been so long. Why can't she make it to Rock Creek?"

"Dunno," she simply said.

"Are you riding all the way to Saint Joseph?" he had asked, and Lou just nodded. Kid did not really warm to the idea of his wife riding so far on her own. Although in the past she had ridden hundreds of miles on a daily basis, and still now she was more than capable to do that, Kid couldn't help but worry. Even in her old riding clothes she couldn't hide the fact that she was a woman, and the thought of somebody hurting her scared him to death. However, he decided not to voice his opinion and instead he had asked again, "When will you be coming back?"

Lou had finished packing the bag, and now was busy fastening its straps. She hadn't bothered to answer her husband and carried on with what she was doing. Her silence unnerved him and he tried once more, "Lou?" As she remained silent, Kid grabbed her by the arm and repeated the question in a tense voice. "You are coming back, are you?" Lou instantly yanked her arm free and finally answered his question, feeling annoyed at his inquisitiveness, "I don't know. In a week, I guess, all right?"

Louise had left that day and not many words had been exchanged between husband and wife in their good-byes. Kid had stood on the porch, watching her get ready and when it had been the time, Lou had approached him. To his utter surprise she had gazed at his eyes just for a brief second and said in a very soft voice, "Take care, Kid."

He had looked at her with a baffled expression, trying to find something else behind her words. He couldn't erase the fear that she might leave for good, but at that moment he found her eyes showed a calmness that they had not had for a long time. Just for a moment he did not see anything else but softness, and in that instant he knew that despite everything and his fears, she would be coming back. Lou had looked away from him and his scrutinizing eyes and hurried to mount her horse. Without even a last look at her husband she had turned the horse and ridden off. Kid remained on the porch watching her figure become smaller and smaller till his eyes couldn't see her anymore; he was still there when only a cloud of dust was visible from his position and even when the dust had settled and there was nothing in sight, Kid stood there; his eyes fixed on the horizon.

He didn't know how long he had stayed in the same position. He wished that all those days she would be away would pass as quickly as possible. Barely a few minutes had gone by since her departure and he was already missing her. It would be a very long week, and Kid had known then and there that he would hate every second of it. He had been right. These three days had felt like weeks and he couldn't wait for her return. The house seemed bigger and colder, and despite their present problems, he now realized how much he needed his wife in his life. She might not talk, smile or even look at him, but Kid missed her presence terribly. He was used to seeing her every day and really loved to watch her in her daily routine. She brought some kind of peace to his mind and at the same time it disturbed him so much to have her so near and to feel her so far. Kid wished he could let her know how much she meant in his life. Maybe if she knew that all he cared about was to be with her, Lou would realize that there was no sense in denying themselves a future together. But how to make her see? Kid wondered as he rode his horse along Rock Creek's main street. Every day he came up with the same question, but the answer to this seemed difficult and almost impossible to grasp.

Kid stopped Katy just outside the marshal's office and eased off the horse skillfully. After securely tethering it to the usual post, he headed for the jailhouse and before actually stepping inside, the upset voice of a woman reached his ears. "Criminals. That's what they are. Some criminals!"

When Kid finally reached the premises, his eyes fell on Teaspoon's standing figure; his hands resting on his sides and his expression showing that he was far from pleased. He was having an apparently heated conversation with a middle-aged lady, who Kid recognized as Mrs. Burrows. The woman was reputed to be a popular busy-body in Rock Creek, and Kid knew from Lou that she was a very particular character in the town and only a few were ready to befriend her. The lady was a widow and had no children of her own; so she lived in a farm not far from town all by herself. In the few seconds before his presence was noticed by the two others, Kid attentively studied the lady's profile. Her face and the rest of her feature were extremely thin, as if all of her was just skin and bones. Her hair tied up taut in a bun made her peculiar visage more evident to the onlooker; her sinister eyes, her tight mouth and her general sour expression.

Teaspoon seemed to be running out of patience and he began a bit too strong, "What the h…," he cleared his throat as a way to cover his blunder and after a beat he continued, "What on earth do you expect me to do, Ma'am?"

"You're the law here and responsible for this town," the woman spoke in a very high-pitched tone. "I already explained the situation to you!"

Kid walked in the small office, and as his steps resounded inside the building, Teaspoon turned his eyes to him and the young man could bet that the marshal had never looked so happy to see him. "Mrs. Burrows, do you know my deputy?"

The lady studied Kid with her scrutinizing eyes and said in a cold tone, "Of course I do. How are you, Mr. McCloud?"

Kid tipped his head to the woman in greeting. "Ma'am" The lady instantly turned her attention to Teaspoon once again and fixed her icy eyes on the marshal.

Teaspoon coughed nervously, trying to hide his annoyance with the lady and addressed his next words to Kid. "Mrs. Burrows here's havin' a small problem with …"

The lady did not let the marshal finish his explanation as she exclaimed visibly irritated. "Small! You call having my house vandalized a small problem! A poor lonely woman like myself doesn't deserve such hideous treatment. It's absolutely outrageous."

"With all my respects, Mrs. Burrows, I don't think…" Teaspoon tried to speak but the lady seemed not to hear him or just opted not to, and instead continued in the same shrill and dramatic tone.

"They destroyed all my plants in the orchard, set the animals loose, and I even had to put out the beginning of a fire in the barn. Do you call that small? They're nothing but criminals!"

The woman's words hooked Kid's attention at once. Even though he couldn't say that he liked the woman, she really seemed to be in the middle of an undesirable situation. Considering the woman's reputation for creating enemies among the population of Rock Creek it wasn't really surprising if some of her neighbors might be performing the deeds out of revenge or spite. What Kid did find strange was that Teaspoon didn't seem to take the matter very seriously. Whatever the lady's character was, the marshal as representative of the law in the town should do something about it and punish that kind of barbaric acts.

"Do you happen to know who did all that, Ma'am?" Kid asked.

"Of course I know," she answered matter-of-factly. "Them."

The woman pointed to the corner in the opposite end of the room, and Kid's eyes followed the direction. Then he saw them, sitting shyly very close to each other and looking at the three other people with big eyes. There were two little boys; the eldest, Kid imagined, couldn't be more than eight years old and as he scrutinized them, they stared at him intently and with curiosity. Kid knew that the boys weren't from Rock Creek. This was a small town; everybody knew everybody and he had never seen them before. The eldest boy was holding the other child's hand in a protective manner. Both of them had chestnut hair and big brown eyes which instantly reminded Kid of Louise. Their appearance was clean and tidy, but their clothes were old and worn, which gave them an air of complete defenselessness.

Teaspoon's voice resounded in the building and brought Kid back to reality. "Mrs. Burrows here intended to adopt these children but…"

"I don't want them!" the lady's high-pitched voice interrupted the marshal's account as she had been doing the entire conversation. "They're nothing but a couple of savages! I've always been a God-fearing woman, and now I tried to give these uprooted children a good Christian home. And how do they repay me? With nothing but ungratefulness. That will show me to be so soft-hearted!"

Kid listened to the lady's outburst patiently. At Teaspoon's words about the woman adopting the two boys, his first thought had been one of pity for the two children. Living with Mrs. Burrows was an experience that he wouldn't want to experiment for anything in the world. What the Southerner did not understand was why the woman and the children were in Teaspoon's office. Mrs. Burrows could be a quite peculiar character, to say the least, but surely she couldn't be thinking of reporting them for just children's mischief.

"I told you over and over again," Teaspoon said, trying to control his irritation, "that a domestic matter like this doesn't concern the local authorities."

"Well, it doesn't concern me anymore," the lady insisted. "The fella from the orphanage, one Mr. Ferguson, will be coming to collect them on Saturday." She talked about the boys as if they were some kind of unwanted merchandise, and now Kid understood why she was so loathed in Rock Creek. "I don't care what you do with them, but I won't have them in my house one more minute."

"But…" Teaspoon tried once more but the lady didn't give him a chance.

"Good day. Marshal Hunter. Mr. McCloud." With those words the woman swirled around and dashed out of the office despite Teaspoon's weak attempts to stop her.

"Mrs. Burrows!" the marshal called after her. "Mrs. Burrows!" He tried to catch up with her, but the lady seemed to have turned a deaf ear to anything he had to say and she had already crossed the street on her way to retrieve her wagon from the stables. Teaspoon stood on the threshold of his office, his arms rested on his hips, looking at the woman's retreating figure with an annoyed expression. After a while he went back inside, shaking his head at the woman's sudden flit and wondering what he was supposed to do with two small children.

"Seems you find yourself in the middle of a situation, Teaspoon," Kid said from his perched position on the marshal's desk, trying in vain to hide his amusement.

The marshal looked at him with a miffed expression. "You always been that sharp, Kid?" he asked sarcastically and without waiting for his deputy's reply, he approached the two boys, who were still on the same spot and position since Mrs. Burrows had left them half an hour ago.

"Uh…" Teaspoon began awkwardly, not sure how to talk to two small kids. "What are your names, boys?" he finally managed to ask.

"Are you gonna lock us up, Marshal?" the eldest boy asked instead of answering the question; his voice expressing a mixture of apprehension and excitement.

"Well," Teaspoon began, casting a sideways look at Kid, who had positioned himself next to him. "We'll have to see about that later. But first things first. You know, it's polite to make an introduction when you meet somebody for the first time." The boy furrowed his brow in confusion, and the marshal hurried to explain himself better. "I'm Marshal Teaspoon Hunter, and this one here is my deputy. What are your names, son?"

"I'm Jack Martin, and this is my brother Tommy," he said with a soft voice, as if he were telling a well-hidden secret. "Are you gonna put us in jail, Marshal Hunter?" Jack asked again, watching Teaspoon with big eyes.

The old marshal cleared his throat and added with a fake serious expression. "I'll overlook the matter this time if you give me your solemn word that you'll be good boys from now." Both brothers bobbed their heads up and down in unison, and Teaspoon smiled amused. Throwing a worried look at Kid he continued awkwardly, "Uh… Mrs. Burrows is… uh… she's … somethin' unexpected, I'm afraid, has come up and she'll be unable to take care of you two as she first intended."

"She doesn't want us," Jack stated, showing no indication that the notion upset him in any way. "She told us."

"Well, uh…" Teaspoon continued in the same awkward manner. He did not find words to ease the circumstances for the two boys. Inwardly he was cursing Mrs. Burrows for putting him in this fix without asking for it. He had never been around children very much, and in this rare occasion he didn't know how to handle the situation. "The thin' is that you're stuck with me till this Mr. Ferguson comes."

The children did not say anything, and then Teaspoon felt somebody knocking on his shoulder. He turned to see Kid, who was gesturing to talk to him aside. They moved away from the two boys, and when they were out of earshot, Teaspoon asked, "What now, Kid?" Despite having dealt with lawless and more than despicable people a great part of his life and being able to control any dangerous situation with an admirable calmness, the old marshal now felt that his nerves were on edge with this matter.

"Teaspoon, you surely won't be considering to have the boys here?" Kid asked in a whisper. "Where will they be sleeping tonight? In one of your cells with the local drunkards as neighbors?"

Teaspoon did not like the chiding tone in Kid's voice. He hadn't asked for the present situation and hadn't even had the time to think about it carefully. The problem had fallen on his hands unexpectedly, and for the moment he did not have many options. When young Jesse had happened to stay with him, he had willingly accepted to make the jailhouse his place of residence. Maybe it was different with two small kids, but there was nothing else he could offer. His own lodgings above the marshal's office were too small and unsuitable even for Teaspoon himself. He had never been too fussy about the place where he spent his nights as long as it was warm and cozy.

"What would you like me to do, Kid? It's not like I have many options," he said annoyed.

"They can stay at my place. You know I have more than enough room, and they'll feel much more comfortable than here," Kid offered.

Teaspoon looked at him with a serious expression for a few moments. "Now Kid," he began, "I don't think that's a smart move on your part."

"Why?" Kid asked perplexed.

"Have you given a thought to your wife?" the marshal asked. "You know how sensitive she is about stuff like babies or anything related. Don't you remember what happened when Sally Douglas told her she was pregnant?"

Kid pressed his lips together in a bitter gesture. Although Teaspoon had reasons for that opinion, Kid couldn't help but feel annoyed. "Lou's in St Joseph, Teaspoon, and won't be back for a few days. And even if she wasn't away, I'm sure she wouldn't mind." He stopped for a brief moment and then he added, "She's not the nasty woman that you all seem to think."

"I didn't say she was, Kid!" the marshal retorted hurt.

"Lou's just going through a bad spell at the moment," Kid insisted. Lately he found himself in the need to defend his wife even though he really couldn't understand what was wrong with her most of the time.

"I know that. I just don't want you to add a new reason for problems between you two," Teaspoon said, slapping Kid on the back encouragingly. "You wouldn't want these two young children to be in the middle of warfare."

"Things couldn't get worse between us than they are," Kid muttered morosely. "But I assure you that everything will be all right. By the time Lou comes back, the boys will already have gone."

Teaspoon looked at him briefly and watching his former rider's confident stance he had to finally give in. "All right, Kid. But don't come to me with regrets later. I wouldn't be smilin' if these two are really like Mrs. Burrows said. Lou will literally kill ya if she doesn't have a house to come home to," Teaspoon said teasingly and Kid let out a brief laugh.

They approached the two children again, and the marshal talked to them. "Boys, change of plans. As we're a bit short of space here, you know, we need the cells to lock up real bandits." He stopped for a second, enjoying the sheer attention these young boys were paying him. "So Mr. McCloud here thinks you can stay with him in his house. It's a nice ranch with lots of horses and space to play in."

Kid furrowed his brow at the marshal's words. Things were running smoothly for him now, but he was far from having 'lots' of horses. Teaspoon always had a tendency to go over the top in his accounts, and in a way that made him the peculiar character he was. The young man crouched before the boys and asked, "So what do you think?"

Jack looked at his brother for an instant, and then he turned his attention back to Kid. "Will you let us ride a real horse?"

"Well, we could see to that," he answered and the boys' faces lit with a big smile. "So what do you say?" Kid repeated and the two children nodded their heads simultaneously. "Good," Kid let out with a grin, "As soon as I finish my day here, we'll go, all right?" Both brothers bobbed their heads again in unison.

Later that day Kid and the two children were getting ready to head for the ranch. He had hired a wagon from the livery and had tied Katy on the back of the carriage. In all the hours the boys had stayed in Teaspoon's office, they had been on their best behavior. Kid was beginning to doubt that Mrs. Burrows' story was completely true, or at least she had surely exaggerated her account. As the three of them left the jailhouse and reached the buckboard, Jack kept staring wide-eyed at the mare tied behind the carriage. Kid had helped Tommy onto the wagon and smiled at seeing the elder boy's starry gaze.

"Is this horse yours, sir?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh," Kid nodded and rounding the wagon, he patted his mare on the neck affectionately. "This is Katy, my favorite girl. So I gather you like her, eh?"

The boy nodded vigorously and asked, "Will you let me ride her, Mr. McCloud?"

Kid approached the child and lifted him onto the wagon seat and for a few moments he remained silent. "We'll see," Kid finally said. "Katy's not any horse. She's pretty special and not everybody gets to ride her. If you're a good boy, I'll think about it."

"I will be, I promise," Jack stated without the slightest doubt.

"Good," Kid replied and couldn't help but smile. He sat on the wagon's seat and taking the reins he drove off towards his ranch. Kid breathed deeply as the horse moved to a canter. He hadn't really given any thought to what he was getting into when he had offered to take care of the two boys by himself. He really didn't know the first thing about looking after children and he wasn't really sure if Lou being away was a blessing or a real drawback. He missed her and really needed her now with the boys. Maybe she wouldn't appreciate him inviting two strange children to stay in their house, and with all probably she would feel this as an intrusion and attack from his part. Despite his words to Teaspoon, Kid knew that the marshal was mainly right but his sense of pride had won over his common sense. Anyway, Lou wouldn't come back till the boys were gone, so she needn't know about them at all. The thought about her was making him feel very sad all of a sudden, so he tried to fix his attention on something else. He turned to the boys, who had been silent all this time, and asked, "How old are you, Jack?"

"I'm seven," the boy replied proudly.

"And you, Tommy?"

The younger brother looked at him seriously but didn't try to talk. "He's four, sir," Jack answered for him.

"Let your brother do the talking," Kid said softly. The small boy hadn't said a single word since he had met him. Kid imagined that he must be scared and confused after the episode with Mrs. Burrows.

"He's shy and doesn't talk to strangers," Jack explained.

"Is that so, Tommy?" Kid asked and the younger boy nodded. "That's a sensible thing to do, but, Tommy, if you're gonna stay in my house, I'm hardly a stranger."

The boy smiled as Kid ruffled his hair. "We stayed in that woman's house and he didn't talk to her either," Jack said matter-of-factly.

"Did you stay with her for long?" Kid asked again.

"Oh yes, sir," the boy answered, stretching every vowel comically. "Very, very looong. Twooo whooole days."

Kid tried to hide a smile at the boys' answer. He'd also think it very long if he had to bear the lady's presence more than five minutes. "And is it true what she was saying about you two, Jack? Did you do all that?" The boy pulled a serious face and didn't seem eager to answer. "You can talk to me. I won't tell the marshal. It will be our little secret."

The boy nodded and added with a scowl, "She was very mean."

"Well, you weren't very nice to her either," Kid said, trying to let them know that he didn't condone that kind of behavior. He still couldn't believe that a couple of young children could cause so much havoc.

"She wanted us to call her mother!" Jack continued, "She doesn't look or smell like a ma. Could you call her mother, Mr. McCloud?"

"I guess not," Kid answered, amused at the thought of him addressing the lady in that manner. "But Mrs. Burrows wanted you two to be part of her family, and it's just logical of her to want to be treated like that."

"We didn't want to be adopted!" Jack exclaimed stubbornly, "but they made us. She also wanted to change our names. We're Martins, and we already had a ma and a pa. We don't need new ones!"

Kid did not say anything. He was really stunned by the assertiveness of the small boy. Jack talked as if he were older than his young age, and Kid wondered how his life had been to make him sound so grown. However, he didn't ask him anything further. It was really strange that the boys would really prefer to live in the orphanage than be part of a family again even though that meant to live with Mrs. Burrows. He knew from Lou that life in an orphanage wasn't really so terrible, but she had always hated it. She had told him that being there was a constant reminder that her ma was dead and nobody else cared about her and her siblings.

The rest of the journey to the ranch was done in silence except for the continuous remarks of Jack about everything. Whereas his brother did not utter a single word, the older boy was a chatterbox and always had something to say about anything. When they finally got to the ranch, Jack looked around bedazzled. "Oh, Mr. McCloud, your place is sooo great," the boy exclaimed, emphasizing every word. "When I grow up, I'll work with horses like you."

"I'm glad you like horses," Kid said with a smile as he helped the boys off the wagon. He led the way to the house and when they were inside, Kid mentally began asking himself what he was going to do with the two little boys the rest of the day. However, he needn't have worried as the two children kept playing all afternoon while he went about his daily duties around the ranch. Now that Lou was away, he had to do all the chores she had taken upon herself, and at the same time he tried to keep the house tidy and neat. So every day he ended up completely worn out and as soon as he got in bed, he crashed exhausted.

Later that day Kid and the two boys sat down for dinner. He had managed to fix something to eat and surprisingly it did not taste as bad as he thought it would. With the few things he had found in the cupboards, they could now enjoy some omelettes and roasted potatoes. As the boys seemed hesitant to dig in and eyed the food with wary eyes, he said, "It's not so bad, boys. We'll have something better tomorrow, but with Lou gone I haven't had the time to go for provisions."

Jack smelled the food on his plate and finally began eating it. Seeing his brother, Tommy followed suit. After a few bites Jack asked, "Who is Lou?"

"She's my wife," Kid answered softly. His voice got a tender and melancholic quality whenever he mentioned Louise. "She's away in St Jo visiting with her sister at the moment."

"Is she nice?" Jack asked again. "Or is she like Mrs. Burrows?"

Kid couldn't help but burst out laughing at the boy's comments. Clearly the lady had made quite an impact on him. Both boys looked at him with confused expressions at his sudden outburst, and when he finally sobered, he said, "She's very nice. Lou's sweet, kind and is really fun." His last words came out in a sad tone as he realized that he was describing the person he had married and not the one she had become.

"Do you have children?" came Jack's new question.

Kid just shook his head no ruefully and then added, "Stop the chitchat, Jack, and eat your food like a good boy."

"Yes, sir," and that was the end of the conversation. The three ate in silence till Jack got bored and began his endless talk again. As a matter of fact, Kid really welcomed the two boys' presence. He had managed to forget his problems with Lou for a few brief moments, but as soon as he had pronounced her name, the reality of their situation had rushed over him strongly. Their problems were too fresh and painful to forget for long. Anyway, the boys' presence in the house was making the place feel alive and warm again after months of bitter coldness.

As the end of the day approached, Kid felt proud of himself for being able to deal with the two children on his own successfully. Truth to be told, they hadn't given any problem as they had behaved perfectly well. However, that night as he showed them the rooms where they would be sleeping, he encountered the first difficulty. They were in Theresa's old bedroom and the two boys eyed everything in the room with troubled expressions.

"Jack, you can sleep here and your brother can sleep in the one next door," Kid was explaining, without noticing the looks passing between the two brothers.

Jack eyed the bed, the embroidered pink quilt, the flowery curtains and the dolls on top of the chest warily. "It's a girl's room," he said with a scowl.

"Something wrong with that?" Kid asked.

"Mr. McCloud, it's a girl's room," Jack repeated as if that explained the reason for itself. "And Tommy and I have always, always slept in the same room together."

"So you want to sleep together?" Kid asked even though he already knew the answer.

Both boys nodded and Kid sighed silently. He had the hunch that no persuasion would work with them, and he'd have to find an alternative place. There was only one option and that would be to let them sleep in his and Lou's bedroom. While he finally put the boys to sleep in the big bed, Kid felt kind of strange in the room. He hadn't slept in it in months and ridiculously felt as if he were invading Lou's domain.

Now he was sure he wouldn't be able to hide from her that he had guests in their house. As soon as she cast a look at the room, she would know. He would never be able to make the bed and tidy the room as neatly as she did. He just hoped that she wouldn't jump to the wrong conclusion as the time she thought there was something fishy going on between him and Amanda Davis. He'd tell her everything straightaway and bear her reaction as good as he could. The notion of feeling apprehensive of her finding out left him with a bitter sensation. He wondered how they had reached the point that he questioned all his actions in terms of her moods.

When Kid finally made it to his now room for months, he had shushed all the negative thoughts away. He was really tired and welcomed his sleep eagerly. The boys had fallen asleep in no time, the night was peaceful and there was nothing to worry about right now. Kid brought about all these reassuring thoughts as he drifted to sleep without knowing that in just a few hours somebody would walk in his own house and interrupt his sweet dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It was still dark when Lou stopped her horse outside her homestead. She had been riding through the entire night, not wanting to spend the night in the open. Even though it was quite mild for the middle of March, she just didn't feel like sleeping on the rough ground, so she had pushed her horse hard to take her home as quickly as possible. She wondered when she had turned into such a fussy woman. Remembering how much she had loved to spend her night in the wild, the bright stars hovering over her, it was surprising to notice all these changes in herself. She just didn't know who she was anymore; she was losing herself and becoming a strange woman, and the notion scared her to death.

Initially Lou had truly believed that a few days away from Rock Creek and Kid would help her clear her mind. She was fully aware that the situation between her and her husband was out of her control, and the blame fell completely on her. As soon as she had received the letter from Theresa, she hadn't hesitated to go away for a spell. However, the stay in St Joseph had been anything but pleasant to her liking. Lou had always had a soft spot for her sister, and had thought that she would help her to ease her troubled mind somehow. Yet, from the very first moment Louise realized that being with Theresa wasn't much more different than to be with anybody else. Her mood hadn't changed and anything Theresa said would upset her and spark her dreaded anger. It really frustrated her to feel like this; she just couldn't control her own feelings and angrily wondered what kind of woman she was turning into. It was as if she were possessed by strange forces that pushed her uncontrollably, resulting in her hurting everything and everybody that stayed in her way. Louise feared that some day she would find herself all alone if she continued like this, but she was immersed in a spiral and was unable to stop.

Her visit to Theresa had been, in short, a complete disaster. Lou didn't know why, but since the first moment she had been uncomfortable in her sister's company. In a way, she felt protected in her own home in Rock Creek; it was her shelter and she found it secure in its solitude. Not even Kid's presence disturbed that atmosphere most of the time; she had come to think of him as part of the setting and only on a few occasions he managed to alter her usual apathy. Louise had always had a special chemistry with her sister. They had got on so well that when Theresa had announced her desire to leave home, Lou had been left with a broken heart. It hadn't been a surprise when she had received the letter from Theresa asking her to visit her, and Lou had genuinely looked forward to seeing her. However, things couldn't have been worse in those days spent together.

Lou really didn't know what had annoyed her so much, whether it was Theresa's undying liveliness which contrasted with her now so often bleakness, her continuous chatter which drove Lou crazy or maybe it was just that she had repeatedly asked her when she and Kid would have a baby. Those questions had hurt her terribly, and Louise had first tried to ignore them. In all those months she had never found the nerve to write to Theresa about her incapability to become a mother and in the few days in St Joseph she had also felt unable to speak up. The matter was just too painful and although the whole thing was continuously on her mind, Lou couldn't come to talk about it. So when Theresa had mentioned her wish for a niece or a nephew for the fourth time, Louise had barged against her like never before. Lou admitted that she had been cruel and had told her sweet little sister too painful words. Theresa was just a sixteen-year-old young lady and had just expressed her natural enthusiasm. Lou had regretted her insensitive and spiteful comments instantly, but it was already too late to take them back. So she had packed her few things and left without even saying good-bye. She had ridden fast and hard as though the reality would vanish with every mile she covered between her and St Joseph.

Louise eased off her horse, glad to be home. The silence was complete and her steps seemed to sound loudly in the night. In a few hours it would be daylight and she would get a few hours' sleep before another day began. She would also welcome a hot bath; after the hard ride she was covered in dust and mud and smelt like a cowboy. Even though at this time of the night she didn't feel like boiling water and carrying the buckets to her bathtub upstairs, she really needed a refreshing bath. She just couldn't get inside her clean bed and cover herself with her soft-smelling sheets when she smelt of horse and leather.

Sighing resignedly Lou lit a lamp to see her way in the darkened house and climbed the stairs slowly. She walked along the corridor and headed directly for her bedroom. As she stepped inside, the lamp faintly lit the room and to her surprise she could make out a shape among the covers in her bed. She wondered whether Kid had taken to sleep in their bed while she was away. It was something logical as she had to admit that it was more comfortable to rest in their spacious bed than in Jeremiah's small one. However, the notion annoyed her however selfish it was, and her own uncontrollable reactions made her angry with herself at the same time.

Coming closer, the light fell directly on the bed and she now could clearly see who was invading her space. She couldn't be more surprised as she gazed at the sleeping figures of the two children. For a moment Lou kept transfixed looking at the angelic image before her eyes, but soon her whole self reacted. Turning around in a flash and trying to make no noise she left the lamp on the dressing table and plodded along the corridor. She directed her light steps to the last room in the passageway, where she knew Kid was sleeping and on reaching it Lou slammed the door open loudly and boomed her question unceremoniously, "Who are those children sleeping in my bed?"

At the racket Kid almost jumped out of his skin, and as if by impulse he reached to grab his gun. It took him a few seconds to get a grip of himself and register where he was and what was happening. The first timid rays of the morning squeezed faintly through the gap in the curtains and he could make out Lou's figure standing under the threshold. "Lou?" he asked with a rough voice while he tried to straighten his tousled hair. "When did you come back?"

Louise walked a few steps into the room and instead of answering his question she repeated, her hands resting on her hips cockily, "Who are those children, Kid?"

He stared at her, trying to discern what mood she was in. He really couldn't tell and instead or replying, he eased off the bed and began putting his trousers on. Once finished Kid turned to her and just said, "It's not a big deal, Lou." He stopped for a moment trying to find the right words to say. He had the hunch that she wouldn't be too thrilled about the whole thing no matter how he told her, but Kid just hoped that she wouldn't blow her top excessively because he didn't feel like fighting so early in the morning. "They're just gonna stay here till Saturday." He studied her expression but she didn't let on much, so he decided to continue warily. "Seems Mrs. Burrows intended to adopt the boys…" At that point Louise made a gesture of disgust and Kid had to smile. "Yeah, I thought the same myself," he said and carried on telling her about the woman leaving the two brothers in Teaspoon's office and how he had offered to take them in.

"I didn't think it right to let them stay with Teaspoon while we have plenty of space here." He was trying hard to prove his point and save them another nasty fight. "You don't mind, don't you, Lou?" He looked at her nervously and braced himself for the reaction he was sure was coming. To his utter surprise Lou just shrugged her shoulders and left the bedroom without further ado.

Kid finished putting the rest of his clothes on and rushed downstairs. He found her in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee, and when she saw him, she served another cup for him. Kid sat across from her at the kitchen table, and for a few minutes they remained silent, sipping their coffee. "How is it you came back now?" Kid finally asked.

"This is my home," Lou stated in a tense voice.

Kid cursed himself silently for making it all come out wrong. Astonishingly Lou didn't seem bothered by the presence of the two children as he had feared, and his clumsy mouth would manage to make her angry. "I didn't mean it like that!" he defended himself. "Of course this is your home, and I've missed you something terrible." At his words she lowered her gaze at the cup of coffee before her, trying to avoid his eyes. Kid knew that it was safer for him if he didn't mention anything about their rocky relationship, but he just couldn't help it. "What I mean," he continued after a moment's pause, "is why you've returned so soon. You weren't supposed to come back for a few days."

Lou shrugged her shoulders for the second time that morning and just said, "I got bored."

"You didn't fight with Theresa, did you?" Kid asked and instantly he knew he had hit a raw nerve. Lou just glared at him but didn't say a word. After a while she stood up and looking at her husband seriously she muttered, "I'll see to the horse and wash up. You go back to sleep, Kid."

He shook his head and added, "It's almost dawn. You go and wash up. I'll take care of Lightning for you and fix some breakfast." He stopped for a second and hesitantly he muttered in a nervous voice, "We need to talk anyway."

"Talk about what?" Lou asked with a frown.

_"Talk about what!"_ he thought irritated and wanted to scream, _"What about our busted marriage? What about the reason why we are acting like strangers more and more? And simply talk about what I could do to make a difference to you?"_ Yet, instead he just said in a very calmed voice, "About the two children sleeping in our bed. You still haven't told me how you feel about having them here." He didn't wait for her answer and rising to his feet he left the room.

An hour later they were sitting around the kitchen table again, and while they ate the breakfast that Kid had prepared, no word was uttered by either husband or wife. Louise had discarded her dusty masculine clothes and changed into a simple cream dress. Her hair hung loose and still damp from her bath. Kid kept casting looks in her direction, looks that she never saw. Despite the silence, he found this morning strangely comforting. Here he was in the company of his lovely wife and despite all her threats and words, she had really come back to him, something that had worried him in the last few days.

Kid had learnt to be thankful for small moments and snippets like this morning_. Lou was really back,_ he repeated mentally, and her temper hadn't exploded as he had feared, so for now that was all he cared about. He didn't even dare to speak up for fear that he could spoil the peace of the moment with his clumsy words. Lately talking to Lou was like handling dynamite; it could explode at any moment. Kid hated to feel like that but Lou's temper really changed so quickly and drastically in a matter of minutes that he never knew how to act or talk to her any more. It was a sad notion, but he had learnt to cherish those few moments that she didn't look like she was on the verge of punching him hard on the face.

Silence was a normal occurrence in their daily life, and the fact that he was becoming to consider it as "normal" brought about a deep sadness. They had always been able to talk. Since the beginning Lou had always been his friend first and foremost. Only once Kid had suffered a silent treatment like that. Just after they broke up, the new lady teacher had caught his eye and Kid had made some unfortunate remarks that had reached Lou's ears. Kid admitted that he had been a fool and would regret that moment forever. He had wanted to find an escape to his feelings because he hadn't got over Lou, and he had rushed to find a substitute. He admitted he had behaved foolishly and had assumed his blame when some time later he had apologized to her.

Those moments of awkward silence hadn't been pleasant at all as Kid remembered sitting at the bunkhouse table across from her and feeling as if she were miles and miles away. However, when they managed to get over that episode, they had remained friends despite not being together. Now Kid didn't know where he really stood. It seemed as if he had lost his wife in a true sense but what was worse was that he had also lost the best friend he had ever had. And this time it wasn't his fault… or maybe it; he just didn't know.

In that moment movement at the kitchen door caught his eye, and he saw the two boys, still clad in their nightclothes, their hair tousled and their eyes puffy from sleep. "Mr. McCloud?" Jack said, rubbing his sleepy eyes with his little fist. Tommy followed behind, gripping his brother's sleeve and looking shyly at the two adults.

Kid stood up and approached them, "Hey, boys!" he exclaimed while he looked at Lou, studying her expression. "Have you slept well?"

"Yes, sir," Jack answered, eyeing Lou, who had remained seated and was staring at the two boys.

"Good," Kid replied with a big smile. "Jack, Tommy, this lady here's my wife Louise. She came back just a few hours ago."

"How are you, Ma'am?" Jack greeted politely as Lou just nodded in acknowledgement, looking at them with an expression Kid felt unable to read.

"Boys, why don't you go back upstairs and get dressed?" Kid asked. "I'll make you something nice for breakfast and then we can go to town."

"Yes, sir," Jack replied with an ample grin and turned to leave, dragging his brother along by the hand.

Kid stared after them with a smile, and when they had disappeared from their sight, he turned to his wife. "They're such good boys, Lou," he said as he approached the stove and poured himself another cup of coffee. "Jack's a little chatterbox and Tommy…" He hadn't finished his thought when Louise came next to him and cut him off in mid-sentence.

"Are you planning to take those children to Teaspoon's office?" she asked with a disapproving tone.

Kid looked at her surprised. This was the most she had talked all morning and what was more, she seemed genuinely interested in what he was going to do about the two boys. "Well, Lou," he said, "there's not many other options."

"That's hardly a place for children," Lou insisted, "You said so yourself."

Kid eyed her curiously as he talked. "What else can I do? Maybe Rachel…"

"They can stay with me," Lou stated firmly, cutting him off again.

Kid could have been knocked off with a feather at her words. He had been glad that she hadn't flown into a temper about the whole matter, but now her willingness to help out with the boys was just unbelievable, given her apathy for the last few months. She hadn't cared for much, and Kid had got used to it. Yet, now in front of him he was seeing flashes of the old Lou resurface and his heart warmed with hope.

"I took this responsibility upon myself and I don't want to burden you," he added, waiting to see what she'd say next.

"Well, it's not very responsible of you to take them to a place like the jailhouse," Lou stated, folding her arms over her chest.

Kid looked at her, still amazed at this sudden twist in her. "You sure, Lou?" He asked again. "You sure you'll be all right with them?"

Lou glared at him, tired of his remarks and hurt that he didn't trust her. "I won't eat them alive, Kid!" she barked at the top of her voice. Lou admitted to herself that she had given him more than enough reasons for his wariness towards her. Her behavior had been most bizarre and unstable, but the realization of it was really painful. She didn't know why she had offered to take care of those children, and when Kid had put her capability into doubt, she just insisted as a way to win over him.

"All right, all right," Kid said, lifting his hands as if in defense. "I didn't mean it like that!" He wanted to punch himself hard for blundering it again. They were having a real conversation, a quiet normal conversation, and he had foolishly managed to rile her up once more. He must have the knack of making her blow her top because he admitted that he always ended up saying the wrong thing. "It really was a dumb question," he added with an ample smile as a way to soothe her.

His words didn't do anything to placate her anger, and in that mood she really felt unable to control her own tongue and the snide remark was out before her mind had even registered it. "Erase that stupid grin off your face. Don't go thinking that I'm pleased with you sneaking strangers into my house while I'm away!"

"But…" he tried to rebuke, but she had already left his presence and the kitchen. Kid stood there flabbergasted, not understanding his wife a bit any more. He'd have sworn that she hadn't minded him taking the boys in, and he could even say that she had seemed to approve of his decision. So now he just couldn't understand why she had to make a comment like that out of the blue. One minute she was fine, and in a matter of seconds she transformed into this horrible woman. Kid never felt so lost and confused, and the thought enraged him terribly. He wanted to yell and ask the heavens why, but at this point he suspected that they wouldn't even have the answer up there.

* * *

Half an hour later while the boys sat around the kitchen table, beginning their breakfast, Kid was about to leave for town like every day. Lou sat at the same table, tasting her umpteenth cup of coffee that morning. Kid had to bite his tongue, knowing that so much coffee couldn't do her frayed nerves any good, but as she hadn't slept a wink last night, he understood that she needed the coffee to keep her awake. As he entered the kitchen, he noticed that she was now wearing her hair neatly done in a braid. She kept her eyes downcast, fixed on her cup of coffee and did not even lift them when he spoke up.

"Boys, I have to go now," he said. "I'll see you two this afternoon." He needed to reassure them, and make clear that he wasn't just leaving them behind. Kid didn't know anything about the boys' life story, but he suspected it wasn't a pretty one, and after Mrs. Burrows' episode, they must have the impression that everybody was willing to dump them at the first opportunity.

"You got to catch all the baddies?" Jack asked.

Kid let out a peal of laughter and crouched in front of the boy. "That's right. I have to help the marshal."

Jack kept thoughtful for a moment. "Can't me and Tommy help too?" the boy asked again, his eyes bright in anticipation.

Kid ruffled his hair, and just said, "Not today, I'm afraid. You two stay here with Lou. You'll have fun." He cast a look at her and for the first time their eyes met, and she did not try to look away. Louise had a serious countenance, and Kid really could not tell what was crossing her mind right now. Turning his attention back to Jack, he whispered something in his ear, and the boy giggled while he looked at Lou sideways. Finally the young man rose to his feet and added, "You two be good, all right?"

The two brothers bobbed their heads up and down, and Kid turned to go. Stopping just at the threshold he gazed at Lou and said, "I'll see you later." He tried to smile at her, but as Lou did not share the gesture, the grin instantly disappeared from his face and a bitter gesture settled instead. His eyes lingered on hers for a few seconds, and then without any more words he left with a heavy heart.

Louise heard the front door bang shut and let out a silent sigh. No matter the circumstances she always ended up hurting him. She didn't know how he hadn't left her already after all these months. Lately all she managed to say was horrible and cruel words. Kid didn't deserve that treatment. He had been so patient, sweet and kind to her and it was surprising how he kept going. With each passing day Lou was more and more convinced that he should find his happiness somewhere far from her. She just felt unable to perform the role of a dutiful wife any more. Before getting married she had been plagued by doubts, unsure if she would be able to be the wife Kid deserved after the rugged life she had led. Sadly, those doubts and fears had proved to carry the truth behind them after all. Clearly Kid wasn't happy, and it wasn't just that she couldn't bear children, but the whole matter was something deeper. She was basically a terrible wife and had to admit that Kid had made the worst mistake of his life by marrying her.

Louise sighed again and when she turned her eyes from the door through which Kid had left, the two boys were watching her intently. She had forgotten about them and now she was beginning to panic. What was she supposed to do with them till Kid came back? Lou wasn't sure what impulse she had that made her offer to care for them. This would only prove to her that nature had been wise to incapacitate her to have children. She really wasn't in her best mood and had no idea what to do or how to talk to two small boys. Although she had taken care of her siblings for a few years, the situation had been quite different. Theresa and Jeremiah had been older than these two children when they had come to live here with her, and she hadn't had great difficulties in dealing with them. Even when she had taken care of them while her ma was sick or when in the orphanage, she had been a young girl herself and hadn't been fully aware of the responsibility towards her two siblings. Now Lou was an adult and all of a sudden, she found herself in the company of two strange children and having to look after them all morning on top of it all.

Jack was intently looking at her and smiling happily. "I do like him," the boy exclaimed and Louise gave him a faint smile. "Do you?" he asked after a beat.

"Do I what, Jack?"

"Like him!" he said matter-of-factly as if he thought her question made no sense.

Lou gazed at him for a few moments, wondering what had prompted this little boy to ask her that. "He's my husband," she simply said, as though that answered his curiosity and his question.

Jack interchanged a confused look with his brother and then glanced at Louise with a frown, "That's not what I asked."

Lou remained silent for a few seconds while the boy kept staring at her in expectation and she finally said, "Yeah, I like him, I like him very much." It was the first time she admitted her feelings to anybody or to herself in months. To her surprise saying it out loud brought about a sense of peace to her heart. All these long months she had been unable to simply talk to her husband, and here came this little boy who had made her admit something as simple as the fact that she liked him, that she liked her husband.

At her answer Jack smiled from ear to ear and surprisingly Lou felt her cheeks go red. The boy seemed to beam happily, and Louise found herself smiling as well. However, her smile faded as Jack launched his next question. "Why don't you and Mr. McCloud have children?"

Louise stiffen at his words and felt her body shiver. The two boys looked at her, expecting her answer and she tried to get a grip of herself. "I … I can't have children," she finally managed to say awkwardly. To her surprise her words didn't make her feel as bitter and angry as she had thought. It was the first time she had pronounced what was always in her mind, and this time she hadn't felt the desire to die then and there.

"Why?" Jack asked again.

"I … don't know," Lou admitted in a soft voice. "Some people can and some can't."

The boy kept thoughtful with a serious expression for a few minutes. "Mrs. McCloud?" he called after a beat.

"Yes, Jack?"

"That's lucky," he stated to Lou's surprise.

"Oh yeah?" she let out with a neutral expression. Rachel and Teaspoon had repeatedly bugged her with the same words. She should be considered lucky to have a good husband, loyal friends and a comfortable life. In a way she knew that they were right but it was so difficult for her to be thankful for that. She wanted something more, something she couldn't have and for that reason she didn't feel fortunate at all.

"My ma died when she had my sister," the boy began almost in a whisper. "Father O'Brien said that they're happy in heaven. But… but she'd still be here with me and Tommy and pa wouldn't have left if…"

The boy's voice faltered and his bright eyes stared at Lou. Louise stared back at young Jack in amazement as she saw herself mirrored in this little boy. She could fully understand him and as a little girl she had often made similar senseless reasoning. She had been barely eight years old when life had drastically changed for her. Her mother had fallen ill and a few months later she had died leaving Lou and her two younger siblings alone in the world. It had been then that Lou had suddenly found herself in a unfamiliar place and surrounded by strange people. She just couldn't understand why she had to live in the orphanage and with people that weren't her family. That wasn't her home and often she had stubbornly demanded of the nuns the reason why God had let her dear ma to die. She had wanted an explanation, a reasoning to that insane situation, but she had got none. All she had received was faint and empty words that didn't help her in her distress at all. It had angered her back then when she had felt patronized or just given the brush off. Lou had never felt more lonely and in her silly fantasies she had even dreamed that her father would come and take them away from that place. She remembered praying hard to God to let her pa become a good man and then they would be a real family again although she knew that would never happen.

Louise kept looking at Jack, not knowing what to say. She didn't have any more comforting words than the nuns had for her when she was a little girl. This boy didn't need any meaningless comments from anybody, and she wouldn't be offering them. Lou had eventually learnt that sometimes life had no logic and most of the time it just didn't make sense. Jack had a right to make his illogical assumptions and hopes. He could think that she was lucky to be unable to have children since he wished that his own mother would have been barren if that meant she was still alive. It all made perfect sense to Louise, and she felt a sudden affinity to the boy.

She leaned in and cupping his face with her hands she smiled, this time with a genuine smile and trying to find a new direction she said in a soft voice, "Darling, be a good boy and eat your breakfast. Kid has taken the trouble to fix it and you don't want to disappoint him, don't you?"

"No, Ma'am," Jack replied, smiling as he dug in avidly. Louise cast a look at his younger brother and, Lou didn't know why, but the boy was staring at her, grinning from ear to ear. She rose to her feet and ruffling Tommy's hair teasingly, she added, "You too, young man."

While she was filling two glasses with milk for the two boys, Jack called her name, "Mrs. McCloud?"

"Yes Jack?" Lou replied with a faint smile. She didn't know why but this morning she was feeling different and in a way renewed.

The boy kept silent for a moment and then whispered as if it were a secret, "You're not like Mrs. Burrows at all. You do talk and smell like a ma."

At his words Louise felt her throat go dry and her eyes fill with tears and she turned round, away from the boys so that they couldn't see her this upset and just muttered, "Thank you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

It was a very warm day for the middle of March. The sun was shining brightly above, and the shortage of rain lately made the atmosphere muggy and humid. Lou drove the wagon along Rock Creek's busy main street; the two boys sitting at her side with smiling expressions, eager to get to town. Their contented countenances contrasted with Lou's. Lately she was beginning to hate coming to town; in fact she dreaded the whole ordeal. It was weird as not long ago she used to go to town every day while she had been working at the hotel. Now if she could, she avoided leaving the ranch altogether. It was Kid who usually went to Tompkins' store for provisions. There had been a kind of silent pact between them in which she left him a note with everything she needed, and he took care of going to the mercantile.

Louise stopped the wagon and helped the boys get off. After securing the carriage to a hitching post, the three of them began walking along the dusty street. "Where are we going, Mrs. McCloud?" Jack asked as he tried to keep up with her.

"To the general store," Lou said, "I've already told you several times."

The boy made a gesture of disappointment and added with a whine, "I thought we could go to the marshal's office. It was really fun yesterday."

Louise shook her head at the boy's relentlessness. The entire ride to town he had continuously bugged her about going to the jailhouse. "That's not a place to play in, Jack," Louise repeated the reason once more.

"I won't play. I'd help the marshal and Mr. McCloud," he stated with a proud stance.

"Would you?" Lou asked with an amused expression, and the boy nodded energetically. She smiled and turned to Tommy, who was walking at her other side. "Is your brother always this stubborn?" she asked teasingly, and the small boy bobbed his head up and down with a big smile.

"Hey!" Jack protested, and Lou couldn't help but chuckle. She winked at him, and the boy grinned sheepishly. Her attention was on Jack when she felt something touch her hand and looking down she realized that little Tommy had got hold of it as they walked. The boy looked back at her, smiling his constant smile, as if asking for her approval, and Louise squeezed his little hand gently and returned the smile. The gesture had really moved her, and she was stunned at the effect these two boys were having on her. She was aware that she was acting differently and couldn't help to feel awkward. Louise couldn't remember the last time she had felt like smiling or had reasons to do so. She felt bitter and miserable all the time for months now, but in the few hours she had met the two brothers she had been surprised at how easily smiling came back to her. Maybe it was just because she couldn't vent her frustration on these small children, but the fact remained that they had made her momentarily forget the reasons of her unhappiness.

The smile on her face vanished as soon as she spotted the person walking in the other direction. It was Sally. Lou hadn't seen her since she had rudely thrown her and her husband out of her house. Louise hadn't given much thought to that episode and hadn't even contemplated the possibility of going and apologizing to the couple. What was done was done, and Lou couldn't say she regretted her behavior. She had felt so hurt and betrayed in her friendship that even though she admitted she had gone over the top, she had meant every word she had uttered.

So far it seemed Sally hadn't spotted her and Lou kept looking at her out of curiosity. Her pregnancy was very obvious now, and Lou wondered how far along she was. She was annoyed at the thought that her blond friend had hidden her state from her longer than she had initially thought. Sally was in an animated conversation with another woman, and when Lou recognized the other lady, her mouth opened in utter shock and her anger increased dangerously.

What was Sally doing with Amanda Davis? Lou knew that her friend didn't like that woman, and now they looked as if they were best friends. Louise had repeatedly complained to her how Amanda Davis would shamelessly flirted with her husband and humiliated her with spiteful words, but apparently Sally had forgotten all those times Lou had taken her in her confidence. Admittedly, she couldn't say that they were close friends now, actually they didn't talk at all, but Lou couldn't help but see this as a new treason to her friendship. On top of it all, she couldn't forget how Sally's "wonderful" husband had spread word that she was nothing more than a crazy woman, embittered and frustrated. Not that she was concerned by what everybody thought of her, but all those things added up to her already poor opinion lately of Sally Douglas.

In that moment laughing at something that Amanda had said Sally looked ahead, and her eyes fell on Lou with the two boys in tow and her mirth vanished instantly. They glanced at each other in the distance for a few seconds, and Lou looked away after a while.

"Boys, hurry up," she urged them, not wanting to have to face the two women. She'd hate to be forced to hear snide remarks by that spiteful woman or bear pitiful looks from Sally.

"Why?" Jack asked, not eager to be scooped up in the general store while he'd rather be playing.

Lou did not answer the boy but walked faster at a pace that was hard for the boys to keep up with her. Tompkins' store was not too far, and when they reached it, Lou felt an immense sensation of relief. She stepped inside followed by the two children. Tompkins was in his usual position behind the counter and was engaged in conversation with a few ladies. Not bothered to greet them good-morning she scurried inside and reached the end of the store without being noticed. Lou was no fool and was aware of what people thought of her. Some of the well-regarded ladies and men looked down on her on account of her past life in the Pony Express, and now thanks to John Douglas' big mouth she could feel the scornful looks on her. Louise stomped towards the back of the store where the clothes racks were and began delving in the shelves. Finally, she found what she was looking for and holding a pair of trousers in front of her eyes she muttered to herself, "I think they'll fit." Turning to Jack she asked, "Do you like them?"

"Yeah," the boy replied, staring at the new crisp pants with big eyes.

"You both need a couple of these, a few shirts and, of course, new shoes," Lou said thoughtfully.

"Us?" Jack asked with a big smile. "You mean you're going to buy brand new clothes for me and Tommy?"

Lou nodded. "Yours are a bit tatty," she added softly, rummaging for more garments on the shelves. "You definitely need some more clothes while you're here."

"And can we keep them later?" Jack asked again, excited at the prospects of having new trousers and even shoes.

Lou smiled sadly and said, "Of course." She paused for a moment, and then she added, "You don't get to wear nice new clothes at the orphanage, do you?"

Jack shook his head no, and kept his eyes downcast. Lou put a finger under his chin and tilted his head to hers. "What's wrong?" she asked with a worried countenance. As the boy kept unusually quiet, Louise continued, "You won't be ashamed of living in an orphanage, will you?" Without meeting her gaze, the boy just shrugged his shoulders, a gesture that reminded her of Kid so much. "Look at me, Jack," she urged, and the boy met her eyes timidly. "There's nothing to be ashamed of the place where one lives, honey," Louise talked in hushed tones. "You didn't choose it but one day you'll be able to decide where and with whom to live."

"How do you know?" Jack asked with a frown.

"Well, I grew up in an orphanage like you," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Really?" he let out, wondering if Lou was making up that story. In his short life he had discovered that adults were capable of lying without any obvious signs of remorse, and many a time Jack had felt deeply disappointed when he had found out all those lies.

"Really," Lou answered, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"You have no ma or pa?" Jack asked again, still unconvinced that a lady like Mrs. McCloud could be a lousy orphan like he had heard the town's children call them. Lou shook her head sadly, and the boy kept silent for a few moments. After a while he continued his questioning, feeling really intrigued and curious, "And you liked it at the orphanage?"

"Oh no, I hated it," she exclaimed with a pretended horrified expression, and both she and Jack giggled together. "And now enough talking, and let's try to find some nice trousers for you and your brother." Lou looked to see where Tommy was, and when she finally located him before the display table with the toys, she returned to the task at hand.

Tommy had got bored with all the talking between his brother and Louise, so he had wandered noiselessly around the store. Suddenly, his eyes were instantly attracted to a table full of different toys. The boy's eyes got big as saucers as he looked at all the toys in awe. He had never seen so many together before, but something in particular caught his eye. It was a miniature railway engine with bright red colors. Tommy was entranced by the image before his eyes and unable to resist the temptation, he grabbed the object in his two little hands, staring at it in wonder. However, a raucous voice coming from the other end of the store broke the magic moment and startled the boy, making him almost drop the precious object in his hold.

Rough hands snatched the little train out of his and grabbed his arm forcefully. Tommy looked up, and his eyes met an angry face glaring at him most scaringly. "Go play on the street, young rascal!" Tompkins barked as he began pushing the boy towards the door. Tommy let himself be dragged along and he stared at the storekeeper's imposing figure with a terrified expression. "This ain't the place for children's games!"

The rough voice of Tompkins had drawn Lou's attention, and when she saw the man yanking Tommy like a puppet, she barged against him full force. "Excuse me! What the heck do you think you're doing?" she bellowed and dashed across the room to where the storekeeper had stopped on hearing her words.

"Stay out of this, Lou," he said in an annoyed voice.

"Mrs. McCloud to you!" she growled furiously. "Is this your new pastime now, Mr. Tompkins? You got bored with abusing poor souls and Indians, and now you pick on scared little children instead? What the hell is your problem?" She was fuming and realizing that the man was still holding the boy's little arm, she forcefully knocked Tompkins' hand off. "Let go of him, you oaf!"

"This boy was disrupting my store, my livelihood, and it's my problem, not yours!" Tompkins rebuked unkindly, pointing at her with a menacing finger.

"He wasn't disrupting your damn store, just looking at the toys because it happens he's a child!" she said at the top of her voice. She knew that everybody in the store was looking at her, but she didn't care. "This little boy's with me, and I make it my problem when grown-up men try to abuse him!"

"I… didn't know," Tompkins muttered, suddenly ashamed of his behavior. "I'm really sorry." His voice was so low that Lou could hardly made his words out.

His apology did not manage to placate her boiling anger, and Louise continued in the same caustic tone, "You sure have reasons to be sorry, Mister! I won't set foot in your pathetic store again, and I will spend my money somewhere else. Anywhere will be better than the ogre's cave! I can't well imagine what on earth made me keep coming here for so many years! Your reputation speaks for itself!" She stopped to catch her breath. Mr. Tompkins seemed to have lost the ability to talk and listened to her outburst imperturbably. Lou turned to the two brothers. "Let's go, boys!" she called as she led the way out, and the two children followed her straightaway.

Once outside Lou turned to Tommy and crouching in front of him she brushed her hand over his hair as she said in a soft voice, "Hey, Tommy boy, that horrible, frumpy man didn't scare you, did he?" The boy looked at her with bright eyes, still shaken by the episode with Tompkins, but, despite everything, he shook his head no. "That's a good boy," Lou exclaimed with a smile, and Tommy smiled back proudly.

"Mrs. McCloud," Jack called at her side, and Lou looked up at his standing figure. When the boy saw that he had captured the woman's attention he said, "You were incredible in there. You managed to shut that nasty man up. Isn't it something?"

Louise stood up to a standing position, and while she smoothed her dress from creases, she tried to hide a smirk in amusement. Looking back at the boy she said, "Well, Jack, he wasn't nice to your brother, but I have to admit I'm not very proud of myself for flying off the handle like that." She remembered her words spoken in anger and cringed as she realized that she had even cursed in front of the two children.

"Why?" Jack asked in surprise. That man in the store really deserved the earful that he had received from Mrs. McCloud after the way he had treated Tommy.

"He's an old man, and we need to show respect to people of certain age. I forgot that for a moment in there."

"But he was mean!" Jack insisted.

"I know, but we have to respect our elders no matter what," Louise explained patiently.

"No matter what?" the boy repeated thoughtfully, not really understanding her reasoning. That man wasn't his elder for sure, and he couldn't see why he had to show him respect when he had none for his brother, who was just a little boy. However, he didn't say any of this to Louise.

"Uh huh," she replied. "So let's see to it that we keep this between us three, all right?"

"You mean you can get into trouble with Mr. McCloud?" Jack asked.

"Sort of," Lou answered with a brief smile. She really wouldn't welcome to hear another lecture from Kid. She hated when he assumed that she was constantly moody to everybody or fighting like he had rightly guessed about Theresa. Lou couldn't deny that there was some or quite a lot of truth in that, but this attitude of his really annoyed her. Even though this time she had a justifiable reason to act in the way she had, she'd hate to see doubt cross his eyes.

"It will be our secret, Mrs. McCloud," Jack said in a whisper as if avoiding being overheard and stretched his arm to Lou. She had to smile and shook his hand and the boy returned the gesture seriously.

"All right, young men," Lou exclaimed, "We can't go back in there, so we'll have to find another place to finish our shopping."

A couple of years ago a new store had been opened in Rock Creek. It was much smaller than Tompkins' one, and there was not such a great variety of items. Another thing that put Lou off from visiting this mercantile very often was its owner. Mrs. Cooper was the biggest mouth and gossip in town. As soon as somebody appeared at her door, she bugged them with questions till she could get all the information she needed to gossip with her likewise friends later. Louise knew that after all her problems, which seemed to be public knowledge in Rock Creek, she would surely attract the interest of Mrs. Cooper, especially when she turned up with two little strange children. Lou made a mental note to try to parry all the lady's questions the best she could and over all, not to lose her temper. It wouldn't do her any good to start another scene in Mrs. Cooper's store after what had happened with Tompkins.

Half an hour later Louise and the children left the small store with their arms full of packets. Fortunately for Lou, Mrs. Cooper had the flu and was forced to stay in bed for a whole week, so it was her husband who took care of the store today. Lou had been able to make all her purchases without being bothered by the woman's avid curiosity. They walked to the wagon and placed all the parcels on the back. The children were full of smiles as they stood next to the carriage. Louise had ended up buying more than she had first intended, but she hadn't been able to resist the two little thrilled faces every time she picked something. They had not asked for anything, but Lou had wanted to do something for them, and had even bought them a small toy each. They reminded her of her own childhood so much, especially Jack. She had been a bit like him, protective of her siblings and fully aware of her situation at the orphanage. So doing a little something for these boys like it was to buy them just a few garments or toys felt as if she was actually doing it for herself, for the child she had been. Even though the boys would stay with them just for a few days, it really meant a lot to her; it made her feel like she was filling some holes in her soul, those holes that she never managed to fill.

Once Lou had finished placing all the parcels on the buckboard tidily, she turned to the boys and asked, "Ready to go?"

Jack was about to say something, but stopped as his eyes caught a glimpse of something across the street. "It's Mr. McCloud!" he exclaimed excitedly, and Louise turned her head to look at the direction the boy was pointing at. They were just on the other side of the street, just opposite Teaspoon's office and Kid seemed to be stretching his legs, pacing the walkway.

Before Lou could say or do anything, Jack had dashed across the street, followed by his brother. "Jack!" Lou called as she ran after them, and her heart skipped a beat when a wagon stopped just a few inches before the boy. Jack seemed oblivious of the near miss and continued running towards the other side of the street. Lou's steps slowed down as the boys reached Kid. He was already talking to them, crouched at their side, and Lou approached them slowly, suddenly wary and self-conscious.

Kid's sole presence froze her and she sometimes found it so hard to face him every day. She didn't know at what point their marriage was. Lou wasn't sure why whenever they talked he managed to rile her up so much that she ended up snapping at him, sometimes for no reason at all. The only safe topic of conversation they could share without getting at each other's throats was their ranch, but other than that there was nothing much in common between them lately.

Actually, nothing was going on in their marriage other than the usual fighting and long silences. He hadn't made any romantic advances to her in a long time and, even though the blame fell fully on her, she couldn't help but wonder if he'd already fallen out of love with her. Kid had repeatedly refused the idea of a divorce, but maybe he had just fallen into an easy routine, having her as a companion and housekeeper all in one. Perhaps one day he'd meet somebody new and exciting, and then he wouldn't be interested in her at all, not even as a housekeeper. The day that moment came would be soul-devastating, and she'd want to die and disappear from this earth.

Lou finally reached them, and her own thoughts and the boys' sudden scaring flit weren't helping any to her foul mood. Hearing her steps behind him, Kid stood up and turned round towards her. "Hey!" he greeted in a soft voice, eyeing her very carefully as a way to discover what mood she was in. With a simple look he could say that she was in her now so usual attitude.

Louise did not return the greeting, and instead she turned to Jack straightaway. "Never do that again, understood?" she chided in a loud voice. "You scared me to death!"

The boy hung his head in shame. "Sorry," he said in an almost inaudible whisper. He felt tears pricking his eyes, surprised at the harsh tone in the lady. Looking up at Lou he asked with a saddened demure, "Are you angry with me, Mrs. McCloud?"

The expression on the boy's face disarmed Lou, and she relaxed her face. "Uh … no, of course not," she replied clumsily. "You just scared me. That wagon could have run over you or Tommy."

"I'm sorry," the boy repeated, and Lou patted his shoulder encouragingly. "I won't do it again, I promise."

Lou nodded and looking up from the boy she found Kid's eyes watching all the exchange with interest. She felt her cheeks go red and annoyed at her own reaction she couldn't help but snap cockily. "What?"

"Nothing." Kid was quick to look away. He was really stunned at the way Jack had managed to calm her anger down. Kid admitted that Lou had a right to react in the way she had. They were responsible for these two little boys while they stayed under their roof. He had seen Lou's temper flare after the scare with the wagon, but just a look and a few words from Jack, and she had sobered instantly. Kid wished he would be able to do just that, but all he ever did every single time was to anger her even more. "It's quite warm today," Kid added. "Why don't you come inside and have a glass of water?"

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed, jumping in excitement, and quickly turned to Lou. "Can we, Mrs. McCloud? Say we can, please."

Lou's first instinct had been to refuse. She was not looking forward to seeing Teaspoon. The last time she had talked to the marshal she hadn't been very affectionate, but rather the opposite. Since then she hadn't visited him once, and guilt was nagging her. Teaspoon had always treated her as though she were his kin, and Louise had always seen him like the father she'd have liked to have. However, lately she hadn't behaved like a dutiful daughter but a nasty, ungrateful woman, just because he had said a couple of truths. She knew that but couldn't help the way she felt. So now she didn't warm to the thought of facing the old marshal. She'd feel uncomfortable, but the eagerness in Jack made her consent unwillingly.

"All right," she said, "all right, but just a very short visit."

No sooner had she uttered the words than the two boys dashed inside the marshal's office. Kid chuckled, amused by their childish antics, but his grin faded straightaway as he tried to meet Lou's eyes, and all he got was a cold stare. He did not try to hide his annoyance at her attitude and shook his head, wondering what on earth he had done this time to gain her glare, and without waiting for her, he followed the boys inside, leaving her alone behind.

Lou took his time to walk the few steps into the jailhouse. She was annoyed that her visit to town was taking longer than she had intended. First, the episode in Tompkins' store had forced her to make a detour, and now Kid's "brilliant" suggestion would delay her even more when all she wanted was to hide in the security of her house.

When she stepped into the small office, Teaspoon was answering Jack's avid curiosity about everything and, as her presence became noticeable, the marshal lifted his gaze and stared at her for a few minutes. "Why, why," he began, "I wonder what noble deed I have done to be bestowed the honor of a visit from Louise McCloud?" She didn't say anything but looked at him with a very serious countenance. Teaspoon cleared his throat and added, "Kid here told me you have been real busy on the ranch, haven't you?" Lou just nodded imperceptibly and the marshal whispered in a teasing tone, trying to raise her spirits somehow, "Between you and me, honey, don't let that husband of yours make you slave away!"

While he was talking, the marshal passed his arm over her shoulders in a natural gesture. His words were meaningless to Lou, and she looked at him with a stunned expression. Nobody had dared to come near her or touch her in months; she had scared them away with her behavior and this simple gesture from Teaspoon, something that he had done so many times in the past, this gesture had managed to move her deeply, and she felt the urge to throw her arms to him and let him comfort her. All of a sudden, she felt very lonely and needed, and she wanted a friendly shoulder to cry on, somebody who wouldn't judge her. Oblivious to her internal thoughts Teaspoon let go of her and turned to the two boys. Unwillingly Louise felt her body tremble when his protective arm left her, and she kept staring at him with a miserable expression.

"You two getting along with Louise?" the marshal asked the two boys in a fatherly fashion.

While Tommy nodded vigorously, his brother exclaimed, "Oh yeah. We're having lots of fun."

"You are, are you?" Teaspoon replied with a crooked smile.

"We went to the store and Mrs. McCloud bought us a whole lot of things!"

Kid and Teaspoon cast inquisitional looks at Lou and she lowered her eyes as though she were confessing a hideous crime, she muttered, "They needed some new clothes; that's all."

"And we have a secret!" Jack blurted out, trying to sound mysterious but loud enough for everybody in the room to hear.

"Jack! That's the way you keep a secret?" Lou chided lightly.

"I didn't say what it was!" Jack rebuked, a bit mortified that Louise thought he couldn't be trusted. Lou shook her head and exchanged an amused look with Tommy, who was grinning broadly. "I gave you my word of honor, Mrs. McCloud," Jack insisted, "I won't tell, not even if they torture me to death!"

The two men in the office were amused at the boy's obvious flamboyant gestures and while Kid served cups of cool water to the two boys, he said teasingly, "We'll have a little private conversation later, Jack."

"You see?" Lou turned to the boy, whose cheeks were flushing violently.

"I won't tell, Mr. McCloud!" the boy almost yelled with a serious expression. Noticing that Jack was getting upset, Kid dropped the subject and with one look at Lou he sensed that she was thinking along the same lines. The gesture surprised him; they had always had a special connection and it was as though with just one look he could tell what Lou was thinking, and he was aware that the effect worked on her side as well. Yet, since Lou had fallen in this permanent glum state, that connection seemed to have disappeared and all he got from her was glares and sad eyes. However, now he had felt that bond between them again, and her next words and actions confirmed his suspicions.

Louise looked away and coming closer to Jack she ran her fingers through his untamed hair in a tender gesture and added with a calm demeanor, "It's all right, honey. It's not such a big deal."

The boy nodded, and Louise dared a look at Kid, who was grinning broadly. For the first time in many months she managed to smile in his direction, a very faint smile, almost unnoticeable. After a while she lowered her eyes, and an uneasy silence settled in the room. Kid took this as his cue to offer her the glass of water he had promised, but she declined the offering.

"We really should get going," Lou said, which was followed by a wave of protests from Jack. She wanted to leave the place as soon as possible, feeling uncomfortable and suffocated all of a sudden. "Let's go, boys," she repeated, turning a deaf ear to Jack's disappointed expression.

"I'll walk you to the wagon," Kid offered, and Louise did not have the energy to refuse even though that had been her first inclination. Her feelings seemed to be acting like in a waterwheel. Barely minutes ago she had felt high, in a smiling mood and joking with the boys, and now she was back to her misery. Why was it that she turned into this bitter self in Kid's presence? Maybe he was a reminder of everything that had gone so terribly wrong in her life. She felt unable to be correct and civil with him and it really wasn't fair. The sooner he understood that all was lost, and she just couldn't overcome this situation, the better.

Louise bid the marshal a stiff good-bye and simply nodded when he reminded her to come and see him more often. The children and Kid had already exited, and she followed them at her own pace, watching them from a close distance. Kid carried Tommy perched on his shoulders, and Jack walked by his side. The three of them were laughing as Kid seemed to be having a very animated conversation with the two brothers. Not ready to join in their lighthearted company Louise walked after them slowly, enjoying the image before her eyes with bittersweet feelings, occasionally smiling faintly as Tommy kept turning his head to catch sight of her behind him.

After a few minutes they reached the carriage, and Kid had already helped the boys onto the wagon when Lou joined them. As soon as Kid's eyes met hers, the smile he had worn with the children vanished instantly, and he stared at her with a troubled countenance. After a few moments she looked away, feeling flustered at his scrutiny and focused her attention on the ground at her feet.

"Lou, I…" Kid began, feeling as if she were miles away. He found it so difficult to talk to her just for the sake of having a conversation, and he really couldn't find the way to make them go back to that comfort they had always shared in each other's company. When he called her name, Louise looked up at him and noticed him stop in mid-sentence. She heard the noise of hooves behind her, and saw Kid lift his arm in greeting. She followed the direction of his gaze and saw a group of soldiers on horse, and the one who seemed to be in command was returning the greeting to Kid. Noticing her presence the soldier tilted his head to her and she nodded with cold politeness.

When the group of soldiers disappeared from sight down the street, Lou turned to Kid and asked in a whisper, "What is the army doing here?"

"The usual stuff. They've tracked a band of outlaws in the area," Kid explained. "They've been stealing shipments of gold and weapons from the army. Seems that they're a group of renegades, probably Southerners. Captain Graham has required Teaspoon's cooperation and …"

He had not finished talking when she cut him off with her question, "And you're willing to help?" Surprise was evident in her voice and it didn't go unnoticed to Kid.

"The war finished long ago, Lou," he retorted, visibly annoyed. "I came back without looking back, and now all I want is to have peace and safety for you and me, and I'll do my best to offer you that." It hurt him to think that she believed that he would have reservations to help the army to fight that band of outlaws, whatever their beliefs or side. The fact was that those rogues were causing havoc and death for a cause that finished when the war ended. All those who had fought for the south, including Kid, had suffered a terrible blow with their defeat, but now he did believe that both south and north had to work hand in hand to bring back peace and union to a ripped country.

Lou felt his recriminatory eyes on her, and she had to admit that she had been unfair in her judgment. She knew what Kid was like, and she had no right to doubt his sense of honor. The past was gone, and Kid would fight and work for what he believed in. And now all he cared for was right here, the place and the people that formed his real home. Louise lowered her eyes ashamed of her own thoughts and muttered, "I know, Kid. I'm sorry."

She dared a look in his direction, and to his utter bewilderment she did not find recrimination or even anger; all she saw was his serene demeanor. Lou felt so ashamed of herself all of a sudden; she kept hurting him and being nasty and instead of his well-deserved scorn she got his understanding, and she had the urge to throw herself against his chest and burst into tears. However, she kept a calm stance that she didn't feel, and they stared at each other for long minutes. "I'm afraid I have to go," she finally said.

Kid just nodded and offered her his hand to help her onto the wagon and this time she didn't have the heart to refuse. After handing her the reins of the horse Kid turned to the two children. "Boys, if you're good, I'll take you fishing this afternoon."

Tommy and Jack exchanged enthusiastic looks, and the elder boy asked with a big grin, "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh we love fishing!" Jack exclaimed, overly excited, "don't we, Tommy?"

His brother nodded silently, showing his usual permanent smile and, ruffling his hair teasingly, Kid simply said, "Good." Rounding the wagon he came next to Lou and looking deeply into her eyes he felt the urge to reach for her and touch her, but instead he merely muttered, "You take care, will you?"

Louise nodded imperceptibly, and without uttering a single word she set the wagon in motion. The boys waved their hands at him while they rode away. Kid stayed rooted on the same spot till the carriage couldn't be seen any more. Slowly he made his way back to the jailhouse and found Teaspoon outside his office, looking in his direction.

"It was a beautiful image there," the marshal said, when Kid joined him.

"What are you talking about?" Kid asked with a frown.

"You, Louise, the children… you four made a nice picture," Teaspoon explained with a lopsided smile.

"Right," the deputy replied ironically.

"Have you given a thought to…" the marshal began but Kid did not let him continue, knowing what he was hinting at.

"Teaspoon, please, don't follow that track."

"Why not?" he asked. "Those children need a home and you…"

"It's not that easy, Teaspoon," Kid cut him off, uneasy with the conversation.

"Why, Kid?" the marshal insisted. "Lou seems to get along greatly with those boys and you can't deny that she appeared less tense. Maybe that's what she needs."

Kid shook his head unconvinced by Teaspoon's words. "My marriage is in a shambles, and it wouldn't be fair for those children to be dragged in the middle of it." He paused for a beat and then he added as an afterthought, "Anyway, Lou wouldn't hear of something like that, I'm sure."

"Kid…" the marshal tried again, but the younger man didn't let him.

"Please, Teaspoon, don't insist! It's just too painful. All I need is to resolve things in my marriage with my wife once and for all without bringing more problems into it."

Teaspoon looked away, and patting Kid on the shoulder he said, "Sorry, Kid. I just wanted to help."

"Yeah, everybody's eager to help," he muttered sarcastically, "but it's me who really knows Lou, and who has to face that situation every day. And nobody's brilliant ideas are going to work magic in what I have tried for months now." Realizing that he had let his frustration talk through his mouth, he looked at the marshal apologetically and muttered a soft "sorry" before turning and leaving Teaspoon alone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

It was in the middle of the afternoon when Kid finally headed to his ranch. Today work had been more hectic than usual, and he left Teaspoon's office later than he had initially intended. The army captain had called on the jailhouse several times during the day, demanding information from the marshal and once Kid had even ridden out with the soldiers to try and locate that band of outlaws. Kid admitted that his tracking skills weren't his best asset despite having learnt quite a deal from Buck. Still he knew the area perfectly well after riding for the Pony Express.

Captain Graham had been utterly convinced that they would catch those criminals today, but he had been wrong. It seemed that this band was more slippery than he had bargained for, and they sure knew how to cover their tracks. So the army tracker had been unable to find anything to guide them to locate the band. Kid had been asked to lead them as far as Elm Grove, a vast area an hour's ride away from Rock Creek, but it was crystal clear that there hadn't been any activity going on in the place for the last few weeks. Captain Graham had been in a foul mood the entire ride back, barking orders to his men unmercifully. Kid had remained quiet during the entire ride back and forth from Elm Grove. He had told Lou that he was willing to help the army and he really believed that, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable working with them.

Barely a year ago he had been in the middle of a terrible war and firing at men in those same blue uniforms. Life could be really paradoxical. Captain Graham seemed to be a good man despite his rough manners, but Kid knew that the man hadn't missed the fact that he was from the south. The officer hadn't voiced any objections when Teaspoon had offered to let his deputy ride with them, but the Southerner could feel the wary looks passing between the soldiers. It wasn't really such a surprise when even Lou had doubted his willingness to help the army, but Kid had tried to overlook all those signs and had focused his attention on the task at hand.

The ride with the army unit seemed to have no end, and he almost jumped in joy when he was finally on his way home. His thoughts went back to his conversation with Teaspoon about Lou and the two boys. He had to admit that after seeing Lou with them, the notion had crossed his mind, but he knew that it was just an illusion. He wouldn't dare suggest anything along those lines to Louise. She would never accept something like that because she would see that as an attack to her person. Kid knew how sensitive his wife was about the subject of children. She was painfully aware of her inability to bear children, and Kid could understand that she could feel outraged and offended if he voiced the idea on his mind. As he had told Teaspoon, they first had to straighten up their marriage. So he had to make her understand that he was perfectly happy with only her in his life; he didn't need anything else to feel complete because all he longed for was her and her alone.

The ranch came into view, and Kid spurred Katy into a canter, eager to get home. As he eased off the horse just in front of the house, the two boys came up from round the house at full speed. "Mr. McCloud!" Jack ran to him with his brother in tow.

"Hello there!" Kid greeted them with a big smile.

"I'm so glad that you're finally here!" Jack said excitedly.

"Me too," Kid admitted and asked, "So what have you been doing all day?"

"Oh!" the boy exclaimed, his eyes as big as saucers as he spoke. "We've been helping Mrs. McCloud. She let us help her to feed the horses and all! It was such fun! And she said that she'd take us for a horse ride one of these days." The last part lacked the excitement that the rest of his words had and Kid thought he guessed where the boy's idea lay.

"You're very lucky then," he said to the two boys. "She can sure teach you a few good things about horses."

They were now on the porch, and Jack looked at the house front door sideways while he whispered, covering his mouth as if telling a secret, "But she's a girl!"

Kid had to laugh and added, "Yeah, she is, but she's also the best rider I've ever met."

"Better than you?" Jack asked with a frown, still unconvinced by the man's arguments.

Kid bent over so that his head was leveled with the two boys, and he said in a whisper, "I'm afraid she is. But don't let her know I said so." The two boys giggled amusedly and ruffling their hair Kid repositioned himself and asked, "Is my wife in the house then?"

The two boys nodded simultaneously, and Kid led the way into the property. On hearing their raucous steps Lou appeared, coming from the kitchen, and Kid smiled at her. "Hey!" Lou did not return the greeting, but her attitude did not dampen his spirits. Unfortunately, he was used to her usual mood, and he had grown immune to it. "I'm so exhausted that I could sleep for a week!" he added, accompanied by a deep yawn.

His words made Jack look at him with a scowl. As Kid kept staring at Lou silently, the boy pulled at his jacket to attract his attention. "Mr. McCloud?" he called as Kid looked down at him.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Aren't we going?" the boy questioned, fearful of what his answer could be.

Kid tried to hide a smile of amusement. He knew what was on the child's mind at this very moment, but he continued to play dumb. "Going where, Jack?"

"Fishing! You said we'd go today," the boy answered in a whisper, and disappointment could be heard in his voice. He hadn't been able to think about anything else since Kid had told him about going fishing. All day long Jack had kept looking at the horizon, waiting for Kid to appear and had been repeatedly bugging Lou, asking when he'd be home.

Louise noticed the disappointment in the boy and came next to him. Brushing a few strands of hair away tenderly she said, "He's just teasing you, honey. " The boy's face lit up instantly and he asked, "Really?"

Kid came closer to them and fixing his eyes on hers he said, "You mind Lou, Jack. She's a clever girl."

The boy jumped up and down, and clapped his hands excitedly, and his brother joined in the fun. Kid laughed heartily at the two brothers' antics and looking away from Lou's face, who kept staring at him in silence, he added, "I'll just wash up and get changed, and then we can go."

Half an hour later Kid descended the stairs after changing into fresh clothes, and washing all the dust he had on him after the ride with the soldiers. The two children were already waiting at the end of the stairs; Blacky, the small puppy placed between them. "Are you ready, boys?" Kid asked as he reached them.

"Yes, sir," Jack answered, and Tommy nodded his head vigorously by his side. "Can Blacky come with us?" Jack asked straightaway.

Kid nodded and smiled at the two boys' eagerness. He remembered when he had been a child himself. The situation at home could be terrible, but still little treats like going swimming or fishing could make him feel over the moon and forget his bleak reality. Life could be so wonderfully simple in your childhood whatever hard tribulations you had to endure. It was when reaching adulthood that problems became vicious, and nothing life could offer seemed to help soothe the pain.

Lou appeared, and instantly Kid's eyes lifted to her. She walked towards them slowly; calmness had settled in her whole appearance, and for a moment her bitterness was gone. However, as soon as she noticed his eyes boring in her, she tensed and the change didn't go unnoticed by Kid. Louise joined her husband and the two boys in the middle of the hall, and for a few moments nobody said a word. Kid stared at her and she looked back at him with a troubled countenance. After a barely a few seconds Louise broke the silence. "I've made some sandwiches for you and the boys." She handed a linen bag to her husband, and he nodded his thanks to her.

"Aren't you coming with us, Mrs. McCloud?" Jack asked.

Lou shook her head, and added, smiling ruefully, "I'm afraid not." She walked away from them and stopped next to her cabinet in the middle of the hall, and absently began replacing the objects on top of it in a different order. "I have things to do," she muttered without looking at anybody.

That wasn't strictly true, but she felt forced to keep away from any further bonds with Kid. The idea of doing something together as though they were a happy couple sounded ridiculous to her ears after the way things had changed between them. In her heart she felt unable to join in their mirth; nothing had changed, and she had to find the least painful ways to break free from him and not to create new links.

She did not turn her head to look, but she was sure that Kid's eyes were on her. Strangely enough Lou could feel in her body when he stared at her, and she knew he was doing it right now. The room was in complete silence, and Kid hadn't made the slightest attempt to voice his objections or insist about her going. Lou figured that he was probably refraining himself from talking his opinions. She had noticed that their problems were really changing him and now he thought things through twice before speaking up. He was wary of her strange moods and the realization of these changes in him caused Lou hurt bitterly.

She continued absently toying with the china figures on her cabinet with her right hand when suddenly she noticed somebody taking hold of her left one, sagging at her side. Louise turned her head and looking down she saw Tommy squeezing her hand with his two little ones, and staring up at her with big eyes. "Please come with us," a very soft voice coming from the boy's mouth was heard in the silence of the hall. Lou kept her eyes fixed on Tommy and suddenly she felt moved to tears by his sweet gesture and unable to utter a single word. The boy smiled at her and repeated with the same soft voice. "Please".

"I imagine that's something you can't refuse, is it, Lou?" she heard Kid said and lifting her gaze from the boy, her eyes met the two smiling faces of Jack and her husband. Strangely enough she smiled back at them, not one of those forced smiles, which was all she lately felt able to manage, but a wide smile coming from her very soul. For the first time in months she locked eyes with her husband without feeling troubled or uneasy, but a sensation of peace was running all through her body. It lasted merely a few seconds but long enough for him to notice. At his question Lou shrugged her shoulders and looking down at Tommy she flashed her smile again as she got dragged along by his little hand towards the door.

* * *

It was a beautiful picture that lay before her eyes and she took in every single detail of it with full attention. The sun shining above reflected on the pond, and it made its waters sparkle in a million different colors. It seemed like a dreamy vision in the farthest corner of the imagination. Lou sat on the bank all alone; she had discarded her boots and peeled off her stockings. It was a hot day, and she relished the feeling of the refreshing cool water on her white legs. It had been so long since she had really enjoyed something that it felt as if she were discovering the outside world for the first time.

Shouts and loud voices reached her ears, and she turned her attention to the source of the noises. Not far from her, Kid and the two boys were playing and splashing in the water. It was music to her ears to hear their laughter. Kid seemed like a young child himself and was having the time of his life. Lou was glad that she had eventually accepted to tag along. It seemed that all of them were enjoying the afternoon in different ways; she basking in the sun and her solitude; the children and Kid in their playing. Even Blacky seemed to enjoy the freedom of the day. Lou thought ruefully that since Kid had brought him home, the puppy hadn't left the property once. She had forced the same reclusive life into the dog that she had chosen for herself. Their ranch was of considerable size, and even though the animal had more than enough space to work off its energy, it was no wonder that now he was like crazy, sniffing everything and running restlessly all over the place.

From the safety of her position on the bank Louise watched her husband with the two boys. Mixed feelings coursed all over her. She couldn't help but find the scene before her eyes amusing and tender, but at the same time pain hit her directly in the heart. Kid could be such a good father; here he was with two strange children, playing and splashing with them. He surely was tired after work, Lou knew, but still he hadn't minded spending his resting time with them. Her thoughts made her feel a terrible pressure in her chest, and Lou breathed in deeply in order to overcome the disturbing feelings growing in her. This wasn't the place or the time to let pain resurface, so she tried to concentrate her attention in the bright side of the scene. _"Get a grip of yourself, Louise," _she muttered to herself as her eyes took in the three people in the water.

In their game the boys tried to force Kid under the water in vain, and he fended off their attacks by in turn lifting them in his arms and dropping them in the water again. Among laughs the game continued on and on without any indication that the boys were getting tired. Kid continually kept an eye to check on his wife, and at some point, seeing her attention fixed on the three of them, he briefly stared at her. At that moment the boys took advantage of his distraction and wrapped their arms around his neck bringing Kid back from his absent-minded moment. He laughed at being caught off-guard, and rose to his feet but the boys held to him strongly and both brothers found themselves in the air, hanging from Kid's neck. Suddenly pain struck him most severely, and Kid fell to his knees into the water, bringing the two boys down with him. His back was bitterly complaining about the added weight and he couldn't help but let out a faint cry of pain, and the children instantly disengaged themselves from his neck.

Louise, who had watched the scene in detail, cringed as she noticed his face contorted in pain. Months ago Kid had been kicked on the back by one of the new horses and unable to move the upper part of his body, he had been confined to bed for days. Even though he had recovered from that injury, he sometimes complained about pains in his back, so Lou knew how painful that must have felt.

Kid turned to the two boys and said, "Let me have a break. My back's hurting terribly right now." The two boys nodded their heads briefly and just continued playing with each other in the water. Kid looked at Lou from his position for a few seconds and then he began wading across the pond towards where she was.

"That's the most peculiar way of fishing I've ever seen," she said as he came closer.

Kid laughed at her comment and added, "They're just children, and all they want is to play. I can't expect them to sit still for hours and wait for the fish to bite."

"I know," Lou muttered, watching the unused fishing rods leaning against a nearby tree. "You know, all the fishermen of the area will be really thankful to you for scaring all the fish away from the territory with all that splashing," she added ironically.

Kid chuckled and sat down next to her, careful to keep a safe distance from her so that she didn't get wet. Louise handed him a towel, and as his hand reached to grab it, Kid made a wry grimace. "How's your back?" she asked as he began drying his face with slow movements.

"I'll survive," he answered and as he turned to her, he saw her intently staring at him. Embarrassed at being caught peeping she looked away quickly and felt her cheeks burning violently. The image of him soaked to the skin by her side brought dear memories to her mind. They had come to this very spot so many times in the past and enjoyed the clear and cool water around their naked bodies as they played, kissed and made love. Kid had always looked so adorable when dripping wet, even in his long johns as he was dressed now. The memory of those moments seemed like a cruel joke. It was like another lifetime, as if she were another person. She knew that she would be unable to go back to all that. Everything had changed so much.

Feeling her cheeks flushing Louise unconsciously brought her hands to cover them and silently cursed herself for the gesture. Her reaction wouldn't go unnoticed to Kid and even without looking at him she knew that he was smiling pleasantly. Lou removed her hands from her cheeks as quickly as she had brought them to her face and kept her eyes downcast, watching the shallow water as her legs aimlessly moved in circles. Despite noticing Kid's body scooting closer to her, Lou fought the urge to look up at him. The moment had turned awkward and strangely she felt very shy all of the sudden.

Oblivious to her uneasiness Kid kept staring at her like in trance. She looked absolutely breathtaking in the afternoon sun; her hair shining in a myriad of chestnut and reddish tones and the water reflecting its sparkling shadows over her face. Her so evident shyness had taken Kid back to those tender times when they have felt so awkward with the feelings waking in each other. He had always loved to notice that cute shyness in Lou, something that he knew had been only evident to him. Louise was a very strong and capable woman, and she had continuously shown her toughness to everybody, but it was with him that she turned into this sweet and shy girl, sometimes even looking somehow defenseless. Maybe this side of her was what had prompted Kid to act like a smothering pest. It had always scared him to death to think that something could happen to her. Nobody had understood him back then, all knowing the strength and abilities in her but it was only him who was aware of that weak part in her.

Kid kept gazing at her for a few minutes, bedazzled by the image before him. This was his beautiful bride, his wife and despite all the problems, he still felt like the luckiest man on earth for having the honor of being by her side. Not giving a single thought to what he was doing, and to his own utter surprise he blurted out, "I love you, Lou." At his words her head jerked in his direction and she looked at him with big eyes. Kid cleared his throat nervously and smiling very calmly, he hurried to speak up. "I know I've been neglecting you lately and haven't told you enough. But you know I do, don't you?"

Lou felt her throat go dry and a deep urge to let her emotions take over. He had always had that effect on her when he uttered those three magical words and neither the years nor their share of trouble had diminished it. Her cheeks were now flushing even more violently and she lowered her eyes in embarrassment. She didn't deserve his words or his apology. She was the one who had neglected him for months, and she was the one who should be apologizing. Keeping her eyes fixed on her lap she stumbled to say anything at all, because the silence was killing her.

"Kid, I…" Lou had barely begun uttering these clumsy words when she let out a yelp as suddenly water splashed all over her, leaving her soaked to the skin. Looking up she saw that Tommy, playfully running away from his brother, had been the one spurting water all over her. The boy stopped in his tracks as soon as he realized his mischief and noticed Lou's annoyed expression. "Oh Tommy!" she exclaimed a bit too roughly. "Look what you've done!" The boy's face crumpled as if on the verge of tears while Lou ranted on. "I'm totally drenched and … and…" She was at a loss for words and as she looked down at her pitiful wet figure while water profusely trickled down her face, her irritation disappeared and all of a sudden she burst out laughing. She was giggling hysterically and felt unable to put a stop to it. It had been so long since she had last laughed like this, and it really felt good. The boys had joined in her mirth and Kid watched her absorbed. Hearing her laugh was like music to his ears; glimpses of the old Lou were appearing and his heart surged with hope.

"Boys, I don't think Lou's cool enough yet. It's such a hot day," he said teasingly, gesturing in an exaggerated way.

At his words she stopped laughing and lifting her index finger at the children she said, "Oh no, don't you dare." But her warning fell on deaf ears, and as soon as Kid stood up in the water next to the children, the three of them began splashing water with their hands all over Lou. Her shouting "stop" didn't have any effect and they continued for a few more seconds. Louise wanted to get angry, especially with Kid, who had been the one to initiate the deed, but to her astonishment all she could do was laugh and felt she was having the time of her life.

The rest of the afternoon was spent much in the same way. The boys seemed to be tireless and dragged Kid to play with them for the remaining part of the day. With all her clothes soaking wet Lou had to remove her dress and build a fire to dry herself and her dripping clothes. Even though she had been surprisingly in high spirits just minutes ago, her mood darkened once more. Her emotions seemed to be in turmoil and Lou felt unable to have any control over them. From her safe position by the fire she kept watching Kid laughing and playing with the two boys, and her heart sank to the deepest and darkest corner of her soul.

On the way back to their ranch Louise hardly said a word whereas Kid kept babbling on with a big smile on his face. His words hardly registered in her mind, and she limited her answers to imperceptible nods. She just stared at him in awe as he beamed happily while driving the wagon home. After the day's restlessness the two boys were exhausted, and as they sat at the back of the carriage, they had fallen asleep.

When they finally reached the ranch, Lou scurried away and got changed from her still damp clothes. Meanwhile, Kid had volunteered to put the children to bed. They hadn't even stirred as he had tucked them up in the big bed. Kid couldn't help but feel a great tenderness to watch them sleep so peacefully. Although he tried to deny the idea before Louise, Kid had to admit that it hurt him to think that they could never become parents. He had never hidden his wish to have a family to Lou, and that was one of the reasons why they were now in this mess. It wasn't fair. He'd love so much to see Lou blooming splendidly as their child grew inside her.

The notion that image would never take place hurt him more than he was ready to admit. He really wanted children, but he'd gladly renounce his wishes for a life with Lou. The idea of being with another woman was just utterly ridiculous, and he had to make his wife realize the truth. That afternoon had been like living old times. Kid had seen snippets of the old Lou, and he prayed that it meant that she was on her way to healing. Hearing her laugh had been magical, and there and then he had realized how much he had missed it. It was no wonder that from that moment on he hadn't been able to stop smiling like a fool.

After briefly stopping at his room for a quick wash-up and change of clothes, Kid plodded down the stairs. He hadn't reached the end when he saw her. Lou was leaning against the window frame in the hall and her eyes were fixed in some point outside the window. The sun was beginning to set, and darkness was falling over the house. The last faint rays filtered through the window, leaving her figure dark to his eyes. Kid walked the few steps separating them slowly, relishing the image of her before his eyes. Lou heard his steps behind her and tilted her head without turning to see him and kept looking ahead.

"I've put the boys to sleep in our bed. They have this thing about sleeping together. I hope you don't mind," he said as he came next to him. Lou shook her head and cast a brief look at him. Kid noticed the sadness in her eyes straightaway and putting a finger under her chin he forced her to look at him. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked with a frown.

She stared at him with red-rimmed eyes and gulped audibly before she could muster some courage to talk. "Do you remember when I told you I thought I was pregnant?" she asked in a cracked voice.

"For goodness' sake, Lou," Kid exclaimed irritably. "Don't start with that." He couldn't understand why she kept torturing herself with the same over and over again. It was high time they put all that behind and carried on with their life.

"Do you?" Lou repeated, undeterred by his words. "Tell me. Do you remember that day?"

Kid sighed heavily and muttered, "Of course I do. So what?"

Louise lowered her eyes and focused her attention on the window sill as she absently ran one finger along the dusty surface. "I've never seen you look as happy as you were that day. Your eyes seemed to sparkle and I swear, you couldn't wear a bigger smile." She paused for a moment. All she could hear was Kid's breathing by her side, and she could tell that he wasn't pleased with the conversation. Sometimes it baffled her to realize how well she knew him. His gestures, his voice or even simply his breathing told her everything about him. "Today down at the pond you looked just the same. Glowing with happiness." She paused a second time and breathing in to stop the threatening tears she continued, "Do you realize that staying with me means there will be no reason to smile or moments like that? I will never be able to give you any of that!"

"Could you stop that nonsense?" Kid rebuked annoyed. "Of course I was happy there! You know why? Because for once my wife didn't look like a lifeless shadow!"

Louise turned a deaf ear to his words and carried on with her harangue. "It has no sense whatsoever to continue an uncomfortable situation for both of us. Don't you think it's time to let go, Kid?" Her voice was raspy with emotion and tears pricked in her eyes.

"Lou, you don't mean that," Kid said, grabbing her by the upper arms. "We could go back to the way we were… like this afternoon. You…"

"That was a mirage!" Lou exclaimed, cutting him off and pushing him away. "Nothing has changed in me. Today it was like a revelation, an eye-opener."

Kid was getting more and more anxious by the minute. He could understand that Lou had been through hell in these long months, and somehow she had lost control over her own actions. But now he could see she could overcome her problems if she put her heart to it, but she was practically refusing to do that. The notion angered him beyond control. "You told me that we would always be together, always. Was that another of your usual lies, Lou?" he asked spitefully.

Louise knew what he intended with is words. He was hurting, and his reaction was just natural. For once it was her who kept in control and tried to appease his rising anger. "You don't understand now. But one day you'll be grateful to me for taking this step. When you sit at home surrounded by your loving family, then you will understand. And I will be happy for you, terribly happy. I know you don't like me much right now, but someday I'm sure we'll be able to remain friends and…"

"I don't want to just be friends with you!" Kid cried almost in desperation. He didn't know how to make her understand that all he wanted was her and her alone. He couldn't dream of having a family if she wasn't in his life. The notion of another woman was just unthinkable. Not even when they had split up back at the beginning of their relationship, Kid hadn't felt very inclined to find other women rather than Lou. Only once had he turned to another lady and he knew it had been out of spite and hurt. It had been a foolish mistake because he had always known that all he wanted was Lou. "I want the whole lot," Kid added almost in a begging fashion.

Louise didn't seem to hear him anymore. "It's time to break free," she said stubbornly, fixing her eyes on Kid with determination. "It's useless to delay the moment any longer. When the boys go, we'll do what has to be done."

Kid stared at her in total disbelief. She couldn't be serious; he just didn't want to believe it. "You're killing me, Lou," he finally said when he found his own voice. "Sometimes I wish I would have never come back and a stray bullet would have burst my head open. I'm sure it wouldn't have hurt as much as I'm hurting now." He turned around and left her alone on the same spot. Only a sigh escaped her lips and suddenly tears began trickling down her face, tears that nobody saw.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

It had been the longest night of his life. Kid hadn't been able to sleep a wink; his mind kept going back to his conversation with Lou the day before. Did this mean the end of everything? He felt scared out of his wits just thinking that he was on the way to losing Lou permanently. She had been serious this time, he was sure. What would happen to them from now on if they parted ways? They had built a life here in Rock Creek; that's where they had begun their ranch, their plans, where their friends were. All his dreams would shatter if Lou left him. They'd possibly have to sell their ranch and then what?

All he could see ahead of him was darkness and uncertainty. Kid had always pictured his life together with Lou, and he couldn't begin to imagine anything different. He didn't want to imagine anything different because she was all he had ever wanted. He couldn't see the sense of her reasoning, and just for her stubbornness they were going to lose everything. They could be so happy because there were more than enough reasons to share a fulfilled life. He loved her deeply and would even die to make sure she was happy. He could also bet that her feelings for him were as strong, but she didn't want to admit it. The rest didn't really matter. He didn't care if they couldn't have children; she was all his family and as he had told her over and over again he'd be happy just with her. That was the reason why he had married her in the first place: to live his life together with her. Of course they had dreams and plans, but nothing was more important than to be married to Lou.

Kid felt like crying in frustration. He had been so patient in these long months, hoping that Lou would eventually overcome her problems. He hadn't pushed or crowded her; he had tried to give her the space and time she needed, and naively he had hoped against hope that his wife would come out of that vicious circle she was immersed. Kid even believed that there was still some hope, especially after witnessing the latest changes in her. He was sure that if Lou made just a little effort, they could go back to the way they had been. But the thing was that she didn't want to. That ridiculous idea of hers about him starting a family somewhere else with somebody else had got stuck in her mind, and knowing how stubborn she could be Kid reckoned that she wouldn't be convinced in any other direction. Her attitude infuriated him, and he felt so powerless and frustrated. It seemed that she had already made a decision, and nobody would be able to change her mind.

Kid wondered if she had really given any thought to what lay before her. He was actually at a loss, and he suspected that Lou was as clueless. She would be all on her own again, and he wouldn't be there for her. It scared him to think what might happen to her. The Southerner knew that she was more than able to take care of herself and live without him; actually she had been doing it while he was away during the war. However, now it would be different if she'd carried out her threats. Kid wondered if she'd stay in Rock Creek or move out of town. He knew that seeing her every day with the knowledge that she wasn't his any more would be a torture for his soul. However, the notion of not laying eyes on her daily filled him with utter dread.

Anyway, where could she possibly go? He didn't think she would be willing to go with Theresa; the girl was working for that lady in St Joseph, and she and Lou hadn't parted in good terms the last time they had seen each other. Jeremiah was out of the question as well; he was a restless soul, and though he was now in Canada and apparently in love, there was no saying how long he'd stay there. Moreover, Kid couldn't picture Lou traveling all that way to be with her younger brother. No, he was sure that Lou'd stay in Rock creek. That way he could be near and keep an eye on her. Maybe she could move in with Rachel even though things between the two women weren't at their best at the moment. And…

His train of thought stopped suddenly. This was so wrong. He didn't want to think of Lou's plans without him. He just couldn't accept that everything was lost because in his heart it wasn't. No matter what she said, he'd fight her and cling to this marriage come hell or high water. He couldn't give up now. He was sure he'd win her back eventually. He needed to believe that and keep his faith in their love alive.

With that resolution in mind Kid greeted a new day forlornly. Breakfast was a pitiful occurrence. He and Lou barely said a word or looked at each other whereas the two boys babbled on oblivious to the two adults' mood. Kid felt somehow pleased with their presence because he didn't know what he could possibly tell Lou right now. It was a nice change to hear laughter and gay voices in this house again. Jack didn't stop talking for one second and, since he had spoken for the first time yesterday, Tommy, though a bit shyer, kept up with his brother's chatter.

They were a lovely pair of children, and Kid would be sorry when they would be gone in just three days. He had got used to having them around in just this short time. Lou had said that when the boys went, she would do what needed doing. Kid wondered what she had meant by that. Would she go to a lawyer and file for a divorce? Or would she move out of their house? In any case it would be a bitter piece to accept. But he had decided to try and stop her intentions whatever it took. He'd show her that he hadn't changed his mind and could be as stubborn as her.

After breakfast Kid got ready to go to town like every day. He and Louise hadn't exchanged one single word so far and, as he was leaving, he came closer to her and awkwardly muttered his plans for the day. Probably he'd stay out longer than usual as they would be working with that army unit. His voice was low and cracked, and he hardly had the courage to face her. Lou just nodded and kept her eyes downcast, and when he said 'take care of yourself' on his way out, she didn't return the gesture.

Later Kid was inside the marshal's office all on his own while Teaspoon was sitting outside, watching the people aimlessly. The young man welcomed the solitude and mulled over his situation with his wife repeatedly. There had to be something he could do to change her mind, but so far Kid had no clue whatsoever. He felt as though he was in a race against time and his legs wouldn't respond to him. Frustration coursed all over him, and his chest physically felt the pressure of his own thoughts. At least Teaspoon hadn't inquired much about the situation at home as he usually did. Kid really didn't feel like talking about it, not even with the old marshal.

He didn't know how long he had been pondering his present situation over and over again, and in the same spot when the door opened noisily and Teaspoon came in followed by the army Captain. Kid stood up, and both men exchanged greetings with serious countenances.

"So are you positive, Captain?" Teaspoon asked without explaining himself to Kid.

The officer nodded and said, "My scout spotted them this morning. We've been following them all this time, and for one reason or another they had always slipped through our fingers. They're very clever, yeah, very clever indeed. We know all the usual places they choose to hide, but this time it's most strange. Never before had they looked for some kind of shelter in a private property. Maybe one of them is wounded."

Kid listened to the man carefully but hadn't managed to grasp the gist of the whole thing. He was surely talking about the band they were after, but other than that he could only guess. "You might be right," Teaspoon conceded. "That would be to our advantage, but we need to be very careful. There're lives at stake, and any false step could be fatal."

"I know," Captain Graham agreed.

Kid wasn't in the mood to patiently wait till the two men stopped talking in riddles and asked, "Would anyone care to explain to me what's going on?" He knew he sounded a bit too snappy and hoarse, but his nerves were on edge since the previous night, and he couldn't help reacting as he had done.

Teaspoon turned to his deputy and said, "That band's been spotted in Widow Spencer's property. About a dozen men."

Kid's face registered the alarm at the piece of news. "Widow Spencer? She's just a poor woman with three little children. You know if they're all right?" He imagined his property invaded by a bunch of thugs, and Lou all on her own and he felt sick to his stomach thinking of what those men might do to her.

"My men aren't sure; they couldn't see them," the captain answered.

"They could be hurt or worse," Kid insisted through gritted teeth.

"I know," the captain simply said, apparently unmoved by the seriousness of the situation. "That's why we need to set off at once. The longer we take, the more likely it is they escape once more or that family will get hurt." He turned to Teaspoon now and added, "We are in need of you and your deputies in this matter, Marshal Hunter."

"No problem," Teaspoon agreed as he fastened the buckle of his holster round his waist. "My men and I will be more than willin' to help."

"We'd better have Doctor Logan tag along," Kid suggested; his main concern was the safety of the family. "Mrs. Spencer or one of her children might be hurt."

"It's all right," the captain said. "Our own doctor will join us today. Your local people wouldn't appreciate the army leaving them without a doctor."

Few minutes later the group of men rode their horses out of Rock Creek towards the property. There were about twenty of them; Teaspoon, Kid and two more deputies had joined the unit as the marshal had previously promised the captain. The Spencers' hut was about a twenty minutes' ride, and the men tried to push their horses as fast as they could. Their plan was to split up a few miles before reaching the place. They needed to act stealthily if they wanted to catch that band off guard. A big group of riders, especially men in uniform, was likely to be spotted straightaway and there was no saying what those men could do to the Spencers if they felt threatened.

Kid looked at Teaspoon who was riding by his side. The old man's stance was calm and resolute. They had ridden so many times together in the past, and Kid had always looked up to the older marshal for his insight and the way he dealt with these matters. He never lost his composure in any kind of situation. Kid would have never believed that when he had first met Teaspoon so many years ago he would turn out to be the person he actually was. He remembered the first image of him: a man having a bath in a horse trough. Kid had thought back then that his new boss was probably an eccentric or a madman. Now it sounded ridiculous to have had those thoughts, but in those moments Kid had to admit that he had been concerned at thinking that the man would be the one training them to face danger every day. The Southerner suspected that the feeling had been similar in his fellow riders, but eventually they had learnt that appearances could be deceptive. They really were.

Kid could really tell a thing or two about deceptive appearances. Who would have thought that he'd meet his future wife among a bunch of boys? Kid remembered how he had watched in amazement how Lou maneuvered her horse with extraordinary skill to show Teaspoon that she could really do the job. In those times he hadn't been especially interested in befriending anyone; he had been on his own for a long time, and he had figured that things would stay pretty much the same. Kid just needed the job and the money. When they had filed by the fence at the station, he had heard the exchange between Teaspoon and the others half-heartedly, but his interest had suddenly perked when Lou had shown her abilities with horses before them all. Back then Kid had wondered where a young scrawny boy, like he had thought she was, had learnt to ride so expertly, and he had noticed that she had attracted the interest and admiration of the other riders as well. For Kid and the rest Lou was just a young boy, apparently a bit younger. So he had got the surprise of his life when he had accidentally discovered her true gender. The discovery had left him speechless for a while but soon afterwards his sense had come back to him.

Of course he hadn't thought it right for her to work in such a dangerous position, but, he still didn't know why, he had eventually agreed to keep her secret. Admittedly, Lou had really made an impact on him. She wasn't the kind of woman that he'd been used to, and he had admired her courage and strength from the first moment. It was admirable how, though wounded, she had kept up with the rest when they had gone after that band of outlaws. Kid admitted that he had fallen for her in that run- down hut where he had taken care of her wound. For the first time he had really seen her and wondered how he or anybody else could possibly have taken her for a boy. Despite her short hair, the masculine clothes or the dust picked up on the trail, she was beautiful, and today he couldn't thank heaven enough for letting him be the one to make that discovery. It had really been his lucky day, because from then on they had developed a friendship that led to something deeper. However, now all those memories were too painful to linger on, regarding the situation they were in. It wasn't fair. They were meant to be together; all their ups and downs in their relationship proved just that. They could really get over anything if they tried; he only had to convince Louise about it.

An unexpected holler to halt the horses snapped Kid out of his reverie. He had to pull Katy's reins strongly to stop just in time because in his absent-mindedness he had let the horse trot a few more steps after the order. Teaspoon looked at him with a frown, and the Southerner made a rueful gesture in his direction, trying to convey a silent apology.

"The Spencers' property is barely a few miles away," the captain was explaining to his men. "We will split up in groups here and remember to act carefully. There's a family whose lives depend on it. Don't open fire till you receive the order."

As soon as the men were divided into groups, they set out for the place through different directions. Being familiar with the area, Kid was to lead the men in his group. He tried to overlook the wary glances passing between the soldiers; it was no secret that he had been a confederate soldier, and he could feel the mistrust of these men. Not a very encouraging position if he was supposed to rely on these men in the dangerous situation they were about to get into. Teaspoon and the other two deputies were likewise leading the rest of the men towards the place. Kid knew that they had to act very carefully. The property was sheltered by a copse of trees, which made it almost imperceptible to any passerby. It was no wonder that those outlaws had burst into the homestead and taken refuge there. It was the ideal hideout, but luckily the army scouts had been able to spot them.

Just at a safe distance from the property the group led by Kid stopped. After dismounting the horses and tying them securely, the men slowly approached their way to the homestead. There were about a dozen horses tethered in front of the hut and a couple of wagons. Kid spotted the other soldiers coming from different directions. Captain Graham was visible from his position and he was signing orders to his men. A few minutes passed and no movement or sound seemed to be perceived from the house. Apart from the horses anybody would say that the place was actually deserted. Kid could feel the tension mounting in the air; everybody held their breaths and refrained to move a single muscle; all waiting for the captain's orders. Above in the sky black clouds covered the azure ceiling like a blanket, darkening the whole area below. A gentle wind was blowing, making the trees and their branches creak and the leaves rustle ominously. Apart from the faint sounds of nature and the neighing of the horses, the place was creepily silent.

Suddenly, the captain stood up from his crouching position and called, "This is Captain Graham from the 5th cavalry division of the army of the United States of America. The property is surrounded. Surrender the guns at once and come out peacefully."

The place remained in complete silence, and for one moment it seemed as if nobody had heard the captain. Kid held his breath expecting shooting to break out at any moment; his gun ready in his hand. Yet, minutes went by, and nothing happened. It was as though nobody was actually inside the house. The men exchanged wary looks, clueless to what was happening. The captain began gesturing his soldiers to advance towards the house and one by one, all the men left the safety of their positions and crept towards the cottage.

Hardly had they walked a few meters that the first shots were heard and a few men fell dead onto the ground. "Retreat to safe positions!" the captain hollered above the noise of the bullets. The soldiers dashed to find some shelter nearby. Their situation was very vulnerable and defenseless in comparison with the band's one, who were safely cocooned inside the house.

Kid managed to find a safe place behind some rocks while bullets dangerously whizzed by. He began shooting, but it was impossible to tell whether they were hitting any of the men inside the house. It was kind of burlesque to think that barely months ago he had been in the same side of those men he was now shooting, and fighting those he was now siding with. Yet, the situation was quite different. These men were criminals, and no matter what people believed in, there was a limit to everything. The war was finished and the country needed to become one again. Kid believed that the south had to accept their defeat and begin working for some peace in a changing world.

Trying to find Teaspoon, Kid finally spotted him on the other side, behind one of the wagons and in a much better or rather riskier position than the Southerner himself had. The noise of the bullets was deafening, and the smoke made it difficult to see clearly. It had been ages since Kid had been in a situation like this. Memories of other times inevitably came to his mind; they had lived dangerously and faced many a few fixes. He still had the reminders marked on his skin, but despite everything, things had been so different. He knew that he could blindly trust those men who he had come to consider like brothers, and the feeling was shared by all of them. Never before had Kid felt so close to a group of people before. It had seemed as though there had been a very strong current linking them together like a real family. Maybe that out-of-ordinary connection had made them come out safely from more than one situation. It had been their strength, but unfortunately, those times were long gone, and right now there was only Teaspoon who he could really trust with his life in this fix.

Realizing that the marshal was in a delicate position all by himself, Kid dared to leave the safety of his shelter and dash towards him. He miraculously managed to dodge the bullets whizzing past, and reached Teaspoon, who was crouched behind the wagon. The marshal didn't sound very happy with the progress of the shooting.

"Those are tough nuts to crack. They know what they're doin'," he was muttering to himself while he kept shooting. "Damn, there's nothin' worse than people blinded by ideals. They won't care much about their lives or safety as long as their beliefs are preserved."

Kid had to admit that Teaspoon was right like usual. These men weren't common criminals, but men who had sworn to defend their homeland in a war. Kid knew that kind of men; ready to die for their cause rather than be subjugated to the north. They'd fight tooth and nail till the end. The feeling emanating within him was one of absolute aversion. He was tired of all this fighting. He had more than enough in the war, and all he wanted was some peace for him and Lou. Yet, here he was in the middle of a terrible shooting.

Looking at Teaspoon sideways Kid noticed that the marshal was bleeding. "Are you all right, Teaspoon?" he managed to lift his voice over the noise of the bullets. "They hit you on the arm."

The marshal looked at his left arm as if he had only noticed the wound just now. "It's only a graze. I've had worse," he answered without averting his attention from the house.

After a while the shoots coming from the cottage became less and less. It was clear to everybody that some of the men inside the house had been shot down. Watching some of the soldiers wounded or lying dead on the ground Kid prayed that all this bloodshed would finish soon. They were running out of ammunition and with any luck the band would be under similar circumstances. "They're ebbing away!" Kid heard somebody say not far from where he was, but still the bullets kept whistling around dangerously.

Suddenly, the cottage door opened and a woman's piercing shriek was heard. A fear-stricken Mrs. Spencer was pushed forward by a stout man, who held her strongly against his body and pointed a gun to the lady's white neck. As soon as the captain laid eyes on them, he urged his men to cease fire. "Very well, boys," the man clasping Mrs. Spencer said, "Drop your guns now and you are going to let me and my men pull out of here. Otherwise, this fine lady won't see another day." The woman screamed and squirmed in his hold, but the man delved his gun in her neck, and she froze instantly. After them, six men followed them out of the house, holding their guns menacingly.

Kid watched the whole scene develop with sheer anger. These men were just a bunch of cowards hidden behind a woman. The sound of the soldiers' guns being dropped onto the ground reached his ears, but he held his in a tight grip. The position behind the wagon had the better vision of the house, and at the same time it gave him and Teaspoon enough cover without being noticed. The marshal tapped Kid on the shoulder to catch his attention, and then he whispered, "Son, you think you could hit that fella from here when he shows?"

The Southerner looked at the marshal with big eyes. "Teaspoon, it's too dangerous." He knew that they had to do something but what the marshal was suggesting was too risky. He didn't want the responsibility to fall on his shoulders; if he failed the shoot, Mrs. Spencer was a dead woman.

"Not more than lettin' those men have their way," the marshal insisted. "We ain't been spotted and surprise is the best attack."

Kid wasn't convinced with Teaspoon's plan, but he finally relented. It was the only option they had. The notion of Mrs. Spencer in those rogues' clutch was eating him as he imagined Lou in the same situation. Thinking that anybody could terrify and harm his wife filled him with utter terror. They'd get a good view and angle as soon as that man walked a few more steps. They had a cover, and Kid prayed that he could hit him from his position.

"You're one of the best shooters, Kid," Teaspoon insisted with a lopsided smile, and the young man just nodded his agreement with a serious countenance. He just hoped that the marshal's trust in him would pay off. Teaspoon did not say anything else and looked at his deputy with encouragement.

The man kept uttering threats as he moved forward with Mrs. Spencer in his grip. Kid and Teaspoon couldn't see him as they remained crouched behind the wagon, not daring to peek for fear of being discovered. They both had grave expressions as the minutes felt like hours. Their foreheads shone with sweat as tension mounted. In an attempt to be almost invisible both Kid and Teaspoon leaned their bodies against the wagon frame and tried to remain as motionless as they could possibly be. A single movement would give them away and their plan of action would go out of the window.

The man holding the lady advanced and came into full sight as he passed, leaving the wagon behind. Kid contained his breath; one look in their direction and he and Teaspoon would be spotted straightaway. He could see the man from behind and ever so slowly Kid lifted his gun to him, trying to keep a steady arm. Cocking the hammer silently, the Southerner aimed his gun to the man and hesitated briefly. This was it. Breathing in deeply he focused all his attention in his aim and finally with an anguished heart Kid pulled the trigger and fired.

At the sound of the shot the man tried to locate the source of the shot but before he knew what had hit them, the bullet entered his body and sent him onto the ground dragging the woman with him. It was then that all hell broke loose, and the shooting began again. The soldiers dashed to grab their weapons and began firing to the men in the middle of the yard, who rushed to find safe positions. Likewise Kid and Teaspoon were shooting; it wouldn't be long before they could beat those men.

Suddenly, Kid's eyes fell on the lady in the middle of the yard. The bullets whizzed by closely, and she lay curled up on the hard ground; her head ducked protectively under her arms. Without thinking about it twice the Southerner dashed towards the woman recklessly. "Kid!" Teaspoon called after him but the sandy-haired man never heard him, and the marshal tried to cover him as best as he could. Kid had reached the woman and crouching before her he called her name, at the same time avoiding the bullets whistling over his head.

"Mrs. Spencer! It's Kid McCloud. We need to get you out of here."

The woman directed her anguished gaze to him and exclaimed, "Oh please!"

Kid carefully helped her to her feet, and asked, "Your children, Mrs. Spencer?"

The contorted face of the lady relaxed at the mention of her three little children. "They're fine. Spending some days with my sister in Seneca."

Kid simply nodded, relieved at the news and without any more delay the lady dashed towards where Teaspoon was while the young man followed behind. The sound of the shots was diminishing, and it was obvious that the band would not resist much more, which Kid was really thankful for.

Just reaching the safely of the wagon Kid noticed a bullet pass by really close and turning round he fired in the direction of the shot. Oblivious to him, however, the man who had menacingly held Mrs. Spencer a few moments before crawled his way to his revolver and took a firm grip of it. Noticing Kid's vulnerable position, he took aim and fired his gun in his direction. The bullet traveled fast and hit Kid in the lower part of his trunk. He didn't know what was happening as he felt the impact which sent him flying backwards onto the hard ground. Pain seared through his body blindly, and one last image appeared before his eyes, Lou's smiling face shone dazzlingly, and suddenly all was eerily silent. Darkness overcame him. Just darkness.

* * *

A cold wind was howling, and the black clouds that had been hovering on the sky all day were beginning to release heavy raindrops. Lou stepped out onto the porch and feeling the cold in her body she wrapped her jacket round her thin frame tighter. Scanning the yard with her eyes she finally found what she had been trying to locate. The two children were playing marbles on the left side of the yard, unaware of the rain falling over them.

"Hey boys!" Lou called, and when the two brothers looked at her she said, "Come play inside the house. It's starting to rain."

Jack and his brother picked up their marbles, and without complaining they headed to the house. Coming up to Lou on the porch Jack stopped and asked, "When is Mr. McCloud coming?"

"I don't know, honey," she said in a sad voice, feeling her body shiver all of the sudden. "He must be busy in town."

"Helping the marshal?" the boy asked again.

"That's right," Lou answered and ruffling Jack's hair she added, "Go on inside. Dinner will be ready shortly."

"Yes, Ma'am," the boy said as he filed inside the house.

Louise turned to leave, but for some unknown reason she stayed rooted on the porch. Scanning the horizon, Lou noticed dust lifting in the distance as if somebody was coming towards her ranch. She waited, squinting her eyes to try and distinguish the rider. To her puzzlement she felt her heart beating wildly, and she began wringing her hands nervously. As the rider came closer, she could make out Teaspoon's figure in the distance. Lifting her arm she waved at him hesitatingly.

The sun was setting and its last dim rays, challenging the dark clouds, reflected on Lou's face, which made it difficult for her to see clearly. Her waving hand and lighthearted expression stopped suddenly as behind the marshal she caught sight of a wagon approaching in the same direction. Her throat went dry, and her heart began thumping in her chest violently once more. She stood rooted on the same spot without averting her gaze from the horizon. She reached her hand and took hold of her neck as if she could make all those ominous feelings coursing over her stop. Something was terribly wrong, and once Teaspoon's face showed clearly to her eyes, her suspicions were confirmed. A yell escaped her lips, and without actually being aware of her movements, she bolted across the yard like a mad woman, shouting a single word. "Kid!"


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Kid!" Louise shouted as she blindly ran across the yard. The rain was now falling heavily, but she didn't seem to notice. Her only concern was to reach the wagon coming towards the ranch. Teaspoon jumped off his horse at midway and stopped her frenetic running by grabbing her by the upper arms. "Teaspoon, let go of me!" she ordered with a cracked voice, squirming in his hold.

"You have to get a grip of yourself, Louise," the marshal said in a firm voice.

"It's Kid, ain't it? Something happened to him, didn't it? Please," she asked even though she felt she knew the answer already.

Teaspoon simply nodded with a somber expression and added, "He's been shot. I thought we should bring him to…" At his words Lou let out an anguished yelp and covered her mouth with her hand. Realizing how that had sounded the marshal rushed to reassure her. "Oh no, honey. I didn't mean it like that. He's alive..." He stopped in time and refrained from saying _'I don't know for how much longer._' He was having a hard time himself under the present circumstances. To watch Kid being wounded had been quite an ordeal for the older marshal, and the moment the bullet hit the young man Teaspoon had thought he was dead. Fortunately, the army doctor confirmed that he was still breathing, and he needed to extract the bullet from his lower abdomen. Distraught as he was Teaspoon didn't remember who had suggested taking Kid to his house so that the doctor could see to his wound comfortably. The marshal had dreaded the moment he had to tell Lou and he had been thinking hard about how he was going to tell her during the entire ride, but finally everything had come out wrong.

Louise kept pushing Teaspoon, trying to break free and run to see Kid. "Let me see my husband!" she ordered roughly as she saw the wagon pull over at a few meters from where they stood. Two men in uniform were driving it and jumping onto the ground, they walked towards the back of the carriage.

Teaspoon kept his firm grip on Louise and taking hold of her face he made her look at him. "Listen, Louise. I know it ain't easy, but you got to calm down. The army doctor is gonna see to that shot. If you're gonna help Kid, go inside the house and be ready to give the doctor a hand, all right?"

Lou nodded silently. Feeling unable to speak as tears threatened to spill at any moment. Looking at the wagon once again he saw the two men busy at the back of the carriage, but she couldn't see what they were doing. She felt frozen and incapable of moving; her eyes strained to catch a sight of Kid, to make sure he was in the state Teaspoon had told her he was but the marshal's booming voice cut her intentions. "Go to the house, Lou. Now!"

She looked at him with bleary eyes, and the marshal regretted his rough reaction instantly. All he wanted was to stall her and prevent her from seeing Kid like that. His clothes were profusely drenched in blood, and Teaspoon had to admit that he didn't look very well. The doctor had assured him that being a strong man Kid could get over this, but the marshal wasn't sure himself seeing the looks of him. So that was why he tried to avoid a disagreeable shock for Louise, and with a bit of luck they would be able to clean Kid before she saw him.

"Come on, honey. The doctor will need some boiling water and plenty of towels," he said and passing his arm over her shoulders the marshal steered her towards the porch. Lou let herself be dragged along and kept looking back as the men seemed ready to carry her husband on a makeshift stretcher. "He will be fine, Lou," Teaspoon tried to assure her.

With one last look to the yard Louise finally relented and stepped inside the house with trembling legs. Wringing her hands frenetically, she crossed the lounge and resisted the urge to cry. She needed to be strong for Kid's sake; she wouldn't be of any help if she turned into a sniveling pitiful woman. Just before reaching the kitchen she saw the two boys quietly sitting on the sofa as they stared at her with big eyes. They had noticed her shaky state and had worried expressions.

"Mrs. McCloud?" Jack called in a whisper, and Lou came towards them. Forcing a wry smile on her face she steered them towards the kitchen and closed the door behind. She didn't want the two boys to see Kid in his present state. Crouching before them, Louise absently ran her fingers through Tommy's soft hair and kept quiet for a few moments, trying to muster some strength. She could hear Teaspoon's voice among other strange ones in her lounge and knew that they were carrying her husband upstairs to their bedroom. Closing her eyes momentarily she fought the urge to dash out of the kitchen to him. Horrible images of Kid's inert and bleeding figure crossed her mind, and she shuddered at her own thoughts. Teaspoon hadn't wanted her to see Kid for a reason, and it frightened her to imagine what she would find. A lone tear escaped through her closed eyes, and she wiped it furiously.

"Mrs. McCloud?" Jack called again.

Louise opened her eyes, suddenly aware of her surroundings and saw the two boys staring at her with strange expressions. Breathing in deeply she finally managed to find her own voice. "Boys," she said huskily, "I'm afraid… Kid's had an accident."

The two children shared a look, and Jack asked again in a thin voice, "Is he gonna be all right?"

Lou let out an audible shaky sigh. "I dunno," she admitted wearily. "But the doctor's with him right now. So why don't you sit here quietly and draw him some nice pictures for when he feels better?" She tried to keep serene for the boys' sake, but the task was easier said than done.

"I want him to get well soon," Tommy said, his lips pouting.

"Me too, honey," she said, stroking the boy's head absently. They remained in silence for a few minutes; Louise feeling strangely connected to these two children in her pain. Somebody clearing their throat from behind interrupted the moment. Lou looked up and saw Teaspoon's figure hovering over her.

She rose to her feet, and the marshal said in a serious tone, "Lou, the doctor wants all the lamps you can get hold of."

Louise nodded somberly and turning to the children once more she muttered, "Now be good boys and do as I told you."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack answered and the two boys sat at the kitchen table and taking some paper and pencils they began drawing in silence.

Without delay Louise went on her way to have everything ready for the doctor. She felt as if her head had got misty, and she were in the worst nightmare she could have. The rain steadily fell outside but not even the sound of it pattering on the roof could do much to calm her frayed nerves as it usually did. The words Kid had furiously told her the day before kept haunting her thoughts. _"Sometimes I wish I would have never come back and a stray bullet would have burst my head open."_ The words kept repeating on her mind over and over again. The notion that she had brought this upon him left her bitter, and she wanted to cry her eyes out in a dark corner. Her whole body was trembling, but she resisted the tears threatening to spill. _'I need to be strong,'_ she kept mumbling to herself but her strength was faltering by the minute.

As she approached her bedroom, the place where Kid lay badly-hurt, her steps slowed down. It scared her to death to think about the condition he was in. Teaspoon and one of the soldiers driving the carriage had gone before her, taking everything she had sorted out for the doctor. Lou had retrieved a couple more of lamps from her shed, and now she was taking them to the doctor. The sky outside was covered with dark clouds and left the interior of the house in shadows.

Reaching the bedroom Louise opened the door ever so slowly, fearing what she was going to find. Breathing in deeply in a way to muster some courage she let herself in. As soon as she was in the room, her eyes fell on Kid's inert figure. Leaving the lamps on top of the dresser carelessly, she ran to her husband's side. Lou stroked his face tenderly and watched his pale face with a sinking heart. "His face is very cold," she cracked, not averting her eyes from his face for one second.

"All you have to care about now is that he keeps breathing." Louise heard somebody say behind her and directing her gaze to Kid's middle, relief flooded through her as his chest rose and fell steadily.

"Louise, this is Doctor McNeil," Teaspoon said and turning her eyes across the bed she saw a middle-aged man in uniform. He was grey-haired with a bushy moustache, long sideburns and his expression was stern and serious.

The doctor was busy taking different medical instruments out of his bag and without stopping he said, "I'm sorry to make your acquaintance under these circumstances, Mrs. McCloud." Lou simply nodded and Doctor McNeil continued, "I'll try to dig the bullet out and hopefully it won't have harmed any vital organs." With each word Lou was beginning to feel more and more sick, but she listened to him intently. "You ready to assist me, Mrs. McCloud?" the doctor asked and she nodded again silently.

For the first time Lou had the chance to look around the room. All the lamps stood on a side table next to the bed, casting their light over Kid's figure. Other than that the room was almost dark as if it were in the middle of the night rather than in the afternoon. The rain continued falling steadfastly outside and its drumming could be heard in the silence of the room. The window at the far end was opened a crack, and the curtains billowed with the wind blowing in. Her eyes traveled to the doctor and back to Kid. Her heart sank watching his unmoving figure. Somebody had removed his shirt and his chest was bare but for the quilt covering its lower part. In that moment the doctor removed the bedspread, and Lou had to contain a yelp as she could clearly see the blood covering his lower abdomen. There was a pad on the wound trying to stop the bleeding but the blood continued gushing steadily covering it all.

Doctor McNeil began to clean the wound and work on it. Lou felt on the verge of breaking down but she made a conscious effort to keep a cool head. She seemed unaware of anything around her and responded to the doctor requests like an automaton. All her attention was focused on her husband. Her eyes traveled from his abdomen to his face passing through his chest. There was so much blood and his face had such a deadly pallor that Lou felt a cold sweat cover her forehead.

She couldn't help but think about the day Ike had died. She had firmly believed that their friend would get over something like that. Ike had his share of trouble and wounds, but he had always managed to overcome everything. Yet, Lou had been wrong and sadly that shot killed sweet Ike. When they had entered that room where their friend laid, Louise hadn't been able to stay there and had fled to cry in solitude. She hadn't wanted to believe that their friend was gone forever and for many nights she had been haunted by the image of Ike's dying figure in that bed. It seemed like those images were before her eyes now and the story repeated itself. The same wound, that horrid pallor, that smell of medicine. The room seemed to spin around her and Louise almost staggered but managed to get a strong grip of one of the bedposts. She gasped for breath, her chest heaving.

"Are you all right, Mrs. McCloud?" she heard somebody asking, a voice she didn't recognize. She couldn't tell if it was the doctor's even though she didn't recall anybody else apart from Teaspoon being in the room with them. Louise felt unable to talk and the person insisted, "Mrs. McCloud?"

"I dunno," she finally managed to say in a whisper. The sound of a door opening and closing registered in her misty mind. An arm reached her and surrounded her shoulders. Louise looked up and saw Teaspoon by her side. "Honey, Rachel's here. Why don't ya get some rest and let her take over from you?"

She didn't know how much time had passed since Kid had been brought up. It seemed like minutes, but it could well have been hours ago. Teaspoon had apparently left and brought Rachel back with him, but she never actually noticed his absence. Her head was spinning, but she said with a tiny voice, "Kid needs me. I can't leave him."

"Sweetheart, you don't look very well," Teaspoon insisted, "and you know Kid'll have our hides if he learns that we haven't taken proper care of ya."

Lou stared at him for a few moments and finally nodded, letting him steer her out of the room, casting a last look at Kid. As soon as they stepped outside, she turned to the older marshal and with an annoyed expression she asked, "When did I become such a weakling, Teaspoon?"

"Honey, we all become weaklings when we see our dearest in a tight spot," the marshal responded truthfully.

Lou sighed audibly and kept her eyes downcast. "I do love him, Teaspoon," she whispered, keeping her gaze on the floor below. "I really do."

"'Course you do," he exclaimed, "we all know that, honey."

"I've been a horrible wife," Louise cracked unable to meet the marshal's eyes. She felt so ashamed of herself for her behavior to Kid that it wouldn't surprise her if everybody despised her. She deserved their scorn and more.

"Don't think about that, Lou," the marshal tried to soothe her. "It's no good for ya or Kid to punish yourself with those thoughts."

Louise dared to look up at the marshal for the first time and muttered, "He can't die, Teaspoon. I can't lose him or…" Her voice trailed and she felt unable to continue.

The marshal took her hands in his and said firmly, "You have to keep the faith, honey. Kid is strong and I'm sure he will fight everything to come back to his lovely wife." Teaspoon's efforts to cheer her up didn't work but had the opposite effect. She had told Kid that their marriage was over, and the realization of that left her bitter and empty. Lou wanted to give way to her bitterness, but instead she just nodded at Teaspoon's words.

In that moment Rachel came along the passage. As soon as she saw Lou, she drew her into her arms, and Louise let herself be comforted. She wanted to cry on her friend's shoulder, but she fought the tears that had threatened her all afternoon. Neither woman said anything, both knowing that any words would be meaningless. After a few seconds, Rachel pulled away and said, "I'll get you as soon as the doctor finishes. You sure you're gonna be all right?"

Lou nodded and stood on the same spot motionless while Rachel and Teaspoon disappeared into her bedroom. She stared at the closed door as if she could see through the wood. Her own weakness infuriated her, and bitterness coursed over her as she realized that she had let Kid down when he needed her most.

Slowly she turned around and began plodding along the corridor. Without actually knowing where she was going, Louise directed her steps towards the end of the passage and slid inside the bedroom where Kid had spent his nights for the last few months. A cold shiver ran through her entire body, and Lou crossed her arms over her chest protectively. For a moment she didn't move but stood in the middle of the room looking around aimlessly.

After a few minutes she staggered across and stood before a dresser. Her wedding picture was placed on top of it and taking it in her hands Lou stared at it intently. The picture used to be in her bedroom, and she wondered when Kid had moved it out of there and placed it here instead. Louise sadly realized that she had never missed it. What kind of woman was she to forget about the happiest moment in her life? She had been so horrible and selfish in all these long months, never taking into consideration what her behavior was doing to him. Fixing her eyes on his image in the picture, Lou ran her index finger through his outline. Memories of that day came back to her full force. Kid had looked so handsome in his suit even with those grazes on his face left from his fight with Jimmy. She had only had eyes for him and nothing else. Louise hadn't thought about that day for a long time and she realized that she had let all her happy moments disappear and be replaced by anything but bitterness.

Sighing deeply Lou restored the framed picture in its place on the dresser carefully and turned her attention to a small wrapped-up package by its side. She vaguely recalled that it was the gift Kid had presented her for Christmas. She had never opened it and had completely forgotten about it. Without a moment's hesitation she tore the small parcel open and seeing its contents she let out a gasp. "He remembered," she whispered as she stared at the chain with the pendant in her hold. She had to bite her lower lip to stop the wail threatening to escape. Months ago the same object she held in her hands now had caught her eye but she hadn't thought about it since. "He remembered and bought it for me," she muttered again, holding the object against her bosom, "and I never even cared to look at it." Shaking her head ruefully, Louise put the chain in her pocket with trembling hands and kept fingering it while she crossed the room as if the touch of it made her feel closer to Kid.

With unsteady legs she stumbled towards where the bed was. Louise looked down and stared at it for a few minutes. A shirt laid crumpled on it; the shirt that Kid had discarded the night before. Lou picked it up and brought it to her face. The smell of him slapped her, and she couldn't control herself any longer. A wail escaped her lips and burying her face in the shirt she dropped onto the bed heavily. Sobs racked her body leaving her empty and drained. Images of better times crossed her mind and the notion of what she might be about to lose hit her terribly, and the sobs increased notably. She cried for all those long months of loneliness, for being with him without being there, for her bitterness, for her rotten soul, and especially for Kid fighting for his life all by himself. It seemed so unfair to her that Kid had to go through something like that when she was the one who deserved to suffer.

Something touching her hand made her lift her head from the shirt, and through her tears she saw the two boys sitting at each side of her on the bed. "Please don't cry," Tommy whispered in a soft voice.

Louise breathed in to calm the flood of tears that seemed uncontrollable and wiped them with the back of her hand. "What are you two doing here?"

For a moment both boys looked troubled, and instead of answering Lou's question Jack said with great intensity and conviction, "He's gonna be fine soon, Mrs. McCloud."

"We prayed," Tommy exclaimed softly as if he was giving away a secret.

For the first time Louise managed to smile briefly at the boys' innocence and tenderness. "Have you?" she asked and the two brothers nodded their heads energetically. "Then I guess I have nothing to fear, have I?"

The two children remained silent, and Tommy leaned over and rested his head on Lou's shoulder, a gesture that made her smile momentarily. Lou passed her arms over the two boys' shoulders bringing them closer to her. They stayed in a close hold for several minutes; Louise strangely finding solace in the boys' presence.

Rachel opened the door quietly and stayed in the threshold, watching the scene between Lou and the children with a smile on her face. She could understand how hard her friend had it for the last few months even though she didn't completely agree with her actions. Lou and Rachel had grown further and further apart in all this time, and the older lady ruefully regretted giving up on helping her so easily. Lou and she had been close for years and Rachel had really missed her friendship lately. Louise was the only woman Rachel could call a true friend and with a heavy heart she wondered if her stupid pride and Lou's quick temper had caused a definite rift between them.

"Louise," Rachel called softly and Lou was on her feet in no time. She didn't say a word but stared at her friend wonderingly with big eyes. "Doctor McNeil wants to see you, honey," the older woman said and Lou nodded silently, folding her arms over her chest as if to protect herself. She didn't dare ask Rachel about Kid even though she was dying to know. For a moment she didn't move, scared of what she might find, and Rachel, noticing her hesitancy, rubbed her back encouragingly. "Go on, sweetheart." Lou nodded but it took her a few moments to make the first move. As she began walking, Rachel caught sight of the two children standing behind Louise. "Honey, would you like me to take the children with me later? I'd be happy to do so."

Lou looked behind her and the two boys kept staring back at her with anxious eyes. "No, it's fine. They can stay here with us," Lou said, smiling briefly when the two boys' tense expressions relaxed at her words. She turned her attention back to her friend and asked, "Rachel, would you mind seeing to it that they have some dinner?"

"Sure," Rachel answered promptly and proceeded to leave the room, squeezing Lou's arm on her way out. The young lady smiled at her thankfully and turning to the boys again she said, "Go with Rachel, boys. I got to see Kid but I'll be with you later, all right?"

The two boys nodded silently and filed out of the bedroom following the older woman. Louise stepped out of the room straightaway after the two brothers, but for a moment she stood motionless looking at her bedroom at the end of the corridor. All of a sudden, she was feeling very scared of what the doctor had to tell her. Her body was trembling like a leaf as she began advancing along the corridor. At a certain point the door opened and Doctor McNeil came out but Lou couldn't see his expression. She sped up and on noticing her, the doctor looked at her with a neutral expression. Louise reached him with her heart beating wildly and gazed at the man questioningly. The doctor took his time to begin and finally he said, "Well, Mrs. McCloud…"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Her heart was beating wildly and her chest heaved as Lou waited for the doctor to talk. She couldn't really tell by his expression if it was good or bad news that was in store for her. It seemed like ages until the doctor finally began. Lou didn't know how she felt any more. She was dying to know what he had to say and finish her agony, but at the same time she was scared stiff, and she wished she could be deaf to his words.

"Well, Mrs. McCloud," the doctor began, and Louise began wringing her hands nervously. Her breath got caught in her throat and a cold sweat glistened on her forehead. "I managed to extract the bullet and clean the wound. We've been lucky. Just an inch and your husband would be a dead man now."

At his words Lou let out the breath she was holding, and asked hesitantly, "You mean he's gonna be fine?"

"It's too early to tell," the doctor answered sincerely. "He's lost quite a lot of blood and he's very weak. The following hours are crucial."

Lou sighed wearily. Worries were not over yet. "Can I see him?" Lou asked with a soft voice. The doctor just nodded and she didn't waste any seconds as she stepped into the bedroom straightaway, followed by Doctor McNeil. She spotted Teaspoon sitting next to the bed and on seeing her, the marshal stood up and cast a sympathetic look in her direction. Louise ignored him and approached the bed tentatively; her eyes fixed on her husband. He was almost in the same position as she had last seen him. His eyes were shut tight, and his lower abdomen was now wrapped up with a wide bandage.

"Why is he out?" Lou asked, fear evident in her voice. Kid looked as pale as before and watching him like that was breaking her inside.

"As I told you, Mrs. McCloud," the doctor talked behind her, "your husband's lost a fair quantity of blood. So it's just a natural reaction of his body trying to restore his strength. Nothing else."

Lou nodded in understanding and came closer to where Kid laid unconscious. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You got to get well, Kid. Please come back to me." After brushing her cheek against his tenderly she planted a kiss on his forehead, and suddenly she swirled around. "He's burning hot!" she almost cried, alarm evident in her voice and her expression.

"It's a common symptom in cases of wounds or other injuries," Doctor McNeil explained patiently. "I'll leave you something to help bring the temperature down. Hopefully, it won't be a problem." Louise nodded again, afraid of finding anything else wrong with Kid, and she didn't dare to ask what would happen if his fever didn't come down. Never before had she felt so afraid in her life, not even when Kid had been away in the war or those months when she had been ignorant of his whereabouts after the war. Now she knew with certainty that his life was in peril. Despite the doctor's explanations to placate her worries she wasn't sure if her husband was going to be all right. The idea of him weakening away scared her to death.

Louise turned her eyes to Kid once again and wrapped her hand around his unmoving one. The doctor continued talking behind, but she didn't even bother to turn her head. "I'll go now and be back first thing in the morning. If he comes around or … anything, you know where to find me, Marshal."

Teaspoon approached the doctor and came to shake hands with him, silently thankful for the man's choice of words. He was worried about Lou; she didn't look very well at all, and the marshal hoped that Kid would come out of this situation soon for his wife's sake. "Thank you, Doc, for all you've done," Teaspoon said as he walked to the bedroom door with Doctor McNeil.

"Simply did my duty. Just hope it will be enough," the physician muttered as he stepped out of the room. "Please don't bother yourself. I'll show myself out."

Teaspoon nodded and shaking his hand once again he returned to the room. Lou stood next to her husband, her eyes fixed on him and his hand clutched between hers. "Honey, you watchin' him like a hawk won't make him feel better any sooner."

"I know," she answered in a very soft voice.

"Why don't you go and have somethin' to eat and rest for a while?" Teaspoon suggested. All this worrying was taking its toll on Louise, and she looked on the verge of having a breakdown. In fact, she hadn't been in her best for the last few months, and this new blow added up to her already frail appearance.

"I can't leave him," she said with unshakable conviction. "I know he wouldn't." Nothing anybody could say would make her leave his side. She needed to be there for him and show him that she still cared despite her behavior as of late.

Teaspoon shook his head, knowing how stubborn Lou could be. "You need to keep your strength if you want to help Kid, honey," the marshal insisted, but watching the set of her jaw, he knew that no words would convince her, so he tried something different. "What about if I brought you something up here? What do you say?"

Louise turned her head to him and nodding, she simply whispered, "Thank you."

* * *

Lou spent the rest of the afternoon watching over Kid continuously. She kept wiping his hot forehead and feeding him the medicine the doctor had left. So far there was not much improvement in his condition, and her heart sank with every single minute that passed without any notable change in him. Louise hadn't left his side except for the one time she went to check on the boys. Rachel had fixed them something to eat and later put them to bed. When Lou had gone, they were already sleeping like two little angels. After much insistence from her part, Rachel had reluctantly agreed to go home. There was no need for her to stay up when there was no saying when Kid would come about.

There were no words for Lou to express the deep gratefulness she felt for Rachel and Teaspoon, especially after the way she had treated them lately. Lou had to admit that their support in these moments was invaluable, and she'd have been so lost without them right now. She had tried to utter a clumsy apology for her past behavior, visibly embarrassed in the presence of her friend, but Rachel had reminded her that no regretful words were necessary in families. It was true, but Lou ruefully admitted that she had forgotten her priorities to her family for a long time. She had sincerely thought that she had been acting sensibly and followed her heart, but now she realized that she had been completely wrong. Her ears and her heart had shut down to everybody, and her eyes had been too blind to see what she would be losing in the long run.

Rachel had gone, promising to be back as soon as she finished work at school the following day. Teaspoon, though, had stayed with Lou since she hadn't been able to convince him to go home. The marshal had been adamant, and the two of them kept constant vigil over Kid. The evening turned into night and still there was no sign that he would wake up any time soon. His temperature had come down a bit, which brought some relief to Lou's troubled soul.

The house was in complete silence, and no sound came from outside. The rain had ceased a few hours ago but still the clouds hovered threateningly above, covering the moon and the stars in the sky. The night was pitch black and only a faint light burned inside the bedroom, casting shadows over the walls. Teaspoon sat in a rocking chair dozing. The day had been very trying for all of them, and it was no surprise that the marshal had succumbed to sleep. He was really getting old although he was unwilling to admit it and even got annoyed whenever anybody mentioned his age, Lou thought with a half-smile. However, she had to admit that she was grateful for his presence, asleep and all. Actually, she was glad that at least he could get some shuteye.

Louise, sitting on a chair by his side, couldn't just sleep, and all her heart and soul went out for the person lying in the bed a few meters away. She prayed and waited, waited and prayed for him to wake up soon. Once again she had to face an agonizing wait. It seemed that her life with Kid was made up of moments of intense waiting. Looking back on the years spent together she ruefully thought that her patience and endurance had been tried more than enough already. Since right from the beginning all she had done was to wait on him. Being of a distrustful nature she had waited for him to give away her well-kept secret, but he didn't. Then she waited for him to finally approach her with something more than friendly intentions. All those waits when he went missing or just on every ride he took during their Express days had been a torture more than once. Then it came the moment she waited for him to propose when she finally was ready to take that step. Later she had to wait for him to make up his mind about whether to go to the war, and when he finally went and all those years waiting for his uncertain return had been simply a living nightmare. It seemed that she still had to do some more waiting, and tonight it seemed to be harder than anything she had ever done.

The hours seemed endless, and her entire body was sore due to the long time spent in the same position. Her eyes stung after being fixed on Kid constantly and her neck was aching terribly. Finally, the sun greeted a brand new day and its first rays filtered through the window, falling over the marshal's sprawling figure on the rocking chair. He stirred sleepily and hearing some soft murmurs around him he opened the eyes. They immediately located the source of those murmurs. Louise was sitting on the edge of the bed next to Kid, whispering soft words and gently caressing his hair and face. Witnessing the sweet scene before his eyes, Teaspoon felt as if he was intruding on an intimate moment between husband and wife, which nobody should spy on. Clearing his throat to make his presence known he stood up and averted his gaze awkwardly. Louise turned her attention to the marshal and greeted him without much enthusiasm. "Good morning," she said while she stood up and approached the marshal.

"Any changes?" he asked even though he knew what her answer would be.

Louise shook her head ruefully. "Only thing is that his temperature has come down considerably."

"Well, that's good news, ain't it?" Teaspoon said, but Lou didn't say anything. He knew that she wouldn't be happy till Kid finally opened his eyes. The marshal could understand her mood, especially when he was sure that she hadn't got any sleep last night. "Honey, why don't you go and take a nap? I'll stay here with Kid."

"Teaspoon, I can't rest while my husband is like that. I just can't."

"At least eat something, for goodness' sake. Won't be very helpful if you make yourself sick," Teaspoon insisted, knowing full well that she hadn't eaten anything for many hours. Even yesterday when after much insistence Lou had accepted to be brought something to eat, she had basically nibbled at a thin slice of bread, which was far from saying she had really eaten.

Lou made a gesture of annoyance at Teaspoon's insistence about eating. Why couldn't he understand that she just felt unable to eat anything? She knew that the marshal wouldn't leave the matter alone, and after a moment's consideration she said, "I'll see if the boys are awake and I'll make breakfast for them."

"Us," Teaspoon corrected.

"For us," she repeated emphatically, feeling annoyed at the marshal's insistence. "Happy?"

"Very," he replied with a lopsided smile.

Louise looked at the marshal with a peeved expression but chose not to say anything. Turning around she grudgingly left the room and went to do as she had said. The boys were already awake when she appeared in the bedroom, both full of questions about Kid, and Lou patiently answered their curiosity as best as she could. Her nerves were on edge and today nothing seemed to calm her down, not even the boys' easy banter. Lou tried to keep busy and entertain her mind with other thoughts. She took her time fixing breakfast for the children while listening to their conversation, but however hard she tried she couldn't stop worrying about Kid. Likewise, she felt unable to eat a bite, which of course she skillfully didn't mention to Teaspoon when she took up some breakfast for him.

Later she hurriedly went to feed the horses and muck out the stables. The house could well be neglected, but the animals needed to be attended to without fail. Kid had worked so hard on those horses that she'd hate that all his efforts could go to waste because of her own carelessness. Looking around the stables she realized for the fist time that he had really made their dreams become a reality. She had been here dozens of times, but it was now that she came to understand how much she had missed. It was all thanks to Kid that they had the ranch going on because she couldn't have cared less.

Now Louise was beginning to face all her wrongs during the last months. It dawned on her that she had almost destroyed everything dear to her heart. She had never given Kid the opportunity to talk; she hadn't wanted to listen to anything he would say. Her reasons had seemed so sound at the time, and her pain had been so overwhelming that she had been blind and deaf to everything else. Like usual, she had pushed everybody away and wanted to suffer in loneliness. The pain was still inside her, very much alive, and she wasn't sure how she could deal with it, but now all her self was intent on having Kid back, nothing else.

Later that day the doctor arrived as he had promised. He checked on Kid, but there was no visible change in his condition much to Lou's chagrin. As she had already noticed for herself, the only good thing was that his fever had come down considerably and was almost gone. Her irritation mounted as Doctor McNeil answered her multiple queries and questions lightly without giving her a concrete explanation. To her ears it sounded as if the man was trying to hide something or simply mislead her. All she wanted to know was if Kid was gonna be all right, and the man's evasive words were really trying her nerves.

After changing Kid's bandages and checking everything else, the doctor bid them good-day and took his leave. Like the day before he insisted on walking out of the house on his own. Lou kept staring at his retreating figure with visible annoyance, and even when the door closed and she couldn't see him anymore, she kept staring ahead of her. She had a splitting headache after the sleepless night and her irritation was growing by the minute.

Teaspoon noticed her troubled expression and coming closer to her he asked, "What's wrong, Lou?" The doctor had clearly hinted that Kid was getting his strength and some of his color back, and he was on his way back to health, but Louise had just looked as if the doctor had broken the most terrible news. Teaspoon just couldn't understand what was going through her mind right now.

Lou looked up at him with bright eyes and whispered, "I dunno, Teaspoon. I'm so scared."

"Honey, you know Kid's gonna be all right," the marshal tried to reason with her.

"I know nothing! Nothing whatsoever!" she exclaimed indignantly, "and neither do you!"

"Lou…" he tried again, but she wasn't in the mood of listening to more empty words.

The tiredness, her splitting headache and the whole situation were taking their toll and her nerves were frayed after the long sleepless night. "He should be awake by now, Teaspoon! I'm no fool. Maybe he hit his head or something, and that idiot of a doctor is just too dumb to see anything even if it exploded straight in his face!"

Teaspoon placed his hands on her shoulders and said, trying his patience, "Lou, you gotta calm down."

"What if he never wakes up?" she asked loudly, her words directed more to herself than to the marshal.

"He will, he will," Teaspoon insisted, finding it increasingly difficult to appease the woman before him. He really wished Rachel were here; she sure was more used to dealing with Lou's weird moods than the marshal. Even though he had married on six occasions, he still had difficulties dealing with women in general.

Louise sighed wearily and muttered, "I can't lose him. He's all I got."

"Honey, you know you ain't alone."

His words ignited her fury and without thinking twice she pulled away forcefully and barged against the marshal loudly. "Ain't I, Teaspoon? Really? Who the hell are you talking about? Those so-called friends who hadn't cared to come and see us in years? Or maybe Rachel, who turned her back on me at the first opportunity?" She knew that she was unfair, but it seemed she was out of control. "Who, Teaspoon? You mean yourself, uh, you who almost got my husband killed?" As soon as the last words were out of her mouth she let out a yelp, regretting everything she had said in the heat of the moment. "Oh Teaspoon, I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean it." She cried, watching the marshal's cold expression. "I don't know what came over me. Please…"

Louise couldn't finish her words as suddenly they both heard a groan coming from the other side of the room. "Kid!" she cried, and both of them dashed to the side of the bed. His eyes were still shut, but his head was swinging from side to side with slow movements. His eyes fluttered briefly, and suddenly they opened, but seemed unable to focus. Kid kept blindly looking at the ceiling; his vision was still blurred, and little by little the images became clearer and clearer, and the first thing he saw was Teaspoon's smiling face looking down at him.

"How are you feeling, son?" the marshal asked.

Pain from his lower abdomen coursed all over Kid, and for the first time realization of what had happened hit him. "I've seen better days," he muttered through gritted teeth.

Teaspoon smiled placidly and turning behind him where Lou had stayed out of Kid's angle of vision he said, "I'll try to catch up with Doctor McNeil. Don't think he's gone yet."

Louise nodded silently, and the marshal turned to leave the bedroom. The door clicked shut, and Lou came closer to the bed. Both she and Kid kept staring at each other for a few minutes without saying a word. Her heart seemed to jump in joy watching her husband on his way to recuperation. "Can I get you some water, Kid?" she finally managed to ask but he shook his head no. His eyes looked at her with a serious and grave shine. "I've been so worried," she whispered, full of the emotion she was feeling, but to her dismay his reaction wasn't the one she was expecting.

"Yeah, sure," Kid muttered sarcastically, his voice sounding cold and detached. Closing his eyes he swung his head toward the other side of the bed as if he couldn't bear the vision of Louise before him.

This gesture of his hit her heart hard, experiencing in her soul the many times she had shown him similar unkindness and almost despite. She was having a taste of her own medicine in that tiny gesture, and deep inside Lou ruefully recognized that she rightly deserved his scorn. Watching his eyes still shut as if to close himself to her, Louise felt a wail escape her lips, and she staggered a few steps away from the bed. Tears began trickling down her face and sobs burst suddenly. Her feet seemed to have lost their ability, and she almost fell down and hit her body against the window frame.

It was too much for Kid to watch her before him as a reminder of all those difficult months and her resolution to break free from him forever. He was so angry with her for what she was doing to their marriage that he couldn't even look at her. With his eyes closed he heard her racking sobs and her feet shuffling across the room raucously. He opened his eyes suddenly and strained his head to spot her, but all he could see was her trembling shadow projected over the bed. Apart from the searing pain spreading all over his body, he was still very weak and the slightest movement meant a considerable effort.

"Lou!" he called several times, but Louise just kept repeating "I'm so sorry" over and over again like a mantra while she sobbed uncontrollably. "Please Lou, don't cry," he tried. "You know what it does to me." At his words he could hear that her sobs calmed down a bit. "Please listen to me, Lou." He breathed in deeply and kept his gaze to the ceiling. All he could hear was her sniffing and knew that he had her complete attention. "All I've ever wanted is you, Lou, almost from the first moment. In that rundown hut, remember? Then and there I knew you were the woman I wanted, the only woman for me." He stopped briefly to catch his breath and gather some strength. His voice sounded very weak, but it was important for him to say what was on his mind and heart. "It scared me to death to think that you didn't feel the same way I did, and you know it took me ages to have the guts to do something. I was so clumsy and stupid. You can't imagine what a happy man you made of me when we were finally together. I just couldn't believe my good luck, but…" he paused for a second, his face contorted in a bitter gesture, "I busted it, and I cursed my foolishness. I lost you for my stupid clumsiness, and I really thought that you'd walked out of my life forever. Those were some of the bitterest months in my whole life, and today I can't thank heaven enough for letting me have you back and make you my wife."

Kid stopped for a moment. The room was in complete silence, and he could see her shadow in the window, but he couldn't tell from her posture what she might be thinking. "Don't you realize that you mean the world to me, Lou? You're my whole family and the only person I can actually call family. You're my wife, and I will be happy and proud as long as we stick together. Lou, I…" The words got stuck in his throat and he just added wryly, "Never mind."

With a bitter countenance he sighed deeply and closed his eyes once again in powerlessness. However, as soon as he shut them he opened them again suddenly as he heard her light steps in the silent room. Louise appeared before him; her face smeared with dry tears. They kept staring at each other in silence. His tired blue eyes locked in her big brown ones hungrily and longingly. Suddenly and without warning, Lou fell to her knees heavily, and the next thing Kid felt was her lips pressed against his, kissing him deeply. Once over the unexpected turn of events, Kid kissed her back as passionately as his condition let him. In that moment everything seemed to vanish around them. The pain in his side didn't seem to hurt as much, and he felt somehow invigorated; even those months of loneliness and despair had become a distant memory with a single gesture.

A knock resounded in the bedroom, and as suddenly as her lips had met his, Louise pulled away and was on her feet in no time. "Must be the doctor," she said and before Kid had the chance to say anything, Lou had crossed the room and opened the door for Teaspoon and Doctor McNeil. Both men approached the bed, followed by Louise behind them, walking with slow steps. "How are we doing today?" the doctor asked.

"I don't know about you, Doc. I feel great," Kid said with a husky voice, still a bit shaken after that ardent kiss.

"Painful, uh?" Doctor McNeil added and Kid simply nodded with a grimace. Opening his bag the doctor took out a small bottle. "I'll give you some laudanum. It will ease the pain and help you to sleep."

"I'm not taking that," Kid protested. "I don't want to sleep." He needed to stay awake and be able to talk to Lou, hoping that kiss meant that they were going to be fine after all.

"You'll do what the doctor says, Kid," Lou said firmly, casting him a stern look, which clearly expressed that he had no say in the matter. Kid had to smile at her light scolding, and next to him the doctor muttered, "I'd do what your lovely wife says, son. My experience tells me that we mustn't contradict our women if we value our life."

"Don't I know it!" the Southerner exclaimed jokingly, and the two other men in the room laughed heartily at this comment while Lou shook her head.

"Stop moaning, Kid," she ordered mildly and helped the doctor to give the laudanum to her husband.

"Very well, son, I'll leave you to rest," Doctor McNeil explained. "I'll talk to your local doctor and see if he can check on you. I'm not really sure how much longer my unit will stay in Rock Creek now that the band has been caught."

Kid nodded and at the mention of Doctor Logan, Lou made a gesture of disgust but didn't say a word. Doctor McNeil bid Kid good-bye, and he and Teaspoon filed out of the bedroom. Lou turned to follow the two men when she felt a tug behind her. Looking down she saw Kid's hand taking hold of her skirt and stopping her movements. "Where you going?" he asked, urgency in his voice.

Louise smiled sweetly. "I'm just going to show the doctor out. You have your rest."

"I don't intend to sleep, Lou," he stated stubbornly and she shook her head with a placid smile on her face.

"All right. As you wish. I won't be long," she said and turned to leave. When she was at the door, she heard Kid call her name. Louise turned around and cast him a questioning look. He looked back at her and said, "No more tears, all right?" She lowered her eyes and without a single word she nodded and scurried out of the room.

Kid heard the door click shut and kept listening to her light steps fading along the corridor. The pain in his side seemed to lessen a bit. His eyelids felt heavy, but he fought the urge to give in to sleep. "I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes till Lou comes back," he muttered to himself, feeling more and more tired by the minute. The kiss he had shared with his wife kept playing in his mind and with those images and a happy heart he finally drifted back to sleep.

When Kid opened his eyes again, the room was in complete darkness except for a single faint light flickering across him. He turned his head in the direction of the lamp and saw his wife sitting on the rocking chair at a few meters away from the bed; her legs folded in a close embrace against her chest and her head rested on her knees. Her eyes were open, directed at some indefinite point ahead of her. Kid studied her from his position in the bed. She looked clearly tired, and there were rings around her eyes. Despite everything, Kid thought that she was beautiful like always.

"Lou?" he called softly not wanting to startle her.

She lifted her head and seeing him awake Louise smiled widely. "Hey!" she exclaimed, approaching the bed dragging the chair along.

"What time is it?" Kid asked, still a bit disconcerted after the long sleep.

"Dunno. Three in the morning, I guess," she answered without averting her eyes from him for one single second.

"And what are you doing up at this time?" he asked with a serious expression.

Instead of answering his question, Louise asked one of her own, "Can I get you something, Kid? Some water or something to eat?"

"I want you to get into bed now, Lou," he insisted in earnest.

"I can't sleep," she said lightly as she tucked the sheets carefully around him.

"Get in bed, Lou, for goodness' sake, or I'll make you. I mean it," he continued stubbornly and lifted his head as if he were going to get up and drag her to bed with him.

"All right, all right," Lou exclaimed, fearfully watching his intentions. "Quit that right now, or you'll end up hurting yourself." She rounded the bed, grunting through her teeth, and after discarding her dressing gown she got under the covers. "Happy?" she asked sarcastically.

"Come closer," Kid whispered and stretching his arm he wrapped it round her waist and brought her closer to him. Lou snuggled against him carefully and felt his heat on her skin. "That's so much better," he whispered, and Louise smiled coyly.

They stayed holding each other in silence, relishing in the solace each brought to the other. It had been so long since they had been like this that neither dared to break the magic of the moment. Finally, Kid softly asked, "How are you, Lou?" She looked fixedly in his eyes in the darkness and the Southerner added, "Are we gonna be all right now?"

"I don't know," she admitted truthfully with a husky voice. It would be very easy to answer that everything was gonna be fine, but Lou just wasn't sure. Right now all she cared about was to forget about that crazy idea of hers about the divorce and especially those long cold months. She couldn't tell how she was feeling for sure. Her intentions and wishes were clear to her heart, but there was no saying how she could act. Barely a few hours ago she had snapped at Teaspoon and barged against him with the cruelest words. Later she had apologized to him truthfully, and the marshal had been as understanding as he always was. Lou couldn't assure that her swinging mood wouldn't make its appearance again, and that was why her answer to Kid was cautious and hesitant.

"Lou, talk to me, please," the Southerner said after the long silence, "It's just me. Kid. Please."

Louise gulped nervously and whispered with a cracked voice, "I've been so angry. Angry with everything and everybody. Angry with that Doctor Logan, with Sally and her stupid husband, with Rachel, Teaspoon, with every single living soul under the sun, with God, and with …"

"Me," Kid finished the sentence for her.

Lou looked at him with big eyes. "Yes, with you," she admitted with a very thin voice. Breathing in deeply she continued, "It just ain't fair, Kid. What the hell have I done to deserve nothing but bad luck? As far as I remember, all I've done in this damn life has been struggle to survive. A horrible childhood with no ma, an estranged father, a lonely existence at an orphanage. And I don't need to explain to you how horrendous my early youth was." Long ago she swore that she wouldn't mention the man who stole her innocence and trust, and she didn't want to bring him between Kid and her in this moment. Her voice was shaky and she continued with the same tone, "Why couldn't life let me have something, just something that any woman can have? Why not me? I never asked for anything, and still I have nothing, and all I get is blow after blow, and I'm damn tired."

Noticing that she was getting too upset and almost on the verge of tears Kid tried to distract her attention somehow. As he had already told her, he didn't want her to pour any more tears. They have already had more than enough, and he swore that he'd try all his efforts to bring her peace and reasons to laugh as she used to. "I don't know, Lou. Not everything is bad," he began half-jokingly, "After all, you have a wonderful husband. That's something, ain't it?"

Louise giggled at his words, understanding what he was trying to do, and she felt less tense. Stroking his face tenderly she added, "You're right. The best husband ever."

On feeling her caresses Kid smiled happily. "No, Lou," he said, this time seriously. "I'm nothing special, just the man who loves you."

"Then I'm just the woman who loves you, who always did and always will," she whispered in his ear, feeling that she needed him to know that her feelings for him had always been there despite all the problems coming between them.

Kid smiled widely at her words, suddenly feeling like the luckiest man on earth. He tightened his hold on her waist and brought her closer to him as if he would never let go. They stayed in silence for several minutes; his senses relishing in her close proximity. "Just let me help you, Lou," he finally muttered against her hair. "You don't have to do this alone. I'm here and we'll manage to do everything if we are together. We'll do whatever you want, anything, but let me help you please." He waited for her answer but she didn't say anything. "Lou?" he called and in that moment he noticed her deep breathing on his naked shoulder and looking down he realized that she had finally fallen asleep. He smiled in the darkness and planting a soft kiss on her forehead he closed his eyes himself, knowing that today he would have the best rest he had had in months.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The following day Lou was up and about very early in the morning. She had been able to grasp a few hours sleep the night before, which had really felt good to her body after many sleepless nights. It was evident that Kid was getting stronger and better as the hours passed. When she woke up this morning, he was still asleep and she hadn't wanted to disturb his sleep. He needed all the rest he could get, and she swore to herself that she'd do everything to see to it that he was well taken care of.

The conversation they had the night before had left her lighthearted. However, she was still feeling a bit strange when she mulled over the last few months. Thinking about the fact that had triggered all those changes in her, Lou couldn't help but hurt. The pain hadn't gone, and she was sure that somehow it would always remain in her heart. It was something that she couldn't say she had completely accepted. Her reality was very hard, and she knew it would take her longer to finally come to terms with the lacks in her life. However, she had finally understood that she didn't need to go through everything on her own. Kid was there for her, had always been, and she had to learn to trust him and accept his support. Louise truly wanted to let him help her, but she still felt scared. Sometimes her own reactions were out of her control, and it frightened her to think that she couldn't come back to the way she and Kid used to be. Her heart was willing to fight for their love and marriage. She felt that they had been granted a second chance, and she would do her best to definitely make it work. Louise had to learn painfully what was important in her life. She had almost lost Kid and the thought made her shudder.

Since waking up that morning, Lou had been busy. After taking care of the chores around the ranch, she had done some cleaning in the house. It really needed some tidying up after those days where she had been unable to do anything. Now that Kid was better, she could spend some time taking care of the house while he was sleeping in the bedroom. Hearing the pattering of feet above, she knew that the two boys were awake. Thinking about them put a smile on her mouth and feeling cheerful and very much alive she climbed the stairs towards the bedroom where the boys were. Since the day Kid had been brought home after being wounded, the two children had spent their nights in Jeremiah's old room, the very bedroom that Kid had occupied for the last months. Rachel had told her that both boys had been adamant about sleeping together, and they hadn't even wanted to consider using Theresa's room. However illogical their reasons were, they had preferred to spend the night uncomfortably squeezed in that single bed than sleeping apart.

As Lou opened the door to the bedroom, laughter first reached her ears and peeking inside, she saw the two brothers, still in their night clothes, jumping and bouncing on top of the bed. She knew that she should scold them, but the image welcoming her was simply a sight for sore eyes. From the threshold Louise kept transfixed, staring at their games with a wide smile. How could she interrupt their happy playtime with her adult logic? They had a right to enjoy their childhood in their innocent games and be saved from the misery that life was full of. Louise didn't know a lot about the two boys but it broke her heart to think that these two loving children were spending the sweet days of their childhood in an orphanage. Although life hadn't really been terrible for Louise at the orphanage, what had really been painful to her was the realization of being alone in the world.

Lou remembered those years growing up within those four walls without much love. She hadn't been as young as her siblings and perfectly understood the situation they were in. As the years had gone by, Louise had grown aware of their precarious situation at the orphanage. What would happen when she were too old to stay there? Would the nuns send her away? One thing was sure; she would have to part from her sibling, and there was no saying if they would ever be together again. For that reason she had decided to get away, and with a heavy heart she had left her dear sister and brother behind. Long ago Lou had promised her ma that she would take care of her siblings, and with that promise on her mind, she had set off to find a new life for the three of them. Naively she had thought that they could be together in a short time, but years passed before she was able to fulfill her promise.

No, it hadn't been easy. Louise wondered what life had in store for the two children playing before her eyes. They were young but no fools to realize that they weren't like the other kids with parents who could provide for them. Lou knew little about the boys' story but for small snippets from their talks together. As far as she knew, their mother had died in childbirth, and apparently their father had abandoned them not long afterwards. Life was sometimes a big joke. These boys' life was almost identical to what she and Kid had lived in their childhoods. Maybe that was the reason why she felt so connected to them in such a short time. They had really been a breath of cool air when she had seen no light on the days following Kid's being shot.

In one of the jumps little Tommy almost took a fall from the bed, but Lou ran and caught him in mid-air. On seeing her appear, Jack stopped instantly and looked at her with a troubled countenance as if he had been caught red-handed. "Having fun so early in the morning?" Lou asked with a smile, Tommy still in her hold. Jack kept his eyes downcast and didn't say anything. "I imagine Mrs. Burrows wouldn't have let you do something like this, uh?" Jack shook his head and grinned slyly. "Now quit it before you or your brother get hurt, all right?" she said.

"Yes, Ma'am," the boy answered with a serious expression. Louise put Tommy back on the floor, and Jack asked, "How's Mr. McCloud?"

At the mention of Kid, she had to smile sweetly and said, "He's much better, honey."

"Can we see him?" Tommy asked.

"Not now, sweetheart. He's resting," Lou answered and watching the disappointed faces of the two boys, she added, "But I'll tell you what. When he wakes up, we'll pay him a visit, all right?" The two boys nodded their heads in unison, smiling widely. "Now wash up and get dressed while I fix breakfast, all right?" She turned to leave and when she was at the door, she swung around and looked at the boys again with a twinkle in her eyes. "Don't forget to scrub behind your ears too. I'll check later, uh?" she said with a wink and left.

About half an hour later the two boys entered the kitchen were Lou stood next to the stove finishing breakfast. Hearing steps behind her, she turned to see the two boys and smiled broadly. Louise came closer to them and smoothing Tommy's turned-up shirt collar, she said, "Have a seat, boys. Breakfast is ready." The two children sat down at the kitchen table while Louise poured a couple of glasses of milk for them.

"Pancakes!" Jack exclaimed as he laid eyes on the platter that Lou had prepared.

"You like them, uh?" Lou replied, amused at the boy's reaction.

"Oh yeah, we love them, don't we, Tommy?" the boy said and his brother next to him nodded enthusiastically.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, honey," Lou scolded lightly, trying to stifle a giggle.

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack muttered half-heartedly; all his attention focused on gobbling down the pile of pancakes on his plate.

"I thought I could get you a little treat for being such good boys this week," Lou explained truthfully while she sat down next to the two brothers. The two children had surprisingly been on their best behavior inside the house for two whole days without protest while Kid had been in critical condition, so Lou had believed that they deserved some kind of reward. "Besides, today's Friday, almost the end of the week, and we really could do with something good after a hard couple of days," she added while she poured herself a cup of steaming coffee.

"Is Mr. Ferguson coming tomorrow?" Jack wanted to know.

"Who?" Lou asked with a frown.

"Mr. Ferguson," the boy repeated matter-of-factly as if Lou should know all along who that man was. "He's from the orphanage."

"Mrs. Burrows said he'd be coming on Saturday," Tommy finished for his brother.

"Oh," Lou let out awkwardly, suddenly realizing that the boys would be going soon. With the last worries on her mind she hadn't given any thought to the fact that the children were expected to leave for the orphanage in just a day. She didn't know why, but all of a sudden, her cheerful mood vanished and she felt very sad.

"Is he coming, Mrs. McCloud?" Jack insisted when Lou didn't answer his question.

Louise looked at the boy with tired eyes and muttered very softly, "I guess." The two boys didn't seem very upset about leaving, but Lou imagined that for them the orphanage was their home, the only home they knew, and nothing else.

Noticing the sudden change in her, Tommy stared at Lou with big eyes and placed his little hand over hers. She turned her head to the boy, and his tender gesture made her grin sheepishly. Ruffling the young child's hair she stood up and said, "Finish your breakfast, and then you can go and play."

Later in the day the house became a continuous flow of people coming to see or inquire after Kid's health. The first one who made his appearance was the doctor, coming to check the blue-eyed rancher's wound. Doctor McNeil confirmed that Kid continued getting better rapidly, lifting Lou's spirits greatly. He also brought even better news to her ears. Apparently, Doctor Logan was out of town at the moment or at least, that was what his wife had told the army doctor. So Doctor McNeil would continue checking Kid's progress till he was completely back to normal. The man had requested a special leave from his unit as a favor and luckily it had been granted. As the doctor told her and Kid his good news, Louise almost jumped in joy. She knew that she had no logical reasons for her aversion to Doctor Logan, but she couldn't help but dislike the town physician. Somehow there was something in him that made her distrust him and Lou felt more reassured, knowing that Doctor McNeil would be the one caring for Kid. Besides, having to see Doctor Logan would have been a painful reminder of what had happened in that surgery of his long months ago. Lou knew she had to work hard on overcoming and face those memories, but for the moment she'd rather not have such a vivid reminder before her eyes so soon.

Captain Graham also called on them to enquire after Kid. The army officer had explained to the couple that the band of outlaws they had been after for months had been caught and were in the law's hands now. Some of his men had been killed in the shooting, but Mrs. Spencer was perfectly well after the fright in her own home. The man expressed his gratefulness for Kid's invaluable help, and Lou couldn't feel prouder of her husband than right now.

Later in the day Teaspoon and Rachel had come as well. Kid had pleasantly surprised her when he had resigned as Teaspoon's deputy. Lou had never wanted him to work for the marshal because, although Kid had tried to tell her otherwise, she knew that he'd be in the middle of trouble. To her own chagrin, Lou had proved to be right and he had almost lost his life. For that reason his resignation was the best gift he could give her. She was sick and tired of worrying all the time; all she wanted was a quiet life for the two of them. Kid was right; it was high time they enjoyed some peacefulness and forget tears. They had had enough as it was. Lou acknowledged that she had cried more in these few months than in her whole life despite the problems she had to face in the past. Louise had never been a big crier, but something had broken inside her and it seemed as the floods had opened and flown free. She intended to keep her promise to Kid and stop her tears. Now that he wouldn't be working as a deputy marshal, she would have one less worry. After all, with the ranch working as it was at the present they would have more than enough to live on.

After Teaspoon and Rachel had gone, two other deputies arrived to visit and even Tompkins had called on them. The storekeeper had come full of apologies for his behavior with Louise and the young boy at his store a few days ago. The man had even brought a basket full of goodies as a token of good-will. Louise had accepted his apologies reluctantly as she was still sore for the treatment she had received from Tompkins. It was Kid who had interceded, and she had finally relented.

Louise closed the bedroom door behind her and stepped inside. As soon as Kid saw her, his face lightened up and she smiled back. Lou approached the bed slowly without taking her eyes off him once. "Is everybody gone now?" Kid asked from the bed; his back propped against the pillows.

Louise simply nodded and when he made a gesture of relief at her silent answer, she asked, "You tired?" She reached the bed and took the hand which Kid stretched to her.

"No," Kid answered, bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it tenderly, "but I already missed being only with my wife."

Louise smiled happily and sat on the bed opposite him carefully. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips softly. Pulling away slightly Louise looked in his eyes fixedly and whispered in his ear, "Ready for another visit?"

"Lou, no!" Kid protested vehemently, disappointment gripping him at the prospect of being with his wife. He just wanted to make up for all those terrible months now that she seemed ready to overcome their past problems. Today they hadn't had a single moment to be together, and Kid just needed to talk, laugh or share some kisses with her. "Who now, Lou?" he asked with a moaning voice. "Tell whoever it is I'm sleeping and send them away."

Louise giggled and stood up from the bed. "Stop all that whining, Kid," she said while heading towards the door. "I assure you that you'll be glad for this one." She opened the door and made a gesture with her hand to whoever was on the other side to come in. Suddenly, pattering feet were heard, and the two boys dashed into the room. On seeing them, Kid smiled widely as the two children bumped into the bed raucously. "Be careful," Lou scolded as she approached them.

"Hey there!" Kid greeted, chuckling as the two children kept pushing each other to be the one closer to him. "I hope you've been good boys."

"They've been as good as gold," Lou said as she sat down on the bed and immediately, Tommy strained to climb onto her. The boy, now perched on her lap, stretched his arm holding a folded paper towards Kid.

"What's this? He asked, taking the paper from the boy and unfolding it.

""We made a picture of Katy," Jack piped in. "That way you won't miss her here so much."

"Why, thank you, boys," Kid replied with a smile.

"And we gave her some carrots to eat!" Jack continued in an exciting voice.

"And water!" Tommy added after his brother.

"Seems I have no reason to worry as you're taking such good care of her," Kid said, ruffling the older boy's hair, and the two children beamed proudly at his words. "Now then, has my other girl behaved as well?" he asked, exchanging a teasing look with Lou.

"What other girl?" Jack furrowed his brow confused.

"My wife, of course." Kid replied, chuckling bemusedly. "How's she been?"

"Not too bad," Tommy answered with an ample smile.

"Not too bad? Not too bad?" Louise exclaimed in feigned annoyance, tickling the young boy on his sides, which left him in giggles. The four of them laughed and at some point Kid grabbed his side with a grimace, feeling the pain shoot up.

"You all right?" Lou asked, noticing his pained expression. Kid nodded and added, "Fine. Just feeling sore with all this laughing."

Louise turned to the two brothers and said, "Boys, why don't you go and play outside? It's a lovely day, and Kid needs to rest for a while, all right?"

The two boys nodded in agreement, and as swiftly as they had stepped in the room minutes before they scurried out of it, slamming the door shut behind them. Lou stared after them with a melancholic expression and noticing her sad eyes, Kid stroked her thigh over the material of her skirt and called, "Lou?" She turned to him questioningly, and he asked, "What's wrong?"

Clutching his hand in hers, Lou lowered her gazed to their intertwined hands. "Tomorrow that fella from the orphanage is coming to take them back there."

"I know," Kid simply said.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, and after a while Lou dared a look in his direction. "Kid?" He stared at her, a question in his eyes, and Lou took her time to continue, choosing the words carefully. "Uh… I was wondering … uh … Couldn't they stay a bit longer?"

Kid furrowed his brow and asked, "How much longer?"

She gazed at his eyes fixedly and replied with a soft voice, "What about till they find a nice girl and get married?"

It took him a few seconds to register the meaning of her words. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, Lou?"

"I want them to be part of our family, part of us," Lou explained, carefully watching his reaction.

"What about not wanting a quick fix?" Kid reminded her. They had just begun sorting their problems out, and he just didn't want to rush into something they weren't ready for yet.

"That's just it, Kid," Lou insisted vehemently. "It wouldn't be one pitiful and desperate attempt to fill a vacuum at all costs. They're already in here," she added, tapping her hand on her bosom.

"Have you thought this through, Lou?"

"Not really," she admitted. "I just know that I want them to stay with us. Please Kid."

"You know it won't be like taking care of a new born baby. We'll have to pick up where others began. It won't be easy," Kid continued, trying to make her see what they would get themselves into. He had been surprised by her suggestion and wanted to give in. After all, the idea had been lurking in his mind for a while, but he needed to voice his doubts as well.

Louise sighed wearily and lowering her gaze from him, she whispered sadly, "You don't think I can do it."

"No! Of course not," Kid hurried to reassure her. That had never crossed his mind. He knew that Lou could be a good mother if they were given the opportunity. "I didn't mean it like that. Honestly. I just want you to be sure about it."

Lou smiled sweetly at his words and said, "I am."

"Well, then it's decided, I imagine," he stated, bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it tenderly.

"You happy with that?" she asked tentatively, fearing that she had been a bit too rash in her judgment. She had thought that Kid seemed as taken by the two boys as she was, but if he had any doubts about it, she'd rather forget about the whole thing. Louise had learned her lesson the hard way, and now she understood that this marriage worked both ways. She knew she wouldn't be able to do anything without Kid because he was part of her very soul.

"Yeah, of course I am," Kid said. "You just caught me by surprise, but I have the same feelings for these boys as you."

Louise beamed happily and threw herself to his arms, hugging him as tightly as his condition let her. "Oh Kid, I love you so much," she exclaimed, kissing his soft lips softly.

Kid snickered as he held her in a tight embrace. "Let's hope the boys will be as willing," he muttered to himself thinking back about their remarks about Mrs. Burrows when she had wanted to adopt them. They didn't seem to warm to the idea at all, and Kid hoped that their reaction had to do more with their dislike for the lady than with the idea in itself. Lou seemed very excited, and Kid hoped that she wouldn't have a disappointment. He knew that if the boys didn't welcome the suggestion, neither he nor Lou would have the heart to make them unwillingly.

A couple of hours later there was a knock on the bedroom door, and it opened straightaway. Louise had let Kid rest for a while after the busy morning of visits they had had. She had prepared some lunch, and later she had asked the boys to accompany her to the bedroom where Kid lay. Opening the door slowly Lou walked inside, steering the two boys along by their hands. Kid grinned as soon as he laid eyes on them, and she shared a meaningful look with her husband. Louise made the boys sit in the chairs placed opposite Kid while she sat on the bed. The two children silently stared at them in expectation whereas Kid cleared his throat several times before he talked up, trying to find the right words. "Well, boys," he began awkwardly, "We… I mean, Lou and I would like to propose a little something."

"What thing?" Jack asked intrigued.

"Well,… uh … work around the ranch is getting more and more hectic, and probably I'll have to go away from time to time," he explained patiently. "That means that Lou'd be on her own a lot, so I'd feel better knowing that somebody was here to keep an eye on her." He stopped for a moment, letting out his breath nervously and casting a look at Lou he saw her nod in approval. "We thought," Kid continued after a few seconds, "that as you're not really, really happy with living at the orphanage, you could... stay here with me and Lou permanently. That is, if you want to." He looked at the children, expecting a reaction, but they remained silent.

"So what do you think, boys?" Lou piped in, unable to keep quiet any longer.

"You mean like adopting us?" Jack asked with a frown.

"Call it whatever you like," Kid explained. "This can be your home if you want. You can always go back to the orphanage if you're not happy here."

Jack kept thoughtful for a moment, and then he asked, "Would we have to change our names?"

"Course not," Kid answered promptly.

"Would we have to call you father and mother?" the boy asked again, not sure if he'd like this arrangement.

"Only if you want to," Kid said sincerely. "You can call us whatever you like."

"But we'd have to find something better than Mr. and Mrs. McCloud," Lou added with a wink.

"Like what?" Jack insisted.

"Why don't you try Kid and Lou? That's what all our friends call us," she offered and Jack nodded seriously. The two boys kept quiet, casting each other furtive calls. The silence was killing Louise, and she began wringing her hands nervously. The younger child was staring at her with a serious expression. "What do you say, Tommy boy?" she asked, squeezing the boy's little hand in hers. He kept thoughtful for a few minutes and his countenance turned into a troubled expression little by little. Noticing this, Lou hurried to ask again, "Don't you like it here, honey?"

The younger boy nodded exaggeratedly. "Very much, but I don't like sleeping with Jack. He kicks me all the time," Tommy said with pouting lips.

His answer sent the two adults into giggles. "Don't worry about that. We'll see to it that you each have your own bed," Kid added with a wide smile and turning his attention back to Jack, he asked, "So what you say, Jack? Is it yes or no?"

The boy kept a serious expression while he looked at the couple before him. Lou felt her heart beating wildly and her feet began pattering the floor nervously. The boy lifted his gaze to them and his serious countenance changed into a smiling one as he said, "Yes!" Lou jumped from the bed and drawing the two boys into her hold she began to laugh, foreseeing a spotless future ahead of them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Ten days went by, and Kid recovered from his wound little by little. A few days later he had been able to leave the bed where he had been confined for over a week. Lou had used all her convincing powers to make him follow the doctor's instructions since he had soon tried to get up as if he had not been so critically injured. So with a happy heart Kid had left his bed but still he wasn't allowed to do much, but sit all day along, while Lou took care of everything around the homestead.

During this time Kid and Louise had been able to talk about the problems of the last few months. It was still a fresh wound that hurt too much, but at least now they could talk about it openly, something that Lou had been unable to do so far. However, it wasn't easy at all, and for Louise it was still too soon to say that she had really come to terms with the fact that she couldn't have children. Just to say it aloud meant a heart-breaking effort, but she was beginning to realize that she didn't have to live with this pain by herself. Kid had suffered alongside her, but he had been forced to be the strong part and hide his true feelings after her falling into that deep spiral of desperation. In their now open conversations he had given vent to all he had buried within him for her sake. Lou ruefully came to see how wrong she had been and how she had never given any thought to his feelings. Unconsciously she had held a grudge against him because he was the one who, if he wanted to, could decide to have a family. However, she realized that he was somehow as "handicapped" as she was because, as he had repeatedly told her over and over again, they both were two sides of the same coin.

The two boys had definitely been like a breath of fresh air to their life. Lou thought with a smile how they had managed to get through that ice wall she had built between her and the rest of the world. Meeting them had been the beginning of her return to her old self. It had really surprised her how they had woken deep feelings in her so suddenly, and right away she had known that she didn't want to let them go. With a heavy heart she had to admit that she would never become a mother, but she already felt that the two boys had become part of herself, as if they had always been there. The children probably wouldn't now see her or Kid with parental feelings, but with time she hoped that they might feel they belonged to them.

Louise was just happy to have them, and even though she couldn't say what it felt like to be a mother, she imagined that it couldn't differ much from the feelings the boys inspired in her. In any case, it was very different from when her siblings were living with them. Lou never tried to act as a ma for them. There had never been a doubt about it, especially with Jeremiah with whom she was just a few years apart. Yet, now Louise really wanted to become a mother for those two boys; it was a longing that had been born strong in her, and she needed to fulfill it. Besides, Kid was clearly overjoyed with the presence of the two children. Lou was sure that he would be a good father figure for them, and the notion still brought some bitterness to her heart, knowing that he could really be a father for real had he married somebody else. Yet, she had learnt not to linger on her negative thoughts or what if's, and gradually she came to accept the situation as it was.

The man sent by the orphanage, one Mr. Ferguson, arrived as planned. Kid and Lou had been able to reach an agreement about the two boys, and Mr. Ferguson had visibly been pleased when they had told him about their intention to adopt the two brothers. There weren't many people who were ready to accept the responsibility of two children at once. According to Mr. Ferguson, brothers and sisters usually never got the chance to be picked for adoption, and in their institution they tended to keep families of siblings together. Mrs. Burrows' determination was a rare occurrence, and when they received notice from her, stating that she wanted to send the children back, the news hadn't been such a surprise at all.

They were living hard times and the families who chose or were forced to accept adoption usually could take care of a single child. In their orphanage they were packed with many children in the same circumstances as Jack and Tommy since the terrible war had made many orphans in its wild ripping of the country. For that reason whenever a child was adopted, it was a real blessing for the people of the orphanage. Lou was familiar with everything Mr. Ferguson was telling them, her having spent part of her childhood in a similar institution. From the very beginning she had been pleasantly aware that nobody would be interested in adopting her since she was already quite grown-up when she had gone to live with the nuns. However, she had always feared that somebody could take either of her siblings from her. Couples usually came looking for boys or babies, and more than once a few people had shown their interest in Jeremiah and young Theresa, but fortunately, the nuns would have never allowed the three siblings to be separated.

In a matter of an hour Mr. Ferguson had left the homestead, and Kid and Louise were full of smiles with the knowledge that the boys were now part of their life. The only thing that was left to do was to sign the papers and make it completely legal. On Mr. Ferguson's advice they had begrudgingly agreed to wait a couple of months before sorting out the red tape. The man had insisted that they needed to get settled and be fully aware of the responsibilities they would be facing before they took the final step. Lou hadn't been very happy about it; she was completely sure of what she wanted, and no paper would make much difference, but finally she had relented and agreed with these conditions. She knew she wouldn't regret the decision she and Kid had made. Now the boys had been with them for a fortnight, and things couldn't be better.

It was the end of the day when Lou plodded down the stairs. As soon as her eyes caught sight of her husband sprawled comfortably on the sofa she smiled brightly. Hearing steps behind him, Kid turned his head and shared a piercing look with her while she walked towards him. "Finally managed to put them to bed. Jack wasn't very happy about beginning school tomorrow," she said as she dropped on the couch across him.

"I imagined he wouldn't be too excited," Kid added with a snicker.

"Figures," Lou muttered under her breath. Letting a sigh wearily, she rested her head on the back of the couch. "God, I'm exhausted," she exclaimed, suddenly feeling the day's tiredness in her body.

Kid looked at her sheepishly. "Lou, I'm really sorry that you've had to shoulder all our responsibilities on your own, the house, the ranch, the children while I haven't pulled my weight around here to help you," he said with a weak voice.

"For goodness' sake, Kid, don't start with that again," Lou protested, ready for the same conversation. Every day he had expressed his regret for the workload she had been forced to cope with because of his wound. "You know I'm more than happy to do this for us. And now I don't want to hear any more of this moaning. You need your rest and don't you dare even think of moving a finger till the doctor says otherwise. You know you can't mess up with me."

Kid chuckled and said teasingly, "I wouldn't dare contradict you." They stared at each other for a few minutes and then Kid added in a husky voice, "You're an incredible woman, Louise McCloud. You've never ceased to amaze since the very beginning." At his words she felt her cheeks go red and lowered her gaze, embarrassed. No matter how long they had been together, he still had the same effect on her.

"You're pretty good as well," she managed to say and dared to fix her eyes on his. They kept staring at each other longingly for long minutes, but neither attempted to move.

After a while Kid broke off eye contact and said, "I guess we should get going to bed." Lou simply nodded and, as he rose to his feet, suddenly his face contorted in a grimace, and he pressed his hand against his lower abdomen exactly where he had been wounded. Noticing his pained expression, Lou was next to him in no time with an anxious countenance.

"What is it, Kid? Is it the wound?" she asked apprehensively. The doctor had said that his injury was healing, and Kid hadn't complained in days, but Lou never stopped worrying. "What is it, Kid?" she repeated as she began unbuttoning his shirt to check his abdomen.

The Southerner didn't move while she stooped before him and with a chuckle he said, "It's amazing the stunts one has to play to have your wife touching you."

"Kid!" she exclaimed in mocked annoyance, slapping his arm teasingly. He laughed heartily as he drew her into him and surrounding her petite frame with his strong arms, he kissed her deeply and she responded with the same passion. After a while they pulled away slightly, and Kid whispered in her ear seductively, "Let's go to bed, Lou."

She kept looking at him longingly. "You sure, Kid?" she asked huskily. They hadn't been on intimate terms yet since he had to be extra careful after being shot. The wait had been harder than what she had initially thought. All her womanly feelings had come back full force, and she longed for him with blinding intensity. The few kisses and caresses they shared at night weren't enough for her any more. She wanted to feel him completely as she used to.

Kid nodded at her question and added, "Doctor McNeil said it would be all right."

Hearing his words, Lou suddenly disengaged herself from his hold and exclaimed, "Did you ask him … that?" she blushed violently and knew she wouldn't be able to look at the good doctor without dying of embarrassment.

"Course not!" Kid promptly replied while he drew her into his hold once again. "He just said that I could go back to my normal routine and …" he began planting little kisses over her white neck. "I intend loving my wife to be as much part of my routine as mucking out the stables, obviously a much nicer routine." Feeling his kisses, Lou smiled with pleasure, and Kid whispered huskily, "Come on, Lou. Let's go to bed."

He grabbed her hand in his, and they both scurried up the stairs toward their bedroom among laughs. No sooner had they stepped inside, they began kissing passionately, and Kid's hand instantly began undoing the buttons of her blouse. "Oh Lou, it's been such a long time," he muttered between kisses. For a moment their eyes locked hungrily, avidly, and then Kid softly touched her lips with his, relishing in the softness of her mouth. But when he tried to deepen the kiss, Lou scurried away from his grasp and he found himself foolishly with his lips pouting in mid-air.

"Auntie Lou?" he heard a soft voice calling behind him and when he turned around, he saw Tommy in the middle of their bedroom. Lou was already before the boy, looking visibly embarrassed and clumsily fumbling with the buttons of her open blouse. "Auntie Lou?" Tommy called again. The boy had spontaneously begun using the name for Louise and likewise he called Kid "uncle".

She knelt in front of the boy so both of them were at eye level and, stroking his hair softly, she said, "Tommy boy, why aren't you sleeping like a good boy?"

"I'm scared," he muttered, looking at Kid sideways with a serious expression.

"You? Scared? I can't believe that!" Louise exclaimed exaggeratedly, sharing a knowing look with her husband.

"There's a monster in there," Tommy added with a shaky voice.

"My, my, then we'll have to ask him to leave, won't we?" she said, and the boy nodded vehemently. Tommy led the way out of the bedroom, and Louise followed behind him. "I won't be long," she told Kid with a coy wink and before stepping out of the bedroom, she turned around and whispered, "From now on we'd better make sure the door's shut if we don't want to be caught in the middle of something too embarrassing to explain."

"Yes, Ma'am," Kid replied teasingly as he laughed heartily, remembering the compromising situation the boy had almost caught them in. They really needed to make a few alterations to their daily life now that they had two other people to think of apart from themselves. Kid imagined that they had a long road ahead of them, and they'd have to learn by blundering more than once.

Lou followed the boy into the bedroom he shared with his brother. In the last few days she had turned Jeremiah's old room into a nice bedroom for the two children. With some help from Teaspoon and Rachel, Louise had added another bed, changed the curtains and even had ordered a bigger wardrobe which would arrive in a few weeks. Lou was intent in making the boys feel as comfortable with them as she could. Even though she was well aware that as it was, they were already in better circumstances than what they had at the orphanage, she just wanted to give them the best she and Kid could. She planned to spare no expense with them, and she had already bought more new clothes and some toys for them.

Louise opened the door for Tommy, who had fallen behind, obviously apprehensive of entering the room. "Come on, honey," she urged him in hushed tones, and the boy hesitantly stepped inside. "We'd better make as little noise as possible. Your brother's asleep," she whispered as her eyes fell on Jack angelically sleeping in the other bed. Tommy nodded and got into his own bed when Lou gestured him to do so. "Let's see where that ugly monster is," she said as she lit a lamp on top of the dresser and straightaway she began opening drawers, the wardrobe and the curtains as quietly as possible, showing the boy that there was nobody else in the room. "You see, honey?" she asked him while she sat down next to him on the bed. "He must have gone, so you've got nothing to be afraid of, all right?" Tommy nodded doubtfully, still looking around him fearfully. Louise noticed his hesitation and added, "I'll tell you what. We'll leave that lamp lit, and what about if I stay here till you fall asleep?"

"Please," the boy answered promptly, and he shifted so that Lou could lie next to him. As soon as she placed herself in the bed, Tommy snuggled closer against her and placed his head on her chest, which brought a pleasant smile to her lips.

Back in her room Kid was anxiously waiting for her return. He had stripped to his underwear and lay down on the bed while he scanned the book Lou was reading. The silence and the boredom proved to be very trying, and he had to fight the urge to fall asleep. At one point he opened his eyes suddenly, realizing that he had been dozing off. Stretching a hand to reach for Lou, he found her side of the bed untouched and cold. Furrowing his brow he clumsily rose to his feet, not sure how long he had been sleeping, but he knew that Louise should have been back by now. He plodded out of his bedroom and on reaching the end of the corridor, Kid tiptoed into the boys' bedroom.

Straightaway his eyes fell on Lou's figure fast asleep in Tommy's bed. The boy was hugging her tightly, and Kid smiled at the sweet scene before him. Lou had a serene expression on her face, and Kid pleasantly realized that she was healing as promptly as the wound on his side. He felt his body shiver at the thought that he had almost lost her in more than one sense, and now that she was back to her old self, he couldn't help but think of it as some kind of miracle. The two boys had really been a blessing in their life and had been the real reason for them to go back to the way they had always been. Grabbing a blanket from a chair nearby, he covered Lou and Tommy and kissed them on the forehead tenderly. With one last look Kid walked back to his lonely bed, knowing that their night of expected passion and love would have to be called off for the moment.

* * *

Feeling the strange sensation of being watched, Kid opened his eyes suddenly and found himself staring at Lou's smiling face. She was looking down at his eyes intently; her face almost touching his. "Good morning," she whispered huskily and Kid stretched his hand and caressed her cheek. "I believe that we didn't get to finish this outstanding issue last night," she said and lowering her head towards him, she kissed him softly, and the kiss became hungrier and more demanding little by little. Kid wrapped his arms around her small frame and he rolled her over on her back so that he hovered over her.

They broke the kiss breathlessly and he muttered teasingly, "Why, I understand that you decided to dump me for another man, if I don't recall wrongly."

Louise let out a short laugh and added in the same playful tone, "Are you jealous, Kid?"

He laughed loudly as he tickled her on the waist, sending her into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. "That boy sure has you wrapped around his little finger, uh?" he whispered, and she simply flashed her smile in acknowledgement.

They kept staring at each other, drinking in one another's presence and after a while Lou said, "Well, Kid, we still have a few hours before we need to get up, and I'm ready to comply with our pending little matter."

Hardly had she finished talking when she felt Kid's lips kissing her hungrily, and it didn't take her much to respond whole-heartedly. Everything around them seemed to vanish in that moment, and for the first time in many months their bodies met lovingly, releasing all the pent up emotions they had buried in the deepest corner of their hearts.

A couple of hours later a brand new day greeted them with a splendid sun and an azure sky. Kid began the morning feeling full of energy. After a long time life seemed to smile at him. Things couldn't get any better; he had a charming wife who loved him, the ranch was getting better and better every day, the children seemed to be settling down in their home, and especially he felt glad today to be back to his daily tasks.

It had really been tiresome for him to stay idle for days long as he wasn't one who enjoyed hanging around without doing anything. He'd have liked to leave his inactivity sooner, but Lou would have bitten his head off if he had merely hinted something around those lines. So when the doctor had told him that he could resume his daily activities, he almost jumped in joy. Early this morning he had started the day by visiting the stables and checking what needed to be done. Lou had taken upon herself to care for the ranch while he had been on the mend, but with all the work in the house and the children, she had left some of the less urgent matters on hold. Looking around the stables he couldn't help but feel really proud of her; the horses looked well-groomed and properly fed. As Kid had told her, he just couldn't understand how she had been able to see to everything; she was basically exceptional in all senses. Now he had to begin the training of the horses and have them ready for sale.

After mucking the stalls, Kid headed back to house, eager to enjoy a substantial breakfast with his family. As soon as he opened the door, the smell of coffee wafted up from the kitchen. He plodded across the lounge, and as he entered the kitchen, he saw his wife sitting at the table, her attention focused on some papers before her. On seeing him appear, Louise smiled at him brightly, and Kid bent over next to her and planted a sweet kiss on her cheek. Lou made a grimace and exclaimed, "Gosh, Kid, you stink of horses."

"Hello, honey. I love you too," he said teasingly as he began filling a bucket with water to wash up. Louise tittered amused, and Kid added, "I thought you liked horses."

"I do, but I don't particularly care for my husband smelling like one," she replied while Kid splashed water and soap on his face and arms.

"Are the boys up yet?" he asked as he dried his hands with a towel.

"Uh huh," she answered without much enthusiasm as she fixed her attention on the papers before her.

Kid looked at her with curiosity as he sat down next to her. "What's in those papers that have you all wrapped up, Lou?"

"Uh… it's a couple of letters I've written," she muttered uncomfortably. Kid grabbed the papers from her hand and reading the names that the letters were addressed to he understood her hesitancy. "It was high time I told my brother and sister a couple of things," she added with a thin voice. "I really need to right all my wrongs once and for all."

The Southerner took her hand in his and squeezed it comfortably. "Lou, it's fine if you want to write to them," he said looking straight in her eyes, "but I don't like you sounding as if you have to purge your sins."

"Kid, I didn't act well, especially with you," she mumbled softly, lowering her gaze.

"Lou, look at me," he said, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you more than anything. You know, I'm ready to forget everything about the last months and start anew with no regrets. Can you do that too?"

"But I…" she tried to protest but Kid cut her off straightaway.

"Lou…" he insisted, a warning tinge in his voice.

Louise gazed intently into his face and nodding doubtfully, she muttered, "No regrets."

"That's my girl," he exclaimed happily, teasingly kissing the tip of her nose.

"But I…" she tried once more, but in that moment the sound of pattering feet reached their ears, and when they turned their attention to the source of those sounds, the two boys appeared at the door. Lou rose to her feet as she said, "Come on, boys, time for breakfast." Tommy hurriedly occupied his place at the kitchen table, but Jack shuffled across the room with a sullen expression. "Please, Jack, don't pull that long face to me," Louise exclaimed.

The boy sat down next to Kid, who was watching him with an amused expression. Jack cast a sidelong glance at him and then turned his entire attention to the young man. "Do I need to go to school, Kid?" the boy asked with a hopeful expression.

"I'm afraid so, buddy," he answered ruffling Jack's hair teasingly. The boy snorted, clearly disappointed at his answer. Lou approached and placed a plate before the boy.

"But Tommy's allowed to stay here," Jack protested again while absently picking at the food in his place.

"Honey, I already told you. Your brother's still too young for school. He'll go in good time," Lou replied with a weary voice, tired of having the same conversation over and over again. At her words Tommy beamed a happy smile to his brother, and Jack sent him an annoyed glare. "And now stop playing with your food and eat!"

"Jack, you know you have to go to school," Kid tried patiently. "You'll see. It ain't so bad, and you'll make lots of friends."

"I already didn't like it at the orphanage," the boy retorted, "and with Tommy, you and Lou I have plenty of friends."

"Really?" Kid asked, exchanging a smile with his wife.

The boy nodded eagerly and added, "I'd rather stay here and help you."

"I appreciate that, Jack, but you still can help me when you come back from school, all right?" Kid replied, trying to stifle his amusement at the boy's stubbornness.

Jack folded his arms over his chest in irritation, realizing that he was clearly on a losing end. Louise came to his side and kissing the top of his head she said, "Honey, just be a good boy, and stop all that whining."

Half an hour later Kid hitched up the wagon for Louise and she drove it to town. The two boys sat by her side, and the entire ride to Rock Creek Jack hadn't stopped voicing his protests about going to school relentlessly. Lou ended up listening to him silently without trying to contest his arguments. Even when they got down from the buckboard and walked towards the schoolhouse, the boy desperately tried to convince Louise to let him skip school, but as the building came into sight, Jack realized that he was inevitably doomed to spending the morning inside those four walls.

Rachel was at the door and as soon as she saw Lou and the two boys, she waved eagerly at them. "Morning, Rachel," Louise greeted her friend and turning to Jack, she asked, "You remember Mrs. Dunne, don't you, honey?"

The boy simply nodded and Rachel addressed the boy, "Hello, Jack. Ready to start school?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he muttered with a very serious expression, and the two women exchanged knowing glances.

"Jack, we're leaving now, but we'll see you in a few hours, all right?" Lou said and the boy nodded doubtfully. "That's a good boy," she exclaimed encouragingly and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Jack kept staring at the two figures of Lou and Tommy walking towards the wagon and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking upwards he met the smiling gaze of Rachel, who said, "Shall we go inside?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders and let himself be steered towards the inside of the schoolhouse. When they stepped in the building, all the other children were already sitting nicely in their desks. Jack walked before Rachel with slow steps, warily looking around him as he advanced along towards the front of the room. The woman turned round towards the class, the boy next to her, and said, "Children, today we get to welcome a new student. This is Jack Martin. Let's all greet him warmly."

"Hello, Jack," the pupils chorused together.

Rachel scanned the room for any empty places and, as she located one, she turned to Jack. "Why don't you go and sit with Victor?" the woman asked, pointing at the empty seat in the second row.

"Yes, Mrs. Dunne," the boy muttered and, as he went to take his seat, Rachel instructed the children to open their books and read the lesson. He cast a glimpse at the boy who Rachel had called Victor. He was about the same age as Jack, with very fair hair and skinny features.

As Jack sat down next to him, the other boy stared at him steadily for a few moments and then he said, "My name's Victor Reese." The two boys shook their hands ceremoniously and Victor asked, "You live with the McClouds, don't you?" Jack simply nodded his answer, and the other boy added with a smile, "I'm kind of new here myself. My family moved to Rock Creek a few months ago, they own a farm on the outskirts. So if you want, we can hang out together"

Jack gazed at the boy thoughtfully and began to think that maybe coming to school wasn't too bad after all. At the orphanage all the other children who attended school were older than him, and apart from Tommy he had never befriended anybody else. He considered Victor's proposition seriously and realized that he wouldn't mind having a friend. Jack was about to express his agreement when Rachel's loud voice resounded in the room. "Will you be quiet, please!" the lady said, casting a warning glance at the two boys, who exchanged knowing looks and instantly turned their attention to their books.

A couple of hours later school paused for recess, and all the children scampered out to the ample yard, happy to escape books and lessons for half an hour. It was lunch time, and Jack shared the sandwiches Lou had prepared with Victor as he also tasted the ones Mrs. Reese had packed for her son. After that, the two boys began playing marbles, a game that Jack was particularly fond of. The two boys were crouched on the ground, all their attention focused on the movements of the small crystal balls. In that moment several legs appeared, disturbing their peaceful playtime. Jack lifted up his eyes to see four boys looking at him with crooked grins and he instantly knew that they were looking for trouble. The boy wasn't unfamiliar to this kind of scenes at the orphanage and he always tried to keep away from them.

"Look who we have here," one of the four said. He was a stout boy, a few years older than Jack and it was obvious that he was in the lead of his friends. "It's the newbie, a poor lousy orphan!" Jack rose to his feet, glaring at the older boy defiantly but didn't say a word.

"Leave us alone, Bradley!" Victor barked, trying to push the older boy out of their way, but he was too big for his weak body, and instead he ended up on the ground with a single movement of Bradley's hand.

Bradley's attention turned back to Jack, and he blustered mockingly, "A pathetic, lousy orphan. That's what you are. Or are you so naïve to think that having the McClouds take pity on you means you have a family?" Jack remained silent, feeling the anger inside him, and the older boy added vociferously, "Answer me, dummy!"

Jack silently looked daggers at the older boy, feeling his face redden with growing irritation. "Don't pay him any heed, Jack!" Victor said and, taking hold of his arm, he tried to steer his friend away from Bradley, but Jack did not move an inch and kept glaring at the older boy.

Bradley turned a deaf ear to Victor and continued to focus his attention to Jack. "I imagine I wouldn't go bragging about having that woman as my new mommy," he continued in the same cruel tone. "My ma and everybody say she's gone soft in the head."

"That's a lie!" Jack finally shouted, deeply offended by the older boy's words. He wasn't going to let anybody tell lies or insult either of the two people who had been so good to him and his brother.

Bradley let out a malevolent guffaw and went on without turning a hair, "Is it? I don't think any sensible woman would shamelessly work and live like a man. My ma says it's not decent, and now everybody knows she's gone all crazy and hysterical because she can't have children. No wonder she took in the very first children who called on her door. I imagine a dog would have worked just the same for her."

Bradley had barely finished his cruel words when Jack barged against him, knocking him to the ground. The younger boy threw himself on top of him. and both boys savagely began hitting, punching and kicking each other. Meanwhile, at the cry of "Fight!" all the other children came rushing and gathered around the two boys fighting on the ground. Jack painfully resisted the blows that Bradley was delivering, fully aware that he was not a match for such a strong boy, but he held on stubbornly. Suddenly, he felt lifted in the air by a pair of arms, and in a daze he turned his attention to his side and came face to face with a very angry Rachel. "Will you two stop it at this very moment!" the woman bellowed, holding both boys in a strong hold. She gazed at both of them, and shook her head as she noticed their grazed faces. "Go inside right now. Recess is over for you, and the three of us are gonna have a little talk," she said sternly.

"But Mrs. Dunne, it was him who started it all," Bradley protested.

"I don't care who started it," she replied seriously. "You know the rules here; no fighting whatsoever. I'm utterly disappointed in you and your parents will certainly hear about this!"

"That would have to be a miracle in his case," the older boy muttered under his breath, but loud enough for the teacher to hear it.

"Bradley Williams! I won't hear any more words from you. Go on. Now!" Rachel whizzed, absolutely ashamed of her pupil's behavior. He knew what Bradley was like, and she strongly suspected that he must have started the fight. Yet, she needed to treat the two boys in the same way, especially when she had no reasons to believe one boy over the other. Sometimes being a teacher was an impossible task, and Rachel looked back at the times when her main concern was to clean and have the meals ready for the riders.

The two boys shuffled along towards the schoolhouse. Jack had remained silent during all this exchange and hung his head in shame as he walked towards the building. After the blows he had received, his face hurt badly, but not as much as his pride after the cruel words thrown at him mercilessly.

* * *

That afternoon Louise hurried up along Rock Creek's main street towards the schoolhouse. She had been busy all morning, and before she knew it, it was time to go and pick up Jack from school. When she reached the building, all the children came flocking out, but strangely she couldn't see Jack among them. Louise climbed the few steps leading to the schoolhouse, and in that moment Rachel appeared out at the door. Lou smiled in greeting and asked, "Where's Jack, Rachel?"

"He's inside," the woman answered, and when Louise tried to go past her into the building, Rachel grabbed her by the hand to stop her. "One moment, Lou. I need to talk to you about something concerning Jack. Let's say there's been a little problem."

"A problem?" she repeated with a frown.

"Jack got into a fight with another boy," Rachel explained.

"Oh my God!" Louise exclaimed, visibly worried after her friend's words. "Why?"

"I can't really tell. He hasn't said a word since then," Rachel replied. "I guess something Bradley Williams told him must have upset him."

"Bradley Williams!" Lou exclaimed. "But he's older than Jack and twice his size!"

"I know," the older woman muttered.

"He's such a good boy, he really is," Lou responded truthfully and sighing deeply she added, "I'll go now and see him."

Rachel nodded. "Don't be too hard on him, Lou. I would stake all my bets that the blame falls entirely on the other boy. He's no angel at all. I know what I'm talking about, and now I'm going to see his parents and have a little talk about the matter."

"Thanks, Rachel," Lou said and turned to enter the schoolhouse. As soon as she stepped inside, she spotted Jack straightaway sitting in the first row of seats. Lou approached him slowly, her light steps resounding in the silent room, but Jack did not even turn his head to her. Louise rounded the small desk and stood before him. The boy hung his head morosely; his eyes were downcast and his arms protectively crossed over his chest. "Jack?" Lou called and when it was obvious that the boy wasn't too eager to talk or move, she tilted his head towards her so that she could see him clearly. She cringed as she noticed the condition of his face after the fight. His upper lip was swollen, there was a graze on his cheekbone and it was noticeable that his nose had been bleeding.

"What happened, honey?" Lou asked, holding his chin in her hand. The boy didn't say anything but pulled his face away from her hold roughly and kept directing his gaze towards the other direction, trying to avoid Lou's quizzical eyes at all costs. "Are you gonna tell me what happened, Jack?" Lou asked again, but as minutes went by and the boy did not answer, she sighed and muttered, "I guess not."

She kept staring down at him, racking her brains to find a way to reach him when suddenly his voice resounded clear and cold, "I want to go home."

Lou tried to catch his eye, but still the boy did everything he could to avoid meeting her gaze, and even when they were already on their way to the ranch, the boy never looked in her direction once. Louise tried to engage him in conversation, talking about anything except what had happened at school, but Jack never opened his mouth.

As they reached the ranch, Kid was coming out of the house with Tommy in his tow. When both man and child saw the wagon approach, they waved at them with smiling faces. Louise stopped the buckboard just in front of the house, and Kid came closer and taking the reins from her, he helped her get off. "Did you have a nice day at school, Jack?" he asked light-heartedly before Lou had time to warn him against it.

The boy jumped from the wagon and ran inside the house. "Jack!" she called but the boy didn't seem eager to acknowledge her words. She sighed wearily and when Kid cast her a questioning look, she simply said, "Don't ask." Then she hurried to follow the boy, who was already reaching the stairs. In a few long strides Louise reached and grabbed him by the arm. "For goodness' sake, Jack, stop this silly game."

Kid had also entered after Lou, and it was then when he noticed Jack's bruised face for the first time. "Hey, buddy, what happened to you?"

The boy didn't answer but kept staring at him with angry eyes. He squirmed, trying to break free from Lou's hold while he began repeatedly shouting, "I want to go home!"

Louise strengthened her hold and stopped his frenetic squirming. "Will you stop it!" she said sternly. "Enough of this tantrum. You're already home; isn't it what you wanted?"

"This is not my home!" the boy barked at the top of his voice. "I want to go back to the orphanage! That's where I belong."

"Jack…" Kid tried to appease him, but the boy wasn't any more ready to listen to him than to Lou.

"You said I could go back if I wanted to. I'm not happy here and I want to go home!" His face was red with irritation and he was on the verge of tears.

"Jack please…" Lou tried once again, but the boy was too upset and in a quick movement he pushed her off and ran up the stairs. She almost fell backwards, but Kid was quick and caught her in his arms. "Jack!"

Lou called after him and was about to follow him, but Kid stopped her. "Lou, let him be for now. He'll come round."

She nodded wearily and let him draw her into his arms. In that moment they heard a whimper at the end of the lounge and turned to see Tommy crying. Lou threw her husband a brief glance and approached the boy. "Hey, Tommy boy, what's wrong?" she asked while she lifted the child in her arms.

"I don't want to go, I want to stay with you," the boy cried, and Lou hugged him tightly and tried to soothe him, "Nobody's going anywhere, honey. You'll see." While she uttered the words to Tommy, she cast a worried look at her husband, silently wondering how she was going to talk Jack into forgetting that idea about going back to the orphanage and keep her promise to Tommy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Louise had almost finished having dinner ready when she heard steps behind her. She turned around and sent an inquisitional look at Kid, who was walking into the kitchen. He simply shook his head and added, "He won't talk to me." He had tried any possible way to calm Jack down, but the boy wouldn't even hear him.

Lou sighed morosely and asked, "Still adamant about going back to the orphanage?"

"I'm afraid so. But don't worry, Lou. Hopefully, he will cool down," Kid said, not really sure of his words. He had no previous experience with children and was clueless about how to act in cases like this.

"What if he won't, Kid?" she questioned in a loud voice. "I don't want him to leave us!"

"Neither do I, Lou. But you know we can't keep him if he doesn't want to stay. We promised him."

"I know," Lou admitted through gritted teeth. She sighed again and kept staring at her husband reluctantly. Turning around she began filling a jug with water while she said, "Kid, can you do me a favor and lay the table for dinner?"

"Sure," he replied promptly, "but where are you going?"

"I need to see to Jack's bruises," she mumbled seriously. Kid nodded and began taking everything to set the table while Lou stepped out of the kitchen, carrying the water jug, a cloth and some ointment she used when Kid had suffered some minor injuries. Quickly she climbed the stairs and when she reached the bedroom that the two brothers shared, Louise knocked once, and without waiting for any indication, she let herself in. Jack was sitting forlornly on the bed, and when he heard the door open and Lou's light steps, he turned his head to her. "Hello, honey," she greeted in a cheerful tone but the boy didn't answer back.

Walking to the dresser she filled the washbowl with the water from the jug and suddenly Jack mumbled, "Leave me alone."

Louise turned her attention to the boy again and said, "I'm afraid I can't do that. We really need to clean those scrapes on your face." She approached the boy and placing the washbasin on the bedside table she sat down next to the brown-eyed child on the bed. "Look at me, Jack," she ordered mildly, and the boy turned his head to Louise reluctantly. Wetting a cloth in the water she began wiping the bruises on his face and Jack winced in pain. "I know it hurts," Lou said. "Just try to keep as still as you can and I'll finish quicker." The boy did as he was told and Louise kept cleaning the dry blood off his face. "That boy sure beat you good," she continued, trying to make Jack speak up but he remained silent, and after a while she dared to be more direct. "You never told me what happened between the two of you."

"Why should I?" Jack suddenly said in an angered tone. "You're not my mother."

His words hit her painfully, but she pulled a neutral expression and replied steadily, "I know I'm not, but I thought we were friends. You said so this morning, didn't you?" Jack shrugged his shoulders in indifference, and his annoyed expression seemed to relax a bit. "Did that boy say something to anger you, honey?" Lou asked and Jack nodded forlornly.

"He was horrible," he said, clenching his fists tightly with irritation when remembering his confrontation with Bradley Williams, but he didn't make the least attempt to elaborate. He kept looking ahead; his liquid eyes bright with unshed tears.

Louise had already finished cleaning his bruises and left the cloth inside the washbasin as she turned all her attention to Jack. Tilting her face to the boy, she tried to catch his eye while she squeezed his hand tenderly. "You know you can tell me anything, honey, anything at all."

Jack stared at her doubtfully, and after a while he began telling Louise everything that had happened leading him to fight with the other boy. While he was talking, he kept his eyes fixed ahead of him. When he finished his account, he looked at Louise sideways, watching her reaction cautiously. Lou remained quiet for a few minutes, silently poring over what Jack had just said, and after a while she asked, "Do you really believe that we took you and your brother in out of pity, Jack?"

"I guess not," the boy replied warily.

"Then why do you think Kid and I offered for you to stay with us?" she asked again.

"I dunno," Jack answered truthfully, staring at her intently.

"Well, let's say that it's for the same reason that Kid took me in."

"Because he loves you," Jack stated confidently.

"That's right," Lou said, looking at the boy meaningfully, and when it dawned on Jack what she was trying to say, he smiled briefly, but still his stance was rigid and cautious. "As for the other thing, I have to admit that most of what that boy said about me is basically true." Jack turned two surprised eyes to her, and Louise couldn't help but grin at his reaction. "Sometimes the truth can appear in the most diverse and funny ways. For example, something that is frowned upon by the likes of Bradley and his mother is something that fills me with great pride." She stopped to check that she had the boy's full attention and then she continued, "For some of us who aren't lucky enough to have a family to lean on, there's no more option but work hard for a living. Life is really full of turnings and deviations, and you never know where you will end up. Since very young, I had to work very hard and, well, for a series of reasons I ended up working as a rider for the Pony Express. It was a very dangerous job, something reserved for men, but I did it with great satisfaction. No matter what everybody might say, that's something I could never be ashamed of. You understand what I'm trying to say, Jack?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the boy answered, his full attention focused on Louise.

"And yes, unfortunately it's true I was very upset when I learned I couldn't have children, even more than you after your fight with Bradley," she explained sincerely. "I'm not very proud of that, but even so, that doesn't entitle anybody to judge me or my actions, you understand?"

The boy nodded and cast her a smile. After listening to Louise, he felt he had been a fool for behaving in such a nasty way. Actually, he didn't regret getting into a fight with Bradley, but Jack felt sorry for treating Kid and Lou so poorly afterwards. Louise peered at the boy seriously and asked, "You feel ashamed of being with me, Jack?"

"No, of course not!" the boy promptly exclaimed. "But I don't like anybody saying bad things about you."

Louise ruffled his hair tenderly and smiling brightly, she added, "That's sweet of you, honey. But I'd rather you don't get into fights. No matter what you do, you'll never stop people from talking. You just have to learn not to take their words to heart." The boy nodded and kept his eyes downcast, deep in thought. "Jack," Lou called, taking his hand in hers and he lifted his gaze to her, "I know it's not easy to settle in a different home and live with brand new people. It's like starting everything anew, and I have to admit that it's not a piece of cake for Kid and me either, but we're trying to learn as quickly as we can. Now let me tell you that all we care about is that you and Tommy are happy. We only want the best for you two. We will be very miserable if you go, but if you feel that you will be better and happier at the orphanage, well, we are ready to respect your decision."

"I like it here… very much indeed… honestly," Jack was quick to answer. He realized that he had let his anger talk and made a silly comment. He had never wanted to live at the orphanage and would be a fool if he ended up there again because of the words of a stupid boy. In the couple of weeks he had been living with Kid and Lou, he had felt happier than any of the years he had spent at the orphanage.

"So you're staying?" Lou asked, making sure he was serious.

The boy nodded energetically. "I'd love to if I can."

"Of course you can, silly," Louise exclaimed visibly relieved, throwing her arms around Jack and hugging him closely. "That's my boy." When she let go of him, she rose to her feet and began collecting everything she had brought to clean his bruises. "So apart from this unfortunate incident," she continued, "How was school?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders in indifference and said, "Mrs. Dunne is a nice teacher."

"She sure is," Lou agreed.

"And I made a new friend. His name's Victor," the boy added proudly.

"That's great!" she exclaimed pleased and, as she had finished picking everything up, she turned to the boy once more. "Now get changed from those torn trousers before you go down to dinner."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Louise scurried out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Crossing the dining room, she noticed that Kid had already set the table for dinner and, when she entered the kitchen, he stood next to the stove, keeping an eye on the stew. As he heard her steps, he turned round and sent her an inquisitional look. "So?"

"Everything's fine," she muttered with a wary voice.

"Good," Kid let out with a wide smile. "I don't know what I would do without you," he added as he surrounded her with his arms and kissed her gently.

Lou smiled happily at his sweet gesture, and when they pulled away, she began retelling him the conversation she had with Jack. "I'm damn tired of this town of prying, gossiping hypocrites!" she exclaimed furiously. She was so angry, not because of what people might say about her, but because all those tales had managed to disturb the stability of her family. Louise was well aware that she wasn't very well liked by some of the local people and, even though she had never cared for their opinions, now she feared what that idle gossip would do to the children.

"I know, Lou," Kid replied, understanding why she was fuming.

"You can't imagine how it was when you were away fighting. All those people speculating behind my back whether you would be coming back while they flashed their fake smiles before me!" she barked with irritation. "And now their malicious comments are repeated by their likewise children, and I won't have the boys suffer for that! It's so pathetic!"

Kid patiently listened to her outburst, and then he blurted out unexpectedly, "Then let's go away, Lou."

"What?" she asked with a frown.

He came closer to her and grabbing her by the upper arms he repeated, "Let's go somewhere else if you ain't happy here. We can always find a better place for the four of us."

"You serious, Kid?" she asked apprehensively.

"We can sell the ranch and pack up our few things. We can travel and see the country for a while, and then find a nice place to settle down."

Hearing him talk about selling their ranch, their dream, saddened Louise deeply and lowering her eyes, she muttered quietly, "But this is our home, where our friends… our family is…" She didn't manage to finish her arguments to stay as she heard Kid chuckle and lifting her gaze to him, she met his bemused eyes. "You little weasel!" she exclaimed, playfully struggling in his hold.

"Admit it, Lou. You are continuously moaning but you just love it here," he said, strengthening his hold on her.

"Never!" she said in the same playful tone, stubbornly squirming in his arms even though she knew he had the winning hand. Tired of struggling they both ended up laughing heartily and only pulled away when Lou realized that she had completely forgotten about the stew. Kid sat at the kitchen table, nibbling at a carrot, while Louise removed the pot from the stove.

"I'm just glad that Jack's fine after all," Lou said without looking at him.

"Yes," Kid replied, "Anyway, we already knew that he was more likely to cause us a few headaches. It's just natural, him being older than Tommy."

"I know," Lou admitted. "I feel he's somehow troubled about where to place us in his life."

"I guess he'll learn what we are for him with time," Kid added, fully aware of what his wife was talking about. Since the very beginning, Jack had been unwilling to accept anybody as his new parents. So now that he was living with the couple, it was obvious that he was confused about the relationship it joined the four of them together.

"I guess," she agreed as she carried the pot of stew out of the kitchen to the dining room where the two boys were already sitting at the table. That night the problems were forgotten, and the four of them relished in the feeling of enjoying a nice family dinner.

* * *

The rest of the week went without any noticeable occurrence. The incident at the school was soon forgotten, and the two boys settled into an easy routine. Jack did not have any more problems with Bradley Williams. It seemed that Rachel's talk with the boy's parents had been effective, and he had kept away from Jack and had not made any more snide remarks about the younger boy. Apart from this, according to Rachel, the seven-year-old was sharp and was doing extremely well at school, which filled Kid and Lou with deep pride. Yet, he still complained and put up a fight every day when he had to go to school. That hadn't changed, but at least he seemed to be happy despite his words.

Saturday came and Kid had convinced Lou it was high time they enjoyed some carefree moments. So they had agreed to go to the social. It had been ages since they had last gone, and it was with a happy heart that Louise welcomed the idea. She wanted to restart having more moments like the married couple they were after those long months and now like a family she needed to share more special times. Strangely enough, she felt excited about the prospect of going to the social and had even bought a new dress for the occasion. For the first time in months she felt like dressing up and looking her best for her husband's eyes. They were gradually repairing the damage that her attitude had caused to her marriage, and Louise now realized how much she had missed him. They were quickly trying to make up for the lost time, and she felt as light-hearted as if they had just got married.

Louise just finished doing her hair and gazed at her reflection in the full-length mirror with satisfaction before stepping out of the bedroom. Kid was with the boys, helping them to get dressed, and as Lou approached their bedroom, she could hear their voices.

"Will you stop squirming, Tommy?" Kid exclaimed, running out of patience as he tried to do up the shirt's top button for the boy. It had taken him more than half an hour to get him into the new clothes that Lou had bought. "I can't button up your shirt if you don't keep still."

Tommy shook Kid's hand away and scurried out of his hold. "I don't wanna," the boy muttered with a sullen voice.

"Come here, Tom!" Kid tried to catch him but the boy began running around the room, jumping over the beds, anything to slip away from Kid.

Jack watched them with amusement, laughing loudly at his brother's antics and finally Kid gave up and dropped onto one of the beds heavily. Jack sat down next to him and asked, "Why do we have to wear these stiff clothes?"

Kid had to laugh when the older boy pulled a finger in his tight collar, something that he usually did himself. "I always wonder the same, Jack," he answered softly, getting a smile from the boy. "But Lou wouldn't be very happy if we didn't wear our suits."

"Stop the whining, Kid!" Louise's voice resounded in the room, and in that moment the door swung open and she appeared, leaning an arm against the door frame. She had been watching the three of them through the crack at the door, amused at Kid's futile attempts with the boys. She really loved to watch him with the two children; he had a special way with them and he was so patient and understanding that it amazed her. "Let me have a look at my three men!" she exclaimed and the boys looked at her, beaming happily. "Don't you look handsome or what!"

Lou stepped in the room and approached the two boys slowly. With one swift movement she did up Tommy's top button without further protests from the boy, casting a knowing look at Kid, but he seemed oblivious to everything. Since she had appeared, Kid hadn't been able to take his eyes off her. He thought she had never looked so beautiful and kept staring at her lovely image in awe. Louise was wearing an elegant emerald dress, which perfectly fitted her slender figure. Kid gladly noticed that she was already putting on some weight. She had gotten so skinny after all those months of bleakness, but fortunately she was coming back to her old self little by little, and even her body was a reflection of those changes. Kid's eyes traveled from her narrow waist, passing through her bosom and settled in her lovely face. It was then that he noticed that she was looking at him with a quizzical expression.

"Kid?" she called with an amused smirk.

"Uh?" he let out clumsily as he rose to his feet from his position on the bed.

"I've called you three times. What has you all so wrapped up?"

Kid cupped her face in his right hand and tenderly caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Oh Lou, you look absolutely beautiful," he said huskily.

Louise smiled brightly, turning a shade of red. "Why, thank you," she exclaimed and briefly pressed her lips against his. In that moment giggles reached their ears and as they turned their heads to the side, their eyes fell on the two boys chuckling bemusedly. "What are you two laughing at?"

"You kissed!" Tommy exclaimed among giggles.

Lou had to laugh at the boy's comment and tickling him on the sides, she exclaimed teasingly, "Of course we kissed. We kiss a lot in this family!" The boy collapsed into giggles as she lifted him in her arms and planted a smacking kiss on his cheek. Putting him back on the floor she said, "And now enough of this and let's get a move on if we want to get to town in the near future!"

No sooner had she uttered those words than the boys dashed out of the bedroom, leaving the two adults behind. Lou cast a warm glance at her husband, who stretched his arm to her invitingly and asked with a smile, "Mrs. McCloud?" Lou got hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly, and hand in hand the couple stepped out of the room, ready to enjoy a memorable evening.

* * *

Music drifted along Rock Creek's main street as Kid drove the buckboard and stopped it just in front of the building holding every week's social. The couple helped the boys off the wagon, and they walked towards the entrance. As they stepped inside, the room was already full of people. There were couples dancing to the sound of fiddles and banjos, a few hanging around the food tables and the majority just loitering around the room in idle chatter.

The married couple and the two boys aimlessly walked in the room, Jack leading the way, and as soon as he noticed the dozens of people gathered in the place, Tommy was overcome by shyness and stood next to Lou, clutching her skirt fearfully. It was then that they saw Teaspoon coming towards them. "It's the marshal!" Jack exclaimed excitedly.

Teaspoon approached them with slow steps and greeted them warmly. "How you doin' tonight, boys?" the marshal asked, getting a loud 'fine' from Jack, but when he turned his attention to Tommy, the boy buried his head in Lou's skirt and never said a word. "Still not talkin' to me, Tom?" Teaspoon asked with a frown.

Louise stroked the boy's soft hair tenderly and said, "Let him be. He's just a bit shy, aren't you, sweetie?" The boy lifted his eyes to her hesitantly and nodded.

"You have to admit that you can make quite an impression, Teaspoon," Kid added teasingly. "It happened to me. I got this stammer for days when I met you the first time, and I was all grown-up."

The couple laughed when Teaspoon, obviously miffed by the remark, looked daggers at the sandy-haired man. "Has your husband always been this witty, or is it a new thing?" the marshal drawled sarcastically.

"Don't pay him any heed," Lou said. "You know, Teaspoon, handsome people tend to arouse the envy of everybody."

"You hear that, Kid?" the marshal asked, getting an amused look from the younger man and, turning to Lou again, Teaspoon said, "You sure look pretty, sweetheart."

"Thank you."

"Save a dance for me, will you?" the old marshal said with a wink. "I'll be the envy of all men while enjoying the company and attention of one of my lovely girls."

Louise giggled at Teaspoon words and mannerisms, and then Kid asked, "By the way, where's Rachel?"

The marshal snorted indignantly and added, "Swinging around like a spinning top. Poor woman's been hogged all evening by that Ben Richards. I keep telling her that she's too soft with those men, but she won't listen to me and patiently suffers their advances."

Kid and Lou turned their attention to the dancing couples, and it was then that they saw Rachel dancing as Teaspoon had rightly said. Yet, she didn't seem unhappy about the company at all but rather the contrary. The woman was smiling from ear to ear as she moved at the sound of the music in the company of the aforementioned man. Ben Richards was a quite attractive man around Rachel's age who had moved to Rock Creek a few weeks ago. Lou knew that her friend attracted the interest of many men, but she had never considered any seriously. From time to time somebody caught her eye, and Rachel enjoyed some days of discrete love and romance, but nobody had managed to win her heart completely.

Louise wished her friend would settle down with a nice man, but she suspected that Rachel compared all men with her late husband, and nobody seemed good enough to fill the gap that Henry had left in her life. Lou couldn't say that she didn't understand her. Might something happen to Kid, she would be unable to look at another man again. The thought momentarily darkened her spirits, remembering how she had almost lost her husband, but she didn't linger on the notion for long. This was a night that she intended to enjoy herself in Kid's company and she wasn't going to let any negative thoughts ruin that.

Louise turned to the marshal again and quipped sarcastically, "You're right, Teaspoon. She looks absolutely miserable."

"It's all pretence," the marshal replied with a stiff expression. "That's what it is."

Lou shared a look with her husband and added, amusement obvious in her voice, "You wouldn't by any chance be jealous, Teaspoon?"

The marshal adopted a rigid stance and said solemnly, "Course not!" The couple exchanged knowing glances, grinning mischievously and the older man felt irritation grow by the minute. "You two are absolutely hilarious tonight!" Teaspoon barked sarcastically. "Should be ashamed of yourselves, makin' fun of an old man like me! Some pair you are! You really deserve each other!" With these words Teaspoon swirled around and plodded away from the couple fuming. Kid and Lou tried to call after him, but the marshal didn't even turn his head to them once.

"He's mad at you," Jack said to the two adults.

Kid ruffled the boy's hair playfully and added, "He's got a quick temper, but it will blow over soon."

And he was right. The marshal did not stay angry with them for long and spent most of the evening in the family's company. Louise felt she hadn't enjoyed herself so much in a long time as she repeatedly danced with Teaspoon and Kid; both men taking it in turns to keep an eye on Tommy in the meantime. Jack had scurried away to play with his friend Victor as soon as the boy had turned up in the hall with his parents. Lou's feet were sore of all the dancing, and she decided she needed a break. Teaspoon had finally managed to snatch Rachel for a dance, and they were now swinging round at the dance floor.

Louise felt her face flushed and hot and noticing her red cheeks straightaway, Kid turned to the four-year-old boy and said, "Hey, Tommy, why don't we go and get some refreshing punch for Lou?" The boy nodded and Kid addressed his wife, "We'll be back in a minute."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed after them as they walked towards the food tables at the other end of the room. She kept staring at their retreating figures with a placid smile till they disappeared into the crowd and out of her sight. Louise remained in the middle of the room and looked around her. Her eyes lingered momentarily on the dancing couples when suddenly through a gap among the dozens of people gathering around she caught sight of Sally Douglas. She was comfortably sitting at the far end of the room, fanning herself and watching the people aimlessly.

Lou kept thoughtful for a while, fighting with her mind the impulse to approach her. She hadn't seen Sally for a long time, and feelings of guilt seared her remorsefully. She knew she hadn't treated her friend fairly, and it was high time she offered her apologies. So with that resolution on her mind Louise plodded briskly across the room, and when she noticed that Sally had spotted her, her steps slowed down and continued advancing towards her hesitatingly, her eyes seriously locked in those of the pregnant woman. Louise stood before her in silence for a few seconds, and then she managed to smile awkwardly. "Hello, Sally," she muttered uncomfortably.

"Louise," the other woman simply said in a grave voice. Her stance was stiff and stilted, and Lou silently had to admit that she couldn't blame her for her attitude.

"How are you? You feeling all right with your pregnancy?" Lou asked.

"Everything's just fine," the blonde lady replied curtly, and Louise knew that it was going to be harder than she had thought, but she didn't let her friend's attitude deter her from her aim.

"When's the baby due?"

"In four months."

Lou smiled at her, but Sally did not respond to the gesture and kept a long face. Louise lowered her eyes momentarily, and the two women remained in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Sally did not make the slightest attempt to speak up, so Lou began clumsily, "Uh… I know I have no right to come to you," she paused for a second to draw breath, and then continued with the same shaky voice, "I really want to apologize to you and John…" But she couldn't finish uttering her sincere apologies when a booming voice interrupted her intentions.

"Leave my wife alone!" Louise turned to the source of those words and came face to face with a very angry John Douglas. She kept staring at him feeling irritated by the authoritative tone in the man. She hated to be told what she could or couldn't do, and she wasn't going to allow John Douglas least of all to do just that. "You heard me! Go away!" the man barked, and in his growing anger he gave Lou a push, which made her stagger.

"John!" Sally exclaimed, rising to her feet, clearly shocked by the rough ways of her husband.

Not being one to be easily scared away, Lou stood her ground stubbornly and said through clenched teeth, "Stay out of this, John. This is something between Sally and me."

"Everything that concerns my wife does concern me," the man replied sharply.

"Look, I came looking for no trouble," Louise said sincerely, trying to calm down her frayed nerves. "I just wanted to offer my apologies."

"A bit late for that, don't you think?" the man retorted in the same angered tone.

"That's for your wife to say. She's my friend, not you."

The man let out a scornful laugh and glaring at the chestnut-haired lady, he said, "Listen, Missy. I've always been a good Christian and I do believe that in His infinite wisdom God gives everybody what they rightly deserve. I lead a good and honest life, and I've deservedly been bestowed with good health, a lovely wife, friends, a nice place to live, and now a baby, my baby's on its way." He stopped for a second and then he added spitefully, "And you… you … a woman deprived of the joys of motherhood... Do you ever wonder why?"

"John!" Sally exclaimed mortified, flabbergasted at her husband's remarks.

Louise remained on the same spot, unable to move or think. The man's words had left her in a daze as if she couldn't register anything any more. She just kept looking at the man wildly as the so familiar old pain swept devastatingly over her. She knew Sally was talking to her, but she couldn't make out her words. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her arm and turning her head she saw Kid by her side, and in that moment all she wanted was to cry and throw herself to his arms.

"What's happening here?" he asked, noticing Louise's weird expression and the curious looks of people around them. Neither Sally nor John tried to answer his question and Kid turned to his wife, "Lou?"

"Please Kid, let's go home," she muttered with a shaky voice.

"But…" he tried once more. He wasn't going to leave till he learned what had happened to make Lou look so distraught.

"Please!" Louise almost shouted, turning two misty eyes to him and he had no option but nod his agreement.

Back in their home the couple was in their bedroom. The two children were already sleeping, exhausted after the excitement of the night. Lou sat forlornly on the bed, slowly peeling her stockings off while Kid paced up and down the room in a foul mood.

"How dare he? How the hell did he dare to judge you … to judge us?" he exclaimed with deep irritation. When Lou had reluctantly told him about the incident with John Douglas, his anger had risen uncontrollably. He couldn't believe that the man had used what hurt Lou the most against her. Kid was aware that his wife was putting a lot of effort in overcoming her past problems, and now that fool's big mouth could mean a setback to her progress. "You should have told me there, Lou. I sure wouldn't have let him off so easily."

Rolling the stocking around her hand, Lou kept her eyes downcast, and she simply said, "Let's just forget about tonight and John Douglas. Please"

"He better not cross my path any time because I'd sure show him how much I don't appreciate anybody insulting and abusing my wife!" Kid bellowed with blinding rage. "He did push you, Lou, he did push you!" He couldn't believe that the man had the nerve to lay a finger on his wife. Kid felt so furious that he'd kill the man with his bare hands right now if he were before him.

Louise was already regretting telling Kid about John's rough manners with her. She knew that her husband abhorred any kind of violence inflicted to women, and if she herself was involved, he turned into this uncontrollable volcano ready to erupt. Lou couldn't really say that John had hit her, but his manners towards her hadn't been proper at all. "Kid, please. It's not worth it," she tried to appease him once more.

Kid approached her and sat down next to her on the bed. Looking at her for a few moments, he ruefully noticed that sadness was back in her eyes, and Kid cursed Douglas for being the cause of it all. He took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. "Don't you see that I can't let anybody harm you? It burns my soul just to think of anybody at all hurting you."

Lou had to smile despite herself. "Kid," she said, looking fixedly in his eyes, "nobody can harm us, but only those who we allow to. I don't care about John Douglas' opinion or anybody else's. All I care about is right here before my very eyes and in the room at the end of the hall." She had to admit that John's word had ripped her inside, but she'd be damned if she let him cause any havoc in her life.

Kid smiled for the first time and drawing her head towards him, he kissed her softly, and she let herself melt in his hold. They pulled away slightly, remaining held in a tight hug and he muttered against her neck. "Oh Lou, I don't know what I have done to deserve you."

Louise lifted her eyes to him and said, "Well, according to John Douglas, something really exceptional, but I still don't get what poor Sally has done to earn him." She cast an amused look at him, and Kid burst out laughing, happy that she could already joke about the night's incident. Drawing her into his arms again, he rolled her onto her back on top of the bed, his figure hovering over hers, and they kept staring lovingly at each other for long minutes. At some point she brought her hand to caress his face and whispered, "Please Kid, love me tonight. Let's not allow him to ruin this too."

As soon as she had said those words, Kid lowered his face to hers and their lips met avidly and with a deep passion. They took their sweet time to explore their bodies as if it were the first time, and in that moment all the John Douglas' of their lives disappeared magically and it was just the two of them and their undying love for each other.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

The weeks that followed were very hectic especially for Kid. He had recently bought a group of horses and the extra work involved had kept him very busy. He hardly had time for anything else, and he ruefully knew that he wasn't devoting as much attention to the family as he should. Some days he was lucky if he managed to get a glimpse of them at mealtimes or around the ranch, and when he went to bed at night, Lou and the children were already sleeping. His intention was to have the horses ready for sale and, if luck was on his side, he would be able to sell them through the summer. That money would afford them to live without any economic concerns the following winter. That meant a few weeks of long working days, but Kid was ready to make the sacrifice for his family's sake.

Louise missed her husband as she hardly got to spend much time with him. She had known from the beginning that having their own ranch would mean working many long hours, but she couldn't help but hate being without Kid. Maybe with time they could hire some helping hands, but right now they just couldn't afford it, and there wasn't much she could possibly do. Lou helped around the ranch as much as her own responsibilities in the house and with the children let her. Kid ended every day feeling completely exhausted, and it was no wonder that every single night he was already asleep before he even hit the pillow. Hopefully, it wouldn't be long before he'd finish breaking and training all the horses, and she'd have her husband back.

Louise drove the buckboard into her property and stopped it just in front of the house. She had just picked up Jack from school, and the two boys sat by her side on the wagon seat, bickering as usual. After jumping off to the ground, she went to help the two brothers to get off the carriage. In that moment, she caught sight of Kid walking towards the stables with an unfamiliar man in tow. Louise kept staring at them till they disappeared inside the stables.

"Who is that man?" Jack asked by her side, licking a lollipop she had bought him when they had stopped at Tompkins store to purchase a few things.

Lou turned to the boy and said, "He's a buyer. He's come to see our horses."

Jack sent her a quizzical look. "You mean he wants to buy the horses?"

"That's right. I ain't sure how many, though," she replied while picking up the few provisions bought in the store from the back of the carriage.

"And he's taking them away?" Jack asked again with a puzzled expression, and Lou simply nodded, not noticing the two boys' glum countenance at hearing her.

"I love our horses. I don't wanna them go," Tommy added with a miserable voice.

"But honey, that's what we do, we sell horses." Louise explained but the two boys looked at her skeptically, not very happy with this new information they had learned. Lou had to smile briefly, seeing their morose faces and she added, "Boys, they can't stay with us forever. We need to find them a new home."

"Why?" Tommy asked.

Lou gazed at the boy, a bit lost at what she should answer. "Well, honey, they need somebody to care for them … uh … in the same way we take care of Lightning."

"And Katy!" Tommy exclaimed loudly.

"That's right, and Katy too," Lou said with a smile, terribly relieved that her explanation had satisfied the two brothers. She sometimes found it terribly difficult to answer their curiosity, and she understood that it was natural for them to grow attached to the horses. What she wondered is what she would tell them when they started breeding and they had to sell those horses that would have been born and grown at the ranch. "And now let's get inside. I have to start dinner if we want to have something to eat tonight."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack replied, and the three of them quickly slipped inside the house.

Later in the day Louise was busy in the kitchen while the boys were playing quietly in the lounge. Suddenly, she heard the door clatter open and Kid's voice calling her. "Lou! Lou!"

She could notice the urgency in his voice and hastened to see what happened. "What's wrong, Kid?" she asked alarmed but as soon as he saw her, Kid plodded towards her and taking her in his arms, he swirled her around the room.

Louise laughed hysterically at his stunt while the two boys watched them, grinning amusedly. When finally Kid stopped his frenetic spinning and put Lou back on the floor, he took her hand in his and smiling widely, he said, "We did it, Lou. We've sold them."

"What do you mean?" she asked with a frown.

"The horses I've been so busy with," Kid replied, beaming proudly.

"You mean … all of them?" she asked again, her eyes big as saucers. Kid simply nodded, and Lou seemed unable to find her own voice.

"But…" she started clumsily but Kid answered before she gave voice to the question.

"I know, Lou. I haven't finished with all of them, but Mr. Jones said that he'd take the ones ready now, and he'll come back for the rest of them at the end of the summer."

"I can't believe it!" Lou exclaimed, knowing what that meant for their life. Kid would have more than enough time to work and train the rest of the horses, and he could afford to slow down the pace of work. Now that they had ensured that money, they didn't need to rush.

"I'm just glad that I'll be able to spend more time with my family," Kid muttered sincerely.

"So am I. We've missed you terribly, haven't we, boys?" Lou said and the boys nodded their agreement eagerly. Kid smiled placidly and added, "I have to go to town now. Mr. Jones's waiting for me but I just wanted to let you know." Kid walked towards the door and, as he remembered something suddenly, he swirled around and asked, "Would it be all right if I ask Mr. Jones to have dinner with us tonight?"

"Of course, silly!" she answered promptly, and for the umpteenth time that day Kid flashed his smile. He slowly turned towards the door, and before stepping out of the house, he turned his head to Louise and exclaimed happily "Love you", leaving a very smiling Lou staring after him.

That evening they welcomed Mr. Jones to their home, and they all sat down for dinner shortly afterwards. It had been a long time since they had guests for any meal. Lou ruefully remembered that the last time it had been when Sally and her husband had been over for dinner, and the evening had finished disastrously. The memory filled her with bitterness as her mind was brought back to the incident happening at the social a few weeks ago.

Since then Louise hadn't seen or heard from Sally or her husband. She didn't expect any kind of apologies from the couple as she knew that the man wasn't regretful after the nasty way he had treated her. Louise was well aware that John Douglas wouldn't let his wife come any closer to her, and Sally wouldn't dare disobey him, Lou knew that much. She sadly acknowledged that the situation didn't seem to have an easy solution. Sally had been a good friend, and Louise had to admit that she was the one to blame as her treatment of the couple had made them fall out.

Trying to erase those thoughts from her mind, Louise centered her attention on her family and the guest sharing their table. Mr. Jones was a man in his earliest fifties, apparently the rich owner of a huge farm in the north of Fort Laramie. He explained that due to his work, he needed good and fresh horses regularly, and he was happy to pay a fair enough price for fine horseflesh. The man was quite friendly and polite and he didn't stop praising Lou's cooking all night long. Louise knew that her kitchen skills had improved notably in the last years, but it wasn't her best asset at all, but she accepted the compliment willingly with an ample smile.

As soon as dinner was over, Mr. Jones bid them good-bye and headed for Rock Creek to spend the night in his hotel room. Lou and Kid moved to the study where they usually sorted out the red tape and other matters of the ranch. The couple stood before the desk, looking down in amazement at the banknotes placed on the table. "I have never seen so much money at once in this house!" Lou muttered.

"And it's just half of the whole lot," Kid said with a satisfactory smile. Seeing the pay to all his efforts in the last months had taken a weight off his chest. He had been worried whether they could have enough to live on this winter. After resigning as Teaspoon's deputy and therefore losing that steady income, fear had invaded his mind, thinking that he might not be able to make enough money to provide for his family. Now there were the two children to think of as well, and it was just natural that he had grown concerned about their economic situation, but luckily he had nothing to fear at this moment. "You know what this means? No worries this winter and enough to begin breeding next spring."

"I'm so glad!" she exclaimed and turning her head to him, she kissed him tenderly. When she pulled away, some movement at the end of the room caught her eye and then her eyes fell on Jack, holding a book and watching them intently. Louise turned crimson, realizing that the boy had caught them while kissing. "Jack? Something wrong?" Lou asked.

"I don't understand the words," the boy replied, pointing at the book he had in his hands. A few minutes ago Lou had left the two brothers in their bedroom, Jack finishing his homework and Tommy doing some drawings.

Lou cast a knowing look at her husband, both familiar with this regular practice of the boy. Every day Jack always came with the same excuse to avoid doing his school homework, and when either Louise or Kid sat down with him to explain to him whatever meant a difficulty, they realized that the boy had no problem at all.

"You sure, Jack?" Lou asked while Kid began collecting the money and placed it in a small wooden box, which he put in a drawer of the desk, locking it and leaving the key in a small bronze vase on the shelf behind them.

Jack nodded at Lou's question and she sighed wearily. "All right, young man, let's see what the problem is this time," she said, passing her arm around the boy's shoulders and steering him out of the study. Kid kept staring after them with a contented smile. He felt so proud and happy at the moment. Lou was definitely getting back to her old self, their past problems were now a forgotten memory, the two boys seemed to settle down nicely as if they had always lived with them and the ranch was really doing greatly. Things couldn't get any better, and right now he felt that nothing could darken his optimistic mood, nothing at all.

* * *

The sun was shining brightly in the sky above, warning that the day was going to be dry and warm. It was the middle of May, and it felt in the air that the summer was right round the corner. Louise was sweeping the floor on the porch when her face twitched into a smile as she caught sight of a dust cloud on the horizon. Kid had gone to town early this morning, and she expected to lay eyes on him and Katy riding in at any moment. Her expectations were satisfied as man and rider appeared, obviously in a frenzy to get home as fast as possible. The horse hadn't even come to a stop when Kid jumped onto the ground and ran to the porch where Lou stood. Noticing his out-of-ordinary hurry, Lou looked at him curiously. "What's wrong, Kid?"

"Didn't you hear in town?" he asked breathlessly.

"Hear what?"

"Your friend Sally … her husband's dead," Kid said with a grave expression.

"Oh my God!" Lou exclaimed, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. "But how…?"

"I dunno," Kid replied. "Some women were talking about it in Tompkins' store, and I came as quickly as I could to tell you."

"Poor Sally!" Lou muttered to herself. "They haven't even been married for a year. And now she's on her own and with a baby on its way." Kid remained silent; there was nothing he could really say. The couple stared at each other thoughtfully when Lou said, "Kid, would you mind keeping an eye on Tommy while…?"

She didn't have to complete her question as he answered promptly, understanding what she meant, "No problem at all." Louise smiled her thanks and Kid said, "I'll saddle Lightning for you."

Minutes later Louise slid off her horse before Sally's house. There were several wagons around the property, which told Lou that her friend wasn't alone. Probably some of Rock Creek's families had come to present their respects to the bereaved lady, and Lou suddenly felt very nervous. She didn't know how Sally would react when she saw her; after all she and John Douglas hadn't really been in the best terms. Lou wasn't sure whether her presence would upset Sally more than she supposed the lady already was. She just hoped that her friend wouldn't make a scene, especially in front of curious eyes.

Louise knocked on the door tentatively and a few seconds later it swung open, and Sally Douglas appeared before her; neatly dressed in black and her eyes puffy from crying. The two women stayed staring at each other for a few moments; neither saying a single word, when suddenly the blonde lady threw herself to Lou's arms, weeping bitterly.

"Oh Louise!"

Lou tried to calm her down, talking to her in soothing tones, while she steered the inconsolable woman to the couch, and both of them sat down. She watched her friend with a sinking heart as Sally gave way to her pain. Lou felt unable to offer any words of consolation as she could well imagine how her friend felt. She had been completely shattered herself when Kid had been shot, unsure if he would be all right. Having the certainty that your husband was gone forever was something that Lou couldn't even start imagining.

Sally's tears were beginning to subside, and it was then that Lou dared to speak up, "I'm really sorry, Sally."

"I know," the blonde lady simply said, and they remained silent for a while. Sally sighed shakily and added, "These ladies have been really kind to keep me company this morning."

Lou turned her head, and for the first time she saw the women sitting opposite them. She had focused all her attention on her friend, and she hadn't noticed the ladies' presence till now. There were five women among which she ruefully recognized Amanda Davis. Their scornful looks thrown in her direction didn't go unnoticed but Lou pulled a neutral expression and nodded her greeting. "Ladies."

"Mrs. McCloud," replied one of the ladies, who Lou didn't recall ever meeting before. The lady looked her up and down stiffly, and realizing that the woman was staring at the male clothes she was wearing, Louise now understood the withering looks from the beginning. She had changed into breeches before riding here and her appearance seemed scruffy compared to the other ladies, all of them impeccably dressed in black.

"But Sally, we're not doing anything special, just being good neighbors in your time of need," Amanda said, flashing her white smile. "Now that you are all alone in the world, you need all the company you can get."

Louise stared at her agape. Was that supposed to bring any comfort to her friend? Lou ruefully thought that she'd rather be completely, absolutely alone than to be with the likes of Amanda Davis.

"Honey, you're not alone. There's a beautiful baby, John's baby growing inside you," Lou reminded her, which won her a cold stare from Amanda Davis, but she decided to ignore it. This wasn't the place or the time for that sort of thing.

"Yes," Sally let out, a flickering smile on her lips as she stroke her growing belly tenderly.

"I guess we'd better be off now," Amanda said coldly, and all the women stood up almost at the same time like automatons and headed for the door.

"Thank you for coming," Sally called in a tiny voice, not having even the strength to stand up and show the ladies out. The women never turned their heads or said anything at all as they filed out of the house. From inside Sally and Lou heard the wagons drive away while they remained in complete silence.

"What am I gonna do now, Louise?" Sally asked in a raspy voice after a while.

Lou looked at her with a neutral expression, not finding the words to answer her question. All she managed to do was to take her hand in hers and squeeze it encouragingly. "What happened, Sally?"

The blonde lady inhaled deeply, her lips quivering. "It was an accident," she began in a shaky voice. "He was in the barn like every evening sharpening his tools. I don't know how, but when he burst into the house, he had a deep gash on his left thigh." Sally let out a miserable wail, and Louise stroked her back comfortingly. Little by little Sally was able to take a grip of herself and continued her account. "I wrapped some bandages around his leg, but the bleeding didn't stop, so we rushed to town. Doctor Logan did a tourniquet to stop the blood from gushing out, but after hours of being there he … died." She uttered the last part in a tiny voice and she started weeping silently again.

Louise kept thoughtful as she pondered over what Sally had told her. After a while she turned to her friend and asked, "Are you telling me that's all that happened?" She couldn't believe John Douglas had died because he had a slash in his leg. In her life Louise had seen terrible wounds, especially when she had been riding for the Express, and she didn't recall anybody dying so suddenly because of a simple cut. She knew that when doctors feared that there was possibility of gangrene or even death, they resorted to amputation if it was necessary. _'Why the hell didn't Doctor Logan do that?' _she thought irritated.

"Doctor Logan said he bled to death. He had already lost a lot of blood when we got to town," Sally explained in a weary voice.

Louise looked at her friend skeptically. The Douglas farm wasn't that far from town, and nobody bled to death in such a short time. She remembered when they had taken Elias Mills to hang, Kid had been shot. Initially the bleeding had been her main concern, and she had persuaded Kid to ride back to Rock Creek. However, the blue-eyed rider had been forced to race after Lou and Jimmy for two days, fearing for their safety. When he'd finally found them, Kid was definitely weak but after cleaning his wound and resting for a few days he was back in good health. Louise just couldn't believe Doctor Logan's words that John Douglas was basically at death's door when he had fallen into the doctor's hands. Doctors also made mistakes and maybe this was the case here but of course, the physician wasn't going to admit that to the man's widow. Lou didn't know how to voice her thoughts without upsetting Sally any further and she just said, "It doesn't make any sense, Sally."

"Death never makes any sense," the woman replied bitterly. "All I know is that I've lost my husband, and nothing's gonna bring him back."

Louise nodded silently. Sally was right after all, and it didn't really matter under which circumstances John Douglas had died. The bottom line was that he was dead, and Lou felt that she hadn't the right to judge Doctor Logan's actions without actually being around at the moment. She might not like the doctor a bit, but she knew that accidents happened, and on many occasions people died unexpectedly and without a logical explanation and probably Sally's husband had suffered one of those unlucky deaths.

"I still can't believe he's gone," Sally whispered after a while. "I can feel his presence everywhere. Crazy, ain't it?"

"No, it's not," Lou replied. They kept silent for a few minutes and after a while Lou said, "Those ladies who were here were right in one thing. You shouldn't be on your own in these moments." Sally sighed and Louise asked, "Why don't you come and stay with us for a while?"

Sally shook her head and added, "That's awfully kind of you, but I don't want to impose my presence on you and Kid."

"You know I'm not the kind type, Sally!" Lou exclaimed. "I'm asking you because we'd be happy to have you at our home. You wouldn't be imposing, you know that."

Sally smiled at her; Louise really had a way that made everything look so easy. She realized that she had deeply missed her friend, and she really welcomed her friendship right now. Sally had never felt so lonely in her life, and now everything seemed so dark to her eyes. She could really use somebody's help who would lead her way in this darkness. So she met Lou's eyes hesitantly and slowly nodded her head.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Sally and Lou packed a few of Sally's things, and they did not waste any more time around the farm, setting off towards Lou's home straightaway. Louise was happy that she had managed to persuade her friend to go home with her. Sally was understandably distraught after the sudden turn of events, and it was in moments like these that she needed to feel that she had her friends' support. Lou knew that Sally had no relatives in Rock Creek, and even though she knew many people in the town, she wasn't really close to anyone. When both ladies had been working at the hotel, they had grown quite attached, but Sally had always complained that she couldn't really get along with any of the local women. Now it seemed the situation had changed, considering her apparent flourishing friendship with Amanda Davis.

Sally wasn't originally from Rock Creek, and she had ended up living in this town because she had seen Mr. Faber's advertisement for the position at the hotel in a newspaper. Lou knew that her friend had an older sister in St Louis, who had practically brought her up when their parents had died. Other than that, John had been her only family, and now that he had died, Lou wondered what she was going to do, especially since she was expecting a baby. It wasn't like she could work in her condition, and Lou doubted that Sally had the energy or the spunk to run the farm on her own. She'd have to hire some working hands to work the land, but Lou suspected that her friend did not know much about farming to carry on with her husband's profession. Anyway, all Sally needed right now was to be in peace and quiet to think over where life would lead her from now on.

Sally occupied Theresa's old room and took to staying in there almost all day long except for mealtimes. She made the effort to share the meals with the family out of courtesy, but she never spoke much. She spent hours long locked in that room crying bitterly or simply in a glum state. The funeral for John Douglas had taken place the day after the moving out, and there had seem to be no comfort whatsoever for Sally. Almost the whole population of Rock Creek had attended the service. Even though John hadn't been living in the town for long, he was a well-known man by the townsfolk because of the dealings in his profession. After ten days since the funeral Sally's mood hadn't changed a bit, which was beginning to worry Louise.

Louise walked slowly along the corridor on the second floor and stopped in front of the closed bedroom door. She stood there deep in thought for a few minutes, pondering whether to carry on with her original intention. Finally, her resolution won her over, and she knocked on the door loudly. She heard a faint 'come in' and opened the door slowly. Her eyes fell on Sally's figure curled up on the bed. Her black dress, and her vacant look made her appear much older and distant.

"Good morning," Lou greeted cheerfully but the other lady didn't even look at her. Louise had wanted to leave her space during these days to mourn her husband, but it was high time she began leaving her reclusion. It seemed that Sally was getting glummer with each passing day, and today she hadn't even come down for breakfast. It was then that Lou knew she had to do something about it; Sally couldn't just stop eating when there was a baby growing in her belly. "It's such a beautiful day," Lou continued, "What about if I hitch up the wagon, and we go for a nice drive?"

"No, thanks," Sally's cold voice replied.

Louise sighed warily and walked a few more steps in her direction. "Sally, don't you think it's time for you to start living again?"

At her question Sally sat up on the bed and looked at her friend with angry eyes, knowing where she was leading to. "What do you mean by that?"

"You need to start thinking about what you're gonna do with your life," Lou said patiently.

"That's my business," Sally hissed through clenched teeth.

"You know I have left you be most of the time. I understand that you needed time to come to terms with what happened," Louise explained, knowing that her words would spark her friend's fury for sure. "Hiding from the world ain't gonna make a difference. You can't stay locked in here for ever."

"If it bothers you so much, I will leave," Sally barked furiously. "I won't disturb your home with my annoying presence."

"Don't be silly," Lou exclaimed, angry with herself for being so clumsy with her words. "Sally, I know very well where you're standing. I've gone down the same path and it doesn't lead anywhere. Don't push everybody away and let your friends be there for you." Lou knew perfectly well how it felt when you didn't see any way out. She didn't want her friend to make the same mistakes as she had. It was so easy to let yourself be dragged to that circle of desperation.

"Just leave me alone, will you!" Sally hissed, tired of listening to Lou's tiresome lecture.

"Sally," Lou insisted. "John died, not you, and you have to begin thinking about your baby."

Her words hit her hard to the core, and her anger increased uncontrollably. "How dare you!" she barked as she rose to her feet slowly and walked towards Louise. "How dare you talk about my husband!" As she talked, she roughly pushed Lou forwards as tears began trickling down her face. "I'm not gonna stay in your house one single minute and bear your smarty-pants attitude!"

Louise lifted her hands defensively and started to walk out of the room. She couldn't blame Sally for her attitude because she had similar reactions barely a month ago. Lou could understand her, but that didn't make it easier to help her. "All right, all right, I'll leave you now," Lou said walking towards the door, and when she was at the threshold, she turned round and added, "But as you told me, your tears aren't gonna bring John back." Sally stood there, staring as the door close and in her fury she grabbed a vase and smashed it against the door while she burst into bitter tears.

* * *

It was dinner time, and Louise brought the saucepan with steaming soup to the dining room and began serving it to her family already seated around the table. Jack made a grimace as he smelled the liquid in his plate. "What's this?" he asked, wrinkling his nose.

"It's onion soup," Lou said while she poured some into her plate and sat down to eat.

"Onion soup?" Jack repeated with a disgusted expression.

"My mother used to say that some hot soup makes your inside and your heart warm," she explained patiently.

"But I'm already warm, and this thing smells like feet," the boy protested again, sending Kid in a fit of laughter at hearing the remark.

"I like it!" Tommy piped in with his usual ample smile as he slid a spoonful of hot soup into his mouth.

Lou cast Kid a cautious look, which stopped his laughter instantly, and addressed the boy again. "You hear your brother, Jack? Just eat your soup like a good boy and stop moaning."

"Shouldn't we wait for Sally, Lou?" Kid asked.

Louise sighed deeply and muttered, "I really don't know." Since their argument that morning, she hadn't seen Sally at all, not even at lunch. She had gone upstairs to check on the lady a couple of times, but she had completely ignored her calls from outside the door. Kid had been out all day, so she hadn't had the opportunity to tell him about her conversation with her friend. "I had a talk with her this morning," she simply said.

"Really? And how did it go?" Kid asked again. He knew that Lou was worried about Sally, and he had also begun to see her point of view.

"How do you think?" she replied with a set face.

Kid simply nodded in understanding and continued eating his soup. Lou kept looking at her husband next to her deep in thought. She couldn't help but feel a deep sense of amazement towards him. Having Sally at home had been an eye-opener for her. She could now understand the frustration that Kid had felt for those long months. He had never faltered, keeping the faith in their marriage and love despite the fact that she had behaved like a jackass. Lou kept staring at him with loving eyes, feeling as if she were the luckiest woman in the world. After a few minutes she leaned across the table and unexpectedly planted a big kiss on his cheek. Kid turned to her, surprised at this out-of-the-blue peck and asked, "What was that for?"

Louise just shrugged her shoulders, suddenly feeling her cheeks go all hot and flustered. Both husband and wife kept staring at each other lovingly till Lou heard her name being called repeatedly by the seven-year-old boy. "Yes, Jack?" she asked turning towards him.

"You ain't eating the soup either!" he was quick to protest with a frown.

Lou chuckled at the boy's remark and his eagerness to avoid eating the broth, and shared a knowing glance with Kid. "All right, all right, I'm eating now!" She said as she began spooning the soup. "Happy, young man?"

Jack just shrugged her shoulders and whispered grumbles all the time as he followed suit and began eating the hot liquid. It was then that they heard steps coming from upstairs, and when the four occupants in the dining room turned to the noises, they saw Sally appear, coming down the stairs. The lady approached the table slowly and Louise stared at her with curiosity, wondering if she was actually going to carry out her threats to leave the house. Lou rose to her feet as she met the blonde lady's eyes. "Sally?" she let out cautiously.

Sally smiled faintly as she stood over the table and said, "I just wanted to apologize to you all for being such a nasty guest while you've been so kind as to have me under your roof and bear with my weird moods."

"There's no need to apologize, Sally," Kid replied. "You're going through a tough time right now, and we're really happy to have you here, aren't we, boys?"

The two brothers nodded simultaneously, and Sally smiled briefly. Then she turned her attention back to Lou. "I've been doing some thinking and you're right, Louise. I have to start considering my baby and our life from now on."

"Yes," Lou agreed with a serious expression.

"And I sure would like to make use of a friend's hand," Sally added, watching her friend warily. She hadn't been very nice to her that morning, and maybe Louise had taken her words to heart, and it was already too late to repair whatever rift her words had caused.

Lou's mouth twitched into a wide smile and exclaimed, "How about four of them?" Sally let out her held breath and grinned back as she moved closer to the table.

"Sit by me, Aunt… Mrs. Douglas," Jack said, correcting himself in mid-sentence. His brother's habit of calling the family friends aunt and uncle including Lou and Kid was beginning to rub off on the seven-year-old even though he didn't like it.

Sally sat on the chair next to Jack and stroking the boy's hair tenderly, she added, "Thank you, Sir. And, Jack, it's all right if you want to call me Aunt Sally." The boy shrugged his shoulders indifferently as Lou watched them with a tinge of jealousy. "So what's for dinner?" Sally asked as she placed the napkin neatly on her lap.

"Feet soup," Jack muttered as he finished off the food on his plate.

"Jack!" Louise scolded, eyeing the boy amusedly as the other three people around the table burst out laughing at the exchange between Lou and the boy. The rest of the dinner was spent without much occurrence, in quiet conversation and easy laughter, and in the middle of it Louise silently thanked heaven for making Sally finally see the light and start thinking sensibly.

* * *

The next couple of days Louise helped Sally to sort out a few matters that she needed to see to. The lady's main concerns were the farm and the credits that John had got from the bank to increase the farming land in the property. The house rightly belonged to the couple and now to Sally in its entirety, as John had bought it as soon as he settled down in Rock Creek, but unfortunately it didn't come unaccompanied and she also inherited all the debts like those bank monthly installments. It was a high sum to pay every month, and Sally knew that she would be unable to get that quantity to meet the payments. Sally had tried to sell that land back to the bank, but the director had refused her offer unless the lady was ready to get rid of the whole property, including the house. Sally felt as if she were at a crossroads. She didn't want to sell her house, the place where she had shared so many moments with her husband, or at least not to the bank, but at the same time, she knew that she'd have to do something to sort out her economic situation.

An especially bitter moment had been when Lou had gone to the farm with her friend, and both of them had packed all John's clothes and other belongings for the church. It hadn't been easy for Sally as every single item had stirred dozens of memories in the lady, but at least she was glad to have the support of Louise, otherwise, she had been unable to do it.

After those nerve-wracking days the women welcomed a day spent in peace and quiet. Kid had taken the boys for a swim to the waterhole that afternoon, leaving the two ladies on their own. It was a quite warm May day, and both friends were spending those mid-afternoon hours in Lou's bedroom as it was the coolest room in the house. While Louise struggled to mend a pair of Tommy's trousers, Sally was dozing on a rocking chair by her side. The room was in complete silence when suddenly Sally let out a grumble and woke up.

"You all right?" Lou asked in a soft voice.

Sally nodded with an ample smile and replied, "It's the baby. It moved. I hardly get any sleep at night lately because of that." Lou didn't say anything but glanced at her with a neutral expression. "Hurry, put your hand on my belly and you'll see."

She grabbed her friend's hand suddenly, and Lou let her place it on her grown middle apprehensively. Instantly Louise felt something like a kick on her hand, almost startling her. "Oh," she simply said and on seeing her expression, Sally burst out laughing.

"Does it hurt?" Lou asked when her friend had sobered.

Sally shook her head, and closing her eyes to relish on the sensations waking on her as she felt her baby moving inside her, she said, "It's the most wonderful feeling a woman can ever have."

When she opened her eyes again, her heart went out for her friend. Lou was staring at her with eyes full of tears, and her lips pursed tightly together as if trying to stifle a sob. Realizing that she had talked without thinking, Sally reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Oh Louise, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed mortified. "I've been so stupid and insensitive to talk like that!"

"It's all right, don't worry," Lou replied in a cracked voice while she wiped the unshed tears from her eyes with her hand. "I'm practically over all that now, but it's still hard in my heart."

Sally nodded and added, "Louise, honey, you have a wonderful family."

"I know that, but…" her voice trailed off, and she shook her head to get rid of those black clouds that were constantly threatening her peace of mind. "I love Jack and Tommy as if they were my own blood, honestly."

"So what's the problem?" Sally asked cautiously, not wanting to upset Louise any more with her insensitive words.

"Well…it hurts me deeply to think that there will never be a small child looking like Kid," she whispered in a husky voice, "with his bright blue eyes, his sandy hair, his beautiful smile, his soft lips…"

"Stop it right there!" Sally cut him off with a giggle. "Kid's not here, and if you get any more heated, you're gonna have to take a cold shower!"

"Sal!" Louise exclaimed, her eyes wide open in mock shock at her friend's remark.

"Don't come and get all prudish on me, Louise McCloud," Sally said, "I have a quite fair idea of what married couples do behind closed doors, especially when they've been ogling each other all evening."

Lou gave her a shy smile, blushing all the way to the roots of her hair. "Sorry," she mumbled, feeling that those gestures might have pained Sally, making her more aware of what she had lost, but she felt unable to control those looks whenever Kid was in the same room as her.

"Don't be silly!" the blonde woman replied. "It's really refreshing to see you two so much in love." Louise giggled in acknowledgement and both ladies kept smiling at each other.

A few minutes later Sally's face turned from smiling to all seriousness and she called, "Louise?"

Noticing her change of demeanor, Lou looked at her with a frown. "Yes?"

"Uh… I wanted to talk to you about something," Sally began hesitantly. "You know I got a letter from my sister this morning?" At Lou's nod the lady continued, "She wants me to go and live with her and her family in St. Louis."

"And you're thinking seriously about it," Lou said assertively.

"Actually, uh… I've already decided that it's the best option I have so far," Sally replied. "It's time for me to move on."

"If you're doing that because you think that you're imposing on us, you're wrong," Lou said resolutely. "You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want."

"I know," Sally muttered, "but I need to start living my own life and begin from scratch. To stay in Rock Creek would just be too painful." She paused to let out her raspy breath and continued after a while. "Yesterday while you were in town, Mr. Goldman came and made me a good offer for the farm. That way I would be able to pay all my debts to the bank and still have enough to live on for a while. Then I could do some sewing jobs or something similar to help support us, me and my baby."

"You've really thought this through, uh?" Lou remarked with bitter-sweet feelings. She was glad that Sally was walking in the right direction but she knew she'd miss her terribly.

The blonde woman nodded and added, "The stage to St. Jo leaves on Friday, and there I could take the train straight to St. Louis."

"So soon?" Lou exclaimed in dismay. "Why don't you wait till the baby's born? It's a hard and long journey."

"I need to do this now, Louise," Sally said, feeling that if she put off the matter any longer, she wouldn't have the strength to leave later. "I know we'd be all right, I'm sure," she added, stroking her grown middle tenderly. "I'm gonna miss you all, though."

"Us too, honey," Lou muttered, feeling a lump in her throat and her eyes go all misty. She leaned over and both women joined in a heart-felt embrace.

* * *

Friday came too soon for Lou's liking, and they all got ready to take Sally to town and see her off. The last few days had been really hectic for the three adults as they had struggled against the clock to sort out all Sally's matters before she left town. Miraculously there hadn't been any complications which delayed things further and everything had been settled in the nick of time.

Sally was leaving today, and Lou felt that she already missed her friend. She had gotten used to having her around and the house would be empty without her in it. Louise walked down the stairs and her eyes fell on Kid and her friend sitting on the couch as they talked quietly. "Where are the boys?" she asked.

"Still upstairs," Kid replied gesturing with his thumb towards the ceiling.

Lou made a gesture of impatience and exclaimed, "We're gonna be late!" Sighing wearily she added, "I'll go and hurry them up!" Kid smiled at her as she plodded back up the stairs and headed towards the boys' bedroom. As she was about to step inside, Jack came out in a flash, almost bumping into her. "Hey!" Lou exclaimed.

"Sorry!" the boy apologized and added, "Is Aunt Sally gone yet?"

"Of course not!" she replied with a smile. "We're supposed to take her to town remember?"

"Good!" the boy exclaimed and dashed along the corridor without waiting for any cue.

"Where's your brother?" Louise called after him, and without stopping his quick steps or turning his head, Jack cried, "In the bedroom!"

Lou shook her head as she made her way into the bedroom. Tommy was sitting on the bed with a troubled expression as if he were deep in thought. "Hey, Tommy, we need to get going and take Auntie Sally to Rock Creek."

The boy looked at her silently as if pondering her words but didn't try to move or say anything. Louise walked towards him and sat down next to the four-year-old on the bed. Cupping his face in her hand, Lou gazed at his eyes fixedly and asked, "Tommy-boy, what's wrong?"

The boy hesitated a moment and after a few seconds he blurted out, "I don't get it."

Louise cast a curious look at him. "What is it you don't get, honey?"

Tommy tilted his head to one side and added, "Uh… there's Auntie Sally, Auntie Rachel … uh … Uncle Teaspoon."

"Uh huh," Lou simply nodded, wondering what had the boy so troubled and confused.

"And … uh … there's you, Auntie Lou, and Uncle Kid," the boy continued.

"That's right," Lou said with a smile.

"But…" the boy began again but stopped suddenly.

"But what, honey?" she asked, tipping the boy's head towards her so that she could look at his eyes directly.

"It's different," Tommy muttered softly.

Louise tried to hide a smile when it dawned on her what the boy was trying to say. "Different?" she repeated, feigning ignorance, eager to see what the boy would come up with next.

Tommy nodded vigorously and added, "You're more."

Lou couldn't stifle the smile any more, feeling her heart beating wildly in her chest. "More?" she asked again.

"Like a ma," Tommy peered at her with his liquid brown eyes. "But Jack don't wanna…"

Lou felt her heart gave a leap and surge with love almost in the same way as when Kid had told her he loved her for the first time. As soon as Tommy uttered those words, Louise drew him to her arms and hugged him tightly. "Oh my beautiful baby boy!" she exclaimed. "I love you so much!"

She knew that Jack was adamant in keeping the limits clear as if he felt it like a betrayal to his parents to start having similar feelings for Kid and her. In a way, Lou understood his attitude, but she feared the boy could suffer in loneliness trying to suppress those feelings. On several occasions he had voiced his protests when somebody had referred to the couple as his parents. Surprisingly, though, the boy had started addressing Sally as Aunt while he still called Kid and Lou by their given names, which admittedly didn't feel well with her.

At their tardiness Kid had gone up to see what was delaying Lou and Tommy so much and unbeknownst to them, he had watched the whole scene from the door with a smile on his lips. It moved him deeply to have heard the sweet way the boy had talked to Lou and in his own manner let her know that for him she was his ma. Kid knew that there was a special relationship between his wife and the four-year-old boy, and he was really glad of the way things were going. Lou really needed to feel like a mother for these children, and Tommy's sweet talking was definitely a further push to her complete recuperation. Kid knew that for the four-year-old this was his home, and there was no doubt about it since the beginning. Yet, to his dismay the situation was quite different in Jack's case, and Kid felt that the boy kind of considered himself a guest in their house however hard they tried to show him he was part of this family. He feared that this would eventually bring conflicts with the boy as he grew older if the same idea stuck on his mind.

Kid hated to interrupt the tender moment between his wife and Tommy, but Sally would sure miss the stagecoach if they didn't get a move on. He cleared his throat to make his presence known, and both woman and child turned to look at him. Kid flashed his smile, and Lou nodded in understanding. She put the boy back onto the floor and crouching before him, she said, "Honey, you can call Kid and me whatever you like and Jack needn't know."

"Like a secret?" the boy asked in a whisper.

"Uh huh," Louise replied. "But now we have to get going, all right?"

The boy grinned from ear to ear and answered, "Yes…, and slowly mouthed 'ma' without uttering a single sound, and turning around quickly he dashed out of the room leaving the two adults behind.

Louise kept staring after the boy with a bright smile and Kid interrupted her reverie by saying, "Come on, ma, Sally's getting nervous, and I can only guess that it's not good in her condition." He stretched his hand to her and Lou let him help her to her feet. She smiled as he passed his arm over her shoulders lovingly and as they walked out of the room, Kid muttered teasingly in her ear, "You're really making it difficult for me not to get jealous, honey, and not to lose my pride." His words got a laugh from her, which resounded in the house while they made their way towards the stairs.

* * *

In town the stage was already waiting for the passengers to say their good-byes to their families and friends coming to see them off. Sally was surrounded by the McCloud family, and now that the moment to go had arrived she felt her heart sink at leaving them behind. She first approached Kid and gave him a hug while she whispered in a soft voice, "Thank you so much for everything."

The man simply smiled and Sally turned her attention to the two children. She bent over before the boys as much as her condition let her. "And you be good boys, all right?" The two brothers bobbed their heads up and down simultaneously and ruffling their hair affectionately, Sally straightened up with an ample smile. Then she turned to Louise, who was looking at her with misty eyes, and as she was about to talk, Lou cut her off and said in a cracked voice, "Please don't say anything." She was on the verge of tears and she couldn't bear any more of this.

Sally took her by the hands and gave her a little smile, and not minding what Lou had just said, she began, "I haven't enough words to thank you for all you've done for me."

"Don't, please," Lou cut her off again, but Sally was adamant to say what she had on her mind and raised a hand in front of her to stop her protests. "I don't know what I'd have done without your help."

"Sally, there's nothing heroic in giving a hand to a friend in need," Louise remarked.

"It is for me, especially after the way John … we treated you at the social and never came to apologize." Sally had been unsure during all this time how to approach the matter to Louise without touching too delicate issues and upset her friend. All she knew was that it shouldn't be left unsaid. She had been so ashamed when John had uttered those cruel words that she had given him the silent treatment for days. He had just laughed at his private joke without understanding what those remarks had done to Louise. Now that Sally was about to become a mother, she understood how that had sounded to Lou's ears and the pain it carried. She had begged her husband to go and apologize to Louise, but John had laughed at the suggestion, and she had never had the nerve to approach her friend. Louise was right; since she had married John Douglas, she had become his shadow and only did what he approved.

"Well," Lou replied, "that made us even, didn't it? I didn't act like an angel to you either." Sally smiled at her words, knowing that no more needed to be said.

In that moment the stage driver announced that they should be leaving soon and Sally walked to the vehicle surrounded by the couple and the two boys. Just before getting on it, she gave Lou a warm hug and when they pulled away, the chestnut-haired woman said in a soft voice, "Send us a wire when you get to St. Louis, all right?"

Sally simply nodded, unable to find her voice any more and clumsily through the tears in her ears she dropped on her seat in the coach. She looked through the small window and her tears rolled down her cheeks as her eyes fell on the four members of the family. "I'm gonna miss you so much," she cracked almost at the same time as the stagecoach began to move.

"Let us know when the baby's born!" Louise called after her, and she stood rooted on the same spot staring after the carriage which gradually became smaller and smaller as it drove away along the street to finally disappear from sight. She was still looking in that direction when she couldn't see it any more, and then she felt a hand touching her arm. She turned to her side and her eyes met those of Kid's who was gazing at her quizzically. "I hate good-byes," Lou let out bitterly.

"I know," he simply said while he passed his arm over her shoulders, and Lou automatically leaned her head on his chest.

"Why does everybody have to leave me?" she asked forlornly and Kid just planted a soft kiss on her temple.

"I won't leave you, never ever!" they heard Tommy exclaim by their side as he looked at her with an ample smile.

The couple shared a grin, and Louise squeezed the boy's shoulder affectionately while she said, "Thank you, honey. I'm glad to hear that."

"Come on, Lou," Kid talked after a while. "Let's go home."

Louise nodded and they began walking along Rock Creek's main street towards the stables where they had left their buckboard. The couple talked quietly as they dawdled along; Tommy next to them clutching Lou's hand in his small one. Jack was skipping along a few steps ahead of them, immersed in his own games. As they strolled on, they passed by Teaspoon's office. The marshal was at the door listening intently to an elegant woman of fortyish. He was looking at her with a contented smile, oblivious to anything or anybody around him.

Kid and Lou shared a knowing grin; Teaspoon would never change. Despite all his well-known wisdom, he was a goner whenever a pretty lady drew his attention. Lou and Kid were still chuckling when suddenly loud guffaws reached their ears and they turned their attention to the source of that racket. Three men were leaving the saloon, obviously inebriated and stumbled towards the other side of the street. One of them raised a whisky bottle to his lips and after gulping down the rest of the liquid he hurled it against the ground, smashing it to tiny glass pieces, which sent the other two in laughing bellows.

"Jack, come here!" Kid called, seeing as the boy was too near the three rambunctious men. Jack had stopped his skipping game and was watching the three men carefully, but he didn't try to do as Kid had told him to.

"Jack!" Lou called again after her husband, getting the same response as Kid. As they kept walking towards the boy, they watched as two of the men had already crossed the street and staggered along the walkway while the third one fell behind and stood in the middle of the street.

In that moment, the boy started to run along towards the man. "Jack!" Lou cried and dashed after him, and scooping little Tommy in his arms, Kid followed suit at a slower pace while calling the boy's name as well. They saw how Jack stopped before the man and began talking to him. The fella laughed and touched the boy's head while the boy was oblivious to the couple calling his name. Finally, Lou reached him breathlessly and slightly yanked the boy's arm with the intention to steer him away from the stranger. "Jack, we've been calling you dozens of times," she said in a stiff voice as the boy stubbornly wouldn't budge from the place. They had repeatedly warned the two children against talking to strangers, and it angered her that Jack had turned a deaf ear to their words, especially with the likes of the man before them.

"But Lou…" Jack tried to protest but she wouldn't hear any of his objections.

"Come on, Jack, let's go."

"No! I won't!" the boy cried stubbornly.

Louise sighed wearily and cast a brief glimpse at the man, who tilted his head to her. "Ma'am," he greeted in a soberer voice than Lou had thought he could have.

Louise responded to the greeting coldly and without meeting his gaze she said, "Excuse me if the boy's disturbing you. You know what boys are like."

In that moment Kid reached them with Tommy perched on his arms as the man replied, "No problem at all, Ma'am." He stretched his hand to touch the younger boy's head but Tommy backed away shyly against Kid's chest. The man grinned and added, "Let me introduce myself. My name's Robert Martin and … I gather that these two children here are my sons."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Lou's big eyes turned to the man and in a voice that she didn't recognize as her own she simply said, "What?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

The revelation hadn't left either Kid or Lou indifferent. The shock of stumbling on the boys' estranged father had made Louise practically speechless, and she had hardly said a word since then. Though disconcerted by the discovery, Kid had been able to get over the initial surprise and managed to talk to Mr. Martin in civil terms. He had introduced his wife and himself to the man and had spoken to him for a few minutes even though the situation made him feel awkward and uncomfortable. Eventually, not knowing what else to say he had uttered a clumsy invitation to the boys' new-found father to dinner, which earned him a glare from Lou and a loud cheer from Jack.

All the way to the ranch and now in the house Jack hadn't left his father's side for a single second, talking eagerly and asking him dozens of questions. The boy could not hide his happiness and excitement for finding his father after these years of absence. Jack had recognized the man straightaway, and as soon as his eyes had fallen on him in the street, his heart had started pounding wildly in his chest. He had never forgotten his father in all this time and deep inside he had always had the yearning that he'd come for him and Tommy one day.

When Robert Martin had left two years ago without even saying good-bye to his two sons, Jack had been very upset and couldn't understand why 'Pa had to go'. In his child's mind he had tried to find an explanation to this enigma, and at times frustration had managed to shake the boy, leaving him full of anger towards their father. Now that he was back, all those feelings had disappeared, and all Jack cared about was that his father was now before him.

When Mr. Martin had disappeared from their sons' lives, Jack had been five-years-old at the time whereas Tommy had been a two-year-old toddler who didn't have any recollections of the man at all. The young boy cautiously watched the man sitting on the sofa in the house he considered his home while he clasped Kid's arm tightly. Lou had slid away into the kitchen as soon as she had stepped into the house and she hadn't left it once. Kid could understand what she must sure be thinking because it couldn't be much different from what he was feeling himself.

Mr. Martin's sudden appearance came as a threat to their family stability. They hadn't talked to the man and didn't know what his intentions concerning the boys were, but Kid hoped that things stayed the same way as they had been so far, and no surprises fell upon them. They didn't need any more problems after what they had to cope with for the last few months. It was high time they had a respite, but it seemed that life was ready to strike with another blow. Maybe he was overreacting, Kid silently wondered, or maybe not. He might be clueless about the man's intentions, and maybe there was nothing to be afraid of, but clearly his appearance had stirred fear in their hearts.

Robert Martin was sitting on the sofa just opposite Kid and Tommy, and Jack stood by his side, talking in his childish way while the man laughed heartily at the boy's exaggerated accounts. Kid watched them, feeling hurt and admittedly jealous of the attention Jack was paying him. The former rider had never openly talked about it to Lou, but he longed for the boys to see him like their father one day. It was something that he still didn't feel free to talk about. Those months in which his wife had almost lost herself were still fresh on his mind, and although Lou was practically recovered, he was still wary of talking to her about certain matters. Kid feared that his wishes or words could somehow influence her in case she ended up walking that muddy path again, and he'd rather die than lose her to desperation.

Unable to bear the image of Jack and his father any more, Kid rose to his feet. "Excuse me, I'm gonna see if my wife needs my help in the kitchen," he said and without waiting for the man's reply, he plodded forward, followed by Tommy in his tow.

Opening the door slowly, he saw her next to the stove, her back to him. By the tense position of her shoulders, he knew that she was upset, which didn't come as a surprise. Tommy passed by him, and on seeing Louise, the boy barged against her and hugged her legs from behind. Lou turned her head and seeing the boy, she smiled, a smile that Kid noticed did not reach her eyes. She lifted her gaze to her husband and lingered there meaningfully.

"Hey," Kid let out, using their usual greeting since the Express times.

"Hey there," Lou replied with a tiny voice and unsmiling eyes as she handed the boy a piece of bread, which he began absently nibbling at.

Kid walked a few steps closer and leaning his head over the boiling pot, he exclaimed, "That smells good." Lou didn't say anything and kept peeling the potato she held in her hands. Kid watched her for a few seconds and then taking another of the potatoes and a knife, he followed suit, and both of them kept working on the potatoes silently. All was quiet around them, but for the crunching sounds of the knives cutting through the potatoes and the boy's munching noises. "You all right, Lou?" Kid asked after a while.

"Never been better," she replied sarcastically.

"Come on, Lou. Don't use that attitude with me again," he snapped, feeling irritated that she vented her frustration on him without logical reason.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, silently chiding herself for taking her anger out on Kid. "But what am I supposed to feel?"

"Honey, we need to calm down," he said in a whisper, keeping his voice as low as possible so that the four-year-old didn't hear them. "He appeared by chance, and that's all we know."

"I don't know, Kid," Lou muttered, "I'm scared."

"So am I, Lou," he admitted softly. "But he's the boys' father and …"

"Father!" she exclaimed loudly, "he's just a vulgar drun…" she stopped mid-sentence as she noticed Kid's warning eyes directed towards Tommy sitting quietly at the kitchen table. The boy was looking at her curiously, and Louise forced a smile on her face in his direction. Tommy grinned back and continued eating his chunk of bread quietly.

She turned her apologetic eyes to Kid, and he leaned over and kissing her cheek tenderly he whispered in her ear, "Don't fear, Lou. You'll see."

Lou did not say anything, knowing that he was trying to keep a strong countenance for her sake even though she was aware that he was as clueless as she was. They did not talk any more; their attention focused on the task at hand, and they remained in companionable silence till it was dinner time.

About half an hour later they all sat down to dinner. "This is delicious, Mrs. McCloud," Robert Martin exclaimed after tasting a first bite of Lou's chicken.

"Thank you," she said in a stiff voice.

Kid looked at her and if the situation had been different, he would have been able to laugh and tease her. Nobody could miss that she wasn't enjoying the company at all. Lou had never been able to hide her true feelings at any moment, and Kid knew that it was one of the things he loved most in her. Yet, he admitted that right now it wasn't very clever to show so clearly that the man's presence made them uncomfortable or even scared. They didn't know the first thing about Robert Martin, only that he had abandoned his children a couple of years ago, which wasn't a good sign about the man's character to start with.

Kid couldn't help but feel cautious towards him. Maybe it was because his own father had done exactly the same to him, Jed and his mother so many years ago or it was just sheer jealousy because he had hogged Jack's attention from the moment he had appeared. Either way, Kid knew that they should keep up appearances before the man; if he was a crook or wanted to benefit from this "lucky" encounter, it wouldn't help them any if he knew from the first that they had reservations or were apprehensive by his mere presence.

Louise grabbed the water jug and began filling the glasses for the boys, and at some point she turned to their guest, "Some water, Mr. Martin?" she asked, her tone curt and cold.

"No, thanks," the man answered looking at her with curiosity, "but I wouldn't say no to something stronger," he added with a lopsided grin.

"We have no alcohol in this house, sir," she replied in the same sharp tone.

"Oh I see," was all the man said, not taking his eyes off her, which was making Louise feel uncomfortable, but soon the man turned his attention to Tommy sitting opposite him. He looked at the boy with a grin, and the boy lowered his eyes to his plate. "Hey, Thomas, ain't you gonna talk to your old man?" Robert Martin asked him, but the boy did not try to talk or meet his gaze once. "Tom?" the man insisted and the child squirmed in his chair uncomfortable not enjoying being the center of attention.

Noticing the boy's discomfort, Kid was quick to add, "Tommy's a bit shy, and doesn't talk to …" He stopped in mid-sentence as he realized that he was about to imply that the man was a stranger to his son's eyes and even though it was the truth, he felt uncomfortable uttering those words to the boys' father. Kid fumbled to finish the sentence in another way, but he couldn't come up with anything different to say.

Noticing his hesitation, Lou ended it for him, not having any problems in voicing her opinion. "He doesn't talk to strangers," she said clearly.

To her chagrin Robert Martin turned his attention back to her and said in a soft voice, "I guess that's what I am to my children, a stranger, after being away so long." His tone was pitiful, even regretful, but it did not soften or move Louise at all as she felt that the eyes looking at her were telling another story.

Jack was claiming his father's attention again. "Tell us where you've been all this time, Pa," the seven-year-old asked while Lou silently cringed at the boy's easy appellation for the man.

"Well, I've seen a bit of this country for a while…," the man began and it was practically all Lou heard as she did not feel like paying attention to the man's ramblings. She kept casting furtive looks in his direction, and the more she studied him, the less she thought of him. He was a quite young man, in his early thirties and his appearance was anything but neat. His scruffy black hair reached below his ears, his stubble was turning into an unbecoming beard, and his clothes were dirty and worn. Lou wondered where the boys had gotten their looks from because fortunately they didn't look like this man at all. _'Maybe from their mother,'_ Lou thought silently. She couldn't say that the man was bad-looking; he might have been fairly handsome when he was younger, but his rough and unclean appearance as well as the first impression she had got from him in town made him look ghastly to her eyes. Obviously, that was not precisely what Jack thought, she reasoned as she turned her attention to the boy and saw that he was listening to his father in obvious delight.

To her relief dinner was over soon, and Louise took her time to clear the table and do the washing up. She just didn't look forward to spending time with their unexpected guest. The two men and the children had moved to the lounge where Kid tried to keep polite conversation while the boys played together. Louise really admired the way Kid was coping with the situation; he kept a cool head without losing his composure at any moment. She knew that he was finding the whole situation uncomfortable, but he did manage to look laid-back and serene. Louise admitted that she just couldn't do that even though she had tried. She felt unable to pretend that all these circumstances didn't affect her when her insides were in turmoil. She was so scared that man could decide to take away the two other people, apart from Kid that meant the world to her.

The mere notion was enough to make her shiver and feel sick to her stomach. She drew a deep breath to try to control her nerves that were playing havoc in her whole body and gulped down a glass of refreshing water to erase the foul taste in her mouth. She knew that they needed to stay calm since they didn't know anything about Robert Martin's intentions as Kid had rightly told her. Obviously, he was a drifter, and Lou just couldn't envision somebody like him taking upon himself the responsibility of two small children.

Drying her hands on a tea towel after doing the dishes, Louise headed for the lounge. Jack was once again next to his father, listening intently to what the man had to tell him. It was obvious that the boy looked up with adoration to this man who had left him to his luck for two long years. One look in Kid's direction and she instantly knew what he was feeling right now. It was obvious that he didn't like the attention the boy paid to his estranged father, and Lou couldn't blame him for feeling like this because that was how she precisely felt.

As Lou stepped in the lounge, the two male adults and the boys turned to look at her. "Bedtime, boys," she announced in a more cheerful mood than she was feeling.

"Oh no!" Jack protested. "Please Lou, just five more minutes. Please."

Louise stood before the boy, her arms folded over her chest. "It's later than usual, Jack," Lou said, "and I don't want to hear any protests from you when I wake you up tomorrow."

The boy pouted exaggeratedly, and Robert Martin talked from his position on the sofa. "Come on, Jack. Do as you're told. I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"

At his father's words the boy did not try to protest any further, but he wasn't very happy, and nodding, he agreed reluctantly, "Fine."

"Say your good nights," Lou urged them and the two boys quickly did so. "Night, Kid," Jack said as he gave a quick hug to the former rider and turning to his father he threw himself into his arms and held to him tightly. "Good night, Pa. I'm so glad you're here with us again." The man laughed while Lou watched the exchange with a serious expression. Tommy followed his brother's example as he silently cuddled against Kid, but he didn't make the least attempt to approach his father and scurried to where Lou stood.

"Good night, Thomas," Mr. Martin said, trying to catch the boy's eye, but Tommy clutched Lou's hand in a tighter clasp and hid behind her body. The man cast an amused glance at Louise, but she did not share the gesture. She kept silent and turning around, she headed for the stairs followed by the children.

Once in the bedroom Louise helped Tommy get into his nightclothes while Jack was still clad in his daily shirt and pants. The seven-year-old child tirelessly talked about his father, and Lou heard him half-heartedly while she bugged the boy to get ready for bed. After much insistence the boy sat on his bed and began undoing his shoelaces at a slow pace.

"Lou?" he called as an idea came to his mind.

"Yes, Jack?" she replied as she helped Tommy into the bed and tucked him in.

"Can I not go to school tomorrow and stay with my father?" Jack asked, hope obvious in his bright eyes.

Louise turned around to him with a serious expression and said, "Of course not." The boy pulled a disappointed face and lowered his gaze to the ground. "Besides," she added," your father must sure have matters to see to in the morning and can't spend all his time with you."

She walked towards him and sat down on the bed next to him and then the boy lifted his eyes to her and muttered, "I missed him so much."

"I know," Lou said with a neutral expression and began helping him finish getting undressed. When he finally was in his nightclothes, the boy slid inside the bed and as Louise tucked the sheets around him, he asked with a big smile, "Isn't my father great, Lou?" She didn't say anything and simply gazed at him seriously, and Jack added, "We ain't orphans any more."

"Honey, you haven't been orphans for a while now," she said softly, and Jack stared at her quizzically, but she did not care to elaborate further. She smiled briefly and bending over she planted a kiss on the boy's forehead. "Good night," she whispered and blowing out the lamp, she stepped out of the room.

Plodding down the stairs, Louise headed for the lounge where Kid was keeping company with Robert Martin. As soon as he saw her appear, his face lit with a bright smile. He had never felt happier to lay eyes on her than at this moment. Kid ruefully admitted that to stay in Mr. Martin's company wasn't an experience that he would seek out by choice. They had a conversation on the most polite terms, but he felt that his curiosity was a bit disproportionate and made him extremely uncomfortable. Kid had managed to parry those questions which touched too delicate matters in his opinion, especially those concerning his interest in the reason why the couple didn't have children of their own. Kid wasn't ready to talk to practically a complete stranger about the problems he and Lou had. It was a very personal matter and Kid found the topic too painful to include it in an everyday conversation. It was nobody's concern whether Lou could or couldn't have babies, least of all the man before him. Robert Martin wasn't very happy when he noticed that Kid wasn't answering his questions, but to his relief the man didn't insist.

Louise sat down next to her husband on the sofa, and placing her hand on his thigh she squeezed it tenderly. They shared a look and a smile, but when she turned towards Robert Martin and felt his scrutinizing eyes on her, the grin disappeared from her face completely. The three of them remained in awkward silence for a few minutes till Louise asked, "So Mr. Martin, you have a steady job here in Rock Creek?"

The man cleared his throat uncomfortably before answering. "I've been on the go for a while, Mrs. McCloud. In the last two years I've done a bit of everything, but nothing you could call 'steady' to your standards."

Lou nodded, hardly paying any attention to his words. All she wanted to know was if he was actually going from Rock Creek and leaving them alone, but she was too afraid to ask anything more direct.

"I know what you two are thinking," Robert Martin continued after a while, drawing a curious look from Louise. "How can a father just go and leave his children behind." Neither Kid nor Lou tried to deny his words. That was what they really thought among other things. There was no possible justification to that kind of behavior. The couple had experienced similar treatment from their own fathers to a lesser or greater extent, and they really could understand what abandoning a child would eventually mean in their lives. As they didn't say anything, the man continued, "I was so much in love with my Lizzie. She was the most beautiful, lovely, and sweet woman in our town. The years we were married were the happiest of my life." He paused for a minute and drew out the breath he was holding. "So when she died, I was left completely shattered," he explained in a cracked voice. "I didn't want to keep living and refused to be around anything that reminded me of her and my pain, even my own children."

Louise looked at the man impassively, not moved in the least by his regret and his felt account. She just didn't buy the tears from a man who hadn't moved a finger to look for his sons in two long years. The boys could well have been dead in all this time, and he wouldn't have cared to find out. Lou admitted that pain could change a person completely, even becoming somebody else. Unfortunately, she knew that very well, but she couldn't be lenient to anybody causing that kind of disturbance in a child's life.

"So you just left a baby and a young child to their own luck because you couldn't bear their presence?" It was a statement rather than a question, clearly showing her obvious opinion about the man.

"I'm not proud of what I did, Mrs. McCloud," Robert Martin replied. "Regretfully, I turned to the bottle in a moment of weakness. I wanted to blind my pain, but with time it controlled my whole will and life."

"From what I've seen it still has a strong grip on you," Louise retorted coldly.

"Lou…" Kid let out, casting a warning glance in her direction. His wife was getting too heated up, and he knew that it wasn't very sensible to get on bad terms with the man. He could do them a lot of harm if he put his heart to it.

Robert Martin plastered a wide smile on his face, seemingly unmoved by Lou's remarks. "I know I've been a horrible father to my sons," he added, "but now I'm back." Louise looked at him quizzically, alarm obvious in her gaze. The man cast a quick glance at the clock on the wall and exclaimed, "My, I never knew it was this late. Sorry if I outstayed my welcome." The man rose to his feet and placing his hat on his head he addressed the couple who had stood up after him. "Thank you for the lovely dinner. I guess we'll be seeing each other around."

Kid mumbled a few words, which Lou never heard and in a haze she saw the man heading for the door and stepping out. As soon as the door clicked shut, she turned to Kid and asked in a very loud voice, "What did he mean, he was back? What, Kid?"

"Lou!" Kid shushed her, "he might hear you."

"I don't care!" she cried at the top of her voice, but she didn't protest when he steered her towards the study where he knew they couldn't be overheard if the man was still around. "Kid?" Lou insisted when they were inside the room.

"Tell me," he replied in a soft voice.

"What did he mean by that?" she repeated in a quivering voice.

"I don't know, Lou."

"He's taking the boys from us, ain't he, Kid?" she said in a strained voice.

Kid placed his hands on her upper arms tenderly and talked to her softly, trying to calm her down. "We don't know that, honey."

"I gather that he won't want us to adopt him as well!" she snapped sarcastically, which despite everything, brought a smile to his lips. The gesture didn't feel well with Louise, and she quickly pulled away from his hold roughly and began pacing up and down the study. "Why? Why? Why?" she cried the word louder and louder each time she uttered it as she threw her arms to the sky in desperation.

"Why what, Lou?" he asked as he watched her restless pacing.

At his question she swirled around towards him and stopped suddenly in front of him and said in the same shrill tone, "Why… What the hell have we done to deserve this damn bad luck?" She didn't care about her foul language; she was so angry that she felt on the verge of exploding. Pausing a moment, she shook her head in disbelief and felt the urge to cry, but she held back the tears stubbornly and continued after a while. "What possibilities… Tell me, Kid, what are the possibilities that an estranged father and their children find each other after years of absence, meeting by chance in the same exact town, in the same exact place and at the same exact time?"

"Not many, I guess," Kid muttered, getting what Lou meant. It seemed as if bad luck was after them no matter what they did. Now that things seemed to smile on them, the darkest cloud appeared out of the blue, darkening the clear sight on their perspective.

"He wants to take the boys, I know he does," Louise mumbled in a very tiny voice, sighing wearily.

"Lou, honey," Kid said, "I'll talk to Teaspoon tomorrow. I'm sure he will be able to tell us if this Mr. Martin can take the boys just like that. You know, Teaspoon knows more about legal matters."

"Kid, the children ain't even ours legally," Lou reminded him in a pitiful voice. "We let that stupid man from the orphanage convince us to wait a while before signing the legal documents."

Kid simply nodded wryly. They remained in complete silence for a few minutes; Lou hung her head, feeling at the lowest ebb she could feel. Kid kept staring at her with a heavy heart and unable to bear to see her looking so glum he called, "Lou?" She lifted her gaze to him wonderingly and Kid stretched his arms to her and said, "Come here."

Louise walked the few steps separating them and let herself be drawn into his inviting arms. Her hands automatically went round his torso while Kid hugged her against his chest comfortingly. "Lou, we can't despair like this," he began, talking softly in her ear. "He might not want to take the responsibility of looking after two young children for all we know. He has proved that by not moving a finger to find them in all these years. Why would he want to change that?"

"I dunno," Lou whispered, feeling comforted like usual wrapped in his strong arms. "But he's bad news."

"I know," he let out through gritted teeth, absently planting a tender kiss on her head.

"And he's no good for the boys," she added in a cracked voice. Kid put his finger under her chin and tilted her head towards him so that he could meet her eyes.

"Lou," he started looking in her eyes seriously, "I promise you that if push comes to shove, I'll do everything in my power to keep the boys with us. I'm sure a judge wouldn't let the children go from a secure home to an unstable life with him."

"I don't know," she said sincerely, resting her head against his chest again. All she knew was that Robert Martin was the boys' father after all while they were nothing to the eyes of the law. The children had only spent a couple of months under their care, and it was obvious that Jack would go happily if he could live with his father like a family again. Lou's only hope was that the man could get the hell out of Rock Creek and never come back, but her intuition told her that wasn't going to happen any time soon.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

All night long Lou had been turning and tossing, unable to sleep peacefully. She had been plagued by disturbing thoughts and dreams which had kept her awake. Repeatedly the same haunting image had invaded her mind; the boys' big brown eyes appeared clearly before her, and gradually they became dimmer and dimmer till they disappeared from her sight despite her struggling efforts to stretch her arms and reach for them. More than once she had woken up suddenly, her lips mouthing 'no' in a muffled shout. Her heart had been beating wildly, her breathing coming in raspy puffs, and her body completely covered in a cold sweat.

Fortunately, her restless state and recurrent nightmares hadn't disturbed Kid sleeping by her side. She knew that the day hadn't left her husband indifferent either, and she could feel that he wasn't having a quiet night like usual. When they had gone to bed, on hearing his breathing, Lou could tell that it had taken him a while to finally fall asleep. Usually sleep came very easy to Kid, and normally they had hardly kissed good-night before he was fast asleep wasting no time. Lou continually teased him about it, telling him that she wouldn't be surprised if one day she found him dozing while standing up. Yet, last night it had taken him much longer than usual to finally get his rest. She could hear his tense air intakes by her side, and his hand was clasped round her waist tighter than usual, which told her that he was still awake. Clearly the out-of-the-blue appearance of the boys' father had already disturbed their household in more than one sense.

Lou tried to convince herself that she should stop her negativity from influencing her so much. Kid might be right, and Mr. Robert Martin probably had no interest in taking the boys back into his family. Obviously he wasn't the kind of man fitting the description of a full-time father. Maybe he had been a family man once years ago when his wife was alive, but it was clear that the man they met last night had drifted away from that image. He didn't even have a permanent home so it would just be surreal if he intended to lead that family life roaming from town to town.

Louise was almost convinced that she had nothing to fear when an idea stuck in her mind and ruined all her optimism. The image of her father appeared suddenly, and she remembered how he had tracked down her siblings and taken them out of the orphanage. Boggs had been out of their lives for ten long years when their mother had taken them out of his control, and to Lou's utter surprise he had appeared suddenly with the intention to keep her siblings with him. Louise realized that men had this uprooted sense of pride in their heritage, and apparently the idea of passing that from father to son was very strongly linked to them. It was that sense what had impulsed her father to look for them after such a long time but actually he was only interested in Jeremiah as he was his only son.

With these memories on her mind, Louise couldn't help but wonder if Mr. Martin shared the same ideas. Probably this was the case; Jack and Tommy were his sons, his own flesh and blood, and she was sure that the man wouldn't renounce them so easily. As much as she tried to convince her otherwise, she knew that the moment Robert Martin had made his appearance, they had started to lose the boys. Maybe it wouldn't happen today or tomorrow, but sooner or later he'd claim what was rightly his by law and blood, and they wouldn't be able to do anything to prevent it.

Unable to stay in bed with these thoughts any more, Louise got up as quietly as she could. She'd hate to wake Kid when he could still rest for a couple more hours. As soon as she straightened up to a standing position, she instantly noticed the effects of a nearly sleepless night in her body. She felt light-headed and had to grab the metal bedpost to stop her legs from staggering. She always felt this wretched whenever she had a bad night, but at least the splitting headache that inevitably made its appearance in similar circumstances was luckily missing. Standing in front of the dresser she splashed some fresh water from the washbowl over her face, and she began feeling much better. Now all she needed was to have a bite of something and she'd be as good as new.

While she was drying her face on a towel, a voice sounded in the silent room, startling her momentarily. "Lou?" She turned to the sound of her name being called and to her chagrin all her precautions had been in vain since Kid was looking at her fully awake. "Can't sleep?" he asked in a husky sleepy voice.

Lou just shook her head and added, "Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't," he assured her, but didn't say much further. Lou walked to the bed and sat across him, clutching the hand he stretched in her direction. "Did you have as bad a night as mine?" he asked as he stroked the palm of her hand with his thumb.

"Worse," she let out. They stayed in silence, both obviously in deep thought and neither daring to spoil the peaceful early hours of the morning by mentioning what had occupied in their minds since the day before. "What are we gonna do?" Lou finally asked, peering closely in his eyes. Last night they hadn't really finished talking about the matter, both feeling weary after the day's unexpected incident. Lou felt an immense sense of protection over her, having Kid's support. He really managed to keep a cool head and had a calmness that she really needed in these moments. Louise admitted that she always tended to overreact and fly off the handle when something upset her. So she was so glad that Kid was by her side in these moments when uncertainty hovered over them most threateningly.

"There's nothing much we can do, is there?" he said in a soft voice. Lou nodded ruefully and Kid continued, "Anyway, Mr. Martin hasn't really said that his intention is taking the boys from us." He knew that his words sounded feeble even to his own ears, but for the moment it was their only hope. "But, Lou, we don't do us any favors if we managed to egg him on with unkindness."

She knew he meant her. Last night she had shown Mr. Martin her less kind face, and Kid was right. If her foolish behavior began warfare with the man, they were in the losing end with all certainty. Nothing was more alluring than the idea of getting something longed for by others. If Robert Martin noticed that they were afraid of losing the boys to him, he might use that in his own benefit. "I got a bit carried away, didn't I?" she asked coyly.

"Like always," Kid replied with a smile. He knew that Lou could be terrible when she felt that something wasn't fair. He had been in the receiving end on more than one occasion when she had gotten mad at him, and even though he loved the passion she put in everything she believed in, he couldn't help but fear when she was in one of her moods. Yesterday she had clearly shown Robert Martin that she wasn't pleased with the situation, and although she was right to feel that way, Kid had to admit that for the moment they had to be discrete in their opinions.

Lou chuckled quietly looking at him through her long eyelashes. "I'll try to control my feelings, I promise, all right?" she muttered, not very sure that she could do just that. Yet, she knew that she would have to use all her self-control for the boys' sake. Kid shifted in the bed so that he was closer to her and craning his neck he gave her a peck on her lips, which left a smile on her mouth.

He pulled away slightly and staring at her eyes he whispered, "We just wait for him to take the first step. Maybe we could reach an agreement that suits us all, especially the boys."

Louise nodded and leaning forward she let him surround her in his arms and she muttered against his shoulder, "Yeah, especially for the boys."

* * *

Rachel stood at the school door while the children flocked out of the building, happy to be free for the rest of the day. The lady was holding a stack of reading books, and as the children filed out of the door, she handed one to each. Peeking out from her position she caught sight of Kid and little Tommy getting off the wagon outside the building. She turned her attention back to the inside of the room. Jack was still sitting at his desk engaged in quiet conversation with his friend.

"Victor Reese and Jack Martin!" she called and when the boys turned to look at their teacher, she asked teasingly, "You, boys, feel like having a few more extra hours at school?"

"No, Ma'am," the boys replied in chorus as they began shoving his books and pencils in their linen bags.

"Jack, your father's waiting for you," Rachel said while handing the last reading books to the straggling pupils.

"My father!" Jack exclaimed, his mouth splitting in a bright smile and hurried to pick up the last of his things and dashed towards the door in a flash. "Bye Victor, Mrs. Dunne!"

He was about to step out of the building when Rachel grabbed him by the shoulders and stopped him. "One moment, young man. Don't forget your book."

The boy stopped just long enough to take the reading book from Rachel which he accepted with a long face. "See you tomorrow, Mrs. Dunne," he exclaimed and whizzed past her and out of the school. He craned his neck to locate the person he was expecting to see at any minute, but when his eyes caught sight of Kid and Tommy, his face fell and his steps slowed down considerably. "He's not my father," he grumbled under his breath, keeping his eyes downcast as he reached the pair.

"Hey, buddy," Kid greeted the boy cheerfully, noticing his change of demeanor and the reason behind it. "Had a good day at school?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders indifferently and asked in a morose voice, "What are you doing here?"

"Well," Kid began, "I promised you a while ago that one day we'd go riding in the open, and today I have some free time, so why not?" In the last few weeks he had been teaching Jack how to ride, mainly practicing in the corral on the ranch. Kid had used a tame mare that they had for a while to teach the boy. Jack was a quick learner, and soon he got bored with leading the horse round the corral and began bugging Kid to let him ride in the open without any restrictions.

On hearing Kid, the boy's face lit up with obvious enthusiasm and lifting his eyes to him he asked, "Really?"

"Really," Kid replied with a smile.

"Will you let me ride Katy?" Jack asked again.

"We'll see."

The boy clapped his hands, thrilled at the prospect of riding a horse like a grown-up. He really enjoyed spending time with horses and would like to ride as expertly as Kid and Lou did. He loved listening to them when they told him and his brother stories from their days in the Pony Express, and one day Jack intended to be working with horses like Kid did.

Kid took the boys to a small area that he knew was usually quiet and not many people used to go through. They spent half of the afternoon there, and he was glad that he had come up with the idea this morning. He would like to spend much more time with his family than what he managed to do now, but sometimes work wouldn't allow him to have that much free time. Yesterday when the boys' father had appeared something inside had stirred, and somehow he regretted not having more moments with the two brothers. The boys really seemed to be enjoying themselves. Jack rode the same mare that he had used to learn on the ranch while Kid rode with Tommy astride in front of him. The four-year-old was still too young to be left on a horse by himself, but someday he will teach Tommy in the same way he was doing with Jack. "_If he's still with us,"_ Kid thought ruefully but tried to shush the idea away from his mind.

At the end of the day, he let Jack ride Katy and the boy couldn't look prouder than at the moment he was on Kid's faithful mare. Kid kept watching closely since Katy was a much stronger and bigger animal than the mare he had chosen for Jack to ride. Even though she was very tame, it sometimes required greater strength to control her, but to Kid's surprise Jack managed to ride her without any problem at all.

The boys and Kid had stopped for a break to let the horses drink from the creek while they were eating the sandwiches Lou had made for them. Jack was standing while stroking Katy's mane with his free hand and munching the cheese sandwich in his other one. "I love riding, Kid," Jack exclaimed. "I could spend all day on a horse, and I would never be tired."

"Me too!" Tommy piped in absently from his sitting position on the ground. The younger boy had no more than three bites of the sandwich, and now he was crumbling the bread in tiny pieces and feeding the ants.

"I know you do," Kid said with a smile while grabbing the half-eaten sandwich from Tommy's hand and lifting him to his feet when he noticed the ants were beginning to crawl up the boy's leg. Tommy squirmed in his hold but with a warning look the young man managed to finally calm him down.

"My father's also a good rider," Jack said after a while.

The smile that had been permanent on Kid during the afternoon vanished as soon as the boy mentioned his father. "Is he?" he asked coldly.

Jack nodded energetically. "He was the best and had the most beautiful horse in town. He also loves horses, and that's why I love them too. I got that from him."

"I see," Kid muttered.

"Did you hear him telling about all those places he's seen, Kid? Even New York!" Jack exclaimed with obvious enthusiasm. "Have you been to New York, Kid?"

"No," the young man replied curtly.

Jack hardly heard Kid's answer and continued talking in the same eager tone. "One day I'll go to those places, to all of them." He paused for a moment and then he added. "When I grow up, I want to be like my father. I want to be like him. He's my father." Kid nodded silently realizing that they had definitely lost Jack to Robert Martin in just the few hours the man had turned up. There was obviously nothing he or Lou could do to prevent it; that was as clear as water. No treats like today's would change what the boy felt. Kid just hoped that Robert Martin was the father that the boy expected and didn't break his heart again.

"Did you?" Kid heard Jack saying, but he had been so immersed in his own thoughts that he hadn't caught the rest of his words.

"Did I what, Jack?"

The boy made a gesture of impatience and repeated his question, "When you were a child, did you want to be like your Pa?"

At his words Kid's face hardened and his whole body stiffened. "No," he simply said.

Jack looked at him with a frown but Kid had turned his attention to Katy, patting her back. He hated to talk or be questioned about his father and didn't want to show that side to the boy. Yet, Jack's interest had been woken and Kid's indifference didn't deter him from asking. "No?" the Southerner simply shook his head imperceptibly and the boy asked again, "Why?"

This time Kid turned to look at the boy and muttered, "Because he was no good."

Jack stared at him for a few minutes and then he blurted out angrily, "But my father's a good man. He's very good… He's good to us." The boy got more and more agitated as he spoke and Kid wondered what had spurred this outburst in the boy. He placed his hands on Jack's upper arms and crouched in front of him so that they both were at eye level.

"Jack, it's all right. Of course your Pa's good. Nobody said any different," Kid said, casting him a warm smile. The boys' reaction had him thinking if Jack's insistent words in defense of his father meant he had touched something delicate. Jack soothed instantly and let out a weak smile. "And now let's go home. It's getting late," Kid said.

"Can't we just stay just a little bit longer?" Jack asked, after his outburst was seemingly forgotten.

"Jack, Lou's on her own, and we don't want her to worry, do we?"

"Only one more ride, Kid," the boy insisted, looking at him with big doe eyes. "Please."

The expression of his eyes was enough to win Kid over and he had no heart to say no to the boy. "All right, all right, but we make it brief."

Jack smiled his biggest smile and his brother jumped up and down in excitement next to him. Kid had to chuckle at the boys' reactions and turned around and crouched down to check the horse's hooves. "Kid?" Jack called, and the man looked questioningly up at the boy standing up before him. Jack dashed forward and threw himself to Kid's arms unexpectedly. "Thank you," the boy said as he hugged him tightly, backing away after a few seconds and hollering, "Come on! Let's ride!"

He began running around in circles, followed by his younger brother who tended to copy him in all his playful gesture. Kid kept watching them with a big smile on his face, his entire being invaded by bitter-sweet feelings, sensing that he'd definitely be shattered if he and Lou were ever to lose these two children.

* * *

While Kid and the two boys had been spending half the afternoon playing and riding in the open, Louise had stayed at home. She'd have loved to tag along with them, but she had already agreed to meet Rachel that afternoon, and she didn't feel like letting her friend down. Rachel and Lou had started to repair the damage that their friendship had suffered, and Louise really looked forward to those moments she could enjoy in her friend's company. Rachel had always been a very close friend to Lou and she was glad that her mistakes hadn't killed everything that had joined them together years ago. Lou admitted that once again she had let her problems push somebody out of her life, but luckily Rachel was back and nothing seemed to have changed between the two women.

Rachel had arrived at the ranch that afternoon as soon as school was over. Both women had enjoyed a chat while tasting the tea and cookies Louise had prepared. The older woman poured her heart to Lou as she told her about her budding romance with Ben Richards, the man she had started seeing from the day of the last social. Rachel sounded as light-hearted as a teenager, but like usual she also had thousands of doubts, unsure whether the man was really the right one. According to Rock Creek's school teacher, Ben Richards was sensitive, kind and had a nice sense of humor, but she wondered if all that was really enough for her to really fall in love with him.

Lou listened to her friend carefully, but there wasn't much she could tell her. It wasn't the first time that Rachel had come to her with the same doubts. On other occasions, the woman first always thought herself in love, but gradually her insecurities increased till she had the certainty that the man wasn't for her. Lou suspected that the same would happen with this new love of hers, but she didn't voice her opinion. The younger lady found it curious that Rachel came to her with her love heartaches when it had always been her who had looked out for the former station mistress's advice. Back then she hadn't been completely sure of finally being with Kid completely. All their past problems had weighed on her mind but also she had been reluctant to lose her so loved independence. Now looking back at those moments, Louise realized that she had been a fool not to have foreseen the happy life she would have with Kid, but as soon as they married, her doubts had gradually disappeared. Of course, they had their problems, the last of which had dangerously threatened their marriage, but right now all she knew was that marrying Kid had been the best decision of her life. Poor Rachel was reluctant to leave her loneliness as a single woman and stick to the idea of finding a man like her late husband, but Lou knew that would never happen.

Apart from discussing Rachel's love life, Louise had the opportunity to tell her friend of the "surprise" they had the day before when they had unexpectedly bumped into the boys' father. Lou told her about her fears that the man decided to claim their sons from them. Despite the fact that the matter was painful, Lou found it somehow calming to pour all her worries to somebody like Rachel, who wasn't directly involved. Rachel had practically said the same as Kid about them not knowing for sure that the man would really like to take the boys back. She had also advised her to go and ask Teaspoon even though the law wouldn't back them in case their fears got confirmed. It was true that the marshal had always come up with wise tips for his riders, and maybe he could shed some light in this matter. After their talk, Lou had to admit that Rachel and Kid might be right and things may not be as bleak as she thought.

A couple of hours later Rachel realized it was time for her to go and she left after spending a delightful afternoon. Lou decided to do some cleaning and start dinner before Kid and the boys got back, which she guessed wouldn't be long. So she headed for the kitchen and began peeling the vegetables she had put aside for tonight's dinner. The house was uncomfortably silent, and Louise hoped that Kid and the boys hurried up because she was feeling very lonely in the house without them around. The thought brought about the feared image that had haunted her all night long, but she stubbornly resisted giving way to her pessimism.

As luck would have it, she faintly heard a horse neighing very near and her face lit up, glad that they were already back. She jumped to her feet, leaving the bowl with the vegetables on the kitchen table, and quickly dashed to the front door. Lou opened it with a bright smile expecting to lay eyes on Kid and the children, but her smile froze instantly as she found herself face to face with Robert Martin. "Oh it's you," she let out, unable to hide her disappointment from her voice.

"Mrs. McCloud," the man greeted, tilting his head to her politely. His voice was steady but Lou could smell the alcohol on his breath from her position.

"Uh… Mr. Martin, the boys ain't here," she explained awkwardly. "They've gone riding with my husband."

"I see," the man replied indifferently. "I guess you wouldn't mind if I wait for them." Without any indication from Louise the man went past her into the house and to her utter indignation he dropped onto her couch and planted his muddy boots on her tea table, leaving its surface covered in stains. Louise was speechless at seeing the nerve of the man to trample shamelessly over her house. In any other case, she would have given him a piece of her mind, but she remembered Kid's warning words this morning and decided to hold her tongue. Lou stood awkwardly in the middle of her lounge as she watched the man sprawled on her couch.

"Uh… if you'll excuse me, I was in the middle of fixing dinner."

"Go on, go on," Robert Martin replied, gesturing at her with his hand to leave.

Lou smiled tersely, annoyed at his attitude, acting as if he were bossing her around, as if she were a servant to his service in her own house. She plodded towards the kitchen, grumbling silently and once she was inside, she felt relief flood through her for escaping the presence of the man. Through the crack at the door she could see the man and his image made her face crunch in disgust. Louise hated feeling intimated in her own house and she tried to relax and forget about the man in her lounge, so she concentrated all her attention on the vegetables she wanted to fix for dinner tonight.

After she finished peeling and dicing them, she took the bowl to the sink and started to wash them. While she was draining the water from the bowl, the sound of a door closing behind her brought her back to reality. She turned around and saw Robert Martin in the middle of the kitchen, a smile plastered on his face and the door shut behind him.

"Can I possibly have a glass of water, Mrs. McCloud? I'm thirsty."

"Uh… sure," she muttered and filled a glass with fresh water, and as she handed it to the man, his hand came over hers. Louise pulled her hand away forcefully as if scalded, cursing silently for acting like a scared cat and showing it in front of him. The man cast her a crooked smile while she kept a long face. She could be civil to him, but she wasn't ready to smile and laugh as if she were delighted. Robert Martin brought the glass to his lips and gulped the water down while his eyes looked Lou up and down sharply. Noticing his indiscrete gaze upon her she felt increasingly uncomfortable and subconsciously backed away till her back was against the glass cabinet and folded her arms over her chest.

"My sons really seem happy here," Robert Martin began when he finished up the water and placed the glass in the sink.

Lou smiled briefly at the mention of the two brothers but she didn't dare to move, and added, "They're good boys."

"It's really no wonder they look over the moon having the attention of such a beautiful lady," he said, still watching her intently, but Lou didn't make the least attempt to acknowledge his compliment, so he added, "Your husband sure is a lucky man."

"I'm the lucky one," Lou muttered sincerely.

For a moment they remained silent; Louise kept her eyes downcast, praying that he turned round and left, but to her chagrin the man didn't make the slightest attempt to move and instead he blurted out, "So why is it you don't have children of your own and instead take the kids of others?"

Lou shot him a furious glance and muttered in a very cold voice, "That's none of your business."

The man advanced a few steps closer to her. "Tell me something, Mrs. McCloud. Is Kid just a name or is your husband also a kid in other senses?"

His words sparked her fury uncontrollably. "How dare you?" she bellowed, her eyes bright with sheer anger. "You know nothing of my husband, and you have no right to judge us!" She was beside herself with anger; Kid was the best thing that had happened to her. He was her whole life, and she would still be lost if it weren't for her sweet husband. She wasn't going to allow anybody, least of all a good-for-nothing like Robert Martin to talk about him like that.

"Maybe you need a real man to make you feel like a real woman," the man let out maliciously as he advanced towards her. His leering eyes traveled from her angry eyes to her mouth and finally lingered on her bosom.

"Stand back!" she cried, pointing a finger at him menacingly but the man didn't even seem to hear her. She tried to find a way out of this. The door was shut at the other end and in a daring movement she tried to make a go for it but Robert Martin was quick and grabbed her and threw her against the wall forcefully. He pinned her hands to her sides on the wall while his body hovered over hers. Lou prayed silently that she was in the middle of a nightmare and soon she'd wake up. "You touch me and I'll kill you," she cried threateningly squirming in his hold.

The man let out a malicious guffaw and kept ogling her while he licked his lips suggestively, which made her thrash with more insistence but the man had a strong hold on her.

"But Louise," he wheezed hardening his clutch on her, his mouth merely inches from her face, "That's no way to treat a gentleman like me. You need to learn to behave more kindly. After all, we're kind of family, ain't we?"

Louise wanted the earth to open up and to be swallowed completely. She could feel his foul breath over her face, and she felt like throwing up in disgust. Suddenly, he just lowered his head towards her and began moving his mouth all over her neck. "No!" she cried frantically_. 'This can't be happening. Not again!'_ Her mind was reeling in desperation as she felt the man's disgusting mouth on her skin. "No!" she repeated again in a shrill voice as a sob escaped her lips. As if to block what was happening, she closed her eyes tightly while repeating the same word over and over again.

Suddenly, she felt a strong tug and the pressure of his body against hers lifted at the same time she heard a loud crash. Shooting her eyes open she saw Robert Martin thrown against the glass cabinet while Kid grabbed him by the collar unkindly. He silently began delivering powerful punches on the man's face. Lou was shaking like a leaf, and as relief flooded throughout her, her back slid down the wall and she rested her body on the floor. Kid's face was contorted in anger in a way that Lou had never seen before as he kept throwing blow after blow at the man.

Robert Martin wasn't a match for Kid's strength, especially in that uncontrollable mood he was in, and after the first couple of punches the man couldn't hold up for himself but the Southerner kept hitting him repeatedly and with increasing strength. From her position on the floor, Lou realized that if her husband continued like that, he was going to kill the man, and even though she couldn't say that she would be sorry in that case, she knew that she couldn't allow him to do that. Kid wasn't thinking sensibly right now, but they needed to consider that pitiful excuse for a man was the boys' father after all. Slowly she stood up on her trembling legs and placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. He stopped instantly and looked at her with agonic eyes. "Please, Kid. Let him go. He's not worth it."

The Southerner looked down scornfully at the man curled on the floor with his hands covering his face in a protective fashion and grabbing him by the collar he lifted him to his angry eyes. "Get the hell out of my house and stay away from my family, understood?" Kid barked furiously, throwing him against the wall strongly.

In that moment, Jack appeared at the door and seeing the state in which his father was, he turned two accusing eyes in Kid's direction. "You hit my father!" His little face was red in obvious anger and he repeated, "You hit my father!"

Robert Martin stumbled to his feet, pressing a hand against his face. He really was a pitiful sight to watch; his upper lip was split in different segments, his nose seemed to have broken, and all his face was bleeding profusely and bruised. "Come on, son. Help your old man get out of here."

"Yes, Pa," the boy said, still glaring at Kid, and instantly turned to the man and let him rest his hand on his shoulders for support as they walked towards the front door.

"Jack!" Kid called after him, but the boy never turned his head. He called him several times with the same result, and then Lou whispered his name by his side. He looked at her and she just shook his head, implying to let the boy alone for the moment.

Kid sighed and walked the few steps separating them, so they were face to face. "How are you?" he asked as he stroked her face tenderly.

"I dunno," she muttered and closed her eyes, tears welling up, as the reality of what had happened, of what might have happened sank in. Kid wrapped his arms around her small frame and silently cursed Robert Martin as he noticed her body trembling. Lou hugged him tightly as images of the incident kept replaying in her mind. "Oh Kid, if you hadn't shown up, that man…" she cried, but her voice trailed off, unable to finish the terrible thought. She was so angry with herself for finding herself in the middle of that situation once again. The moment Robert Martin had cornered her, all her spunk and strength had vanished away. She had felt like a trapped animal with no way out. Louise knew that she should be able to fight any man, but what kind of woman did she become when a man intimidated her like that? It scared her to death to think that she was still the same scared girl that had suffered at the hands of Wicks; as if he had left a scar that she couldn't overcome.

Kid was cooing and stroking her hair tenderly. "Shh, it's fine. Nobody's gonna harm you." His whole self was a mixture of feelings; his heart surged with tenderness and love for the woman in his arms, but at the same time fury consumed him to the core.

When he had stepped into his house and had heard his wife's loud shouts from the kitchen, he had almost tripped over himself on running to her. As soon as he had seen the man with his filthy hands on Lou's body as she squirmed and shouted frantically, a fury like he had never felt before hit him terribly and he would have killed the man then and there, had Lou not stopped him. Kid thought guiltily that he shouldn't have left her so long on her own, especially knowing that man could appear at any given moment. But how could he have known what kind of man he was?

Robert Martin was worse than the lowest scum and now Jack was sore at Kid for beating his father. The sandy-haired man reasoned that he should talk to the boy and explain to him that there was a strong reason behind his behavior to the man. But how could he start explaining to a young boy what his own father had been about to do to Lou? He knew that he couldn't do that even though it would be to his own disadvantage. Jack didn't need to know that his father was bad news. Kid suspected that deep down the boy really knew what Robert Martin was like and maybe that was why he had that outburst in the fields, insisting that his father was a good man. Kid was familiar with those feelings since as a child he had stubbornly wanted to believe in the same lies he told himself. Despite suffering at the hands of his abusing father, Kid had always hoped he would change but he finally had to admit the truth. Maybe Jack was going through the same conflicting feelings and the boy wanted to believe that his father turned out to be the man he dreamed about. Kid only hoped that Robert Martin didn't bring them any more problems and left them alone for good.

* * *

Jack and his father traversed the yard of the property. Tommy was playing with the puppy just before the house, and when they passed him, the young boy cast him a brief curious look but kept playing with the dog without saying anything. Father and son reached the barn, and the man dropped on a bale of hay just outside the building from where he could have a complete view of the yard. Taking a bandanna from his father, Jack wetted the material in a water trough and gave it back to the man, who quickly cleaned the blood from his face and kept it pressed against his eyes, the cool water bringing about a sensation of relief.

"You feel better, Pa?" Jack asked anxiously.

The man removed the bandanna from his eyes and looked at the boy sideways. "This is nothing," he drawled, flinching with sheer pain as his lips moved to talk. "Your father has a lot tougher stuff to complain about than the blows of a weakling like Kid McCloud."

The boy smiled briefly, knowing that his father was putting on a show. Moreover, he was a bit confused about the whole situation and he didn't know how he felt any more. The man to his side was his father; there was no doubt about that - but Kid was… Well, he wasn't sure what Kid was to him, but the boy knew that he had grown quite attached to the couple taking care of him and his brother.

Laying eyes on Tommy, who was still playing with the puppy, Robert Martin called, "Hey, Thomas, come here with us!"

The young boy stopped his games and cast a shy look at his father, but straightaway he turned around and began walking to the house decidedly. Jack angrily watched his brother's reaction to their father's summon, not understanding what was wrong with him. He knew that Tommy was timid and reserved with people he met for the first time, but this was their father. Tommy was actually being rude and practically refusing to have anything to do with him.

"Tommy!" Jack called after his brother and dashed to catch up with him. "Tommy, didn't you hear Pa? Come here with us."

"I don't wanna," the younger boy exclaimed stubbornly.

"Oh come on, Tommy," Jack insisted, taking the younger boy's hand and trying to steer him towards where Robert Martin was sitting, but he pushed him away.

"I'm going with ma and pa!" the young boy exclaimed, trying to continue his way to the house, but Jack got a strong grip on his shoulder.

"They're not your parents, Tommy!" Jack cried angrily.

"Yes, they are!" Tommy insisted and hitting his brother on the belly, he managed to break free and made a run for the house. Jack was about to follow him, but hearing his name being called, he turned around and saw his father beckoning him to come to his side.

"Leave the boy alone, son," the man said when Jack reached him and sat on a bale of hay next to him. "I gather it's quite easy to buy a child's affection," he muttered sharply. Jack listened to his father, not really understanding his words. The man studied the boy carefully and added, "These are nice clothes you have on. I guess the McClouds bought them for you?" The boy nodded silently, and Robert Martin asked again, "I bet they buy you and your brother lots of nice things, don't they?" Jack nodded again, and the man smiled brightly at him, with a weird shine in his eyes. "It's quite obvious from just looking around that they have good money."

Jack shrugged his shoulders indifferently, not really interested in the conversation and muttered breezily, "Kid says business is going well."

The man nodded, and they stayed in silence for a while. "Things ain't going that good for your old man, Jack," Robert Martin began. "Actually your Pa's in a rough spot right now and in very much need of money." The boy listened to him intently, looking with his big brown eyes. "I tried to ask for a loan from the bank, but the bastards didn't even listen to me!" Jack's eyes flew wide open at hearing the language his father had used and smiled shrewdly. He knew that he wasn't allowed to use those words at all; Lou would have his hide if he even dared to think in those terms. Not even Kid was allowed to talk like that, but his father didn't seem to mind it at all. "I thought I could borrow the money from Mr. McCloud but you see we haven't really hit it off," the man added exaggeratedly pointing at his bruised face, which provoked a giggle from the boy. "You being a clever boy, I'm sure you know where they keep the money and could get it for your old man."

The boy's smile froze instantly and staring at him with a frown he exclaimed, "I can't do that!"

"Sure you can, Jack."

The boy shook his head energetically, "Stealing is a sin," Jack said in a soft voice.

"Jack, Jack, Jack," Robert Martin let out with an ample smile, "Who said anything about stealing? I told you I just want to borrow the money for a while."

"I like Kid and Lou. They're nice to us," Jack insisted.

"I know you do, son. But I'm your father, and I need to solve a few matters, that's all," Robert Martin continued, using all his resorts to convince the boy. If he pulled the right strings, he could really get hold of some needed money.

"I don't know," Jack muttered, still unconvinced by his father's arguments. In his view if he took the money without telling Kid or Lou, there wasn't much difference from stealing.

"You know, we could get a place of our own and live like a family again," the man added, smiling as he saw the boy's interest perking at once.

"You mean me and Tommy?" Jack asked.

"That's right. You, me and Thomas. Together again," Robert Martin added, his eyes meeting his son's intently.

"You really mean that, Pa?" The boy asked excitedly again and the man nodded convincingly but suddenly a thought crossed Jack's mind suddenly. "But what about Kid and Lou?"

"Well, son, we can't have everything in life, and I am your father, nobody else," he paused for a beat and noticing still a slight hesitation in the boy's demure he added, "You don't want to be called an orphan all your life, do you, Jack?" At his words the boy's eyes shone proudly and instantly Robert Martin knew that he had given the last push to finally convince the boy. "So you'll do that for your father, won't you?" The boy nodded imperceptibly and Robert Martin exclaimed happily, "That's my boy!"

Jack smiled but still something inside bugged him. He wasn't really convinced that his father's request was completely right, but he wanted to be with him and have a real family once again. Nobody would then say he was an orphan because he'd have his pa now. He knew he'd miss being with Kid and Lou, but he needed to be with his father. That was the way it was supposed to be.

A voice resounded in the yard calling Jack's name and turning his head, the boy saw Kid standing on the porch, a hand resting against a wooden beam. "Come back inside, Jack!"

Without saying a single word, the boy rose to his feet and walked to the house with slow steps. When he was in the middle of the yard, his father called him again. Jack turned around and looked at him quizzically. "Don't forget what we've talked about, son," the man said with a wink and emphasizing purposefully the word 'son' while Kid stared with glaring eyes from his position on the porch.

The boy nodded slowly and continued towards the house till he disappeared inside. Kid stayed on the porch, looking daggers and when he was sure that the boy was out of earshot, he barked angrily. "Get the hell out of my place, Martin. Consider yourself lucky I'm not going to report you to the marshal for attacking my wife, but God protect you if I see you near my family again!"

Robert Martin sniggered raucously as he shuffled towards his horse. "Don't get all so riled up, Kid, my friend," he said with a smirk when he was on the horse. "Since you have something that belongs to me, I thought I'd have a taste of something truly yours. But I'll tell you what. You really cut a better deal."

"Get out!" Kid bellowed furiously, aiming his gun at him, his eyes almost popping out in sheer anger. He had half a mind in finishing what he had started in his house. If the man weren't the boys' father, he wouldn't have so many scruples to do just that, especially when he had attacked and abused Lou so shamelessly. He had to make a superhuman effort to control his blinding rage and not emptying his six-shooter on him. Robert Martin guffawed maliciously as he spurred his horse off the property. Kid kept staring after the man till he disappeared in the distance. He didn't know why but he had the terrible hunch that this wasn't the last they would be seeing of the man at all.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

The house was in complete silence, and the night spread everything with its dark cloak as almost inaudible steps advanced down the stairs. There was a full moon tonight, and its faint light flashed in through the few windows whose thick curtains did not prevent it from flowing inside. It was in this weak light that Jack stealthily reached the bottom of the staircase. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest, and he wondered if its fast beating would not resound in the silent house, waking everybody up. His legs were trembling like jelly as he stood before the studio. Jack drew in a deep intake of air before putting his hand on the door handle and twisting it. For one moment he thought hopefully that the door was locked, and in that case he would have an excuse for not carrying out his father's request. Yet, the lock clicked and the door opened with a faint creak, which made Jack cringe in fear.

The boy stood motionless at the threshold for a moment, studying the room carefully. He clearly remembered how Kid had put away the money from selling the horses into the desk drawer a few weeks ago. Jack stepped into the studio and headed straightaway for the table in the far end. Climbing onto a chair he reached for the small vase on the shelf behind the desk, where he had seen Kid hide the drawer key. The bronze vase slid from his hands and clattered onto the hard floor.

On hearing the noise which to Jack's ears sounded too loud in the house, the boy jumped off the chair and crouched to hide under the desk, shaking in fear of being discovered. When after a few minutes nothing happened, Jack crawled from below the table and looking around in the dim light from the moon, he luckily spotted the fallen key next to a chair leg. The boy grabbed the tiny metal key in his hand and rose slowly to his feet. His hands seemed to be made out of butter and it took him three attempts to finally stick the key in the lock and open the drawer. Taking the wooden box out, the boy placed it on the desk and his eyes grew wide when lifting the lid, he saw the stack of banknotes neatly sticking out. He had never thought there was so much when he had got a peek that night a few weeks ago.

A smile twitched in his mouth as he ran a finger on the money. This would make it possible for him to have a family again, a real family. While he stared bedazzled at the neat banknotes, dozens of images kept playing in his mind; him and his father playing in a cozy lounge like the one in this house, riding a horse like Katy, going fishing, swimming…, all those things that he enjoyed deeply and had done with Kid, but he told himself that it would be much better now because he'd be with his father …forever.

Suddenly, the boy froze as a sound inside the room reached his ears; he lifted his gaze fearfully, and he released his breath as his eyes fell on the puppy at the door of the studio. "Gosh, Blacky, you scared me!" Jack exclaimed in a whisper while the dog watched him intently as if really interested. "Come on, go to sleep!" the boy said in an urgent voice, "Go away!" To his dismay the puppy did not move an inch, and instead he rested his body on the wooden floor and scratched his ears with his left paw. Jack made a gesture of impatience, and before wasting more time, he began taking out the money from the wooden box, but he stopped as Blacky let out a soft whimper and Jack could swear that the dog was staring at him with accusing eyes.

"Don't look at me like that!" Jack continued in the same soft voice. "My father needs the money, and we'll pay it back soon. I just need to do this for my family."

These last words were uttered in an almost inaudible whisper as if the boy still tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. Jack held the stack of notes in his little hand for a moment, and after a few seconds he put them inside his small school bag. After giving a push to the drawer without closing it properly, he lifted his eyes to find that the dog was still at the threshold and looking at him with doe eyes.

"Go away, Blacky!" he exclaimed not caring to lower his voice and, grabbing a pencil from the top of the desk he hurled it to the dog. The puppy let out a sharp yelp and hurried to hide in his usual spot next to the fireplace. Suddenly steps were heard coming from upstairs, and Lou's voice sounded clear. Jack panicked and running out of the studio, he closed the door behind him. His mind was reeling as Lou's steps could be heard closer as she walked down the stairs. The boy looked around the lounge, finding a place to hide the little bag with the money. He knew that Lou wouldn't be very happy if she caught him trying to help his father. She wouldn't understand and what was worse, he'd let his father down if he didn't get him the money and that's the last thing Jack would want to do.

Before Lou could see what he had in his hand, Jack hid the bag under a cushion on the couch. "Who's there?" he could hear Lou asking and now with the money safely hidden, he stood uneasily at the bottom of the stairs. He saw the lady who had been caring for him appear in her dressing gown and holding a lamp to light her way in the darkness. As soon as she lay eyes on the boy she asked, "Jack, what on earth are you doing up at this time of night?"

She had been restless in bed as the day's incident had left her more shaken than what she was ready to admit to Kid. She just didn't want him to worry more than he usually did and had pretended that the man's aggression hadn't affected her so much. Actually, she couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the day, and when she heard the dog yelping, her heart had leapt in alarm, fearing that he was back. Without waking Kid, she had purposefully plodded down the stairs. She wasn't going to allow anybody or anything to intimidate her any longer; she needed to prove herself that she hadn't turned into a weakling, that she was still the same Louise McCloud. Yet, when she saw Jack at the bottom of the stairs, she let out the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I want some water," the boy answered her question awkwardly, keeping his eyes downcast.

Louise reached to his side and clasping his shoulders with both her hands, she steered him towards the kitchen. "Should've called me, young man. We don't want you to stumble down the stairs in the dark."

The boy did not say anything and let Lou push him to the kitchen and sit him at the table. She poured a big glass of water for Jack and another for herself as she sat down next to him. They stayed in silence; both sipping their drinks apparently deep in thought. Lou kept casting furtive looks at the boy who obviously tried to avoid her gaze at all costs. She knew that he was sore at them, especially at Kid, after witnessing the condition Robert Martin was left in because of his confrontation with her husband.

Last night contrary to his chatty character, Jack had hardly said a word during dinner and Louise knew that Kid was hurting because of the boy's silent treatment. She wanted to put in a good word for her husband because first and foremost, he didn't deserve that cold reception. It was really complicated and she didn't know how to begin explaining to the boy what had happened between his father and Kid without touching a too delicate matter for young ears. Lou cursed Robert Martin for causing this havoc in her family. Fear still gripped her heart as there was no clear idea of what the man's intentions were, but after what had happened that afternoon, she swore to herself that she wouldn't let the boys go with that kind of man unwillingly. She might not be their mother but she would fight tooth and nail for them because they had gotten under her skin, and they were part of her as if they were her own flesh and blood.

"You still mad at Kid?" Louise asked after a while. The boy shrugged his shoulders indifferently and gripping his little hand in hers, Lou added, "Honey, you know Kid cares about you."

"But he hit my father," Jack muttered stubbornly, keeping his eyes downcast.

Talking about Robert Martin wasn't her cup of tea right now, and Lou had to purposely control herself from calling the man a few names of her collection. She knew that couldn't be her best move, and now it was important for her to show Jack another side of the truth. "Well, Jack, he had his reasons," she said, ducking her head to catch his eyes.

"What reasons?" the boy asked in a soft voice.

"You know that it's not so uncommon to get into a fight," Louise explained, trying not to be too specific in her answer. "You remember when you and Bradley Williams exchanged a few blows? People don't always get along and misunderstandings end up in a brawl sometimes."

"Did my father insult Kid?" Jack asked, lifting his gaze to Lou for the first time. That was what had happened between him and Bradley, and he wondered if that was the case with Kid.

"Sort of," she answered vaguely.

The boy directed his glance to the table surface once again and muttered, "But he's my father." Lou nodded ruefully even though Jack wasn't even looking. It was more difficult to talk to the boy than what she had first thought, especially since it seemed Robert Martin could do no wrong to his son's eyes.

"You know that Kid would never hurt you or your brother on purpose," Lou added, struggling to find the right words. "He's not your father as you well know, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you as if he really was." The boy looked at her intently but didn't say a word. A myriad of opposing feelings rushed through him, but despite Lou's words, his loyalty to his father kept intact. "Well, young man, enough talking for tonight," Lou announced cheerfully, feeling that she hadn't managed to reach to him. "Let's go back to bed."

"Yes, Ma'am," the boy replied and both of them walked out of the kitchen towards the stairs, Jack yawning exaggeratedly. On passing the lounge, the young boy opened his eyes in horror as he realized that the small linen bag, where he had hidden the money, stuck out from under the cushion clearly visible to anybody who cared to look.

Lou noticed his change of demeanor and followed the direction of his gaze. "Jack!" she exclaimed and to the boy's sheer panic, Louise approached the couch and grabbed the bag, holding it before his eyes. "What does this mean?"

"I… I…," Jack fumbled for words, feeling his face flush violently, but he seemed unable to find his own tongue.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your things around?" she asked with a half-serious expression. Jack kept looking at her gravely, trying to make out what she was really saying. He was completely sure that Lou could see through the material of the bag and knew what he had done. Now all she waited for was a confession on his part but the boy felt frozen before her eyes.

"Jack, you all right?" Louise asked, noticing the pallor of his face and the brightness of his eyes. The boy stood there, still unresponding and taking a few steps closer to him, Lou grabbed him tenderly by his elbow. "Jack?" she questioned, her forehead creased with worry.

Her touch spurred him back to reality and the boy stammered a clumsy apology, "I'm … so sorry … so sorry." His body was trembling, and he really wasn't sure if he was expressing his dismay for taking the money or for his habit to leave things scattered around the house.

At his words Lou's face softened and ruffling his hair she scolded lightly, "Just take the bag to your room and leave it there!"

Every day they went through the same thing over and over again; it was time to leave for school and the boy could never find something, either the slate, some book or his bag. Lou shook her head, thinking that he'd never change and extended the bag towards him. Jack took it hesitantly and straightaway held it against his chest, as if not letting go. Lou smiled amused at the boy's mannerisms, and as she turned to grab the lamp she had left on the cabinet, Jack swirled around and dashed up the stairs without waiting for her.

"Good night, Lou and thank you!" he exclaimed before she had any time to react. Stepping into his bedroom he leaned on the shut door and opening the bag, he took hold of the banknotes as he run his hand over them. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in the dark, feeling the weight of his young conscience over him, "but it's the only way."

* * *

The morning had been especially dull and tiresome at school as Rachel's pupils had to sit their examinations in this last month before breaking for the summer. So it was with a light heart that the children heard their teacher announce lunch break. They almost stumbled in their hurry to leave the building for just a short spell, but enough to momentarily forget letters and numbers. Jack did not rise to his feet immediately but took his time to leave the schoolhouse. Noticing that the teacher was absorbed marking the exams, the boy took the linen bag where he had the money and shoved it into his jacket pocket. Slowly he stood up and shuffled towards the door.

Victor was waiting for his friend, sitting at the steps before the school façade. When he saw Jack step out, the boy jumped to his feet and exclaimed, "Come on, Jack! Harry and the others are playing leapfrog. Let's go."

Jack shook his head and said, "I don't feel like playing today. You go."

He plodded down the schoolhouse steps and then walked round the corner of the building. Victor tried to protest, but his friend was already out of earshot. He kept looking at him and saw how a man gestured at him to come closer. Jack did so and began talking to the very man. Victor soon got tired of watching them and shrugging his shoulders indifferently, he ran to join his other friends in their games.

Meanwhile, Robert Martin steered the boy toward the back of the schoolhouse where he knew nobody would see them. Jack was unusually quiet, and it was the man who first spoke up. "Were you a good boy, Jack, and brought Pa something?"

The boy nodded somberly and pulling the bag out of his pocket, he handed it to his father. Robert Martin grinned happily and ruffled the boy's hair in appreciation. When the man opened the small bag and looked inside, his eyes grew wide as he hungrily saw the amount of money now in his hold. It was much more than what he had first thought Jack could get him. The McClouds were much better off than what he had bargained for. This money would allow him a couple of months living comfortably without any kind of restrictions. Bedazzled Robert Martin asked, mainly to himself, "Do you know what this means?"

"To be together again?" the boy said, with hopeful eyes. "To have a place for you, Tommy and me?"

"Uh… yeah," the man replied hesitantly. "Sure." Jack smiled brightly at his father's answer and never noticed the doubt in the man's eyes.

"So when are we leaving?" the boy asked cheerfully.

Robert Martin kept thoughtful for a moment. He had planned to ride away as fast and far from Rock Creek as possible the moment he laid hands on the money. To have the boy along was something that had never crossed his mind; he simply had used the argument to allure Jack into taking the money for him. Robert Martin had never regretted leaving his children when his wife died. After being stuck in a family life full of problems and responsibilities, he had felt over the moon when he had tasted the first delights of freedom. He wasn't born to be a father, and he had rushed into a marriage, forced by the circumstances.

When Lizzie announced that she was expecting, he had naively asked her to marry him. He had been young and inexperienced, and from the beginning he had known that he wasn't cut out for that kind of life. He couldn't even say that he had really loved Lizzie, and their children came as a burden rather than a heavenly gift. He was never a good husband and father, and when his wife passed away, he just knew that he couldn't and wouldn't take care of the two small children on his own. So he ran away, without looking back. It had been a surprise to bump into them again, especially astonishing had been the fact that Jack could recognize him after those years of absence, but then the boy had been very clever and lively since he was a baby. To see them so grown up and fine had been pleasant for Robert Martin but he had never had the slightest intention to act as a father again. He just took advantage of the opportunity to his benefit but he just didn't want to earn an extra burden from this adventure. However, the man knew that as soon as the McClouds found the money was missing, they'd send the law after him.

It was now that it dawned on him that he really needed a safeguard, and as long as he had the boy with him, he'd be safe since the McClouds wouldn't allow any harm to befall on Jack. After he made sure there was no danger lurking, he'd leave the boy behind again; after all Jack was his son and he could do with him whatever he felt like. He belonged to him; he was his property in every sense. After that Jack would have to find his way on his own; it wouldn't be the first boy who had to struggle to survive after all. _'I had a tough time myself while growing up,'_ Robert Martin thought while he flashed his brightest smile at his son.

"What about now?" he suggested.

Jack furrowed his brow. "Now? Right now?"

"Yeah," the man replied. "Why not?"

The boy shuffled his feet and lowered his gaze to the ground. "I'm in the middle of school."

"Don't tell me that a big boy like you cares about those things, uh?" Robert Martin remarked maliciously.

Jack shook his head slowly, blushing violently. Sometimes he felt kind of weird around his father, and he ended up saying the wrong thing. However, there was something bugging him that didn't let him go with his father's plan so easily. "What about Kid and Lou?" he asked awkwardly, his attention focused on the toes of his boots.

"What about them?"

"Well… shouldn't we tell them?" The boy's voice was soft and strained. He really felt that his father wasn't very keen on talking about the couple, but Jack didn't think it right to disappear just like that. Kid and Lou had been the kindest people he had ever met, and even though he knew that he needed to be with his father, Jack couldn't help but feel hurt thinking that he would never see them again, or at least in a long time.

"Jack, you told your brother they weren't your parents, didn't you?" Robert Martin asked in a loud voice and at the boy's nod he continued, "You need to make a choice here. You can stay with your new ma and pa," he talked in a mimicking childish way, "Or you come with me with your real and only father. What's it gonna be? I don't have much time for your doubts." The boy looked at him with bright eyes and at his hesitation Robert Martin pretended that he had had enough and was leaving. "All right, Jack. I'll go now."

The boy quickly reached for him and exclaimed, "Please Pa, don't go. I want to stay with you!"

Robert Martin snickered, gloating to himself for his shrewd skills with children. He couldn't brag about being the best father in the world, but he really was a sweet-talker. Women were an easy prey for him, and it seemed it wasn't much different in the case of children. "Good," the man exclaimed, "let's go then."

Both man and boy walked side by side as they headed for the blacksmith where Robert had left his horse for shoeing. Jack remained silent as they left the school behind. Finally the moment he had dreamed about every single day that he had spent at the orphanage had come; his father was here and they'd be a family, a real family again. That was all he had ever wished and now his dream came true. He was happy, but why was it that this funny sensation kept bugging him and making him uneasy?

Unbeknownst to Jack, Victor watched the pair walking away. The child had got bored of playing with the other boys; it wasn't much fun when the others were older and bigger than him and especially when Jack wasn't playing. So Victor had sat down on the bench running on the school façade and begun eating his lunch quietly. His interest had perked as soon as he saw Jack going in the other direction with that man he had been talking with. The boy tried to call his friend several times, but Jack was already too far to hear him. As he stared after the retreating pair, he remembered what Jack had told him about his father turning up. So his first impulse to go and tell Mrs. Dunne died away, since he thought that Jack had just been picked up by his father a bit earlier for some reason, so he continued eating his sandwiches as if nothing had happened.

A few minutes later the bell announcing that the break was over resounded across the yard and with unhappy faces the children went back inside the schoolhouse and sat back at their respective seats. Rachel was unsuccessfully trying to keep the class quiet when her eyes fell on Jack's empty seat.

"Where's Jack, Victor?" she asked.

"He went with a man, Mrs. Dunne," the boy replied matter-of-factly.

"A man?" Rachel repeated, her face clearly expressing concern. "You mean Mr. McCloud?"

Victor shook his head while he said, "No, another man." He was sure that he was Jack's father, but he wouldn't say anything as his friend had told him in secrecy.

"What other man?" Rachel asked again, beginning to panic. "Somebody from Rock Creek?"

The boy shook his head again. "Never seen him before," he muttered.

Rachel approached the boy, fear taking grip of her very soul and asked, "Where were Jack and that man going?" As Victor did not respond, she took him by the shoulders a bit too strongly. "Victor, this is very serious. Where were they going?" Noticing the boy's confused look at her outburst, she released her grip on the boy and repeated the question in a softer tone.

"I don't know, Mrs. Dunne. I just saw them going to town."

Instantly Rachel spurred into action when she heard the boy's scanty account. Maybe there was no cause to worry, and there was actually a reason for Jack going with that man, who Rachel strongly suspected was the boy's estranged father. When the blonde lady had visited Louise in her home, she had told him everything about the man and her fears. She had also expressed her doubts about the so-called Robert Martin, but Rachel had disregarded her words because she knew that Lou had a suspicious nature from the start.

Now the blonde teacher wondered if Lou had been right to distrust the man; it was quite odd for the man to appear and take the boy who-knows-where without even telling her. Louise had not mentioned anything about the man picking up Jack this morning when she had brought the boy to the school, and after their conversation the other day Rachel knew that her friend wouldn't easily let that man be alone with Jack if she had any say in it. So logically Rachel was getting more and more alarmed by the minute.

"Jessica," she addressed the oldest and best of her pupils, "please take care of the class for me. I need to go out. Won't be long."

"Yes, Mrs. Dunne," the girl replied as Rachel dashed out of the schoolhouse.

As she plodded along Rock Creek's main street, the woman scanned around, hopefully trying to catch sight of Jack, but there was no trace of him. Nothing like this had ever happened to any of her pupils, and she cursed herself for not keeping an eye on the children. If that man had really taken the boy, she didn't want to imagine what it would mean to Kid and Lou. Rachel had witnessed how good the two brothers had been for the couple's life in barely two months. Louise now looked happier and better after that bad spell she had gone through. Rachel could foresee that Lou wouldn't be too thrilled when she learned about the boy's "abduction" because of her carelessness. It wouldn't come as a surprise if Louise poured all her fury against her friend, and Rachel admitted that she couldn't blame her. She would be furious as well in her position. She should have been on the lookout after what Louise had told her, but how could she have known that man would take the boy like that?

The street seemed never-ending today as Rachel breathlessly dashed along. He mind was a mess of thoughts, and uneasiness had settled in her body ominously. Finally, the marshal's office came into sight and picking up her skirt, Rachel ran towards it, not caring for the horses and wagons crossing the street at that moment. She hadn't even reached the door when she let out an agonic holler, "Teaspoon!"

* * *

Lou sighed wearily as she took another wet item from the basket and hung it on the line crossing her back yard. She really hated doing laundry and usually delayed the task, and as a consequence she ended up having to do an awful lot more washing on a single day. Lou didn't know if she detested the chore so much because it spurred memories of times that she'd rather forget or simply because the whole thing was absolutely tiresome. In any case, days like today got to her nerves and she couldn't wait for the end of it.

As Louise was hanging the last set of sheets, Tommy's voice reached her ears. "I wanna help."

Lou turned a smiling face to the boy, who held a pair of long johns in his two little hands while trying to grab a couple of clothespins from the little basket to the side. In doing so, the wet long johns trailed along the ground, its legs getting all muddy with the dirt of the yard.

On watching the scene, Lou's smile vanished and exclaimed in dismay, "Tommy, watch out!"

The boy looked down and noticing the clean long johns covered in brownish stains, he made a face and muttered, "Sorry." Clumsily and before Lou could say otherwise, he shoved the long johns into the basket with the wash.

"No!" she called but it was too late, and the muddy garment had smeared in the impeccable ones waiting to be hung. Lou sighed wearily as the boy looked at her with innocent eyes and despite everything, she had to smile briefly.

In that moment Kid stepped out of the stables and leisurely walked towards the pair. On seeing him, Tommy dashed and threw himself against the young man. With an ample smile Kid lifted the boy to his arms and carried him towards where Lou stood. The young man was quick to pick up the weird expression of her face and turning his eyes to the boy, who looked as if he had been caught red-handed, he asked, "What have you done this time, Tommy?"

"He just ruined my white, impeccable wash," Lou answered for the boy, her hands resting on her hips.

"Did you, Tommy?" Kid asked, looking intently at the boy and he just cast him a bashful glance. Suddenly, the young man burst out laughing, as he could well imagine Lou's face watching her hard work going to wreck and ruin. He knew that she hated doing the laundry and even though he could understand her, he just felt unable to suppress his amusement.

"Kid!" she exclaimed mortified, sending a glare in his direction.

He had already sobered and came closer to his wife, with the boy still in his arms. "Don't get mad at us," he said in a soft voice. "We'll help you with the laundry, won't we, Tommy?"

The boy nodded energetically, and Lou just looked at them skeptically. Suddenly, the sound of hooves attracted her attention and she announced, "Rider coming."

Kid turned around, and when the rider's figure came clearly into sight, he let out with a frown, "It's Teaspoon."

Neither husband nor wife said a word while they waited for the marshal to reach them. When Teaspoon finally stopped his horse and slid to the ground, Kid and Lou approached him. "Hey, Teaspoon, what brings you here at this time of the day?" the Southerner asked with a smile.

The marshal wasn't one to beat around the bush and blurted out in a solemn voice, "Can I talk to you two?"

The seriousness in Teaspoon's demeanor did not go unnoticed by the couple, who shared a confused look. "Sure," Kid replied, "Let's go inside." As they began walking towards the house, Kid put Tommy back onto the ground and said, "Be a good boy and play nice here while we talk with the marshal, all right?"

Tommy nodded but at that moment, Teaspoon stopped dead in his tracks and turning round he muttered, "No. Bring the boy inside with you, Kid."

"Teaspoon, what's wrong?" Lou asked, unable to hold her curiosity any longer. She did not like the way the marshal was acting; he only looked this serious when he had bad news and she wondered what he had in store for them. No wonder she was growing increasingly worried and casting a brief glimpse at Kid she knew he was having similar thoughts. "What is it?" she repeated, feeling fear get a grip of her heart.

Teaspoon turned his solemn eyes to her and simply said, "I'll tell you everything in the house, Louise. Don't fret." Lou wanted to protest, but noticing the marshal's resolute stance, she knew that he wouldn't say a word. Anyway, her suspicions had been confirmed by his brief words. Teaspoon only used her full name when he was mad or in an uncomfortable or serious situation.

The marshal went past her towards the house and she stared at him with a troubled heart, feeling unable to move. It was then that she felt Kid's presence at her side and passing his arm over her shoulders, he muttered, "Come on, Lou." She turned to see his serious countenance and Tommy's confused expression as they glanced at her. Nodding her head, Louise let Kid steer her towards the house while her heart pounded frantically in her chest.

* * *

Sitting around the kitchen table and with steaming coffee cups in front of them, the three adults remained in awkward silence after the marshal had told them about Jack's apparent disappearance. Lou stared vacantly ahead of her, her face resting against her joined palms as if in prayer. Somehow she had known what Teaspoon had to tell them, and it came as no surprise that Robert Martin had acted again and taken Jack, their Jack like a thief. She faintly heard a chair almost tip over and without turning her head she knew that Kid had stood up, unable to sit still any longer.

"I talked to Mr. March, the blacksmith, and he said that a man left his horse for shoeing this morning, and when he picked it up later in the day, a small boy of Jack's age and characteristics was with him," Teaspoon explained.

"Oh God," Lou let out ruefully.

"Did he see where they were heading?" Kid asked anxiously.

Teaspoon just shook his head, hating his job in cases like this. Working as a marshal made him the bearer of bad news more often that he would like. Not even did time make the task any easier, and in those moments the thought of hanging his guns up forever crossed his mind more than once. Yet, he loved to be a marshal after all, however insane it sounded, but when he had to bring that bad news to the people he considered his family, the tempting thought managed to lure him closely.

Kid remained quiet for a while, and as frustration got hold of him, he banged his fist loudly on the kitchen top while he exclaimed, "Damn him!"

Lou stared at him but said nothing. She knew what was going through her husband's mind as she was feeling practically the same. Even though she had feared all along that Robert Martin would try to take the boys from them, she had never imagined that he would do something so low. She still couldn't believe that Jack was out there, with that man and the notion that they would never see him again filled her with terrible dread.

Kid ran his hand through his already tousled hair nervously and said, "I don't know what we're still doing here. We should already be on our way after that snake."

"Now Kid," Teaspoon piped in, "I can understand what you're goin' through, but don't get all fired up."

"All fired up?" the Southerner repeated in a barking voice, "How the hell do you think I can feel when that man's taken my son?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Kid," Teaspoon replied, steeling himself for the couple's reaction, "but he ain't your son, not legally anyway, but this Robert Martin is Jack's father whether you like it or not." The young man glared at him dangerously, but the marshal continued regardless. "What do you honestly plan to do? Be like Solomon and have the boy split into two halves? Or barge against the boy's own father, guns ablaze and administer justice like God Almighty?"

Kid silently kept glaring at the marshal and mumbled in a grave voice after a beat, "You don't need to help me, Teaspoon, but I just can't stay idle while that man has Jack."

"It ain't I don't wanna help you, Kid," Teaspoon explained patiently. "Although his ways weren't correct at all, this man's done nothing wrong to the eyes of the law." He paused to let his words sink in, but watching the couple's faces he knew that they were adamant, so sighing deeply he added, "I'm just sayin', let's calm down and think things through before doing somethin' reckless and stupid."

"I can't," Kid simply said.

"Kid's right, Teaspoon," Lou, who had remained quiet in all this exchange, spoke up, "The more we wait, the farther they will be. There's no say where that good-for-nothing is taking our boy and under which conditions, and we're not gonna keep going as if nothing's happened."

"I ain't saying you do that, Lou," Teaspoon replied, running out of patience with those two. "All I'm sayin' is I can't send the law after somebody who's done nothin'."

"Abducting a child ain't nothing?" Kid barked furiously.

"There's no abduction here. That child is his child," The marshal retorted, keeping his frayed nerves in control.

"You don't know what he's like or able to do, Teaspoon. He's nothing but a criminal," Lou insisted, shivering as thoughts of the previous day sneaked in her mind.

"Is he?" the marshal let out wearily.

"He attacked Lou!" Kid bellowed before his mind registered what he was saying. Even though he had wanted to report Robert Martin, Lou had managed to convince him otherwise. The man would sure have gotten away with just a few days in jail, and Kid knew that Lou would have to bear people's curiosity when the incident became public knowledge. Moreover, there were the two children to think of, so unwillingly Kid had agreed with her.

Teaspoon turned two surprised eyes to Louise and asked, "Is that true?" Lou simply nodded and the marshal questioned again, "What happened?"

Louise kept her eyes downcast, feeling too embarrassed to talk about something like that to Teaspoon, a man she basically considered as a father. She had never had the nerve to mention to him what Wicks had done to her so many years ago. It had already been too hard to talk to Rachel and Kid about it, and when the episode with Charlotte was forgotten, Lou just never thought to bring up the matter again. Now she had almost got over it and Louise reasoned there was no reason to talk about something which nobody could do anything about and which made her and everybody feel too uncomfortable. "Nothing really," Louise muttered awkwardly. "Kid luckily showed up at the right time."

"Honey, it hurts me to say this, but I just can't go chasin' that man if, thankfully, nothin' happened," Teaspoon drawled in a soft voice.

Kid had enough of all this talking and seeing as their words were going to waste, he said in a very solemn voice, "I'm sick and tired of this discussion. Excuse me, but I have a son to find." With these words Kid swirled around and plodded out of the room, without a backward look to the two people in the kitchen.

Lou knew that he was over the edge and could understand his attitude perfectly. She was going through the same herself and the sensation of frustration and powerlessness were too much to bear, especially since nobody seemed eager to help them.

"Teaspoon, you know Kid's right," Louise added after a while. "If I didn't have to look after Tommy, I'd be getting ready to join him. It's our son we're talking about, and you know better than anybody that family means more than blood."

"Lou, I know all that," Teaspoon began, "I ain't sayin' I ain't gonna help you track this man. All I'm sayin' is that I can't do anything as a marshal, but your husband won't be there alone. What's family for then?" he finished with a wink.

Lou's eyes filled with unshed tears, the day was proving too hard, and she was doing her best to stay strong. Fighting the tears struggling to run free Louise breathed in deeply. She didn't want to cry and bring about a bad omen to the already bleak situation. Biting her lower lip in a futile attempt to hold back her threatening tears, she muttered in a cracked voice as she stood up, "I'm so scared." A shiver ran through all her body and automatically Louise wrapped her arms around herself. "It scares me to death to think that we might have lost him." Her voice trailed off as the reality of what was happening sank in.

Teaspoon rose to his feet and coming to her side, he drew her into a close embrace. "Louise, you can't despair like that," the marshal tried to soothe her. "It's too soon to know anything, and Jack's probably fine." Lou let herself lean on Teaspoon, and her now weak will gave way to the threatening tears as she heard the marshal coo her as if she were a small child.

In that moment footsteps were heard in the kitchen and pulling away from Teaspoon's hug, Lou wiped the remainder of her tears with the back of her hand and turned around. Kid stood before them with an awkward expression and she asked, her voice husky from all the crying, "What's wrong, Kid?"

The Southerner looked at her as if bedazzled and simply muttered, "The money. It's gone."

Louise sent him a confused glance and asked again, "What are you talking about?"

Kid struggled to find his own voice since right now he was speechless. After leaving Lou and Teaspoon in the kitchen, he had plodded towards his studio, where he kept his gun safely. Now that he did not work for the marshal, he hardly got to wear it around the ranch. There was no need for it at all. Yet, he always kept it close by in case it came in handy like yesterday when that man had attacked Lou. Kid usually had his gun in a locked drawer in the studio desk, and when he leaned over it to retrieve the weapon, he noticed that the top drawer was not closed properly. With a frown Kid had opened it and got the shock of his life when the money they had for the coming winter was nowhere to be seen.

"Kid?" Lou called, bringing him back to reality.

"The money from the horses we sold," he explained in a strained voice, "It's all gone."

"What do you mean?" Lou asked again, unsure of what her husband was trying to tell them. Surely he couldn't mean what she was thinking.

"What do you think I mean?" he retorted sarcastically, regretting his rough manners as soon as the words left his mouth. He was feeling on the verge of bursting, and the smallest thing managed to rile him up, but he admitted that he just couldn't vent his frustration on Lou.

When it dawned on her what had happened, she simply hung her head ruefully and added, "Oh God." It was then that she knew with certainty that Jack had taken that money. She had almost caught him in the middle of his mishap, and that was why he had been acting so weirdly. Lou was getting furious at the thought that Robert Martin had taken advantage of Jack's naiveté and used tricks to engage the boy in his foul plans. Louise had no doubt whatsoever about it. "That bastard lured Jack into stealing our money," Lou stated with a firm voice.

"You sure?" Teaspoon asked after remaining quiet all this time as he had been listening to the couple.

Louise simply nodded and added, "I saw him last night down in the lounge and acting all strange." Kid sighed wearily and asked in a serious voice, "Do you still think there's not enough reasons for our law to go chasing after him, Teaspoon?"

The marshal gazed at him for a brief moment and after a beat he simply asked, "You have a fresh horse I can use?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

About half an hour later Kid and Teaspoon were ready to bid them goodbye and ride after Robert Martin. Rachel had arrived a few minutes ago and both ladies and Tommy stood in the yard of the ranch to see the two men off. Kid approached his wife and stroking her face softly, he kept glancing at her with troubled eyes. "I'll bring Jack home, Lou. I promise."

Louise just nodded slightly before her lips were captured in his in a brief but intense kiss. Then Kid turned to the young boy next to Lou and ruffling his hair tenderly, he said, "You take care of Lou, all right?" Tommy, who was not really sure what was happening, nodded his head energetically and instead of the constant smile he usually had on his face, he looked at him with a glum expression. Louise had clumsily tried to explain the situation to the boy, but did not know how much he had understood from her scanty account.

Casting a last brief glance at Lou, Kid turned to get on Katy. Teaspoon was already on the horse and said, "You three take care of yourselves."

"And you ride safe and bring that child home," Rachel added.

As a common routine since Express times, both men lifted their right hands in good-bye and turning their horses they began riding away from the property. Lou stood there motionless, intently staring at the retreating figures of the two men while Tommy waved his hand at them tirelessly. When both riders could not be seen any more on the afternoon horizon, Louise suddenly swirled around and in a flash she dashed to the house. Rachel did not have the opportunity to react at all and turning to the boy she asked, "What about you and me go and see where Lou's gone?"

Tommy nodded and taking hold of Rachel's bigger hand, he let the lady steer him towards the house. As they were climbing the few steps to the porch, the boy looked up at the woman's face and blurted out, "She's my ma!"

Rachel smiled sweetly and said, "I know, Tommy." When they finally stepped into the house, Rachel could hear Louise in the kitchen, and by the sounds of it, it seemed she was emptying her stomach violently.

"Honey, why don't you play with your toys while I talk to your ma?" the lady asked the boy.

"Yes, Auntie Rachel," Tommy replied and instantly scurried to the spot in the lounge where his toy set of wooden animals lay and began playing with them.

When Rachel slid into the kitchen, Louise was washing her face in the sink. "You all right?" the blonde woman asked and turning her head to her friend, Lou simply nodded. "Nerves can be quite tricky and cause more havoc in your body than we believe," Rachel added.

Louise turned around and folding her arms over her chest she sighed wearily. "My stomach's been in a knot since this … this… this man popped up unexpectedly," Lou said through gritted teeth. "I knew that he'd be trouble from the start, and in just three days he's turned my home upside down."

Rachel came closer to her friend and tapping her back in a friendly gesture she added, "My mother used to say that children give mothers worries from the moment they're just thought of." Louise just nodded, and the older lady muttered after a while, "I'm really sorry, Lou, so sorry."

Louise turned her confused eyes to her friend and asked with a frown, "What are you talking about?"

"Somehow I feel responsible for what's happened," she replied, her eyes downcast in shame. "If I had kept an eye on Jack and the other children, he wouldn't…" Her voice trailed off as she felt unable to continue.

"Don't be silly, Rachel," Lou exclaimed, feeling the anger rise within her, realizing that the man was causing more trouble than she thought. "The only one responsible here is Mr. Robert Martin. He'd planned all this, I'm sure and if not in your school, he'd have waited for the perfect moment to snatch Jack like that." Louise sighed deeply and dropped heavily into a chair. Resting her elbows on the table, she buried her face in her hands.

Rachel sat down next to her and stroked her back softly. "Kid and Teaspoon are gonna bring him back, you'll see," the woman whispered even though she knew that Louise could notice the doubt in her voice.

Louise lifted her troubled eyes to her and muttered in a strained voice, "What if they don't? They could be anywhere by now. What if I don't see my boy anymore?"

"Lou," Rachel let out in a warning voice, "you have to begin thinking positively. You know, Kid won't rest till he has found Jack and brings him back safely to you."

Louise smiled briefly, knowing that her friend was talking the truth. Kid would do everything possible to find Jack, and she knew that it would kill him if he didn't. Lou wished she could be out there with him because the uncertainty was really unbearable, but she couldn't just leave Tommy alone or even with Rachel. In that case, worry wouldn't stop bugging her either, thinking that Robert Martin might be expecting the right opportunity and grab the younger boy as well. It was a possibility that she and Kid had talked about before he rode off and she really needed to keep a vigilant eye on Tommy, just in case. Before leaving Kid had cleaned and loaded the shotgun for Louise in case something unexpected happened, and she had to make use of it. After all, they were clueless about what the man's plans or intentions were so far.

Louise was feeling the beginning of a splitting headache and used her finger to massage her temples. It was going to be a nerve-wrecking wait and in frustration a curse left her mouth, "That bastard!" It was then that she saw Tommy at the door, looking at her with those big eyes of his. "Hey, Tommy boy," she called with an embarrassed smiled for her foul language. "Tired of playing already?"

The boy did not say anything, but walking towards her he struggled to perch on Lou's lap as it was his custom. Her hands reached to help him and prevent him from falling down onto the hard floor. As soon as Tommy was comfortably sitting on her lap, he snuggled closer and rested his head on Lou's chest. Louise wrapped her right hand around the boy's small body comfortingly as she shared a knowing smile with Rachel. "When's Jack coming back? I miss him," he whined while his tiny index finger played with the buttons of Lou's blouse.

"I don't know, honey," Lou muttered, and tilting her head so that she could catch the boy's eyes, she added, "You remember what I told you before about your brother?"

"Jack went with that man?" Tommy asked.

"Uh huh," Lou nodded uneasily.

"And Pa's gone to bring him back?" the boy asked again.

"That's right."

Tommy remained quiet while his attention kept focused on the buttons of Lou's blouse. Suddenly, his lips pursed into a pout and he blurted out unexpectedly, "I don't wanna go with that man! I wanna stay with you! Please say I can."

The boy was getting more and more upset as he talked. Lou shifted him so that they were at eye level and looking intently in his eyes she said, "Tommy, nobody's gonna take you away. I'm not gonna allow it."

"Really?" the boy hiccupped with tears in his eyes.

"Really," Lou assured him, praying that she was really telling the truth. "We're safe here, and Auntie Rachel's gonna stay with us."

"Are you?" the boy asked, excited at the prospect. He really liked Auntie Rachel; she was kind, smelled nice and always gave him candy when she came visiting at the ranch.

"Yes, sweetie," Rachel replied with a smile.

"And Jack will soon be home," Lou added, trying to calm Tommy's fears and anxiety.

"And Pa?"

"Yeah, and Pa as well," Lou answered with a placid smile. It still felt strange to hear the boy referring to Kid or herself as Pa and Ma. It really filled her soul with warmth that spread all over her. This small boy had stolen her heart completely with his sweet ways, but right now all her self went out for his brother. Jack had been so pleased to be living with them till that man had shown up. It was normal for a boy like Jack to feel excited about the possibility of having his father back.

Lou was sure that the seven-year-old boy had gone with that man willingly, and she wondered what would happen when Kid found them. Would Jack refuse to come back with Kid? If the boy was adamant to stick with Robert Martin, they couldn't possibly force him to live with them, could they? They knew for sure that Robert Martin wouldn't do any good in the boy's life, but the truth wouldn't have much worth if Jack's eyes and heart told him otherwise.

Louise remembered when they had rescued her siblings from Boggs. Jeremiah had put up a fight and wanted to stay with their father. Yet, Lou had turned a deaf ear to his protests, feeling that she had to take her brother out of the place at all costs. In her heart she had done what her late mother had asked her to on her death bed, and Lou never regretted her decision. Now the situation here was practically identical, but somehow it was completely different. Teaspoon was right; they had no voice to rule Jack's life under the present conditions and despite everything, Robert Martin was his father for better or worse. The boy was too young and naïve to know what he really wanted, but if his will was to stay with his father, nothing she or Kid could say or do would change that. The thought filled her with terrible anxiety and only Tommy's voice calling her snapped her back to reality.

"Yes, honey?" Lou asked.

"That man isn't my father; I don't like him," the boy stated, his stance stubborn and his eyes shining with hope.

With those words Lou felt as if she had stepped back seven years in time and young Theresa was practically asking the same thing. On that occasion she had lied to her, and even though years later they hadn't mentioned that incident with Boggs ever again, she was sure that her siblings were aware that he was their father. In that time the decision had been easy to make; her mother had not wanted her two younger children to know what kind of man their father was, and Lou had merely respected her ma's wish. Yet, now it was somehow different; she had no right to lie to Tommy, but he was almost pleading with his bright eyes that she should do so. He didn't want to acknowledge Robert Martin as his father, and on his child's mind it would be easier to have the assurance that the man was basically a stranger.

Lou stared at him for a few minutes, debating what the right thing to do was. Finally, there was only one thing she could do and, drawing Tommy into a warm hug, she planted a kiss on his cheek and looking intently in his eyes, she said, "Honey, your father's just the person you choose. Nobody else." Her words brought a bright grin to his face and Louise looked at Rachel sideways wondering if she had acted rightly and the woman rewarded her with a nod and a smile.

* * *

It was getting dark, and it had been hours since Kid and Teaspoon had been on the trail. The task was proving to be as hard as the former rider had anticipated. His tracking skills weren't anything to brag about, and in the last few hours they had followed different clues that led them nowhere nearer Jack. Kid was trying hard to remember the places that Robert Martin had mentioned when he had stayed for dinner at the ranch a couple of nights ago. The man hadn't clearly talked about his plans to leave Rock Creek or if he wanted to take off for a specific place, but even though Kid had listened to his ramblings half-heartedly, some town names popped in his mind.

They had already tried to follow the road heading to a few of these places, but after a while they became aware that they weren't on the right track. However, hope had flared up as evidence that this time they were in the right direction had shown. The two men had easily identified a set of hoof prints, clearly marked on the ground as if the horse was carrying extra weight. Jack's small body couldn't be much of a difference for a horse, but the prints they had found were slightly deeper than the others around on the ground. The clue hadn't been definite, but when Kid had found a marble almost buried in the dust of the trail, he knew they were right this time. Jack was really keen on the game and always carried his marbles around. This one Kid had found must surely have fallen out of his pocket, and it had been like a sign when the sandy-haired man had seen it shine in the faint sun.

"We'd better stop for the night," Teaspoon announced. The sun had set an hour ago, and it was getting more and more difficult to ride in the dark.

"But Teaspoon…" Kid protested and as the marshal expected this reaction from him, he hurried to retort, "Son, there's no sense in continuin' the search now. The horses need their rest, and we could make do with a couple hours' sleep."

"They're already a good few hours ahead of us," Kid insisted, unconvinced by Teaspoon's words. All he wanted was to get to Jack as soon as possible. "Now we are on the right track we could take that weasel by surprise."

"Kid, how are you goin' to do just that when we can't see and are as blind as bats in this dark?" He paused for his words to sink in and added, "Let's rest just for a few hours, and we'll set off again as soon as the sun's up."

Kid finally relented with reluctance, and they stopped the horses in a little clearing where they made camp. In no time Teaspoon lit a fire while the Southerner unsaddled the horses for the night. The marshal made coffee, and as Kid crouched next to him by the fire, he gave him a cup of the steaming brew. Neither spoke for a few moments, and it was Teaspoon, who broke the silence of the night after a while.

"We'll get 'im back," he muttered encouragingly. He really could understand what his former riders were going through, and it wasn't something easy to digest at all. This year was proving too hard for the couple, and Teaspoon prayed that they could find some peace in the near future. These two were decent people, and really deserved to enjoy a quiet and good life once and for all.

"I'm so worried, Teaspoon," Kid admitted for the first time. He did not trust Robert Martin at all, and although he was Jack's father, there was no say what he might do to the boy. Clearly the man, as Kid had first suspected, had only tried to get something for his benefit from his encounter with his long-forgotten sons. Taking Jack with him could mean that he was planning something else because Kid was sure that Martin didn't seem to be looking forward to being the father his children deserved.

"He'll be fine," the marshal assured him, rightly guessing what direction Kid's thoughts were going.

"He's never been away from us," He let out with a sigh. He paused for a moment. Silence settled between the pair momentarily, and then the younger man added, "It's funny. A couple of months ago we didn't even know these children existed and now… it's like they've been with us all our lives. They've become such a deep part of us."

"I know what you mean," the marshal muttered, his eyes dreamily wandering ahead of him to the dark night.

"I can't fail Lou in this, Teaspoon," Kid continued in a sad voice. "She's counting on me, and we need the boys, the two of them."

Teaspoon slapped him on the thigh encouragingly and added, "Don't fret, Kid. We'll find Jack, and we'll both take him back to Mama Lou."

The Southerner gave him a half-smile as all the obstacles to that aim rushed to his mind. Would Jack want to come back with them? And most importantly, would Robert Martin willingly let his son go? The man could be a drunkard, probably an abuser or a thief, but he was the boy's father for real. Even though it was clear that he had stolen their money taking advantage of Jack's innocence, he would definitely manage to take the boys if that was his intention. Kid was no fool and knew what he was facing, but instead of voicing his fears to the marshal he just said, "I hope you're right, Teaspoon."

* * *

A couple of hours ahead from where Teaspoon and Kid had stopped to spend the night, the flames of another fire reflected their light on two sitting figures. It was the same man and boy, whose flit had left the young couple in turmoil. Robert Martin rested his body on his left arm while he kept swigging from a whiskey bottle with his free hand. Jack watched his father cautiously and said, "Don't you think you've already had enough, Pa?"

It was the third time the boy uttered the same words in the hour or so they had been on the spot, and Robert Martin, already in a foul mood, barked in a slurred voice, "Will you stop the nagging, boy? Nobody … nobody tells me what to do, understood?" He was already regretting his decision to bring Jack along. The boy hadn't stopped talking and asking stupid questions during the entire ride, and then he had begun his relentless whining when the man was enjoying the pleasure of good liquor down his throat. Robert Martin really had enough and realized that he had been touched by good luck when he managed to get rid of his family charges years ago. It wasn't the life he was born to and he wasn't going to try this time either.

"Yes, sir," Jack muttered with a serious expression. He did not know what was wrong with his father; he had changed his attitude since they had left Rock Creek, snapping and barking at him at the mere opportunity. Jack didn't like the way he was talking or behaving.

A pot was smoking on the fire and leaving the bottle on the ground next to him and moving slowly, Robert Martin scooped some of the singed concoction onto a plate and handed it to Jack. "Now eat and shut up!" he ordered unkindly. The boy sniffed the food on his metal plate and scrunched his face in disgust. He looked at his father sideways, who was already gobbling the smoke-smelling mixture. "What? Won't you eat?" Robert Martin exclaimed loudly, opening his mouth so wide that it showed what he was munching.

"What's this?" the boy asked in a thin voice, fearing to spark his father's anger even more.

"Beans," the man replied with a steady voice and noticing his son's expression he added sarcastically, "Don't expect my cooking to meet the standards of your precious Louise."

Jack did not say anything and turned his attention to the beans. He started to move the fork around the mixture, trying to find what would seem safe to eat. Spearing a single bean, Jack brought it to his mouth, and as soon as he felt the taste, his expression turned to one of absolute disgust.

Robert Martin had been watching him and tired of the boy's silly mannerisms, he barked, "What the hell are you doing, boy? Eat up your food!"

"I don't like it," Jack said, not daring to look at his father.

"Very well then, the man boomed and gruffly snatching the plate from the boy's hands, he hurled it away. "No food for you tonight."

"But I'm hungry, Pa," Jack protested weakly.

Robert Martin forcefully grabbed him by the shirt collar and brought the boy closer to him till their heads were inches apart. "Listen, boy, it's beans or nothing, and you already had your pick!" the man said in a menacing voice and gave Jack a push away from him which almost made him fall backwards. "You and your brother are nothing but two sissies, and I don't want softies around me!"

Jack lowered his eyes, feeling tears prick in his eyes, but he fought the urge to cry. He felt tired and hungry and, imagining that right now Lou would be serving beautiful food at their table at home brought a terrible longing in the boy. He always enjoyed meals at the ranch because the couple always told him and his brother good stories, and there was always a laugh while they shared the good food. Feeling his stomach grumble in protest, Jack ruefully thought that right now even Lou's onion soup would taste simply scrumptious.

"When are we gonna go and get Tommy?" Jack asked after a while.

Robert Martin looked at the boy over his plate of beans and let out a raucous guffaw. "You stupid or what?" the man asked unkindly. "We can't go back there. You took that money, remember?"

"You told me we should borrow it," the boy replied indignantly.

"Well, that's another way of putting it," Robert Martin added with a malicious snicker, which clearly left his intentions in the open. Surprise, anger and betrayal registered in the boy's expression at once. "You are stupider than I thought if you believed that crap about borrowing the money? Deep down you knew that it was stealing, didn't you, Jack?" Watching the boy's expression of utter horror, Robert Martin broke into a raucous laughter. "I guess your new Pa and Ma have sent the law after us."

The boy's hand formed into fists as he heard his father talk. He wanted to cry and shout at him to shut up. Somehow Jack had known all along that he'd been doing wrong with Kid and Lou, but the certainty of it brought a searing pain throughout him. He understood that the reason for his action was a right one, but still stealing was definitely a sin and a crime, especially if done to the two people who had cared for him so deeply. His heart filled with shame thinking how his actions would look to the couple's eyes. Jack wished he could talk to them and explain himself. The image of their disappointed expressions directed to him crossed the boy's mind, filling him with a deep desire to cry, and for a fleeting instant his original idea of him and his father together didn't seem so appealing under the present circumstances. And what about Tommy? Did that mean that they would never see each other again and have to grow apart? He couldn't accept that; they were supposed to be together as their mother had wanted them to be.

"But…" Jack was about to protest when the sound of rustling reached their ears and Robert Martin instantly gestured him to keep quiet. The man upholstered the gun and pulled its hammer while he intently looked at the direction the faint noises were coming from. Jack opened his eyes wide in horror as two fierce-looking men appeared out of the darkness. They advanced towards them briskly, with no hesitation whatsoever, and as Jack cast a sideways glance at his father, he saw that the man stood there doing nothing. To the boy's utter shock, his father lowered his gun and exclaimed, "Why, it was high time you showed up!"

The two other men stomped into the camp and dropping his heavy saddle onto the ground, one of them, who had a long and black moustache, replied, "This idiot's horse lost a shoe, and we had to start off later."

The other man, who had fair long hair, simply guffawed raucously as he crouched before the fire. Noticing the boy's presence for the first time, he asked, "And who's this little fella, Martin?"

Robert Martin came to sit on the same spot as he had previously been, and furrowing his brow in annoyance, he muttered unwillingly, "He's my son, Larry."

The two other men exchanged an amused look and burst out laughing. "You sure are full of surprises. Is this gonna be your new occupation, to baby-sit little brats?"

"Shut up, Mick," the boy's father ordered gruffly. He wouldn't have liked to mix his past life with his present one. Even though he had been hanging around these two men for a long time now, Robert Martin had never talked or even felt like talking about any too personal details of his. They really couldn't be called friends of his and he still didn't know why he stuck to these two fools, since he'd probably do much better without them. Admittedly, they were a good laugh as drinking companions, but most of the time their stupid and senseless remarks drove Robert crazy. They weren't even too brilliant at cheating in their poker games, and all they managed to get was barely enough for a few drinks and a warm bed.

"Don't get all so riled up, Martin," the one called Mick said, "We were just pulling your leg. How you doing, sonny?" he asked, turning to Jack. The boy stared at him with serious eyes but never said a word.

"Leave him alone!" Robert Martin barked angrily and his mate simply shrugged his shoulders indifferently and didn't say anything further.

The two men settled comfortably around the fire and in turns they both took swigs from the bottle Robert Martin handed to them. Jack quietly watched the two men, not daring to move an inch. He didn't like the way they talked, the way they laughed or the way they looked. They were horrible, but it seemed that his father liked them well enough to have them around. This wasn't what the young boy had expected at all; he was to spend this time with his father alone, and not in the company of a couple of nasty men. Yet, at least the presence of the pair had distracted Robert Martin's attention and Jack was thankful that he wasn't at the receiving end of his father's fury any more. The day hadn't turned out as he had thought at all, and his mind was still struggling with the remorseful thought that came rushing.

After a while Larry turned to his mate and asked, "Did you take care of that little business you told us about, Martin?"

The man flashed a satisfactory smile and added, "You kidding? When have you known I'd fail?" He chuckled as he pounded his palm on the bulge showing the money securely hidden in his inner pocket. The two men joined in his mirth, cheering at him loudly since they knew that when a stroke of good luck hit Robert Martin, they could enjoy some of it themselves.

Jack shifted from his position uncomfortably at the way the three men were behaving and talking lightly about the money that shouldn't probably be in his father's possession in the first place. That money belonged to Kid and Lou, and the boy strongly felt that someday they needed to return it to them. "But you'd invite these two old friends of yours to share your good fortune?" Mick remarked boldly.

Robert Martin did not say anything, but listened to him with a pleasant expression. "Make it last this time, Martin," Larry piped in jokingly.

"Make it last? This one?" the other man exclaimed in mocking shock. "Mr. Martin and money ain't a good combination, that's for sure. If I don't know better, he'll get through it with good whiskey and better women before you can say Jack Robinson."

"There's nothing wrong in enjoying life's little pleasures," Robert Martin admitted and the three men burst out laughing hysterically.

On hearing their words, Jack sprang to his feet and said angrily, "That money's for a place for Tommy and us, Pa!"

The two men laughed even harder at the boy's comment and Mick offered teasingly, "You became a little family man all of a sudden, Martin?"

Robert snickered at his friend's comment at how ridiculous it sounded to his own ears, but Jack kept a serious face. His father's attitude was unnerving him more and more by the minute. "You promised!" the boy exclaimed stubbornly. "You promised, Pa!"

Without even looking at his son or maybe not daring to meet his eye, Robert Martin grumbled under his breath and barked, "Sit down and shut up, boy!"

"No!" Jack protested energetically. In his heart all he wanted was to hear from his father's lips that those men were lying and their plans hadn't changed a bit. He just needed to believe that his father couldn't deceive him like that.

Robert Martin slowly rose to his feet and his imposing figure stood before the boy threateningly. Jack was almost begging him with his eyes to tell him what he was longing to hear, but the man repeated the same words, this time more loudly, "Shut up!"

Frustration hit Jack hard, and in that moment he understood that the reality he was living was nothing of what he had been dreaming about. The man who stood before him wasn't the person he had believed he was and disappointment filled his heart to the brim. "You lied to me!" Jack shouted his face red with irritation and his little hands balled in fists.

Robert Martin gave him a push that made the boy stagger a few steps backwards while he growled furiously, "Stop pestering me and go to sleep!"

Jack stood his ground, glaring at his father with angry eyes as he exclaimed, "You're a bad person! A very bad person!"

The man had already had enough and without hesitation he lifted his arm and slapped Jack hard on the face. The boy brought his hand to touch his sore cheek while he stared at his father with hard accusing eyes. Robert Martin didn't pay him any heed and grabbing his son by the collar, he hurled him to the hard ground. "Go to sleep, damn it!" he barked and without further ado he turned around and sat down next to the other impassive two men to continue his particular reunion.

Tears were rolling down Jack's cheeks as he slowly crawled towards the bedroll that Robert Martin had previously laid on the ground. He turned his back to the three men while his eyes were tightly shut to deafen the raucous laughter and nasty comments from the party behind him. The crying grew more intense, but Jack covered his mouth with one hand to muffle his racking sobs, not wanting to be heard by his father while he covered his ear with the other one, trying to deafen the men's voices behind him. Thousands of images flooded through his mind as he felt utterly miserable like never before. Faintly he remembered his mother and those nights she crawled into his bed and spent the night with him. With reassuring words she always tried to disregard her actions but Jack couldn't forget her tears, her shaking body and those shouts reaching his young ears that now echoed the voice of his father.

A light breeze was blowing and, even though it was the end of May, nights still tended to be quite cool. Feeling the coldness in his body, Jack curled up, trying in vain to keep the warmth in his small body. The tears had finally subsided but the sadness was still strong in his heart. In the middle of the coldest night of his life in all senses, he couldn't help but long for the place he had come to consider his home for the last two months.

Every single night he put up a fight wanting to stay up longer although he knew that all his efforts were in vain. Lou patiently listened to his excuses but nothing worked. Kid always hugged the pair of brothers before they filed up to bed. In the room, Lou always brought him and Tommy a nice glass of hot milk with honey. "To sleep well," Lou always said, and the sweet taste of the milk in his mouth was deliciously special on those nights. Then as he laid in his bed, Jack liked to hear the sound of her voice as she told Tommy a fairy tale, which the older boy always pretended not to be interested in listening to, whereas actually he enjoyed it as much as his younger brother. There was not a single night that went by that Lou didn't tuck in the sheets around them comfortably or kiss them good-night. Jack knew that later when the couple went to bed, Kid always checked on them and sometimes he brought them some water or rearranged the bedding around them. Jack always pretended to be asleep and didn't even stir when the man planted a kiss on his forehead.

The boy felt his tears reappear painfully as the smiling faces of Kid and Lou shone before his eyes and a terrible longing surged throughout his heart. After everything that had happened in such a short time, there was a thing that he had definitely learned: he wanted to go home to Rock Creek.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Morning finally came after a restless night for Jack, and he woke up to the loud voices of the three men. He rubbed his eyes with his small hand, and little by little realization of where he was and what had happened bitterly sank in. The boy morosely rose to his feet, and silently he shuffled towards the creek where he neatly washed from his face the remainder of the night's sleep. The water was freezing cold, unlike the lukewarm water that Lou always left for the two boys in the morning.

Even at this considerable distance from the makeshift camp, Jack could hear the loud voices and as he walked back to the place, he kept his eyes downcast, feeling unable to bear the view of the three men as a reminder of how foolishly he had got himself into that situation. None of the three adults took any notice of the boy, who had stood apart from the group sitting around the fire. Jack watched them from his sheltered position next to a tree and scrunched his nose in disgust as he realized that they were eating the heated concoction that his father had cooked the night before, accompanied by the always constant presence of the whiskey bottle.

The three men took their sweet time to finally gather their gear and get ready to ride off. Nobody had addressed or looked at Jack in all this time as if he did not exist, but when it was time to set off, Robert Martin approached his son and with a very serious expression he said, "Come on, Jack. Let's get a move on." The man grabbed the boy by his arm, but Jack pulled himself free of his hold while he exclaimed, "I'm not going with you! I wanna go home!"

Robert Martin snickered and shared a bemused look with his two mates. "Don't be stupid and make us waste our time!" the man barked and tried once again to clutch his son but the boy retreated as if he were scolded. "No! I wanna go home!" he repeated in a shout.

Robert Martin impassively stared down at Jack for a few moments, and while turning around to walk to his horse, he said spitefully, "Go back to that fool and his bitch! See if I care!"

His words ignited the boy's fury even more and he barged against his father, repeatedly hitting him on his back with his little fists. "You can't talk about them like that! You can't!" Jack exclaimed in a shrill voice.

Robert Martin swirled around to the boy, his hand lifted threateningly and one single glare on his part was enough to still his son, who froze straightaway. Once again he turned towards the horse and mounting, he said, running out of patience, "Let's go once and for all!"

"You gonna leave the boy here?" Larry asked, taken aback by the man's resolution. He had no idea whatsoever about what it meant to have a child under his responsibility, but anyone knew that leaving a young boy alone in the middle of the wild wasn't appropriate at all.

"That'll teach him!" Robert Martin stated without the slightest hesitation and neither of the two men said anything more. After all, this had nothing to do with them and their mate was the boy's father after all who supposedly should know what he was doing. Martin spurred his horse forward, and the two other men followed him instantly. Jack stared after the three riders as they disappeared into the thickness of the forest but he never spilled a tear. His resolution to go back home had been born stronger, and his entire heart was just intent in carrying out his intention.

* * *

It was noon when Teaspoon and Kid spotted smoke rising in the distance from what it seemed to be a camp fire. They had been riding for a few hours now, struggling to catch up with the man who had Jack. Kid feared that somehow they've been wrong all the time, and Robert Martin was safely riding in the opposite direction they were heading. In that case, Kid knew that they could well say good-bye to the idea of getting the boy back. Nobody had any idea what the man had his mind on and he might take his son just anywhere, which would make the search almost impossible. For that reason, Kid prayed that they were on the right track.

This morning they had found the remains of a camp, which they had initially thought might have been the spot where Robert Martin had stopped to spend the night. Yet, when they discovered additional prints on the place of at least two more people, Kid wasn't sure anymore. It could be that Robert Martin wasn't on his own, but he couldn't really tell. As they approached the source from where the smoke came from, they also found the hoof prints of three horses, which left Kid completely confused. A hillock stood before them, and on the other side the Southerner prayed they would lay eyes on Robert Martin and Jack. They pranced up the hillock, and once on the top they crept behind the shrubbery and the trees. From there they had a clear view of the three men who were oblivious to the fact that they were being watched.

"Is that him?" Teaspoon asked as he noticed Kid's hard eyes looking intently at one of the men.

"Yes," the Southerner hissed in a strained voice.

"And the others?"

"The fellas I guess he hangs about with," Kid replied as he remembered seeing these same men that first day they had bumped into Robert Martin. "But Jack ain't with him," he said through gritted teeth. "That rat's gonna pay if he has done something to him."

"Calm down, son," Teaspoon tried to soothe him as he knew that Kid's nerves were playing havoc on him, which was clearly understandable. The hours passed, and as their search for the boy had apparently proved barren so far, the young man's temper was continually on the verge of flaring.

Kid did not try to respond to Teaspoon's words, and instead crept a few meters close as the marshal motioned to do so. They watched the three men for a while as they were clearly in the middle of a heated fight over a game of cards. Robert Martin had a grip at one of the other men's collar while he waved his fist menacingly. It was obvious that Jack was nowhere to be seen, and once tired of watching the pathetic scene below them, Teaspoon rose to his feet and called out loud and clear, "This is Marshal Teaspoon Hunter. Lift your hands above your head right now!"

No sooner had the words been uttered than the three men unholstered their guns and began shooting at the direction the marshal's voice had come from. The trees gave Teaspoon and Kid a good protection against the bullets, but the three men down the hillock did not have that much luck, and soon Robert Martin's mates were hit and lay on the hard ground. The old marshal was about to continue shooting, but Kid grabbed his arm in a strong hold, stopping his intention while he said, "Stop it, Teaspoon! We need him alive if we want to know where Jack is."

His words were unnecessary, though, since Robert Martin had already dropped his gun. "Don't shoot, please!" the man pleaded in a scared voice as he lifted his arms in defense. The marshal and Kid slid down the hillock towards the man, and as Robert Martin caught sight of the Southerner, he snickered and said, "I should have known that you were behind this." Kid stared at him hard without saying a word, and Martin turned to Teaspoon and said, "I've done nothing, Marshal."

Kid decidedly barged against the man and grabbing him strongly by his shoulders, he threw him against a tree without loosening his grip at any minute. "Nothing?" the former rider barked heatedly. "What about stealing my money and using an innocent child?"

"I don't know what you're babbling about," Robert Martin defiantly denied his words.

"Don't you?" Kid replied sarcastically, his grip secure on the man, and gruffly shoving his hand inside Martin's jacket inner pocket he produced the bundle of banknotes. "And what happens to be this?" Robert Martin didn't say anything, but kept looking at Kid cockily and unashamed. "Where's Jack?" the Southerner asked again.

"I don't know," he replied breezily.

Kid was running out of patience and grabbing his gun, he plunged it into the man's neck. "Answer me, Martin. Where's Jack?" he repeated the question, his face contorted with anger and when the man seemed to have no intention to answer, Kid pulled the hammer of his shooter threateningly.

This action spurred Robert Martin and he called frightfully, "Marshal!"

"Answer him," Teaspoon talked behind the two men. Though keeping an eye on Kid, the marshal had wanted to let his former deputy handle the situation on his own. He could understand the frustration and powerlessness that the young man was feeling, especially with the cocky attitude of that Martin.

Robert Martin squirmed in Kid's hold as he nervously said, "I swear I don't know. He changed his mind and didn't want to follow me anymore. It's the truth, I swear."

"And you left a seven-year-old child all alone and lost in an area he had never been to before?" Kid barked the question as he plunged the gun deeper into the man's neck. Robert Martin closed his eyes, expecting a bullet to pierce his throat at any moment, but to his utter relief Kid loosened his grip on him and lowered the gun. He glared at the cowardly figure before him for a few minutes and threw the bundle of notes still in his hold at the man's face, which scattered down all over the place. "Take this damn money and run as far as you can. God protect you if I see you around my family again!"

Robert Martin silently crouched to pick up the banknotes around the place, looking pathetic to the two other men's eyes. Kid swirled around and began walking back to where they had left the horses. Teaspoon caught up with him and asked, "You sure what you're doin', Kid? He could spend some time behind bars."

Without stopping his steady walking, Kid turned his head to the marshal and mumbled gravely, "I couldn't care less." Despite what Robert Martin had done to his family, the Southerner felt forced to make some concessions for the man. As Teaspoon had rightly said, whether he wanted it or not, he was the boy's father and Kid felt he had to put aside anything else for the children's sake. "All I care about right now is to find Jack."

Teaspoon tapped him on the shoulder encouragingly as they reached their horses. "We will," the marshal said and without further ado they mounted and rode away from the place without a single look back.

* * *

It has now been several hours they had been searching for any clue leading to Jack, but so far they had not found anything. Teaspoon and Kid had ridden back to the place where Jack and his father had made camp the night before, hoping that the boy had stayed there, scared of roaming the area on his own. They had already ridden through it but maybe, just maybe he could have been hidden or something. As Kid suspected, Jack was not anywhere to be seen. He was a very determined boy for his age and if he had left his father to go home, Kid knew that he'd try to do just that by himself despite his age.

As the morning progressed and the search did not shed any light on the whereabouts of the child, Kid was getting more and more frantic by the minute. Thinking about everything that might likely happen to the boy was enough for him not to falter and keep persisting. He might fall into a pit, somebody might hurt him; the Southerner cringed uncomfortably as danger after danger crept into his mind ominously. Besides, the boy must have not eaten a bit in hours. All Kid hoped was that they could find him before the sun set, because to think of Jack all alone here at night was something that he didn't dare to even imagine.

They had bumped into a few travelers and drifters on the trail, but none recalled having seen a boy all by himself in the area. Kid's throat was already sore of calling Jack's name for hours now. He sighed deeply for the umpteenth time and riding at his side, Teaspoon suggested as he noticed the weary expression in the young man, "Why don't we try to go upriver?"

Kid simply nodded and they turned their horses towards the river. Its water ran rough and violent. The image of Jack accidentally falling into the turbulent river crossed Kid's mind threateningly, and he had to shake his head to erase the thought away. The two men dismounted their horses as they began walking along the river bank in its narrowest section while they continued calling the boy's name loudly. In the distance the pair could see a man, probably a hunter, sitting at the bank and washing his feet in the river. When they reached him, the man turned his curious eyes to them.

"Excuse me, sir," Kid addressed him politely, tipping his hat in greeting. "We're looking for a young child, brown eyes, chestnut hair and this tall," he explained, gesturing with his hand to show Jack's height. "Have you by any chance come across him?"

The man studied the two men hovering over him for a few seconds and then he let out, "You mean the little fella?"

Kid's eyes shone with hope instantly and asked eagerly, "You've seen him?"

"Sure I have," the man replied with a smirk. "A little chatterbox. Hungrier than a blind dog; he simply wolfed down the little lunch I had to share."

"When was that?" Teaspoon asked, cutting off the man's detailed account.

He scratched his head thoughtful and answered, "About fifteen or twenty minutes ago. Then continued upstream." He had found this little boy who was definitely lost and though cautious at the beginning, when the boy had seen that he meant no harm, he had accepted the bread and meat the adult had offered. The hunter had really enjoyed the company but hadn't managed to make the boy tell him anything.

"Thank you, sir!" Kid exclaimed, shaking the man's hand quickly and both men jumped onto the horses and rode towards the direction Jack had taken as fast as the narrow path let them. Kid pushed Katy hard while he called Jack's name even more loudly and eagerly. He scanned every piece of terrain as he rode along. Teaspoon followed closely and suddenly the path along the riverbank was cut off by some land elevation and they had to stop.

"What now?" Kid asked to himself, throwing his hands to the sky in frustration. It was then that movement to his right caught his attention and out of the corner of his eye he saw a small figure inching out from behind a tree.

Jack had heard some men's voices shouting his name and thinking that it probably was his father and those horrible men, who came back for him, he had hidden behind the tree. Yet, when he had spotted Kid and Teaspoon from behind his hideout, his heart leapt in joy and he dared to leave the safety the tree offered.

As soon as Kid spotted the boy, he jumped off Katy and almost stumbled over to get to him. "Jack!" he exclaimed as he reached the seven-year-old and drew him into his hug.

Jack remained motionless, his eyes downcast and his arms sagging to his sides. Mixed feelings were coursing all over him; he was clearly more than glad to see Kid but at the same time, he was totally ashamed for what he had done.

Kid pulled away and stroking the boy's head gently he asked, "You all right, Jack?"

The boy simply nodded, his eyes still downcast and at some point he dared to lift his gaze towards the young man and whispered his question, "Are we going home?"

Kid smiled brightly, sharing a knowing look with Teaspoon as he said satisfactorily, "Yes, Jack, we're definitely going home."

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when the ranch came into view, and never before had that sight brought so much comfort and ease to Kid. Jack had not said a word during the entire ride home as he sat in front of the man on Katy, and Kid wondered what his young head was thinking about after the last two days' incidents. The Southerner had no clear idea of what had happened between Jack and his father out there. Did the boy's silence mean that he wasn't happy about returning to them or was there something else that he wasn't saying yet? For the moment all Kid cared about was that the boy was safely back, and there would be more than enough time later to talk about everything.

Both Kid and the marshal stopped the horses just at a certain distance from the house from where they scanned the deserted and silent yard. Suddenly, the door opened and Lou dashed out, followed closely by Tommy and Rachel.

"Jack!" Louise shouted as she ran towards them like a mad woman. Kid helped the boy off the horse, and in no time Lou was engulfing Jack in a tight embrace. "Oh my boy, I missed you so much!" she exclaimed, feeling all the tension of the last couple of days leave her.

It had been an unnerving wait, and Lou had almost gone nuts with worry. Feeling the boy between her arms, Lou just couldn't believe yet that Jack was safely back to her, like Kid had promised. She pulled off slightly and cupped Jack's face in her hands, staring at him with a wide smile. "Look at you!" she said, sounding as cheerful as she felt right now. "All covered in dust like a real cowboy!" She could tell that Jack was troubled and awkward around them, and the last thing she wanted to do was to make him feel more uncomfortable. She needed a distraction that lifted that serious façade the boy had right now. Lou had no idea of what had happened out there and was dying to have a conversation with her husband about it.

At his remark the boy faintly smiled for the first time, and Lou hugged him again as Tommy joined in the embrace from behind. "Kid, I'm assumin' that we ain't getting much of a proper welcome from these women," she heard Teaspoon say and couldn't help but laugh at his remark.

"Oh you hush, Teaspoon," Rachel teasingly ordered and approached the marshal and gave him a hug while Louise kissed her husband tenderly.

"That's definitely much better," the marshal let out with one of his characteristic exaggerated expressions, which brought a peal of laughter from both women.

Tommy came running towards Kid and threw himself against him like he usually did. The man scooped the boy up in his arms and asked, touching the child's tiny nose with his index finger, "You been a good boy while I was away, Tommy?"

The boy nodded energetically and exclaimed, "Auntie Rachel slept in my room and … and … I got to sleep in the big, big bed with ma."

Kid had to laugh at the child's enthusiastic account and added, "You lucky boy!" Tommy flashed his bright smile in self satisfaction and tenderly rested his chestnut head on the young man's shoulder.

"Stop the chitchat, you two!" Lou jokingly called after a while and approaching Jack, she said, "Come on, honey. You and Kid need to get rid of all that dust that you picked up on the trail as soon as possible." She was beginning to worry as the boy continually kept his attention to the ground and had not said anything at all so far.

Jack lifted his sad eyes to Louise shyly and replied with a simple 'Yes, Ma'am' and let her steer him towards the house while the other three adults and Tommy followed them closely.

* * *

It was dinner time when Jack dawdled down the stairs very slowly, step by step. He had taken a bath and changed into fresh clothes, but not even the sensation of being clean had brought any comfort to the boy, and he still was in low spirits. Neither Kid nor Lou had mentioned anything about what had happened; nothing about the stolen money, his flit or his father. Louise had gotten the bath ready for Jack and helped him out of his grubby clothes and then gave him a proper scrub while Kid kept bringing up hot water. They never talked about the last couple of days, but just kept joking around the boy. Jack hadn't spoken much either during all this time, and later he had remained in the bedroom, sitting morosely on his soft bed while Tommy played on the floor. It was when they heard Kid calling for dinner, that Jack slowly rose to his feet and shuffled out of the reclusion of the room. Tommy had already dashed out of the bedroom and down the stairs in no time, but Jack just took his time to follow his brother.

As Jack entered the dining room, Tommy was already sitting at his usual place at the dinner table, a napkin stuck in his collar and holding a spoon and a fork in his two little hands. The seven-year-old boy crossed the room silently and walked casually towards the kitchen. The door was open, and he could make out Kid and Lou's figures talking to each other with serious expressions. As he came closer, he froze, hearing what the couple was saying.

"Make sure the boys are ready first thing in the morning," Kid said, "We'll leave for the orphanage at the crack of dawn."

Lou nodded her agreement and added, "The sooner we do this, the better." As she turned round, her eyes fell on Jack, who stood on the threshold as if in shock. "Hey, honey!" she exclaimed cheerfully. "You hungry?"

The boy just shrugged his shoulders but never said a word. "Good," Lou replied with a big smile and grabbing him by the shoulders, she steered the boy to the dinner table and sat him on his chair. She had to laugh when she caught sight of Tommy all ready to start eating while he raucously clattered the cutlery in his hands against the table. "Patience, Tommy-boy," she said among giggles. "I'll bring dinner over in a second." Before turning around, she stooped and hugged Jack for the umpteenth time in the day, still in disbelief that he was back safe and sound. Planting a quick peck on his soft cheek she whispered in his ear, "I'm so glad that you're back, honey, really glad."

Jack remained as impassive and motionless as he had been since Kid and Teaspoon had found him earlier in the day. He awkwardly glanced at the end of the table and saw Kid sitting down for dinner. As their eyes met, the young man cast a smile in his direction, but Jack averted his glance at once and kept looking down at the empty plate before him.

Lou came back shortly with a platter of steaks, and after she served one each, accompanied by roasted potatoes, peas and carrots, she sat down to enjoy the family dinner. Jack knew that this was his favorite, but for some reason he didn't feel like eating at all. Faintly he heard Kid say grace, and then the clanking of the forks and knives against the china plates reached his ears. The boy remained in the same position, eyes downcast and his hands resting on the table. Kid and Lou shared a look as they noticed the sullen attitude in Jack.

"Ain't you eating, honey?" she asked while she cut the steak in tiny pieces for Tommy.

Jack remained silent, not lifting his glance at all, and when it seemed that he wasn't going to talk, he blurted out, "I did it. I took that money." His voice was raspy and soft, but he still kept his eyes downcast.

Lou and Kid exchanged a glance and the young man simply said, "We know, Jack." No sooner had he uttered those words than Jack burst into hot tears, sobs racking his little body. "Hey, hey, buddy," Kid said tenderly as he left his seat and crouched before the boy. "What's that for? Everything's fine."

"I don't want to go back to the orphanage," the boy wailed bitterly.

Kid placed a finger under Jack's chin and lifting his face towards him, the man looked at the boy intently. "Who said anything about that, Jack? Nobody's sending you back to that place. What would we do without you then?"

"Really?" Jack hiccupped, his tears receding little by little.

"Really," Kid replied with a placid smile, and realizing how that idea had got into the boy's head, he added, "We just need to go to the orphanage to sign some documents, that's all, but we four are coming back after that."

Relief flooded throughout the boy, but at the same time emotion took over as everything that had happened whizzed through his mind; the money, the nasty words, the lies, the slap. All that had made him see that his father was not the great person he had always dreamed he'd be. He was the man who had abandoned him and Tommy and never came back. Jack regretfully thought that his deception to Kid and Lou was unforgivable, but strangely enough there was no recrimination or anger coming from either of them.

Kid was staring at him with clear and soft eyes, which told him that he didn't have anything to worry about and, casting a sideways look at Lou, he noticed she was gazing at him with the same emotion, her eyes bright with unshed tears. The boy could feel that they genuinely cared for him, that he was surrounded by people who had really become a family to him and tears began to flow from his eyes while he threw himself to Kid's arms, hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating as he sobbed bitterly and without even realizing it, his mouth began uttering a word that stunned and filled the couple with great tenderness. "I'm so sorry, Daddy, so sorry, Daddy" The boy kept repeating the same over and over again, and Kid cooed him as he held him against his chest comfortingly, silently thanking heaven for the gift of making his family whole again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

As days passed by, things gradually went back to normal. Kid and Lou had finally sorted out all the documents that legally bonded the boys to the couple. The young man suspected that they wouldn't hear from Robert Martin again, but he didn't want to take any unnecessary risks. Besides, this was something that they had always intended to do from the very first moment they had decided to take in the two brothers, but back then Mr. Ferguson from the orphanage had persuaded the couple to wait, a decision that had almost cost them to lose Jack. Not that having all those documents sorted out meant that they could have been able to prevent Robert Martin from taking Jack, but at least now the boys were their legal children. Might that man turn up again, the law would be on their side. It felt so good to know that they were a family for real and to the eyes of the world. A paper wouldn't change what they felt for the boys, but after the situation they had, the documents gave them some relative peace of mind.

The trip to the orphanage had taken them four days in all. It had really been very pleasant to spend that time, the four of them together, especially for Jack. He hadn't really talked about what had happened with his father out there, but by his unwillingness to even mention Robert Martin, Kid suspected that it hadn't been a very agreeable experience for the child at all. Fortunately, Jack was gradually coming out of his shell after breaking down at dinner the day they had come back. This brief trip had really been good for him, and he was back to his talkative and cheerful character again. Most of the time he still called the couple by their given names; it was only occasionally that he used more familiar terms but, all in all, something had really changed. He didn't have the unwillingness on his part to admit that Kid and Lou were his family now, and he didn't even protest when somebody from the orphanage had referred to the couple as his parents.

It really had been an enjoyable treat for the family and the couple of nights spent in the open had evoked many fond memories in Kid. It had been so long since he had been able to have some of this with Lou. If he thought hard, he imagined that they hadn't done something similar since their Express days. They used to love when they were sent on a run together, and if they had to stay overnight in the open, there was nothing more especial than to cuddle together before a good fire. In moments like these he had felt like the happiest man alive and nothing more really mattered but the woman in his arms.

Sometimes Kid wished he could go back to those innocent, though dangerous, days; he and Lou had been so naïve and inexperienced when they had started this man-woman stuff. It was no wonder they had made so many mistakes back then, but still thinking about that time brought a smile to his lips. He just loved the way she used to shyly look at him with those big eyes of hers over her spectacles, without anybody else noticing it. That one look made his heart race wildly as he had never experienced before. She had really been an adorable little thing back then, and it was no wonder he had fallen in love with her since the very beginning. She could have hair shorter than a boy, be covered in dust and mud, wear unbecoming male slack clothes, but to his eyes Lou was as lovely and beautiful as if she were dressed like a princess. Their love had begun tenderly and far too innocent and now that years had gone by, Kid realized that those unsure feelings had given way to the love they shared today. Despite the problems they had to face and the passing time, Lou's look still made him feel like the young boy who used to ride for the Express. He just couldn't believe how much they had gone through in just this past year, but despite everything, he couldn't complain about anything. They really had a good life, a beautiful home and two lovely children. They couldn't ask for anything else.

After those few days away, the couple had to catch up with work around the ranch. Their plans of having a relaxed summer work-wise were called off to their dismay due to the economic loss they had suffered from Robert Martin's incident. Kid was happy to part from that money at that high price if that meant that the man wouldn't disturb them any more. Fortunately, not everything was lost. Mr. Jones, the man who had bought all those horses, would make payment for the other lot of horses at the end of the summer if his intentions remained unchanged.

Kid knew that even so, that money would barely be enough to make them go through the winter without problems and moreover, he just couldn't stake his family's welfare on this one card. He really needed to keep the business going and hopefully they would be able to attract new possible buyers, which would mean they could have a winter without concerns. If, on the contrary, they weren't that lucky, Kid knew that he'd have to find a second job which would help them keep going without financial difficulties. Lou had also mentioned that she could go back to her old job at the hotel for a few hours a day. The couple had recently run into Mr. Faber, her former boss, and aware of Louise's recovery, the man had hinted that he'd be glad to re-employ her if she wanted to. Kid had refused his suggestion, knowing that his wife had a lot on her hands as it was and he didn't want her to take on more responsibilities. Louise already worked around the ranch as much as she could apart from taking care of their home and the children. It was no wonder that she looked so exhausted at the end of the day. For the moment Kid would try to keep things as they'd been so far. Hopefully, with a bit of luck they'd be able to make it work.

For the moment that was his only major concern. The latest problems with the boys' estranged father were fortunately already a distant memory, and hopefully it would remain so. The entire incident had taught Jack a good lesson. He had admitted that he had acted wrong, and his repentance was sincere and real. Nothing they could say would make the boy more aware of his wrongs. However, Kid knew that Lou had a long conversation with him; in the gentle way of hers she had talked and explained to him a few things that might be still bugging the boy. It was difficult to cope with certain events in life especially when one is too young to really understand. Louise tried to be as sincere as she could without hurting Jack's feelings or shocking him. She knew that the matter with the money still weighed heavily in his heart. Somehow he needed to do something to alleviate his acts, and Lou had thought that it would do him good if he helped Kid with some minor chores around the ranch after school.

It turned out that Jack was enjoying the task more than the couple had bargained for and every day Lou almost had to drag him away from the stables when it was time for him to do his homework. It was obvious that the boy had a liking for horses and he really didn't mind the chores he had to do as long as it meant spending time around the animals. Kid really liked having Jack with him every day, and this time together was bringing the two of them closer. The boy was beginning to open up to him and tell him what had happened with his father and his feelings about it, which the young man was really proud of. He listened to his accounts and answered his questions as well as he could do.

Kid tried his best not to voice his opinion about the man who had fathered Jack even though he didn't deserve that respect at all, but the Southerner knew that it was Jack who should form his own opinions about his father. He was a clever boy and after everything he had witnessed, he could really tell what his father was like without anybody else butting in. Kid had even started talking about his own father, something he had never been very comfortable with, but as Jack's curiosity had sparked since the day the young man had briefly mentioned his father being no good, he kept asking question after question, and Kid answered him as best as he could.

It was clear that Jack felt there was a special bond between the blue-eyed man and himself, both having bad examples as fathers and surprisingly to Kid, talking about it wasn't as bad as he thought especially since it was doing the young boy good. Jack had finally admitted to himself that he had a new family who cared for him. Kid had plain evidence of that when one day, the boy had come to him and said in a very soft voice, almost embarrassed, "I wish you were my real father." There was no need for more words and Kid couldn't feel prouder than at that moment as he realized that he finally had a place in Jack's heart.

All these memories and thoughts were occupying the rancher's mind on this warm June morning while he was mucking out the stalls in his stables. Suddenly, a female voice calling his name, and the sound of pattering feet snapped him out of his reverie. He smiled as he caught sight of his wife appearing through the door; her face flashed, a big smile on her lips and her eyes shining excitedly.

"Kid!" Lou called again as she came closer to her husband. The young man stopped the task at hand and resting his body against the rake he was holding, he looked at her quizzically without uttering a single word. Louise had a letter in her hold, which she was waving in the air.

"What's the matter, Lou?" he asked when she was standing opposite him.

"They're coming!" she simply said, smiling widely.

"Who?" Kid asked again, letting go of the rake and walking a few steps closer to her.

"Everybody!" she exclaimed excitedly, her brown eyes dancing merrily. "Buck, Cody, Jimmy and… even Emma and Sam. I just got a letter from her. Oh Kid, Ain't it great?"

"It is," he replied, flashing a knowing grin in her direction.

Louise frowned as she noticed that her husband didn't seem surprised at the news she had just told him. "You knew about this?" she asked, studying his expression carefully.

"Well … I just wrote a few letters to some friends …" he trailed off letting the meaning of his words sink in while he lifted an eyebrow teasingly.

To his surprise Lou did not react the way he hoped he would. Instead she sighed and her gay expression of a few seconds ago changed into one of sharp disappointment. "They ain't coming of their own accord. You had to beg them to come," she let out, lowering her gaze to the ground at her feet.

Kid placed a finger under her chin and tilting her head, he made her meet his eyes. "Come on, Lou," he said, "I didn't beg them, just invited them over." He paused and noticing an incredulous look passed over her gaze, he added, "Lou, I know how much you want to see them again, so I thought I'd give you a nice little surprise."

"Yeah, I guess," Lou muttered, still unconvinced by his words. It hurt her to think that Kid had to ask them to come to Rock Creek once again. In his past letters Cody had always promised to visit them, but had never complied although Lou and Rachel had insisted on it in their own letters. Not even when Kid had run into Jimmy in Denver a few months ago and repeated the invitation, had they bothered to come either. Lou hadn't seen them since the Express shut down and they went their different ways. In the last years she had seen Emma on a few occasions. The red-headed woman had visited and stayed with her in Rock Creek a couple of times and likewise Louise had gone to her and Sam's home when Emma had given birth to her baby daughter two years ago. The couple also had an older boy, who Emma had around the time when Kid and she got married.

"Come on, Lou!" Kid insisted, noticing her half-hearted response. "It will be like the good old times, uh? But this time I'm afraid it will be us who will have to feed Cody's stomach." Kid grinned at her jokingly and reluctantly she plastered a smile on her face. "It was high time we had a small celebration," he added after a while, "We didn't have any for our birthdays, our wedding anniversary or for the boys …"

"And the one at Christmas was simply pathetic," Lou added bitterly, cutting him off in mid-sentence. She knew that she was to blame for those lacking occasions, and even now, remembering those months brought about a sense of total bitterness that she couldn't help. For almost a year she had been impossible to deal with and there had been few or no reasons to be merry about.

Kid hated the direction the whole conversation was taking. Lou had been almost ecstatic when she had first shown up at the stables, but all of a sudden she had turned all gloomy and miserable. Sometimes it scared him to think that something might happen, and she would reverse her recovery. Kid cupped her face in his right hand and caressing her cheek with his thumb he said, "It wasn't that bad, but next year's will be better."

Lou turned away from him and muttered, "I guess."

Noticing her odd mood, Kid grabbed her by the elbow and made her look at him. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked, his forehead creased in a frown.

Seeing the concern on his face, Louise broke into a forced smile and replied lightly, "Nothing." Before he had time to say anything further, she added, "Why don't you take a break? I have some fresh lemonade in the house." Kid remained silent, watching her carefully and at his hesitation, she took hold of his hand and forcefully dragged him out of the stables as if he were a child. "Come on, Kid!" she exclaimed among giggles, and he soon joined in her mirth. They laughed together as they were crossing the yard towards the house hand in hand.

When they finally sobered, Kid turned to her and said, "You didn't eat much last night or this morning at breakfast. Something the matter?"

"Uh…no, of course not."

"You aren't still worried that Martin might come back after the children?" Kid asked, knowing that his wife had been plagued by nightmares about the man after he had brought Jack back with him. Even though Lou knew that Kid had done the right thing, she somehow feared that the boy's real father would be lurking and ready to reappear at any moment. Kid knew that wouldn't happen, and after long conversations he had put her fears to rest and Louise had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let the man shadow her family life, but maybe the idea was still on her mind.

"No, Kid, honestly," she simply said, hating the direction their conversation was taking.

"Or is it the other thing?" he asked when they reached the porch and stood before the front door.

Lou stopped and turned towards him with a quizzical expression. "What other thing?"

Kid fidgeted nervously as he still found it really awkward to talk about the matter to Louise. "You know," he began uncomfortably, "that other thing that snatched my wife for months and left another woman in her place."

Lou sighed deeply and after a few moments of silence she said, "I'm fine with that, Kid. Really. Mind you, it's not completely gone, and I know this pain will always be with me, but I'm learning to live with it." She paused and walking closer to her husband till their bodies were touching, she added, "I'm truly happy, Kid. You make me happy, the boys make me happy. I wouldn't trade the three of you for anything in this world, anything at all." She brought her hand to caress his face tenderly and asked, "When will you stop worrying about everything, Kid?" He did not answer and lowering her eyes from his, she muttered, "Nothing's the matter, just didn't feel hungry, that's all." Lifting her eyes to him again she exclaimed, "Come on! Let's get some of that lemonade, I'm thirsty."

Without waiting for her husband, Lou swirled around and went inside the house. Kid stood there for a few minutes, staring at her retreating figure. He knew that she wasn't telling the truth. Lately she was acting somehow peculiarly; it was little things he had noticed, nothing really evident to anybody else, but he could actually feel that there was something different in his wife. It frustrated him when she evaded his questions and tried to diffuse the whole thing. Why couldn't she come clean for once and tell him directly? She should know by now that she couldn't hide anything from him, but still she kept running like always as if there was anywhere else to go except to him. Her voice calling him from inside snapped him out of his reverie and sighing deeply he let his legs lead the way where Lou was waiting with a cold glass of sweet lemonade.

* * *

The following morning Louise was walking along Rock Creek's main street and like every day she had to put up with Jack's whining and protests about going to school. At a certain distance from her the boy slowly shuffled after Lou with an unhappy face. At some point Louise turned around and called for the umpteenth time that morning, "Come on, Jack. We don't have all day." Despite her urging words, the child did not make the least attempt to hurry up and carried on in the same slow pace while he pouted exaggeratedly. When he finally reached Lou, she patiently looked at him, her hands resting on her hips and asked, "Honey, why are you like this every single morning? You know you have fun at school."

Jack shrugged his shoulders and in that moment somebody clearing their throat near them drew Lou's attention and turning to her side, she found herself face to face with the marshal.

"Hey, Teaspoon," she greeted cheerfully, "How's it going?"

"Fairly good. The sun's shining, no problems in sight and on top of it all, bumping into a lovely face like yours just made my day." Louise chuckled at his words and turning to the seven-year-old boy Teaspoon asked, "Hi, Jack. How are you, son?"

"Not very well," he answered morosely. "My belly aches something terrible."

The marshal raised an eyebrow enquiringly in Lou's direction, and she simply said, "He doesn't want to go to school like every day."

"Oh," the marshal let out with an amused expression.

"It's not that!" Jack protested vehemently. "It really hurts, Lou!"

"Really? Then let's go to the doctor," Louise said, folding her arms over her chest. "Doctor Logan's surgery is just right at the end of the street." Jack looked at her with an unhappy face and she asked again, "Shall we, Jack?"

The seven-year-old simply shook his head forlornly while Teaspoon and Louise shared an amused look. It was then that the boy caught sight of his friend heading for school with his mother just a few feet ahead of him. "Hey, Victor!" Jack called, all of a sudden forgetting about his bellyache completely. "Wait!" The other boy stopped his steady walking, and noticing his friend, he waved at him while calling his mother's attention. Then Jack turned to Louise and asked, "Can I walk to school with Victor and his Ma, Lou?"

"All right," she agreed, nodding her permission.

Louise had barely uttered those words before the boy ran after his friend while the chestnut-haired lady stood looking at his fleeting figure, shaking her head in amusement. "Boys!" she muttered as both she and the marshal chuckled at Jack's sudden recovery.

"Tell you what, Lou," Teaspoon said while they walked towards his small office. "Gets worse as they grow older or so I've heard." The marshal closed the glass door behind them after they had stepped into the building which housed the jail. "You can now imagine how much trouble that bunch of Pony Express boys were to this old dog." Louise laughed heartily at his remark as she dropped into a chair while the marshal perched himself on his desk. "You were the least bad, but then you weren't a boy though I didn't know that at the time." Louise kept looking at him, her eyes shining brightly in amusement and Teaspoon added after a while, "You and Kid are doin' really good with those two young'uns."

"Thank you," Louise muttered, embarrassed and pleased by the marshal's compliment. They stayed in silence for a few seconds, smiling contentedly and then Lou said, "By the way, I wanted to talk to you about that unruly bunch of boys."

"Did you?"

"Seems they finally decided to pay a visit to their forgotten friends," she explained, still unhappy by their long absence. "In four days."

"Good Lord, miracles do exist, uh?" Teaspoon exclaimed, clearly pleased with the news. He never came to admit it, but his heart really longed to know what his boys were into these days. As he had rightly guessed, when the war broke out, the people he had come to consider his family had fallen apart. He could still call himself lucky as he still had Rachel, Lou and Kid around, but he couldn't help but wish that he could see the rest of his boys from time to time. They had their own lives, he knew that, but as he always said, family is family, and he was sure that the motto he used to repeat to those boys back then really meant something to all of them.

"Emma and Sam will be here as well," Lou finished to fill him in and asked, "You going to be around for the occasion?"

"Wouldn't miss if for anything!" Teaspoon replied with a crooked smile.

Louise smiled back with a placid expression. "I'd better go now. I have so much to do." She quickly jumped to her feet, and suddenly the room seemed to spin around her. Lou had to rest her hand on the chair she had just left to prevent her legs from staggering while she closed her eyes in a way to stop the overwhelming dizzy sensation.

The marshal noticed her shaken state at once and rushed to her side, grabbing her by the elbow. "You all right, sweetheart?" he asked in a concerned voice.

Louise opened her eyes again to look into the old man's worried eyes. Fortunately, the spinning had ceased and breathing in deeply to steady herself she said, "I'm fine, Teaspoon. Just got a bit dizzy because of rising up so brusquely."

The marshal peered at her with a puzzled frown. "You sure, Lou?" he insisted, not really convinced by her explanation, watching the pallor of her face. "You want me to walk with you to the doctor?"

"Of course not!" Lou exclaimed, breaking free of his hold. She had more than enough with her husband fussing over her just for anything and everything. She wasn't going to have Teaspoon acting all protector-like as well. Besides, she didn't want to see that Doctor Logan. "Nobody goes to the doctor for just a little thing like that!"

Teaspoon shook his head at her reaction. He knew that Louise had this irrational thing about doctors, which was really peculiar coming from such a level-headed person like her. "You just threatened Jack with takin' him to Doctor Logan while you ain't willin' to go yourself. What would he think if he knew that his ma's also afraid of doctors?"

"I told you, I'm fine," Lou replied a bit too harshly, tired of this conversation. "And I'm not afraid, but you're right, I have no desire to see that doctor. Gives me the creeps."

Teaspoon had to chuckle at her outburst, not understanding her attitude about the local doctor. He was just a normal friendly fella as far as he knew. The marshal hadn't really had many occasions to talk to Doctor Logan and knew next to nothing about him. His predecessor, Doctor Bailey, used to come round to the marshal's office once in a while and share a few games of checkers with Teaspoon. Anyway, this new doctor was a married man and much younger than Doctor Bailey, so it was just natural that he saved his time for his wife or for younger friends.

"So I guess you haven't seen our doctor for a long time?" Realizing too late what he had asked and knowing why she had last gone to see the physician, Teaspoon hurried to utter a clumsy apology, his amusement completely gone. "Uh… Lou, I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to bring that up."

Louise stared at him with a frown, not getting what he was apologizing for. When his words sank in, she finally understood what the marshal was going on about. "Oh Teaspoon, it's all right. Don't worry. Thank God I hadn't laid my eyes on that man, but that wasn't the last time I did" She kept thoughtful and the memory came back to her quickly. Strangely she hadn't happened to see the man at all in all this time but she perfectly remembered bumping into Doctor Logan many months ago after having a heated argument with Rachel about her then resolution to dissolve her marriage. Upset as she had been, Louise hadn't really been looking where she was going and had bumped against a body, which had turned out to be the doctor's. As the images replayed in her mind, she remembered something else, which brought a puzzled frown into her forehead. "Teaspoon?" she called hesitantly.

"Yes, Lou?"

"Uh… did you discover anything about that man who was found dead a few months ago?" she asked.

"You mean the one you told Kid you had seen?" Lou nodded her response and Teaspoon simply said, "No, nothin' at all. Why?"

"I've just remembered where I saw him," she replied matter-of-factly.

"Where?"

"Well, just here in town, but that's not the important bit," Louise began, "but who I was with when I saw him." She explained the whole episode of coming across the doctor and how at some point he had stared at a man crossing the street, which had drawn Louise's attention. "He just kept looking at him as if he knew him, Teaspoon."

"You sure it was the same man, Lou?" the marshal asked. Doctor Logan had been the first one who had inspected the body and issued the death certificate. Not once had he shown signs of recognizing the man and in the certificate filled out in the doctor's handwriting the word "unknown" was written where the name of the deceased man should go.

"I'm sure," Lou stated without any hesitation. Many months had passed since then, and she had to admit that she hadn't been in her best condition. She had no doubts on her mind that the dead man was the same person she had seen, but now she wasn't sure if what she had identified in Doctor Logan's eyes as recognition could well have been something else; maybe surprise to see the man in that peculiar attire or he might have been looking at something else. She had been sure of what she saw, but her doubts had started assaulting her.

"Well, maybe Doctor Logan was just looking at him out of curiosity, I don't know. " She had to chuckle at herself and added, "Kid says I have this insane thing against the doctor, which isn't very healthy. I guess he's somehow right." She paused for a moment and then added hurriedly, "I really need to go now, Teaspoon. See you." Quickly she gave the marshal a brief peck on his cheek and swirling around she was out of the office in a flash before the marshal had time to say anything further.

Teaspoon stood in the middle of his office deep in thought, pondering about the conversation he had had with Louise. The marshal had hardly noticed her slipping out of his office and hadn't even had the opportunity to ask her if she was feeling any better. Walking to the door and peering outside, he could make out Lou's brisk figure breezing along at the end of the street. "Seems she's good enough," Teaspoon said to himself, "but suddenly I'm not feelin' that good myself."

Closing the door to his small office and leaving 'Back in a sec' notice attached to it, he strolled towards the exact opposite direction that Lou had taken. When the place of his interest was before him, the marshal plodded towards it and let himself in decidedly. The room was completely empty but for the young lady sitting on her own comfortably at the end of it. Teaspoon removed his hat and tipped his head to the woman politely. "Good morning, Mrs. Logan. How are you?"

The blonde lady rose to her feet and smiled placidly. "What brings you to my home so early in the morning, Marshal Hunter?"

"I'm in urgent need of your husband's services… something personal… you know," Teaspoon replied, rubbing his hand over his stomach repeatedly. "I have the worst case of heartburn ever."

"I'm afraid Charles is out. Mr. Cooper had a nasty fall on his farm this morning and he's just left for the place." She paused briefly and added, "But I guess I could help you some with that indigestion of yours."

"My lucky day then. Not every day has one the chance to fall into the tender hands of a beautiful lady… I mean … metaphorically talkin'," Teaspoon said, pouring on all his usual charm. Maybe to find the woman on her own was a piece of good luck in itself, he thought pleasantly.

"Naturally," Mrs. Logan replied with a smile on her lips. She thought that the marshal was a rather peculiar character who was probably put in charge of the local law since many young capable men had been away in the war all those years. After all, Rock Creek was such a peaceful or rather boring town.

The woman studied Teaspoon's figure carefully for a few minutes. "I gather from the looks of you that you're a man with a healthy appetite," she said, noticing the marshal's protuberant stomach, which caused uncomfortable embarrassment in the old man. "You had a bit too much to eat last night?" she asked.

"Well, it's easy to overdo it when surrounded by family," the marshal lied. Last night he had stayed in his office like most days and had a simple frugal dinner. "I was over at the McClouds'. You see, they're like family to me and Louise's just a darlin' and pampers this old man somethin' terrible whenever I go to them. I gather you know her."

"Mrs. McCloud?" the lady asked stiffly. "Oh yes… I know her." It didn't go unnoticed to the marshal how Mrs. Logan's demeanor had changed as soon as he had mentioned Lou and he wondered why. "I think Charles has something for severe cases of heartburn in his surgery," she said in a stilted voice.

"Very well, Ma'am," Teaspoon replied as he followed the woman inside the room and when she turned round and saw him behind her, it was clear by her expression that she hadn't counted on the marshal following her. Teaspoon grinned at her, and she responded to the gesture with a rigid smile. From a shelf behind her husband's desk, Mrs. Logan took a glass jar containing a white mixture and silently began transferring some of it into a small vial.

"If I don't remember wrong, you and your husband have been around us for almost a year now," Teaspoon began.

"Yeah, that's right," the woman muttered, not lifting her eyes from the jar in her hands.

"Where were you from again?" he asked in a casual manner.

"Uh…St Louis," she replied awkwardly, eyeing the marshal cautiously.

"That's right. I forgot. My age," he added with a wink but the woman kept a serious countenance. "I guess it must be hard to settle down in a small location like Rock Creek," the marshal continued. "Our town ain't the most excitin' place most of the time."

Mrs. Logan shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "That's sometimes the life reserved for a doctor," she explained non-chalantly and finishing pouring the white powder into the vial, she sealed it with a cork.

"You must surely miss your family and friends, don't ya?" Teaspoon insisted, regardless of the lady's unwillingness in the conversation.

Mrs. Logan stretched her hand with the vial in it to him, and instead of answering the marshal's question, she said, "Just add a full tablespoon of this stuff to a glass of water. It will help you to relieve some of the pressure you're feeling in your stomach."

"Thank you, Mrs. Logan," Teaspoon replied, taking the small bottle from her hand.

"And if you don't need anything else, I won't keep you from attending your responsibilities," she added, thus cutting off any further possibility to be at the receiving end of the marshal's curiosity.

"Good day then, Ma'am." Taking his leave from the lady, Teaspoon headed for the exit and as he walked to his office, replaying his conversation with Mrs. Logan, he had no doubt that there was something fishy going on. Either this lady was really particular about protecting her privacy or she was obviously hiding something since she had so clearly squirmed at Teaspoon's simple questions. Yeah, there was no doubt about it and the marshal had the hunch that whatever it was, the answer would definitely be in St Louis.

* * *

From his position at the stables front, Kid could see the door of his house open and a woman, who wasn't his wife, walked out. It was Mrs. Harris, one of the local ladies, who was an active member in the charity committee of Rock Creek's church. The woman had been waiting for Louise to ask for a donation to their cause when she had come back from town after leaving Jack at school. That had been three hours ago, Kid thought with a smile.

Mrs. Harris was a middle-aged widow living all on her own and just had the knack of talking tirelessly for long hours. Kid walked towards the house as the lady made her way to her carriage. As he passed by her side, Mrs. Harris turned to the young man and exclaimed, "You have a lovely wife, Mr. McCloud. She's absolutely charming!"

"Yeah, she is," Kid admitted with an ample smile.

"I have to go now. Good day, Mr. McCloud."

"Mrs. Harris." Kid tipped his hat to the woman politely as he continued towards his house. As soon as he stepped inside, the sound of drawers being closed raucously and other metallic sounds coming from the kitchen reached his ears. Tommy was quietly drawing in the lounge and smiled at him when Kid walked through it towards the kitchen.

"Lou?" he called as he stood at the door, watching his wife frantically rushing around. As she heard her name being uttered behind her, she swirled around towards him in a flash.

"Oh that woman!" Lou growled furiously. "I've never known anybody who could babble so much in my whole life! I was ready to give her the deed of our house to get rid of her and her unbearable ramblings!" Kid broke into a smile, which earned him a glare from his wife. "Don't you dare laugh at me, Kid!"

He walked the few steps separating them and drew her into his arms. "I'm not laughing at you, silly," he said, kissing the tip of her nose tenderly, "just at your outburst."

"That woman wasted my precious time," she moaned as she disengaged herself from his hold. "And I have so much to do! I gotta clean all the windows, go for provisions, pick up Jack from school, fix dinner and still have time to exercise that couple of horses I promised you I would."

"Hold on there, honey," Kid exclaimed. "You're making me tired just from listening to you." Coming closer to her once again, he peered in her eyes directly. "Just do what you can, Lou. You don't need to work with the horses."

"But I want to!" she whined exaggeratedly. She was tired of being trapped in the house and really longed for working on their ranch.

"All right, all right," he said. "You stay here and do whatever you need or want to do. I'll take Tommy with me, go to Tompkins and pick up Jack for you. What about that?"

"That sounds pretty good," she replied, smiling for the first time and leaning over, she kissed her husband full on the mouth. "I love you," she called as he moved to leave.

"Don't try to do everything at once. Leave something for tomorrow."

"All right, but now get out of here," she said among giggles and stood dreamily looking at his retreating figure. Without even realizing it, a deep sigh escaped her lips, feeling a terrible need to cry, which she didn't want or dare to think why.

A few hours later Kid drove the buckboard back in his property, the two boys sitting at his side. He had delayed their return home a bit longer as he wanted to give Lou some time on her own before finding the house invaded by their two demanding children. After going around Teaspoon's office and not finding the marshal there, he had taken the children to Miss Prescott's new teahouse and bought them a nice piece of apple pie and a glass of milk each, which they had enjoyed thoroughly. Later they had gone visiting with Rachel for a while, and when they had finally headed for home, Kid had taken a detour still trying to save some more minutes for Lou.

Kid jumped off the wagon and helped the boys off it afterwards. Blacky ran towards the brothers as soon as the dog set eyes on them, barking excitedly and the two boys began playing with him straightaway. Kid expected Louise to appear at the door at any moment as she always did when they had been in town, but seeing as she didn't, Kid plodded toward the house, amusedly thinking that she must still be in the middle of her frantic activity and probably hadn't heard the wagon pull up outside.

As he stepped into the house, it surprised him not to hear any sounds at all or perceive the smells of Lou's cooking wafting from the kitchen. Walking into the lounge, his mouth twitched into a smile as his eyes fell on Louise fast asleep on the couch, a bucket of water and a rag in front of her on the floor. Kid approached her and crouching before her sleeping figure, he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand tenderly. "Hey, Lou, sweetie. Wake up."

Her eyes fluttered for a moment and then she opened them slowly, getting a blurry image of her husband's smiling face before her. "Kid?" she called in a raspy voice.

"We're back, honey," he said softly.

"Back?" she repeated huskily, her mind not completely awake yet, but when his words sank in, she sat up suddenly while she exclaimed, "Oh my God! I've fallen asleep. I just sat down for a minute, and I've fallen asleep!"

"It's not such a big deal, Lou, it's fine," Kid piped in.

"No, it's not!" she let out angrily. "I haven't done a single darn thing, not even dinner!"

"You mean you've been sleeping all this time?" he asked with a frown. Lou did not answer his question and instead she jumped to her feet and in her hurry to go to the kitchen, she stumbled over the bucket she had previously filled with water to wash the windows, tipping it over and spilling the water all over the floor. "Oh God," Lou exclaimed horrified.

"It's all right," Kid tried to appease his seemingly agitated wife. "I'll see to this. You start dinner, and I'll give you a hand once I have dried this floor."

Minutes later Kid slid into the kitchen, his eyes falling on Lou as she washed her hands in the sink. Hearing his steps she turned her head to him and both kept looking at each other without uttering a single word. It was Kid who broke the silence as he asked, "Lou, what's wrong?" Before she had time to protest he added, "And don't say it's nothing because I know better. I wake up every day with you, live with you, struggle with you, sleep with you, so I have a certain idea of what I'm talking about if I say there's something different in my wife. For one thing you never fall asleep in the middle of the day without an apparent reason."

Lou sighed wearily, knowing that she couldn't stall him any longer. Resting her body against the sink and her arms folded across her chest protectively she muttered hesitantly, "I… I'm not feeling well lately."

"I thought so," Kid simply said with a serious countenance.

"I must surely be coming down with something … a cold or maybe the flu," she continued faintly.

"But you don't believe it's that," he stated without hesitation.

"I don't know, Kid!" Louise exclaimed. "I'm no doctor!"

Kid walked a few steps till he was face to face with her and holding her upper arms in his hands he said, "That's why we're gonna see Doctor Logan tomorrow without delay and don't start with your protests."

"I don't need to see any doctor, Kid."

"Lou…" he let out in warning.

"Maybe it's a temporary thing and it will blow over like … like a headache," she said with a slight smile, looking intently in his eyes, trying to make him believe what she wanted to believe herself. "I promise I'll go to Doctor Logan if I still feel unwell in a few days, honestly." Kid wasn't really convinced of her arguments but he knew that nothing he could say would persuade her otherwise. "Now let's finish fixing dinner once and for all if we don't want the boys to starve tonight."

Louise turned away from him and continued getting everything ready for tonight's quick dinner. Kid came to her side and started shelling some peas from a bowl. They worked in silence when out of the blue Lou blurted out, "You know, I think my mother couldn't have been much older than I am now when she passed away." Kid slowly turned his head to stare at her crestfallen while she kept her attention focused on the carrots she was peeling while continuing to talk. "It's funny. I don't even know what exactly she died from. You see, nobody talks to an eight-year-old about those things. All I know is that she started getting these pains and weakening away to nothing."

"Wh…" Kid tried to speak, but had to clear his tightened throat before carrying on. "Why are you telling me all this, Lou?" he asked, staring at her wide-eyed.

This time Lou met his frightened eyes and smiling widely as if she didn't notice his demure she said, "No reason. Just miss her sometimes, that's all." She leaned over and planting a quick kiss on his cheek she said cheerfully, "It's getting dark outside. I'll call the boys. Won't be long." As she scurried out of the kitchen, Kid stood there on the same spot, frozen, feeling overwhelmed by fear, stronger and infinitely more frightened than he had ever felt before and sighing, his lips let out a few words, softly like in a prayer, "Oh God."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

The following days Lou kept busy around the house, trying to get everything ready for their friends' visit. She wanted her house to look impeccable and had been spring-cleaning all the rooms with renewed energy. She was really excited to see them all again after such a long time and, as Kid had rightly said, to relive old good times. Unfortunately, she and Kid did not have enough room at their house to take everybody in; there was only Theresa's old room, which hardly was big or comfortable enough for a single grown-up man. The couple had been talking about extending their house by adding a few more rooms since when the boys grew older, they would need a bedroom each and also the couple would like to have a place to accommodate their visiting friends. Yet, so far they hadn't been able to do any of that since they couldn't afford the project right now. Rachel had offered the extra rooms in her house to accommodate Emma and her family, but the men would have to take rooms in the local hotel.

As she had feared, after having that conversation with Kid about her 'not feeling well', he was beside himself with worry. He constantly kept a vigilant eye on her, watching her like a hawk and asking her dozens of times a day how she was feeling. Of course Lou always replied with a 'pretty good' but she knew that Kid could read through her lies. What she really regretted was babbling about her mother and the implications behind those words. Anyone could have understood what she had tried to imply, and Kid was definitely no fool. No wonder he looked so tense and glum lately. Louise still wondered what had prompted her to talk like that; she hadn't planned it, that was for sure. She didn't know if it had been her fears seeping through her or simply if her sense of righteousness had taken over. In a way, she felt she somehow had to let Kid be aware of what was happening to her. If worst came to worst, she'd want him to gradually digest on his mind what might probably be for them around the corner.

It was crystal clear that their conversation hadn't left him indifferent at all. Kid was fussing over her more than usual if that was really possible. Despite the reasons behind his behavior, somehow she was enjoying the extra attention he was paying her. Any other time she would have been annoyed by his excessive concern, but lately she was feeling very vulnerable and in need of being pampered and cared for. What really irritated her was that every single day he kept bugging her about going to the doctor, but still she refused to do so, which was really sending him over the edge. It wouldn't surprise her at all if he decided to hogtie and drag her to the doctor's office himself. Lou knew that he was right, but she needed to wait just a little more time. She hated to see her husband looking so down and she wished she could talk to him and erase his fears. Yet, there was nothing she could really tell him because she didn't know anything. Luckily, Emma and the boys would be arriving soon and Louise was sure they would definitely be a distraction for him.

Wednesday came bright and shining. This was the day that all their friends would supposedly be arriving. Lou had woken up a bit earlier than usual and started to prepare the special dinner that everybody would sit down to eat tonight. For some reason it was very important to her to have everything perfect for this day; she didn't know if it was because she wanted to prove to herself and her friends that she was a capable woman and wife. She still remembered how prior to their marriage their fellow riders had continually joked about poor Kid starving to death. It was true that her cooking skills weren't nothing to brag about back then, and even though her abilities in the kitchen had improved considerably in the last years, most of the time she limited herself to prepare plain and uncomplicated dishes. However today she wanted to stretch her capabilities. Following a recipe from Rachel she was going to cook roast chicken and even had the intention to bake a cake following a new recipe, which Rachel had given her. It was going to be a special occasion, and she hoped her food would taste as good as the day presented itself. Right now the chicken was in the oven and Louise was sitting at the table peeling and slicing some apples and pears she needed for the cake.

Kid slipped into the kitchen and as soon as she saw him, a wide smile appeared on her face. Rising to her feet, Louise came close to him and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. Lately she had the need to feel and touch him even more than usual and when she broke the kiss, Lou didn't let go of him, instead snuggling against his shoulder with a placid smile and breathing in his fresh smell. Shortly after finishing working in the stables, Kid had a bath and changed into new clothes and Lou relished in the aroma of the soap on his skin. Yet, the moment was annoyingly broken as he asked for the third time that morning, "How are you feeling, Lou?"

Louise disengaged herself from his hold and taking her seat at the table again, she replied wearily, "I'm fine." It was basically the truth. Right now she was feeling perfectly all right. However, she knew that didn't mean anything. Sometimes she had lured herself into believing that nothing was wrong when she felt as well as now, but then all the discomfort and subsequent worries started again.

"Sure?" Kid insisted, watching her warily.

"I'm fine!" she replied loudly and a bit too harshly. Realizing that she was being unfair when he was just showing his concern, she looked at him, an apology in her eyes.

Kid simply smiled, without saying a word. Peering at her carefully, he noticed that she was looking especially lovely today. Not that her appearance had changed lately at all; sometimes her face showed signs of tiredness but other than that he couldn't say she looked any thinner or paler. And today she had a special way about her; her cheeks were flushing, there was a distinctive glow in her eyes and something else that Kid couldn't actually put his finger on. Maybe it was all the excitement of the day or simply, Kid hoped, she was truly feeling better.

"I'm off to town now," he said. Yesterday they got a wire from their three friends, stating that they would be arriving in Rock Creek mid-morning and since they didn't know where Kid and Lou's place was exactly, he had agreed to go and meet them in town.

Louise nodded and asked, "Could you get me a couple of things from Tompkins while you're there? I need some sugar and corn flour."

"Sure," Kid replied and coming closer to her, he cupped her face in his hands and added, "You take care of yourself, all right?"

Lou had the urge to laugh at hearing his words as if he was about to start a very long trip whereas he was just off to town for a short while, but noticing the seriousness of his countenance, she just nodded and getting a quick kiss from her husband, she saw him turn silently and walk out of the room.

In town Kid stopped his horse in front of the marshal's office and sliding off, he tethered his beloved mare to the hitching post. The young man plodded towards the building housing the jail and let himself in, but barely a few minutes later he was out of it again. Teaspoon wasn't in his office today either. It had been four days since they last saw him and apparently his two deputies didn't have a clue where he had gone either. The marshal had just told them that he had some matter to see to and asked the two men to take care of the town while he was away. Seemingly Teaspoon had ridden off that same day, and nobody knew where to. Kid thought ruefully that Lou would be so disappointed if he happened to miss their little family reunion. Emma and the boys would stay in Rock Creek for a few days and he hoped that the marshal would be back in the meanwhile. It intrigued the Southerner the way Teaspoon had so mysteriously left without telling a single soul. He wondered what could possibly be so urgent for the marshal to leave like that and he hoped that whatever he had got himself into, he was fine.

Kid stood in the street outside Teaspoon's office, his hands resting on his hips and deep in thought while he pondered about the whereabouts of the marshal. He was so lost in thought that he never heard or saw the horses till they were almost bumping into him. Startled Kid looked up and his mouth broke into a big smile as he caught sight of three very familiar faces, grinning at him.

"Some things definitely never change. Still daydreaming about Lou, Kid?" Cody quipped while his two companions snickered bemusedly.

"Oh don't start, Cody!" Kid replied teasingly. The three men dismounted and one by one joined in a heart-felt embrace with the friend they hadn't seen in such a long time.

"This place stirs so many memories," Buck muttered when all the greetings were over. His tone was melancholic and gloomy. After all, Rock Creek was the place where Ike and Noah had died, and the pain still clung to his heart.

"Yeah," Jimmy agreed, understanding the meaning behind Buck's words. He could really sympathize with his Indian friend. Even though his time working for the Pony Express had been full of good and memorable moments, there were things he'd rather forget. Maybe that was the reason why it had taken so long to come back. It really felt strange to be in the place after all these years. "So what are you up to, Kid?" he asked, trying to change the direction of his own thoughts. "Problems with the marshal?" he asked again, raising an eyebrow teasingly and pointing at the afore-mentioned office with his thumb.

Kid grinned widely and shaking his head, he added, "I ain't working for him anymore. Hung my guns up a few months ago."

"How's he anyway?" Buck asked.

"Fine… I guess," Kid replied uncertainly. "He's out of town God knows where."

"Same old Teaspoon," Cody let out with a bemused smirk.

"So here we are, finally," Jimmy began after a silent lapse.

"Yeah, here you are," Kid repeatedly as if not really believing that his friends were actually before them.

"How's Lou, Kid?" Buck asked, his voice tinged with certain wariness. He had learnt through Jimmy that Louise was going through a rough patch or at least that was what Kid had told him.

That was the last news they'd really got. Even though the three of them had wanted to answer their friend's plead of help and come home, once again life had got on the way. Cody's regiment had been summoned to attend some Indian issue and Buck had also been required to help, a mission which had taken them months to complete. Buck still was uncertain whether his resolution to help the army was the right one. It was really heart-breaking to contemplate the situation his own people were coming across, but he knew they couldn't fight this huge power that the American nation was. In a way, he had the conviction that he was helping his people if he could prevent any more killings, but he was also aware that he was seen as a traitor in his brothers' eyes. Long ago he had learnt that no matter what he did, he would never be able to fit in one world completely and even though guilt nagged him more often that he wished, Buck knew that there was no way back.

As for Lou, that encounter between Jimmy and Kid was all they knew. Cody still wrote to Rachel and Louise regularly but the young woman had stopped her letters months ago and Rachel never mentioned there being anything wrong with Lou at all.

"She's fine," Kid replied to Buck's question hurriedly, not wanting to give too many details yet. "You'll see her now. She's waiting at our place. Shall we go?"

"Hey, Kid, hold on there," Cody piped in as Kid was already by Katy and ready to mount and ride off. "My throat's on fire from the dust we've been picking up on the trail. I could really do with some good refreshment right now. What you say, boys?"

The two men by his side nodded their heads in agreement but Kid wasn't into the idea at all. He just wanted to go home as soon as possible. "You'll get your refreshment or anything you want at our ranch. It's not far."

Cody walked to the Southerner and grabbing him by the shoulders he said, "Kid, my friend, if I didn't know better, I'd say that you still hold to the Pony Express' alcohol ban, even at your place, ain't I right?"

Kid did not like the patronizing tone in Cody's voice or the badly-hidden amusement in the other two men's countenances and with a set jaw, he said, "We do have sherry for Teaspoon or when somebody comes visiting."

The three men burst out laughing regardless of their friend's unhappy face and without even trying to convince a reluctant Kid, Cody simply said, "Let's go and get something to drink," while he dragged his friend along towards the local saloon.

The Southerner knew it was in vain to try to protest, and he let himself be steered towards the establishment. His only thought went out to Lou, who was in their house on her own, something which he wasn't very pleased about, since he knew that she still wasn't feeling very well. Kid hated leaving her by herself but hopefully, that refreshment Cody wanted wouldn't take them very long.

He did not say anything as they continued their way down the street. All his thoughts were focused on his wife as this new development had him on tenterhooks. He didn't know what was wrong with her, and to top it off, Lou was in her usual stubbornness and continued refusing to see the doctor, which was driving him crazy with worry. The notion that something might happen to her was so devastatingly scary that he didn't even dare to think about it. Kid tried over and over again to believe what she had said, that she was coming down with some kind of flu, but the thing was that her reluctance to see a doctor was telling him a different story.

At night sleep didn't come easily as all the worries surged through his mind while he lay in the bed he shared with Lou. In the darkness he could make out his wife's figure peacefully sleeping by his side; apparently she had no problem in falling asleep as she was dozing in no time, which really was unusual for her. Lou usually turned and tossed in bed for a bit before she was finally able to crash, but now she was sound asleep before he blew out the lights. Kid just lay by her side every night watching her in silence; his arm around her waist in a strong hold, his eyes traveling all over her and gradually hours later he was overcome by sleep.

All these thoughts were running through his mind so intensely that Kid hardly realized that they had reached the saloon till Cody gave him a strong push that almost made him stumble over his own feet as they made their way inside. _'Lou's not gonna like this,'_ was his last thought as he crossed the length of the place and joined his friends at the counter.

A couple of hours afterwards the group of men rode towards the ranch. It was much later than Kid had anticipated he'd be in town. He had to admit that he had enjoyed catching up with the lives of his friends even though most of the time it had been Cody who had monopolized the conversation, tirelessly talking about his apparently great adventures and deeds serving in the army. Kid had listened to him amusedly, knowing that most of his account was an exaggerated version of the actual reality. Cody was the same histrionic character as always and he would definitely never change. However, Kid could see that there were unquestionably some differences in all his friends. He supposed that he had also changed. The years had left their visible mark, and there was no doubt that they weren't those young boys hired by the Pony Express any more. The boys had turned into grown-up men and even though on the surface they could seem to show the almost identical traces than years ago, Kid knew that things weren't the same.

The glass of whisky before the three men was just a clear indication of those differences. Not that seeing them drink bothered Kid any; they had stopped being youngsters or working for the Pony Express long ago and there was nothing wrong in changing some habits in the natural process of getting older. However, Kid had opted long ago to keep away from the bottle as much as he could; he knew what alcohol could turn a man into and now he had a family to think of. Sometimes he thought that maybe there was something of his father left in him, and what could mean just a drink for others might begin something that Kid would rather not try. He would want to be dead if he let himself turn into a man like his father or Robert Martin.

The four men dismounted as soon as they reached the ranch and led the horses to the stables where they took good care of the animals after the hard and long ride. "It is a fine place you have here, Kid," Buck said as they casually dawdled out of the stables.

"Thanks," Kid replied absently, while his attention was drawn to his house. It surprised him that Lou had not shown up as soon as they had ridden in. She couldn't have missed hearing the sounds of the four horses, especially when the silence was almost complete in the property. _'Maybe she's having a bath,'_ Kid pondered comfortingly, _'… or resting.'_ The last part of his thought did not come up so at ease after the way she was feeling lately. He knew that his wife struggled to reach the end of the day; she never complained or talked openly about it to him, but he could see the signs of weariness she tried to hide and even he had caught her a couple of times sprawled on their sofa in the middle of the day. It was almost unbelievable to imagine that from her when Lou had always been such an incredible tireless worker. Definitely something was the matter with her and the thought scared him to death. Faintly he heard Jimmy say something next to him and Kid turned to him with a clueless expression, letting out an unintelligible word, "Uh?"

Jimmy laughed at Kid's obvious absentmindedness and repeated his question; "I was asking you if you'd show us around your place."

"Oh, sure," he replied promptly, "but first let me check on Lou and tell her we're here."

Kid began silently walking towards his house, followed by his three friends. At a certain distance suddenly one of the windows opened raucously, and Lou stuck her head out. On seeing her, Kid smiled relieved, but as soon as she spoke, he knew that she wasn't happy at all.

"Kid," she let out in a shrill voice, "where is the sugar and the corn flour?"

For a moment Kid stood motionless, staring at her clueless as if she was speaking another language and then he remembered about those things he was supposed to get from Tompkins and never did. Hitting his forehead with his right palm, he began clumsily, "Sorry, honey, I…" The window was slammed shut again before he had time to finish his sentence, "…forgot."

"Nice to see you, Lou!" Jimmy called loudly after her but she didn't reappear as Kid knew she wouldn't.

"What the hell was that about?" Cody asked, baffled at her nasty manners when they had just barely arrived.

"She's just mad at me," Kid simply said. He knew what was eating her; she did not particularly care about him forgetting to get those things from the store, but she was surely angry because they had not come back to the ranch straightaway. He had been in town for two hours, and Lou surely knew that they had been hanging around together while, as she put it, she had been cooped up in the house. She had never liked being left out and this time was no different.

"Is this what you told me about in Denver?" Jimmy questioned warily, remembering how Kid had told him that he and Lou weren't fine. Those had been his exact words, but he had not elaborated what exactly was wrong back then and for months Jimmy had wondered what the problem could be. He wasn't sure if Lou had some problem or if it was that things between the couple weren't as bright as he had thought they would be.

"Oh no!" Kid exclaimed. "Everything's fine now, almost perfect. It's almost as if we were honeymooning again. Lou … we had some very hard months for a while but all that is behind us now."

None of his friends dared to ask what had happened to have "those hard months", feeling that Kid would tell them when and only if he wanted to. They knew that their fellow friend was reserved, had always been, for his privacy and matters between husband and wife were too delicate and personal for anybody to stick their noses in.

"I'm really glad to hear that," Jimmy said sincerely, slapping him on the shoulder in a friendly fashion. Riding to Rock Creek he had feared what he might find. They had got that letter from Kid a few weeks ago, asking them to spend some days with them but he hadn't said much further. He had mentioned Lou in his letter, so Jimmy knew that at least the couple was still together but he had wondered how things were between them. Now hearing Kid say that there were no problems ahead had really made his day.

"Well, Kid, my friend," Cody began immediately after Hickok, "I ain't no expert, but I would go and apologize to your wife for whatever it is you have done. By the sound of her, I'd say she's planning for you to keep Katy company tonight."

Kid let out a peal of laughter at Cody's comment and added, "Yeah, I guess." Turning his attention to the three men he asked, his head gesturing at his house, "Come with me?"

Cody was about to make a sarcastic quip when they heard the sounds of a wagon approaching. The four men turned round and squinted their eyes against the blinding afternoon sun to see who was coming. When the carriage was closer, and they could clearly make out the figures inside the buckboard, they automatically broke into a smile. It was Emma and Sam; the red-haired lady had a small child sitting on her lap while another sat between her and the marshal on the wagon seat. On catching sight of the men standing in the middle of the yard, Emma lifted her arm and waved at them enthusiastically. The four friends returned the greeting and as the carriage came to a halt not far from them, they approached it.

Emma handed the toddler to Buck while Jimmy stretched his hand to help the lady get off from the wagon. Her face was split by the ample smile she was wearing and once her feet touched the secure ground, she exclaimed gaily, "How are my boys?" Kid and the others grinned to hear being called 'boys' and one by one they gave the woman a hug and greeted Sam in an affectionate way.

"And these little people you carry along?" Cody asked, while exaggeratedly pulling faces to the young girl still in Buck's hold, who pouted unhappily at the man playing clown before her. It was clear that the two children were the couple's own offspring. Both of them had fine fair hair and pale blue eyes, incredibly resembling Sam.

"These are our two children, Cody," Emma replied with a placid smile. "My beautiful baby, Sarah, and my big man Jonathan, who's five."

"Almost six!" the boy protested with a frown, his arms folding across his chest.

"That's right, my love," Emma added, running her fingers through her son's soft hair while she shared an amused look with the former riders.

"They may look like you, Sam," Cody remarked with a smirk, "but they sure have their mother's personality."

"Don't I know it!" the marshal quipped with a crooked smile, which sent everybody chortling.

Little Sarah missing to be in her mother's hold let out a loud wail, stretching her chubby arms towards Emma. The woman retrieved the child from Buck and as soon as the toddler felt her mama's arms around her, she quieted and cuddled against her chest, licking her thumb happily.

"You're definitely not a lady's man, Buck," Cody said, snickering at his own joke.

"Can't you just be quiet for once, Cody?" the Indian ordered, tired of his friend's teasing remarks. Cody hadn't stopped gabbling for a second in the ride coming from Denver, which was driving Buck nuts. He still didn't know how he managed to work along with Cody and keep a cold face. He was a good friend but his jokes and wisecracks were a bit too much sometimes. Buck admitted that he should be used to him by now but the thing was that it was often almost unbearable to hear all that constant babbling.

"So Kid," Emma began, addressing the quiet man, "where's …"

She didn't finish her question as a loud voice piercing the air and calling her name reached their ears. They turned to the sound and saw Lou, running wildly towards them, laughing happily. As soon as she reached the group, she threw herself to Emma's arms, hugging her tightly and in the process squeezing little Sarah, who grumbled her protests loudly. When they pulled away, Emma exclaimed, "Look at you, young lady. You've really bloomed since the last time I saw you. I gather your husband here has something to do with it."

Lou blushed at the older woman's compliment, sharing a sideways look with Kid, who was grinning proudly. It was then that she heard Cody talking behind her. "I see where you wife's esteem lies, Kid. Almost squeezed the air out of poor Emma while all we got was a deafening angry shout, which wasn't even meant for us."

Louise turned around to the three men and looked at their blonde friend straight in the eyes. "Stop moaning, Cody, and come here, you fool!" she exclaimed as she stretched her arms towards him.

Cody gave her a hug and before pulling away, he said sarcastically, "You really have put on more flesh on the right places, Lou, but you have the same 'sweet' character as always." He scurried away, hooting with laughter before she could react to his words. Louise glared at him but softened when Jimmy, Buck and Sam came to greet her warmly.

"I'm so glad to see you, Lou," Jimmy said as he gave her a close hug, which brought a smile to her lips.

"Me too. I'm really happy to see you all, even Cody," she said, looking at the blonde man purposefully, who stood at the other end from her. Then turning to Emma again, she directed all her attention to the toddler in her hands. "Goodness me, Sarah, you've grown into such a big girl. Last time I saw you, you were nothing but a little weenie pea," Lou exclaimed, which made the little girl giggle contentedly. "And you young man, don't you look handsome!" she added, addressing Emma and Sam's eldest child.

"I am," little Jonathan stated without hesitation and with a proud stance.

The group laughed at the boy's remark and Buck said, "Seems we have here a small version of Cody. Beware, Emma, he might grow into a specimen like this one."

While Cody looked daggers to his friend, Emma smiled amusedly, relishing on the sensation of being back to old times. Despite being a different time and location, everything clearly had an air of yesteryear. These now grown-up men were bickering as they used to years before but above all Emma could feel the respect and mutual love they had for each other. Turning her attention back to Louise, Emma asked, "So, Loulabelle, where are those boys of yours?"

Lou smiled warmly as she thought of her two lovely children, and replied, "At school. Well, Tommy's still too young for schooling, but Rachel's having her natural history class in the little forest near the creek and she offered to take him with her."

"You have children?" Jimmy asked, really surprised at this piece of information. This was the first news they had that their friends had become parents. Nobody had mentioned any of that and knowing Cody's big mouth, he would have heard of it by now if Rachel or Lou had said anything about it in their letters to their blonde friend.

"Yes, we have. Two boys," Kid replied with a proud smile.

"How old are they?" Buck asked, also curious about their friend's new parenthood.

"Well," Lou began, feeling pleasantly proud to talk about their two boys, "Jack's seven and Tommy's just four."

Like usual, Cody couldn't keep quiet and working out the numbers in his head, the comment was out of his mouth before he had the sense to stop and think things over. "One moment, Lou. You're pulling our legs, right? I was with you seven years ago, and you were as thin as a rake. Where did you hide the kid, and for once I don't mean your husband?" Cody asked with a snicker, still clueless to what he was actually asking.

Kid saw her body stiffen as soon as he heard Cody, and before the Southerner could do anything to avoid what he knew was coming, Lou turned her head to her friend in a flash and with her arms folded over her chest she barked loudly, her face flushed red, "For your information, Cody, I can't have babies. Do I need to draw you a sketch with the full details, or maybe you'd rather have word with my doctor?"

For once in his life Cody was speechless and couldn't find his own tongue. "I… I…I…," he tried several times but nothing came out of his mouth.

Fortunately, Kid saved him from further awkwardness as he hurriedly came to his wife and putting his finger under her chin, he turned her head towards him. "Hey, hey, Lou, what was that?" he said softly.

Hearing Kid's voice and feeling his touch was enough to snap her out of her mood and make her realize what she was doing. It still hurt too much to talk about that tender matter that Cody had just mentioned, but she had been good lately at controlling her sometimes uncontrollable feelings. It had been a while since she had felt that blinding rage within her, but when Cody had joked about what hurt her most in her life, something inside her had snapped and the nasty comment was out of her mouth before she was fully aware of her actions.

Louise sobered at once and looking around she saw everybody staring at her with strange expressions. "Uh…" she started awkwardly, "forgive me, Cody. I…I…" Her voice trailed off as she couldn't find the words to explain herself, so plastering a smile on her face instead, Lou turned to Emma. "You must all be tired and hungry after the long journey here. Come to the house with me, and you can wash up and have something to eat."

"That sounds really nice, Lou," Sam replied, taking a squirming little Sarah from her mother's arms.

Emma smiled sweetly at her younger friend and passed a comforting arm over her shoulders. Both women walked to the house silently, followed by Sam and the children. The older woman was aware of Lou's predicament in the last months; the letters had stopped arriving at her house and she'd driven Sam crazy as she poured all her worries over Louise to him. She knew something was bound to have happened to her young friend; Lou had been writing to her regularly for years now and never ever had her letters stopped, but for months she hadn't even replied to her constant letters asking after her.

So Emma had decided to write to Rachel and the lady had explained to her the terrible blow Kid and Lou had received and how badly the petite woman was taking it in those days. Emma's heart went out for the young couple, especially for Louise. Being a mother herself she could understand how Lou must have been hurting and her first impulse had been to drop everything and run to her friend's side. However, Sam had convinced her that the couple needed to solve their problems on their own and she would just be in the middle of it. Emma guessed that he had been right as months later a letter from Lou was awaiting her at the post office. The young woman explained in it everything that Rachel had previously told her and also announced how things between her and Kid were on the mend and how the two boys had become part of their life. Emma couldn't have felt happier for them as she had read the letter, but now she could understand why Lou had reacted in the way she had after that inopportune comment from Cody.

Kid and the other three men stared after the two women till they got inside the house followed by Sam and their two children. Kid didn't try to move an inch even after the door closed and all he could catch sight of was his own house in front of him. It was Jimmy's voice who snapped him back to reality. "So that's it?" he asked warily.

Kid turned to look at his friend and let out bitterly, "Yeah, that's it."

Cody looked as if he was in shock and fumbled for the right words to say. "I…I'm terribly sorry, Kid. I would never hurt you and Lou on purpose. I had no idea."

"I know," the Southerner replied, without any resentment. "Lou's fine with it now, honestly, but … I don't know… she's in a funny mood lately."

"It must have been hard for you two," Buck added.

"It was," Kid agreed bitterly. "She was a completely different woman; I couldn't recognize my wife, and I thought I was gonna lose her in every sense." He stopped and let out his held breath and added. "She's struggling real hard to forget about all that, but still she doesn't talk much about it. Jack and Tommy turning up at our doorstep was like a gift from heaven and the push she just needed to come out."

"Sorry we couldn't make it here sooner, Kid," Buck said in an apologetic tone.

"Don't think it would have made much of a difference. I knew you two were away. But what about you, Jimmy?" Kid asked; he hadn't pretended to sound recriminatory, but that's the way it came out.

Buck and Cody shared a knowing look while Jimmy lowered his eyes to the ground under his feet as he muttered, "Nathan, Celinda's husband, was killed by a madman. My sister was inconsolable; three children to raise now on her own. I moved to her place to help her and stayed there for a few months. Seems she's finally coming to terms with Nathan's death."

"I'm so sorry, Jimmy," Kid said. "I had no clue. Why didn't you write to tell us?"

"Jimmy writing? You can't be serious!" Cody exclaimed and Kid simply nodded; their friend was not one to sit down and write and it wasn't because he didn't care. It just was the way he was, nothing else.

"You had your own share of problems, Kid," Jimmy said, excusing himself. "Not a good year for neither of us, but well, now things can't get any worse, can they?"

Kid sighed and added forlornly, "I guess not." It seemed that he couldn't get rid of problems and not even now, he could say that he and Lou were free of trouble. He knew that his three friends could hear the doubt in his voice, but fortunately they didn't ask anything further. He just didn't want to talk any more now, so he simply said, "Come on, let's go inside."

* * *

Later that day the spacious dining room was crammed with everybody squeezed around the dinner table. Laughter and conversation filled the room as the memories unfolded one after another. Louise sat between her two boys; Rachel had brought them back earlier after spending a lovely day in the open. Like expected, Jack was in his usual talkative character as soon as he met the people visiting in his house. He had been full of questions for the men and his eyes were bright with excitement as his avid curiosity was satisfied, especially by Cody's grotesque and exaggerated tales. On the contrary, Tommy had clung to Lou's skirt the rest of the afternoon and evening as he fearfully stared at all these new people invading his place. As much as Kid and Lou had patiently tried to talk him into not being afraid or bashful, nothing worked and the boy kept his face hidden behind Lou's body. At least, he had finally joined Jack and Emma's son in their games while the adults had a respite.

All day long Louise had whined out of disappointment about Teaspoon not being with them as Kid had told her that the marshal wasn't back yet. However, right now Lou couldn't care less if there was not a single soul in the room; actually that was what she most wished at this exact moment. All she wanted was to run upstairs, get under the covers in her bed and lay in complete silence and darkness. She was feeling more and more awful by the minute and couldn't really come to enjoy the company of her friends. She knew that Kid was watching her carefully and for that reason she forced a smile on her face, occasionally meeting his eyes across the table as if nothing was going on. Other than that, she kept her attention focused on her plate with roast chicken, which everybody seemed to be enjoying greatly.

Louise struggled to eat bite by bite, trying not to draw her husband's attention if she didn't eat. Yet, she was aware that he was no longer buying her 'I'm fine', which she kept repeating every day, and she imagined that soon everybody else would be wondering why she was so quiet tonight. Lou just felt unable to join the conversation. How could she when every time she lifted her eyes from the plate, the room was spinning around her? Her forehead was bright with sweat, her temples were throbbing, and to top it all, the food voluntarily forced into her stomach was making her nauseous. The voices and laughter reached her ears like deafening sounds but she didn't have the power or the energy to make out their words.

A pull at her sleeve made her turn slowly to her side, where Tommy was sitting. Lou lowered her head to the boy's eye level and he whispered into her ear, "I wanna water, ma."

She squinted her eyes and caught sight of the empty glass jug. Feeling this interruption like a blessing excuse to leave the table without being bugged by Kid's enquiring eyes, she said, "I'll get it."

Grabbing the jug, she stood up as steadily as she could without giving herself away. Lou never looked at anybody as she crossed the length of the room to the kitchen. She didn't know how she managed to reach it without staggering and falling flat on her face, but as soon as she stepped inside, she closed the door and dropped onto a chair heavily. Resting her elbows on the kitchen table, Lou closed her eyes as she massaged her temples with her thumbs as a way to relieve all the pressure in her head.

Kid usually did the same thing whenever she complained of a bad headache and she wished she could really feel his soft fingers on her now. He just had the knack to make her relax and Lou eventually fell asleep. Right now she couldn't tell him any of this, though. All she would manage to do was to worry him more and for once he really needed a break and some problem-relief. Lou felt terrible, thinking that since he had come back from fighting in the east, he hadn't had it easy at all. It had been a dreadful year and it just wasn't fair. Kid was the best man… the best person she had ever met and he really deserved something good in his life for once and all. It seemed that problems followed them no matter what they did like a bad omen. It isn't fair, she repeated silently as two heavy teardrops trickled down from her closed eyes.

Suddenly, a voice resounded in the silence of the room. "Lou, you all right?"

Her eyes popped open instantly and met the worried faces of Rachel and Emma. Behind them, Louise spied the open door through which she could hear the men's voices and catch a glimpse of them still sitting around the table. She rose to her feet, glad that the walls and the furniture had finally stopped dancing around her and walking to the door, she closed it.

"Lou?" Rachel insisted as the young woman wasn't speaking.

Louise turned round to face her two friends and resting her back against the door, she said, "No, I ain't feeling all right at all. Actually, I haven't felt fine since that incident with the boys' real father."

"Are you in pain, Louise?" Emma asked with an evidently concerned visage.

"Not really in pain," she replied while she walked a few steps forward and sat down again. "I feel completely drained most of the time, without a single ounce of strength left in my body and … and… I dunno … I just feel strangely sick."

Rachel and Emma had taken seats around the table across from Louise and after sharing a look with each other, they silently watched their friend. She kept her eyes downcast as she ran her index finger through the pattern of the tablecloth. None of the ladies said anything as they knew that Lou wasn't through talking yet. They were right as shortly afterwards she lifted her eyes to them hesitantly and blurted out in a soft voice, "It's …it's like when my mother got sick … before she died."

The shock was evident in the countenances of the two women, but after overcoming that first natural reaction, disbelief followed in their expressions.

"You can't be serious!" Rachel exclaimed, horrified at what Louise was hinting at.

"Honey, I don't believe you can remember much of what happened to your ma," Emma added, her insides in turmoil for what her dear friend had just said.

"I remember enough, Emma," Louise insisted stubbornly. "I wasn't that young, and these things kind of get stuck in your mind for ever. Maybe she had one of those things passing from parents to children."

"Louise, sweetheart, you can't just jump to conclusions like that," Emma continued, unwilling to believe what the petite woman was revealing. "I felt very weak myself both times I was pregnant."

"Not a very suitable comparison here, don't you think?" Lou replied sharply, immediately afterwards cursing herself for talking to Emma so nastily.

"What Emma is trying to say, Lou, is that it could be anything. It doesn't necessarily have to mean that you're …" Rachel's voice trailed off, reaching this point of the sentence.

"Dying?" Louise finished for her, not even flinching at uttering that dreaded word while her two friends clearly stiffened uncomfortably. Sighing she rose to her feet again and while she shuffled her legs aimlessly, she muttered, "I dunno. It's the only logical thing to happen after what I did."

The two women looked at each other with confused expressions. "What are you talking about, Lou?"

Louise sighed deeply and folding her arms over her chest she added, "This feels like retribution time. Somehow it's as though I'll have to pay for how nastily and horribly I behaved for months. It scares me to think that I might lose what I love most in this world, my family."

Emma stood up and came closer to the young woman. Getting hold of Lou's crossed arms, she said, "Honey, you can't seriously believe all that you're babbling about. For one, you don't look that sick to me, but rather the contrary, and I don't think you have to pay for anything."

"I was so mean and cruel, especially to Kid."

Unable to keep quiet any longer, Rachel jumped to her feet and exclaimed, "For goodness' sake, Lou, you were just understandably distraught, nothing punishable."

"I knew what I was doing all the time," the young woman admitted sadly. Even though most of the time she hadn't understood why she behaved so outrageously, she was aware the entire time that her actions and words were hurting Kid savagely and she hadn't cared at all.

"Louise, you had to deal with a difficult blow," Emma added. "It's really admirable the way you finally pulled through."

"I didn't do anything," the petite woman said in a weak voice, "It was all Kid's doing."

"Honey, what you have to do is go to the local doctor and clear all your doubts," Emma continued, wanting to believe that her friend was just overreacting and scared.

Louise nodded forlornly and muttered, "I was waiting to have you and the boys here before taking that step. I don't want Kid to be alone in case we … get bad news. He'll need the family."

"Lou, if, God forbid, something might happen to you, nothing in this world would comfort your husband," Rachel said.

"I know," Louise admitted and pausing a brief moment, she added with a sigh, "I never thought somebody could love me this much. It's scary."

Rachel and Emma shared a sweet smile and the red-headed woman remarked, "I'm sure I wouldn't be wrong if I said it goes both ways, doesn't it?"

Louise looked up at the two women, with a grin on her lips and her eyes bright with unshed tears. In that moment the kitchen door opened and Kid stepped in. Immediately he noticed his wife's sad countenance and plodding across the kitchen, he stood before her with a worried expression on his face, "Hey, what's wrong, Lou?"

Louise placed her hands on his shoulders, which she noticed were tense, and said, "Nothing, Kid. You know us women get too sentimental." The man's face relaxed into a smile and standing on tiptoe she planted a sweet kiss on his lips while Rachel and Emma exchanged a confidential look.

"Goodness me!" a loud voice resounded behind them and pulling away, the couple turned round to see Cody at the door. "I thought marriage would have cooled you down and we wouldn't have to bear the sight of all that mushy stuff, but obviously I was wrong."

"Oh shut up, Cody," Louise ordered annoyed by the interruption, and getting over her forlorn state a few seconds ago, she hooked her arm around Kid's and added, "This is my husband, Mr. Cody and I'll kiss him wherever and whenever I want to." And to prove her point she gave him a quick peck on the check and then turning to her friend again she asked, "And what is it you want now?"

"Are we getting some dessert any time soon, Lou, cause I'm starving?" he said in his usual exaggerated mannerism.

"You and your stomach, Cody!" Rachel exclaimed among giggles as she and Emma steered him out of the kitchen.

"I'll bring it in right now," she called after them with an amused expression. Casting a look at her husband, Louise saw him staring at her seriously.

"You all right, Lou?" he asked, even though he knew what she'd say. Kid had been watching her all night long as she ate like a bird and kept unusually quiet. He could see she was pulling a strong face for his sake but she just couldn't fool him anymore.

"Of course," Lou replied in the way Kid had expected she would. "Come on, let's see how that cake tastes." She pushed him forward, holding the pudding in one hand as she plastered a new fresh smile on her face before joining her friends and family at the dinner table.

* * *

Kid walked up the stairs, holding a lamp which lit his way in the darkened house towards his bedroom. Everybody had left the ranch about half an hour ago and he had just checked on the horses one last time before calling it a day. Lou had excused herself to their friends and went up to bed earlier than usual. She had already fallen asleep twice against Kid's shoulder while they sat on the couch in their lounge having a chat with their friends. The Southerner and the rest had insisted she went and got her rest, and finally Louise had agreed to do so. Kid just didn't want to think about what on earth was happening to his wife to tire her so much. He just didn't dare to entertain any explanations or scary thoughts, and he'd decided that he wouldn't accept any more of her excuses. She'd go to the doctor even if he had to tie and drag her to the surgery himself.

Opening the door to the boys' room, Kid saw them peacefully sleeping and he had to smile tenderly. He closed the door again very slowly so as not to wake them and continued walking along the corridor towards his own bedroom. Through the half-closed door he could see that a light was still burning inside, and he imagined that Lou had fallen asleep again without blowing out the lamp. However, when he stepped into the room, Lou was fully awake, propped up against the pillows, reading her book.

As soon as she laid eyes on him, she put the book aside and smiled brightly. "I thought you would be sleeping," Kid said as he shut the door behind him and placed the lamp he was holding on top of the dresser.

"For some reason I don't feel sleepy anymore," Lou replied, watching his neat movements as he put down the light in the lamp. He didn't say anything as he crossed the room and sitting on the edge of his side of the bed, he began removing his boots. His back was turned to Louise and after a few minutes of silence, she called his name tentatively, "Kid?"

Still sitting on the edge of the bed, he turned his body round towards her, "Yes?"

"I'm gonna see the doctor tomorrow," she let out in a soft voice.

Kid simply nodded, pleasantly surprised that she had finally volunteered to visit the local physician. "What time do you want us to go?" he asked.

"I'll go alone, Kid," she replied. "You stay here."

He shifted his body and placed himself next to Lou, still with his clothes on, his back resting against the headboard. "Why?" he asked with a frown.

"Cause we got guests, remember?"

"They will understand," he insisted.

"Kid, I don't want everybody making such a fuss about me going to the doctor. It's not such a big deal," she exclaimed annoyed.

The Southerner turned her face towards him so that their eyes were just a few inches apart. "You'll tell me what he tells you, won't you, Lou?"

Louise shifted closer to him and began planting little kisses on his shaved cheek as she said, "Of course I will. You'll have to take care of poor me if Doctor Logan says I have to stay in bed while this thing clings to me." She tried to joke about the matter, disregarding the seriousness in it and praying that Kid couldn't hear the fear in her voice. Lou lifted her eyes to her husband and added, in a desperate attempt to change the subject. "Have I told you how handsome you look in your new shirt?"

"Not that I recall," Kid teased along, knowing what she was trying to do. He laughed as her fingers fumbled to undo the buttons in the aforementioned shirt.

"You'd better take it off. We don't want it to get ruined, do we?" she added in a seducing voice as she brushed her face against his alluringly. Helping him out of the garment, Louise threw it off onto the floor carelessly and placed herself on his lap. She kissed him passionately and he responded with the same intensity.

When they finally broke the kiss breathlessly, Kid peered in her eyes and asked, "You sure you're up to it, Lou?"

Louise smiled at hearing the concern in his voice and she simply said, "Course I'm sure." Continuing in the same teasing tone, she added, "I've been neglecting my marital duties lately, haven't I?"

She started kissing his neck while he muttered, enjoying her caresses with a big smile, "You just needed your rest, honey."

Lifting her eyes to him, Louise exclaimed, "Will you stop the chit-chat, Kid? All I need now is to be kissed by my husband but he seems reluctant to comply."

Kid laughed at her remark and without further ado, he kissed her waiting lips softly while wrapping his arms around her petite body. After the long kiss they pulled apart slightly and gazing at her eyes with all the intensity and heart he could put into it, he whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he talked, "I love you so much, Louise McCloud." Her face lit up happily and she drew him to her arms, hugging him tightly against her and unbeknownst to her, Kid mouthed silently against her neck, 'Please never leave me."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

It was early in the morning the following day when Louise headed for town with the intention to see Doctor Logan. As she was driving the wagon out of her property, her three friends were riding in. She stopped the carriage momentarily to greet them good morning and to satisfy their curiosity, Lou simply told them that she had to go to town to leave Jack at school and run some errands. This was basically true, but she consciously left out her visit to the doctor. As she had told Kid the night before, she didn't want to draw attention over her with everybody wondering what was wrong with her. Hopefully, Doctor Logan would put her fears to rest, and Louise would simply have to follow his instructions to get over her present ailments. There was no need to start telling everybody that her health was declining lately. She'd hate to have all her friends speculating and besides, they were here to enjoy a few days of relaxation and being with the family, and not to hear about her problems.

Once in town Louise left Jack at school, who for once had not put up a fight. The boy was just too excited and couldn't wait to tell his school mates about the family friends visiting in his house. There was a real Indian, an army officer, and according to Jonathan Cain, one of them was even a gunslinger. Jack had never heard anything about Wild Bill Hickok, but Emma's son had told him everything as one day he had spied on his parents while they were talking about it. Anyway, all his friends were going to be so jealous of him as Jack planned to tell them about having the real Pony Express riders under his own roof.

The boy knew that Kid and Lou had also been riders, but somehow it was different. They were his own family, and all his friends knew them whereas these men were a novelty. They looked rough, not like somebody's parents, and the one called Cody must be some kind of hero. Jack had listened to him, captivated by all the adventures he told the boy. Yeah, everybody was going to wish they were in his shoes.

Of course Jack had not said any of this to Lou as they went to school. He knew that she wouldn't like all this fuss; she had even told off that man she called Jimmy when he had shown his gun to him and Jonathan. Jack didn't know why she had gotten so miffed for just something like that. Those adventures, the guns and everything else were kind of nice, and then it was something that he could later boast about with his friends, but apart from that, he wasn't really impressed. He still preferred the horses and animals they had at home, and he had the firm intention to be a horse rancher like Kid one day.

As soon as Lou kissed Jack good-bye, she directed her steps to the doctor's office, which was at the end of Rock Creek's main street. Tommy walked by her side, clutching her hand tightly. With every step she took forwards, she was becoming more and more nervous. Her history with doctors didn't help her to calm any of her frayed nerves; she knew she had a suspicious nature, but she just did not trust doctors however illogical it might sound. The last visit to Doctor Logan and its outcome still weighed heavily on her mind and it was no wonder that she had tried to delay going to the physician as much as possible.

"Where are we going?" Tommy asked in a soft voice by her side.

Louise looked down and her face softened at the image of Tommy's big eyes staring at her expectantly. "To the doctor, honey."

"You poorly, Mama?" the boy asked with a frown.

"Well, I just feel a bit under the weather," Lou replied brushing her hand on the top of his head. "That's all."

They walked on silently, and in that moment Lou caught sight of Teaspoon on the walkway just opposite her, talking to a man in an elegant suit. "Teaspoon!" she called loudly and as the marshal saw her, he waved at her with a big smile. Lou dashed across the street towards him, dragging Tommy along. When she reached the marshal, she exclaimed, "Teaspoon, where have you been all this time? We were so worried!"

"No reason to worry. Just needed to see to a little somethin'," he replied, casting a sideways look to the man by his side and then added, "Ain't it delightful to have the family fussin' and frettin' over you?"

The dapper tall man did not say anything, and as Lou glimpsed at him, he tipped his head politely to her. She just acknowledged his greeting with a stilted nod and turning her attention back to the marshal, she said, "We were all together at my place except for you, Teaspoon. You told me that you wouldn't miss our little reunion for anything."

"Well, I'm here now, ain't I?" he replied with a wink and then addressed the child clutching Lou's long skirt. "Hi there, Tommy. You been a good boy to Mama?"

Tommy nodded with a big smile and looking at Lou sideways as if expecting her approval, he replied in a whisper, "Good, good."

She had to smile and ruffling his hair, she exclaimed, "He's my little angel, ain't you, honey?" The boy flashed his bright smile at Louise, and in that moment an idea struck the young lady. "Teaspoon, can you do me a favor?" she asked tentatively.

"Sure, just name it."

"Could you take care of Tommy, just for a while? I need to check something at the doctor's," she explained without giving too many details. Lou had not been able to leave the boy with Kid today as he had a hectic day ahead of him. There were the new horses he had to break and their three friends were going to give him a hand. They hadn't done anything like that in years, but they had been quite excited about the possibility of proving their abilities on horses again. Louise expected that they would be too busy to keep an eye on the boy. Besides, she didn't want Tommy around or near the corral while they were working with those uncontrollable horses; there was no saying how those animals could react. Kid had repaired that fence around the corral three times already in just a few months. So she had decided to bring the boy along. Still, she wasn't very happy with the idea of having Tommy at the doctor's, especially since she didn't know what the physician might tell her, so leaving the boy with Teaspoon for just a few minutes would be the perfect arrangement.

The marshal raised one eyebrow quizzically as she mentioned visiting the physician. He remembered that time when Louise had felt suddenly dizzy, and Teaspoon wondered if that was what she had to check at the doctor's. Seeing as Lou didn't have the least intention to elaborate, the marshal replied, "Course I can." He paused momentarily and then he added, pointing at the man next to him, "And as luck will have it, you have the new doctor right here. This is Dr Webb, Louise."

"Oh…" she exclaimed surprised. "Nice to meet you, sir. I'm Louise McCloud."

"How do you do, Mrs. McCloud?" the man spoke for the first time.

Lou studied this man as closely as she could without crossing the limits of correctness. He was about forty years-old; a few silver threads shone between his trimmed brown hair. The smile he gave her seemed sincere and kindness emanated from his hazel eyes. To her own surprise, she felt that she liked this man despite being a doctor and all. "So where's Doctor Logan?" she asked after the silent lapse.

The two men exchanged a knowing look and Doctor Webb simply said, "I'll look after the townsfolk's health from now on." He paused for a moment and then he added, "Shall I escort you to my new office, Ma'am?"

Lou simply nodded, beginning to feel nervous again. For one moment she had forgotten what had brought her to town in the first place with all this conversation and the apparently mysterious change of doctors. Holding out her hand to the man to sign that she needed a minute, Lou crouched before her child. "Tommy-boy," she started while she neatly tucked the loose shirt ends inside his trousers, "You're gonna stay here with Teaspoon while Mama sees the doctor, is that all right, honey?"

Instead of answering, Tommy lifted his eyes to the marshal and asked, "You gonna tell me a story?"

Teaspoon grinned proudly, glad that at least somebody seemed to enjoy his long narrations. "Even two," he replied, winking at the boy.

Tommy smiled his brightest smile and scurrying out of Lou's hold, he ran to the marshal's side and grabbed his hand in his little one. "See, Lou? You should learn from your little fella and appreciate this old man's wisdom."

"See you later, Teaspoon," she said, shaking her head while grinning bemusedly.

"Come on, big boy. You and me are gonna have lots of fun today," he was saying as both marshal and child started walking down the walkway towards Teaspoon's office.

Lou kept staring at the strange pair, and at some point Tommy turned his head and while still following the marshal's lead, he waved his free little hand at her. Lou's heart surged with tenderness at his gesture, and she felt the impulse to run all the way to him and take him in her arms, but instead she just blew him a kiss. In that moment she was woken from his reverie by the doctor's deep voice. "Shall we, Ma'am?"

"Uh… yes," she said awkwardly as they began walking in the opposite direction Teaspoon and Tommy had taken. The doctor's office was just a few feet away, and she felt her heart pounding wildly as they came closer to the building. As she shuffled next to the man, Lou clutched her hands together, in a vain attempt to hide her nervous condition.

"Is Marshal Hunter related to you, Mrs. McCloud?" Doctor Webb asked as they reached the rooms housing his surgery.

"No, we're not blood relations, but he's definitely family. He's been like a father to me and my husband for years," Louise replied as she followed the doctor inside his office. As they made their way to the surgery that Lou had visited all these months ago, the doctor asked again, "So is that cute little boy your only child?"

"Uh… no," Louise answered hesitantly while she took the seat before the big mahogany desk in the small surgery as Doctor Webb gestured her to do so, "there's another one; he's at school."

"Good," the doctor let out with a contented expression as he sat down himself on his chair and started to look for his spectacles among the dozens of papers scattered on the table. Louise looked around her and seeing the makeshift bed where she had laid down that horrible day, her throat tightened and she felt a cold sweat on her forehead. She wanted to shut her eyes and block all those painful memories that came rushing over her overwhelmingly. Without even realizing it, she began wringing her hands nervously and tapping her feet on the hard floor. Her whole being was in such turmoil that Dr Webb had to call her name three times to draw her attention.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Louise responded clumsily.

The man chuckled at the lady's absent-mindedness and added, "I have the impression you don't like us doctors very much, do you?" Lou did not say anything, but smiled shyly in admittance. "Let me tell you a secret, Ma'am. We may have this all-serious and stilted appearance but we doctors really don't bite, only occasionally." Lou grinned at the comment, feeling strangely more relaxed by this man's easy and kind manners. "So will you tell me what the problem is here?" Doctor Webb asked, adjusting his spectacles which keep sliding down his nose.

"I… I haven't been feeling very well lately," she said in a very soft voice, the smell of the medicine in the room making her a bit light-headed.

"I understand, we'll see what we can do about it!" the doctor replied and straightway he began asking a long list of questions, which Lou answered without much enthusiasm and at the same time he scribbled all those answers on a paper with a steady and quick hand. The questions seemed endless, and Louise was getting tired, especially when she had to talk about some too embarrassing matters to her liking. She just wanted to finish with all this once and for all, and have the certainty of what was happening to her.

After the questioning and an examination which she had initially been reluctant to, Lou was again sitting just in the same position as she had been when she first stepped in. _'This is it,"_ she thought fearfully as she waited for the doctor to start talking and once again she began unconsciously wringing her hands, which were strangely cold despite it being June already.

The doctor cleared his throat, and after taking off his spectacles he started, "Mrs. McCloud." Lou looked at him expectantly with big eyes while he paused for a moment to watch the woman sitting opposite him, who obviously was very agitated despite his previous reassurances. After those brief seconds he continued with a smile, "Let me be the first to congratulate you." At her obviously confused expression he added, "You're expecting."

Lou's face remained impassive, not showing any kind of emotion or reaction as if she wasn't understanding a word the doctor was saying and she simply stuttered, "Wh…What?"

"You are pregnant," he elaborated with a placid smile.

"That's impossible! I … I can't have children!" she exclaimed with an expression that was a mixture between shock and horror.

Doctor Webb sighed and began massaging the area between his two eyes. It wasn't the first time that he had been part of a scene similar to this one. Often a new baby was a curse rather than the blessing it should be to the parents. Another mouth to feed in these rough times wasn't really welcome when there were too many in the family as it was. "Mrs. McCloud," he began softly, "I know that a new child's arrival isn't always easy but…"

"It ain't that I don't want to have children," Lou replied; her voice had got a shrill pitch since the doctor had dropped that unexpected bombshell. "It's that I can't have children. There's a difference, sir." She was beginning to dislike this doctor, who had initially appeared so kind and polite. How did he dare play with her feelings like that? This was the one thing that hurt her most and she wasn't going to allow anybody to make hasty assumptions in that respect. What kind of doctor was he? Was he so inept that he just assumed that any woman feeling unwell had to be with child? The pain mixed with the fury was perturbing her greatly. She was feeling her throat tighten and tears threaten behind her eyes. Her right hand clutched the edge of the desk, sensing that her body might swing off the seat at any moment.

The doctor looked at her with a strange expression as if what she was saying didn't make any sense whatsoever. "You have two children," he reminded her.

"I do, but no pregnancies, Dr Webb," she said with a firmer voice than she believed she had right now. All the world seemed to have gone crazy, and she felt as if she were in some kind of surreal atmosphere. Why the hell was she taking part in this senseless discussion? She shouldn't have to try to convince the doctor about her own physical condition; he should know that by himself instead of making those crazy assumptions. Breathing in deeply, she added, "Doctor Logan clearly said that I can't bear children."

The man's expression changed drastically from disbelief to one of understanding. He leaned his back against the chair he was sitting on and simply said, "Oh I see."

Lou had half a mind in rising to her feet and leaving the place at once. She was angry that this man was making her feel so miserable all of a sudden with his rash words. However, she remained sitting there without moving. Deep down she knew that some tiny part of her heart wanted to believe what the doctor was telling her.

"Let me tell you a little story, Mrs. McCloud." Lou didn't say anything and just looked at him expectantly. "I met the woman who today is my wife through her brother. We went to medical school together in St Louis, and we became inseparable. He is … was like a brother to me." Lou nodded absently as the doctor talked, getting annoyed and impatient. She did not have the heart or the time to listen to his stories or anything, but still she did not say anything and stayed there impassively. "A few months ago he was found murdered in the garden of his house. His killers had buried him there and a stray dog sneaked in the property and made the discovery of the place that had been his grave," Doctor Webb let out bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Louise muttered.

"That man was Doctor Logan," he revealed, watching her reaction carefully.

Surprise and confusion registered in her face instantly and Louise stuttered, not understanding a thing, "But… but … how? What?"

"The person who made himself be known as Doctor Logan in this town was a certain Browne," the physician continued. "He had been working as an assistant for my brother-in-law for a couple of years. This man, Browne, was not completely unacquainted with medicine; apparently he had been working with a folk healer since he was a boy. In any case, he and Anne… the person you knew as Mrs. Logan took a liking to each other, became quite close, you know, and they must have thought that my good brother-in-law was in their way, so they decided to get rid of him and hide in this town under Doctor Logan's respectable name and impeccable reputation."

Shock was evident in Lou's countenance. "He was no doctor?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"I'm afraid not."

"He told me I would never be able to have children of my own; he told Kid," she continued in a whisper as if talking to herself. "He did."

Doctor Webb noticed that the lady in front of him was getting more and more upset. It was no wonder that Rock Creek's mayor had wanted to keep this matter of the fake Doctor Logan as discreet as possible. It wouldn't do him any good if people learned that he had put their lives in jeopardy by hiring somebody who wasn't a real doctor. Doctor Webb was also aware that many people could react understandably disturbed; there was no saying what havoc this Browne had caused in the months he had passed himself as a doctor. "Mrs. McCloud," he said hesitantly, "I imagine it's not easy, but could you tell me what happened to get this diagnosis from this… man?"

As steadily as she could, Lou told Doctor Webb what had taken place in this little room so many months ago. She had never talked about it to anybody, not even to Kid, and she felt she was breaking inside with every word she uttered. Even though that day was hazy in her mind, she could clearly still remember the terrible pain, Doctor Logan's (or whoever he was) scared countenance, the looks passing between him and the woman. She didn't want to remember anything and wished she could erase all that from her mind, but the memories clung to her like a limpet. Hot tears threatened to spill but she fought them hard and managed to finish her account without pouring a single one.

Doctor Webb remained silent for a few minutes after Lou had finished talking. He pondered everything of her telling, and then he said, "By what you tell me, I believe that you had … or more probably were caused a miscarriage."

"A…a miscarriage?" Lou let out with a cracked voice, her throat felt on fire as she repeated that word.

The doctor nodded and unable to sit still any longer, Louise jumped to her feet and turned her back to him. Doctor Webb continued talking from his position behind the desk. "I really can't say why he told you all that buck wash about you not being able to conceive. Maybe he was scared after realizing what he had done or just wanted to protect himself. Who knows?" Tears were rolling down her face as Louise listened to the doctor. The pressure in her chest was making it difficult to breathe and her head was starting to ache something terrible. "I imagine you must be really confused with all this, Ma'am," the doctor carried on talking as he gazed at the woman's figure with her back to him. Her shoulders were hunched and all her body seemed to be trembling; obviously she was upset at discovering such a turn of events in her life. "I guess you don't know what to believe. You can seek a second opinion if you want to, but if my calculations are correct, you're going to be a mother at the end of December."

"Oh God," Lou let out in a wail as her hands came to cover her mouth. Her whole body was shaking and she just couldn't stop the tears that were profusely flowing as all her thoughts went out for Kid. What would he say when she told him? His happy face danced before her eyes, and the sobs became more violent.

Noticing her upset condition, Doctor Webb stood up and came close to her. "Mrs. McCloud, are you all right?"

Louise wiped her tears with a handkerchief that the doctor handed to her, which was a rather useless task as she just couldn't stop sobbing. Nodding her head as an answer to the man's question, she said in a husky and shaky voice, "I need to go."

"You sure? Would you rather I go and fetch the marshal or … maybe your husband?" the doctor offered, not convinced that the woman was in a suitable condition to leave the office on her own.

"No!" she exclaimed, "I'm fine." Taking in a deep inhale, Lou momentarily managed to control the sobs which were ready to be released at any moment. "I'm fine," she repeated as he shook hands with Doctor Webb. "Thank you very much."

"Why don't you and your husband come back tomorrow or when you feel better and we can have a chat more calmly? I need to explain to you a few things you need to know as an expectant Mama," the doctor suggested and Lou simply nodded, not really paying attention to his words and eager to leave the place.

The doctor bid her good-day but Lou never said a word. She just dashed out of the building like a bat out of hell. The sobs started again as soon as the door clicked closed behind her. The conversation with Dr Webb kept replaying in her mind and the pain coursed over her devastatingly. She had had a miscarriage! Kid and she had started a baby, a baby that they had never even known of its existence and that man had killed it!

All those long months of bitterness and loneliness were agonizingly present as she aimlessly walked along Rock Creek's streets. The tears blurred her vision, and she couldn't really see where she was going. She painfully thought how she had made everybody suffer just for a lie, an evil damn lie. Kid could be out of her life for good right at this moment; that was what she had wanted, what she had been so adamant about during all these months. Imagining her husband making a life somewhere else with somebody else was enough to make her sobs increase and her legs stagger. She fell down against the wall of the building of the narrow alley she was blindly crossing in this crazy roaming of the town, hitting her face. There was nobody in sight as she dropped to her knees in this semi-darkened alley, feeling her right cheek throb painfully while her body was racked by loud sobs, which nobody ever heard.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

A brilliant sun, making the day sweltering and extremely hot, shone in the sky. It was just the beginning of June, but the weather seemed to presage a very warm summer ahead. Sore and stiff, the four ex Pony Express riders sat in the relative coolness of the barn; they had been trying to break those new horses, but the animals had proved to be more stubborn than the men themselves. So they had been more often licking the ground than on the saddle. After a few hours of hectic activity, they had decided to stop for a while and cool their dry throats. Before leaving for town, Lou had left some lemonade for her husband and friends, and it was in this moment that the men were tasting the cold drink while sitting on hay bales inside the barn.

"I almost got through to that black stallion," Cody said after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah, sure," Jimmy retorted sarcastically.

"I really did," the blonde young man insisted with a serious expression.

"Come on, Cody. How long did you stay on him? Five seconds?" Buck remarked, which aroused a glare from his friend and a guffaw from the other two.

"You have to admit it," Kid added, unable to hide his amusement. "You're all out of practice."

"Look who's talking. You weren't much better yourself, Kid," Cody said, miffed to be the center of teasing once again. He was sick and tired of never being taken seriously, especially from his old friends. He was an army officer and deserved more respect than that.

"I guess," the Southerner muttered absently as he stood up and walked to the door. He hadn't been able to focus his attention on the task as his mind kept wandering somewhere else, or rather on somebody else, Lou.

All morning his eyes had constantly drifted to the direction she should be coming from. He wondered what was taking her so long; it had now been hours since she had left, and this wait was driving Kid literally crazy. He had tried to hide his worries from his three friends, but it hadn't really worked. They had sensed that something was the matter with him; even Jimmy had asked him directly but Kid had simply brushed him off. He knew that they wouldn't bug him with questions since it was common knowledge that he would speak up only when he felt like it. Anyway, there was nothing to say really other than his wife wasn't feeling very well at the moment. For all he knew it might just be a fleeting discomfort. Yet, he couldn't help but go nuts with worry. Not even work had taken his mind off the matter as much as he had tried.

From his position at the barn door, he looked for the umpteenth time at the horizon, hoping to catch sight of Lou and Tommy on the buckboard, but everything was still and calm. He sighed morosely and his eyes shifted to his house and spotting the smoke belching out of the kitchen chimney his face crunched in a frown. "She's at home?" he whispered to himself, so quietly that none of his friends could hear him. Turning around to the trio who were engaged in idle conversation, he said, "I'll drop by the house for a second. Lou's come back, and I have something to tell her."

The three men snickered as Cody quipped, "Gosh, Kid, can't you just have a break from each other? This excessive sweetness is just getting unbearable."

Kid did not even try to retort the comment as he left the three men in the barn. They really could not understand the way things had worked between him and Lou. He had almost lost her for one reason or another on several occasions, which had proved to him how important she was in his life. His friends could tease him mercilessly, but he just didn't care. He had learned not to take anything for granted and that every single moment was precious, so he would make sure that there were many moments with his wife because there was no saying what tomorrow would bring.

As Kid scampered across the yard, he wondered how she hadn't let him know that she was back home. That was not like her; whenever she went on an errand to town or somewhere else, she always searched him out to tell him that she was back. His heart began beating wildly as he thought that Lou might be upset after the visit with the doctor. What if there was bad news? He didn't want to start imagining Lou having a terrible disease. He just refused to even think about it. Sure, she hadn't been feeling very well, but maybe it was a temporary thing as she had said. What scared him most was that he was certain that Lou hadn't been completely honest with him. Kid could feel when she tried to hide something from him, and this time he was convinced that there was more to his wife's discomforts than met the eye. Maybe she was feeling much worse that she had let on, so much worse than she had even decided to go to the doctor willingly. The thought was too scary and Kid tried to shush it away.

With his hand on the door handle, Kid took a deep inhale before sliding into his house. As he stepped inside, he could hear her in the kitchen, so he plodded across the lounge while he said in a loud voice, trying to sound casual, "Hey, honey, why didn't you let me know you were here? I could do with a cuddle." As he reached the kitchen he quieted, embarrassed, as the smiling woman looking at him wasn't the one he was expecting. "Emma," he mumbled, turning bright red.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Kid. I can give you that cuddle, but I suspect that's not what you have in mind," she replied with an amused expression at seeing Kid's flushed face. "I walked all the way here. It's a beautiful day," Emma continued in a dreaming voice. "I didn't see anybody around. So I dared to slip in and get a start with dinner. Louise might be tired when she gets back."

Kid nodded his head in agreement as he sat down at the table. "She told you, didn't she?" he asked.

"Yeah, she did," the lady answered, walking a few steps closer to him. She noticed Kid's forlorn expression and hurried to say, "She's gonna be fine. You'll see."

The young man sighed deeply, feeling all the tension building up inside his head. "I don't know, Emma. I'm so scared. Lou tries to disregard the whole thing, but I know she's just pulling a strong face for my sake."

"Don't get all worked up, honey. I think you are worrying about nothing," the red-headed woman added in a soft voice.

"She should have been back by now. She knows I'm worried, and if there's nothing to fear, she'd have come quick to reassure me," Kid mumbled as if speaking to himself.

"That doesn't mean anything!" Emma exclaimed. "Haven't you heard that bad news travels fast?"

"So where's she?" he asked still unconvinced by the lady's words.

"She might want to give you a surprise and is buying a little something for all the worries you two have lately had," she offered. "Or she simply got delayed and is now waiting for Jack. He leaves school around this time, doesn't he?"

"You might be right," Kid exclaimed, feeling like a fool for fretting so much. He had never given any thought to Jack. Surely Lou had preferred to stay in town and wait for the boy. So if that was true, it wouldn't be long before the three of them would be home.

"I know I am," Emma said with a firm voice. "Stop worrying so much," she repeated while she ruffled his hair as if he were a young boy.

Kid had to smile at Emma's soft ways. She had always been this maternal figure since they started working for the Pony Express. He wasn't sure whether the six of them had been there to fill a gap in the woman's life because she had definitely filled one in all of them. When Emma married Sam and moved out of Sweetwater, she had left a vacuum behind. They all had grown more mature in just those few months after everything they had to live through back then. However, they had all missed Emma terribly, especially Lou. Then Rachel came along, and even though she was a caring and lovely friend, she never was the mother figure that Emma had been. Even now the red-headed woman treated them as if they were still those young orphans that had arrived at her home in Sweetwater all those years ago.

Pondering momentarily about Emma's words, Kid began thinking that she was most likely right. The lady was very fond of Lou and Kid knew that women had a sixth sense for things like that. If she felt that there was nothing to worry about, it was probably true. However, Kid couldn't help but fret and wouldn't feel any relief till Lou was safely home and told him that everything was fine. So he tried to find the way to distract his troubled thoughts for a while and change the direction of the conversation. "So where are Sam and your offspring?"

"Oh, he stayed with them for a while. Today's one of those days. Drove me crazy," she explained with an exaggeratedly dismay expression.

"You mean your husband or your children?" Kid asked with a smirk.

"Both," Emma answered among giggles. "They'll come later." When she sobered, she clutched his hand in hers and said, "You really have a lovely family. I'm so happy for you both."

He nodded and added, "It hasn't been easy to get here."

"I know," the woman replied, aware of the couple's past problems.

"All we need now is some trouble-free time," he continued forlornly, considering the black clouds threatening their clear horizon.

"You will have it," Emma stated positively.

Kid smiled ruefully, wanting to believe the older woman's reassurances. "I hope you're right."

Later that day Emma and her four former riders were sitting in the lounge, enjoying a pleasant conversation. Kid had decided to leave the horse breaking for the following day, seeing as they weren't getting any results. Emma had prepared some sandwiches for the four men, half of which had been wolfed down by Cody. He had the same ravenous appetite as years before and Kid thought with a smile that some things never changed.

Sam had arrived about half an hour ago with his two children in tow and now the words of Emma about 'one of those days' made perfect sense. Little Sarah was in a sensitive mood, whimpering at the drop of a hat and Jonathan couldn't keep still for one single minute. Sam was trying his best to distract them and let Emma have some relaxing moments with her Express family. Lou hadn't arrived yet and even though Kid tried to keep his attention on the conversation going on, he couldn't help but feel restless.

In that moment the door burst open, and Jack whizzed in, carelessly dropping his small linen bag and books on the hall cabinet. Without acknowledging anybody else, he dashed towards Emma and asked, "Where's Jonathan, Mrs. Cain?"

The lady let out a peal of laughter and said, "In the back yard with my husband and Sarah."

Jack was about to scamper out when Kid called his attention, "Hey, buddy, where are your manners?"

"Sorry," the boy mumbled and coming closer to Kid, he gave him a hug. "May I go and play with Jonathan, daddy? Please," he asked looking at him with big puppy eyes.

"Yes, you may." Hardly had he given his permission before Jack whizzed out of the room in the same hurry as he had first come in. Kid shook his head, sharing a grin with his friends. Jack was definitely a clever boy and knew how to pull the right strings when he wanted something.

"You and Lou have really gotten all domesticated," Jimmy remarked teasingly.

"Anything wrong with that?" Kid retorted with a frown.

Jimmy shrugged his shoulders and added, "Nothing wrong, just kind of strange."

The last time they had all been together, they were still delivering the mail. Lou had stopped working just before her wedding, but Jimmy had never seen his friends living like a married couple. Hickok had left Rock Creek shortly after Kid and Lou got hitched, so that was why it surprised him so much to see them in their now usual environment. He had never envisioned them having children, doing housework or something similar. Admittedly, Jimmy hadn't really given any thought to how their life had changed and as he had mentioned, it felt kind of strange.

Kid smiled briefly and rising to his feet from the sofa, he started walking towards the door. "If you will excuse me, I'll go and give my wife a hand with Tommy and the wagon." He just couldn't wait to talk to Lou, but as he was crossing the lounge towards the front door, Rachel appeared coming from outside.

"That boy of yours does make me laugh," she said among giggles, remembering Jack's last witty remark.

"Hi, Rachel. Where's Lou?" he asked breezily, moving towards the door.

"I don't know," the woman answered.

Kid was already at the door when at her words he stopped dead in his tracks. Slowly he turned round to face Rachel, who was leaving her reticule on a peg. "What d'you mean, you don't know?" he asked with a grave and dark expression.

"Well," the blonde lady started hesitantly, noticing the young man's mood, "after waiting for Louise for an hour I thought I could bring Jack back with me."

"You're saying that Lou never turned up to pick up Jack?" he asked in a serious voice.

"I thought she might have got waylaid," Rachel hurried to say, watching worry take over her friend.

Kid started pacing up and down as he let out loudly, "I knew I should've gone with her. But she had to be her usual stubborn self."

The three other men in the room looked at each other, surprised at Kid's outburst. The Southerner kept grunting and mumbling to himself before the stupefied looks of his three friends. "Kid, what's the big deal?" Cody piped in after a while. "She forgot to collect the boy. So what?"

The young man stared at his friend impassively, stopping his frantic pacing, and added, "Stay out of this Cody, will you? You have no idea what you're talking about." He paused momentarily and after a brief consideration he said, "I'm going after her."

"Kid, she might be delayed for some reason," Emma offered, trying to find a logical explanation. She could understand the young man's reaction, but she still thought that there was no reason to get that frantic. "Maybe Louise bumped into some acquaintance and lost track of time."

Kid shook his head and added, "She ain't really close to anybody in town but for Rachel and Teaspoon."

"For goodness' sake, Kid," Jimmy exclaimed as he jumped to his feet and came closer to his friend with a challenging posture. "I thought you had learned not to be so damn overbearing with Lou."

"Drop it, Jimmy, please," he muttered in a low, warning voice as he turned away from him. He was getting close to the edge and all his friends butting in was getting in his nerves.

"No," Hickok retorted stubbornly placing himself before his friend in a few strides. "Lou doesn't get home at the fixed time like a good dutiful wife she should be, and you get all fired up and plan to run after her like crazy. God, it must be delightful living with you!"

"Jimmy!" both Emma and Rachel chided in chorus while Kid glared at his friend angrily.

The growing tension was palpable in the room and trying to prevent a possible confrontation between those two, Buck hurried to add, "What Jimmy's trying to say, very clumsily by the way," he stopped briefly to send him a warning look and then continued straightaway, "is that there's no reason to get this edgy, Kid."

The Indian's words did not manage to calm him down and peering at him straight in the eyes, the Southerner added, "No reason you say? Well… let me tell you something. Lou didn't go to town this morning for simple recreation, but to visit the doctor because she thinks she has the same thing her ma died from." At his words the entire room became dead silent. The two women shared a mortified look while the three men remained speechless trying to digest what Kid had just said. "You still think there's no reason to worry?" he asked sarcastically.

Buck rose to his feet and closing the distance between him and his sandy-haired friend, he stood in front of him, his hands resting on his hips. "You sure about that, Kid?"

The Southerner let out his held breath and muttered, "She hasn't admitted that much, but I know that's what she thinks." Glancing at the two women in the room, Kid knew that by their expressions he wasn't wrong in his assumptions. "Lou says we're jinxed and I'm starting to believe her," he exclaimed with a weary voice. In that moment a horse stopping outside the house was heard in the silence of the room and Kid's sullen countenance brightened instantly. "Thank God," he let out but he didn't make any attempt to move as if he was frozen to the spot.

"You see? You were worrying over nothing," Jimmy piped in cautiously. He was like in trance thinking there might be something wrong with Lou. These past months he had been intrigued by Kid's enigmatic words. Many times Jimmy had been tempted to write them, but there was nothing much he could say. He had continually rehearsed in his mind what he wanted to tell them, but in the end he hadn't had the guts to actually write the letter. As time had gone by, Jimmy had believed that things couldn't be that bad since he hadn't heard anything from his friends. Now he felt guilty for ignoring Kid's summon and even though he had been justified, he knew that he could at least have written. All that had passed, but again now he had to blunder it with his previous insensitive words.

Kid turned to the sound of pattering feet on the porch and held his breath, waiting for the door to open. Once again the person appearing wasn't the one he was dying to lay eyes on. Tommy dashed inside, running towards Kid's arms straightaway while Teaspoon followed behind him at his own pace.

"My, my, what on earth is going on here?" the marshal exclaimed in his rambunctious voice with a crooked grin. "You're all truly a sight for sore eyes!"

"We thought you had dived on us, Teaspoon," Jimmy said as he approached the old man for a big hug. Emma and the other two men filed to greet the old marshal warmly. Kid patiently yet restlessly waited for his friend to finish getting reacquainted while he held Little Tommy in his arms tightly.

"Where's my wife, Teaspoon?" he finally asked, running out of patience.

The marshal hesitated to answer, noticing Kid's stiff expression. He knew that the young man could get over the top with worry when Louise was concerned, but Teaspoon could sense that there was something else behind the young man's obvious concern. Lou had been quite evasive about her visit to the doctor and the marshal suspected that the matter was surely linked to her husband's stern countenance. "Left the little bird with me," he started, gesturing to the young boy with his head, "while she went to the doctor."

"And she never came back?" Kid asked rhetorically as he knew the answer to the question.

"I dropped by the doctor's surgery," Teaspoon continued. "It was really busy, but not a single trace of Lou. So I thought to bring back little Tommy."

"Did you see her wagon?" Kid asked again.

The marshal shook his head. "It was gone."

Struggling to keep a neutral expression Kid turned to the boy in his arms and said, "Hey, Tommy, why don't you go and play with Jack? He's in the back yard."

The boy nodded energetically and no sooner had his feet touched the floor than he dashed towards the back door. As soon as Tommy was out of earshot, Kid blurted out in a strained voice, "Where the hell is she? She would never leave Tommy like that!"

"Well, Kid, she didn't exactly leave him," the marshal retorted, trying to calm the young man's obvious frayed nerves. "Your little puppy was with me."

Teaspoon's words failed to soothe him at all. "You know it's not like her at all," Kid insisted and pausing momentarily he simply added, "That's it. I'm going after her."

"Wait for me," Jimmy said, getting ready to go with his friend while Buck and Cody silently followed suit. However, the four men stopped dead in their tracks as the sound of a door opening reached their ears. In a flash Kid stomped towards the front of his house where he could see Lou's figure from behind carefully closing the door.

"Lou!" he exclaimed, visibly relieved. "Where have you been?" But when she turned round towards him, worry tumbled down over him again overwhelmingly.

As soon as Louise laid eyes on her husband, sobs began again, racking her petite body. She had been wandering around aimlessly for hours, trying to make out the absurdity of the last few months while she cried her eyes out. She didn't know how she could tell Kid what Doctor Webb had told her. Everything seemed so senseless and Lou wasn't sure what to believe any more. As she stood before the front door, her eyes downcast and weeping bitterly, Kid let out in a whisper standing at a few steps from her but not daring to come closer, "Lou…"

"I'm so sorry, so sorry," Lou cried out as she shot up the stairs towards her bedroom.

Kid stood motionless in the middle of the lounge, speechless, watching her figure whiz past him and disappear upstairs. With a single look back at his friends, he noticed their grim countenances, and without further ado he plodded towards where his wife had fled. He could hear her sobbing as he approached the bedroom they shared.

Meanwhile, in that wretched state Louise was unbuttoning her blouse with trembling hands and sliding out of it, she hurled it onto the floor carelessly. All her clothes were dirty and stained after the fall she had taken and with all that roaming in the wagon. Clad in her camisole and skirt, Lou directed her eyes to the door as she heard some heavy steps close by.

Kid stepped in, and in two long strides he crossed the room and drew Louise into his arms. She wept bitterly against his chest while wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. The closer she felt him, the deeper the sobs became. Kid tried to soothe her, even though unsure of what to say. His whole body was shivering as he kissed the top of her head tenderly and cooed her like a small child.

"Lou, you're scaring me," he finally managed to say. "What did the doctor tell you?" Kid asked cautiously, unsure whether he really wanted to know what the reason behind her tears was. All kinds of terrible thoughts were crossing his mind right now, which were making him feel like crying himself. Louise mumbled something against his chest, but her words got muffled and were incomprehensible to his ears. "Honey, what did you say? I can't hear you," Kid asked and in that moment she lifted her tear-streaked face to him. She had momentarily managed to get a grip of herself as Kid cupped her face to him and wiped the remaining tears with his thumbs. "What did he say, Lou?" he repeated in a whisper.

Louise took a deep breath and unceremoniously blurted out, "I'm pregnant." Surprise and shock instantly registered on Kid's expression, and as he looked at her with wide eyes, she continued in a raspy and shaken voice. "That man was a fake doctor. He killed the real Doctor Logan and took his place. This ... this new physician said that there's nothing wrong with me ... that I was surely caused a miscarriage back then." Watching Kid's expression change from surprise and shock to anger, Lou lowered her face and started to cry bitterly again. "I almost ruined everything between us for a lie. We lost all that time, and I nearly got you killed. I'm so, so sorry." She began sobbing and the rest of her words came out incomprehensibly.

"Lou, honey," Kid started, hating to see her in that state from the actions of a creep, "look at me." She sheepishly directed her gaze at him while trying to control the sobs which threatened to escape her lips. Kid placed both of his hands on her cheeks while peering in her eyes lovingly. "Please don't cry, love, and don't you dare to blame yourself. If there's somebody responsible, it's that damned Logan or whatever his name is." He paused for a moment, as he noticed his raising tone of voice at thinking of the fake doctor. Casting a smile at her Kid added, "I love you, Lou, and I don't want to think about the past."

"I was ready to finish things off with you," Louise insisted in a cracked voice, "for ever... before you got wounded."

"Do you really believe that I was ready to let you go like that back then?" Kid asked with a grin and this time Lou managed to smile faintly. "Think that if things had been different, we might not have Jack and Tommy right now."

"I know," Lou muttered in a very soft voice, "but it scares me to death to think of what might have happened to us." Kid nodded completely, understanding what she was trying to say; he slid his hands from her face to her shoulders and peering deeply into her big brown eyes he said, "Lou, honey, we're gonna have a baby!"

"A baby," Louise repeated bedazzled. She had been so wrapped-up in the tumultuous feelings coursing all over her that she hadn't given a single thought to the one and only reality. Her dream of giving Kid a baby was coming true after all. She was going to become a mother for real and the notion brought a smile to her lips, which gradually became a wide grin. "A baby," she said again, giggling happily as Kid lowered his face towards her and planted a big kiss on her lips.

"I love you," he whispered gazing in her eyes lovingly. "Did the doctor say everything was all right?" he asked as another worry took over him.

"Apparently," Lou answered, "but he wants to see us tomorrow and tell us everything we need to know." Kid nodded and Louise kept looking at him with sheer intensity.

"Come on, let's tell everybody! They must be worried," Kid said as he grabbed her hand in his and tried to move toward the door. However, Lou stopped his intentions, standing her ground in the middle of the room. "I can't go down like this, Kid!" she exclaimed loudly. Kid peered her up and down and only then he realized that she was half-dressed only in her camisole and skirt. The Southerner burst out laughing at his absent-mindedness while she pushed him towards the door. "You go," Lou said, "I'll get changed out of these and wash my face and make myself decent again."

"All right, all right," he replied as he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. As he slowly made his way downstairs, the reality of what was happening became somehow more real. It was as if they were now being rewarded after a year of terrible disappointments and loneliness. However incredible it sounded, it was true. Lou was expecting a child conceived of their mutual love, and even though the thought of something going wrong threatened his peace of mind, he couldn't feel any happier than now.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, all his friends were waiting for him with expectant expressions. Teaspoon was the first to come forward to him and asked in a serious voice, "Son, how's Lou?"

Bedazzled by the last astonishing news as he was, Kid took his time to answer, and when he did, he could hardly utter the words clearly. "She's ... she's pregnant."

The same reaction Kid had minutes ago echoed in his friends' faces. "What did you say, Kid?" Emma asked, unsure whether she had heard him clearly.

"Lou's gonna have a baby," Kid exclaimed happily but his mood instantly darkened as he explained to everybody about Doctor Logan and Lou's till-now-unknown miscarriage. It was strange the way he felt exultant and at the same time terribly sad for that baby who hadn't been given the chance to live. Had it not been for that fake doctor, Louise and he would now be the proud parents of a baby boy or girl. "You knew about this, didn't you?" Kid asked Teaspoon, meaning the story behind Rock Creek's doctor.

The marshal nodded and added, "Actually it was your better half who supplied me with the clue to this nasty business."

"How's that?" Jimmy asked, genuinely interested by this sordid matter.

"She remembered when she saw that poor fella we found dead months ago," Teaspoon started and at Kid's nod he continued, "Seems Lou was with Doctor Logan's impersonator, and the man recognized this poor fella and ... well... with all probability killed him later. He was one Thomas Edward, a friend of the Logans'. As soon as I talked to Louise, I rode to St Louis and it didn't take me long to discover the truth."

"So where's the fake doctor now?" Buck asked.

"This so-called Browne and Mrs. Logan must've sensed that I suspected something and fled like the wind a couple of days ago."

"They can't get away like that!" Kid exclaimed furiously, ready to go and find that man even if he had to dig him out of the last hole in earth.

"Hold your horses, Kid!" Teaspoon cut him off. "We know that the couple took the train from St Joseph to Fort Laramie. And my dear friend Sheriff Bradwell will be waiting for them when the train gets to its destination. They'll be up for the surprise of their lives!"

"Well done, Teaspoon," Sam remarked with a crooked smile.

"Our mayor, though, wants to keep this matter all hush-hush," the marshal added with an unhappy expression.

"The hell I will!" Kid exclaimed, boiling with anger. "People have died. Sally's husband died and Lou might have died as well. Folks need to know the truth, and I won't keep it a secret!"

"I know how you feel, Kid," Teaspoon replied, trying to calm the young man down. He wasn't happy himself with the way the mayor had taken matters in his hands but in a way he understood that they couldn't go sparking people's fury. All they could possibly do was already done, and it was senseless to bring in more unnecessary problems.

"Nobody can give us back everything we've lost this last year," Kid continued. "Lou's suffered something terrible, and I can't just stay idle."

"Son, just focus on the good things, on your two lovely boys and that coming baby," the marshal said, and before Kid could reply, everybody in the room turned to the sound of light steps coming down the stairs.

Louise appeared before their eyes with a much happier countenance than the one she had on arriving at the house minutes before. She had changed into a light summery dress and done her hair in a neat braid. "What was that I heard about a new baby McCloud?" Teaspoon quipped teasingly, which caused a bout of giggles from Louise, and as soon as she reached the last step of the stairs, she was engulfed in a current of hugs and congratulating words.

"Thank you," Lou replied sheepishly. All of a sudden, she felt kind of shy and embarrassed, being the center of all this attention and fuss.

"You're gonna have your hands full," Jimmy added with a crooked smile.

"Believe me, we know," Kid retorted in the same jovial tone.

The loud and cheerful voices of the adults drew the attention of the three children, who dashed into the lounge to see what was happening. Little Sarah was having her daily afternoon nap while the three boys had been playing marbles in the yard. Their eyes shining with curiosity were looking at the bunch of adults just when Cody was saying, "Lou, let's pray that baby you're expecting takes after you, because I don't know if we could stand a smaller version of Kid."

Louise was laughing at the comment when a little angry voice resounded among the laughs in the room. "No!" She turned her attention to the source of that sound and saw Jack looking at her with tearful and angry eyes. "No!" he repeated, "You can't have babies, you said so!" His tone was recriminatory and before Lou could react, the boy dashed out of the house.

"Jack!" Kid called after him, but the seven-year-old continued his frantic running. The married couple exchanged a knowing grave look and turning to Tommy, Lou said, "Come on, Tommy-boy. Let's go find your brother." Then she directed her attention to her friends and added, "If you'll excuse us, we need to take care of this family situation."

"Go ahead, sweetheart," Teaspoon replied, voicing everybody's thoughts. "We won't go anywhere."

Louise smiled and noticing Tommy with his arms stretched towards her, she leaned to scoop the boy up in hers. Yet, she stopped in mid-way as Kid's warning voice sounded next to her, "Lou..."

She glanced at him with a frown and when it dawned on her what he meant, she had to smile. Definitely she needed to start making a few alterations in her life. A baby, a tiny delicate baby, was growing inside her and from now on she had to be careful. It was obvious that Kid would fuss over her more than usual, and even though any other time his excessive concern would annoy her, she found it very sweet now.

"Tommy, honey, a big boy like you needn't be carried around like a teeny weenie baby!" she exclaimed, ruffling her child's hair.

The four-year-old smiled and grabbing her hand in his little one, Tommy followed Lou's lead out of the house with Kid by their side. The three crossed the yard and spotted Jack sitting against the big tree bordering the creek on their property. When they came closer, they noticed that the boy was crying and wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve furiously. Lou sat down next to him and Kid on the other side with Tommy perched on his lap. Jack kept looking ahead of him, without acknowledging his family's presence.

"Hey, buddy, what's the matter?" Kid asked, squeezing the boy's shoulder encouragingly.

"Nothing," Jack replied seriously, folding his arms over his chest and lowering his eyes.

Lou rested her hand on his thigh to draw his attention, and the boy lifted his sorrowful eyes to her. "You're gonna have a baby," he muttered in a cracked voice.

"That's right," Louise replied.

"Why?" Jack asked in a recriminatory tone.

Louise turned her gaze to her husband and Kid piped in, "Jack, there's nothing wrong in that. What's worrying you?"

"My mother died when she had my baby sister," the boy let out in a whisper and looking Lou straight in the eye, he added, "I don't want you to die."

At his words Tommy began to whimper and as it dawned on the couple what Jack was so afraid of, Louise said, "Honey, having a baby doesn't necessarily mean that the ma will pass away. What happened to your mother was something unexpected and unfortunate. That's not the way it's supposed to be." She paused for a second to let out a deep breath and after a beat she continued, "Look at your friend Victor. He has six brothers and sisters, and his ma is just fine."

Jack nodded his head in understanding and asked, "So you're not gonna die?"

Lou smiled and after exchanging a brief look with Kid, she replied, "Honey, you know we can't control things like that, but nothing needs to happen."

"Nothing's gonna happen," Kid echoed her words, wanting to reassure the children and especially himself.

As Tommy had kept quiet during the whole exchange, Lou turned her attention to him, shifting so that she was closer to the boy, who quietly sat on Kid's legs. "You understand what we're saying Tommy-boy?" The four-year-old stared at her but didn't try to say anything. "Daddy and ma are gonna have a baby," Lou explained sweetly.

"A baby?" Tommy repeated in his soft voice.

"That's right," Kid replied. "A tiny boy or girl."

"Like little Sarah?"

"Uhuh," Lou replied with a smile, "but even smaller."

The boy kept thoughtful for a moment, and suddenly he scrunched his face sadly while he muttered in a quivering voice. "Then you're not gonna love us anymore."

"Of course not, my love," Lou exclaimed as she drew Tommy into her lap. "There's nothing in this world which will make me or Kid stop loving you and your brother." She flashed her smile at the boy and he grinned coyly. "Only there will be a new little person in our family."

"And you will have to be a big brother for the new baby," Kid added, ruffling Tommy's hair.

On hearing these words the boy's mouth split into a wide smile and his eyes got big as saucers. "You mean like Jack?" he asked, excitement evident in his voice.

"Yes, honey, just like Jack," Lou replied.

Tommy clapped his hands, happy at this new piece of information while the two adults and Jack chuckled at his reaction. Then another thought struck him and he asked, "Where's he, ma?"

"Where's whom, sweetie?" Lou asked, lost at the meaning behind his words.

"The baby!"

"We don't know if it's a 'he', Tommy," Jack said, rolling his eyes at his brother's naiveté. The four-year-old stuck his tongue out at him, annoyed at his know-it-all attitude and he repeated his question, "Where's the baby, ma?"

"Here," Lou replied, resting her hand on her middle and caressing it. Tommy followed the direction of her hand with his eyes and stared at her in confusion.

"There? In your tummy?" the boy asked with a frown.

Kid and Lou shared a bemused look and as seriously as she could, the young woman tried to explain things to Tommy. "Babies grow protected inside mamas' bellies cause they're too frail and small. Then after a few months when they're stronger and bigger, they are born and only then we'll be able to see it. You understand that, Tommy?"

The boy nodded silently and after a few seconds he tilted his head, looking at Kid, and asked, "And ... and how did it get in there?"

Lou let out a peal of laughter and after shifting the boy so that he was now sitting on her husband's legs, she rose to her feet while she said with an amused smirk, "Your turn, Kid." And stretching her arm to Jack, she urged, "Come on, honey. Let's go back to the house while these two have a chat." Jack grabbed her hand and they both began walking away from the place.

"Lou!" Kid tried to protest but the young lady turned a deaf ear to her husband while a smile danced on her face. "Lou!" he tried again but she was already out of earshot and the smile turned into a series of giggles as she could well imagine Kid's unhappy and awkward face at this very moment.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

The months flew by and December came and with it Christmas. During all this time Louise had welcomed the changes taking place in her body. As her middle grew bigger and all of her body swelled, her doubts about her maternity gradually disappeared. After everything that had happened, Lou hadn't completely believed that she was actually going to have a baby.

Doctor Webb, who had decided to stay in Rock Creek, had assured her and Kid that everything was going as it should in her pregnancy and there was nothing to worry about. As she had foreseen, Kid was driving her crazy, fussing over her like never before as if she were made of china and could break at any moment. At the slightest thing he made her go to the doctor's and even though Louise wasn't happy with his incessant fret, she couldn't really blame him for feeling like that. So despite her protests, she ended up doing as he liked. Yet, she wasn't sure whether Doctor Webb was so patient, and Louise feared that one of these days the kind physician would throw them out of his little office after stoically bearing their constant visits and unimportant questions. Truth to be told, she was as ignorant about babies and pregnancies as Kid was, and at any discomfort or change from what she had already experienced, she got as worried, but she had more sense than to add on her husband's already troubles and never voiced her fears. However, she knew she didn't need to have fretted so much as everything had been as smooth as silk.

In her last visit to the physician, he had told her that the baby might be making its appearance in a couple of weeks' time, but as she was a first-time mother, the odds were that it could take a bit longer. The news had filled her with joy but also with great dread. However much she wanted to have her child between her arms, she couldn't help but fear the moment of labor. Everybody lately joked about it, telling her terrible stories without realizing that she would be going through that in the very near future. At least she felt somehow reassured knowing that Doctor Webb would be helping her through that trying time. Despite her abhorrence to doctors, this man had managed to inspire her trust. He was so different from that horrible man who had passed himself off as Doctor Logan.

It had been months since Kid and she had gone to Fort Laramie where the so-called Browne and Mrs. Logan had been tried. The young couple had made a statement telling the court what had taken place in Rock Creek all those months ago. It had not been easy for either of them to relive the whole thing before a room full of strangers. Having to see the man responsible for their problems and the termination of their first baby had been especially difficult for the couple. The so-called Browne had seemed impassive to the fact that a likely death sentence hung over his head and had flashed his smile at Lou repeatedly in a cruel and mocking way. Mrs. Logan, though, had looked pale and haggard, begging the court for mercy over and over again. However, her pleading words had proved useless as the pair had been found guilty and sentenced to death. Lou couldn't say that she was sorry about the outcome of the trial. The couple deserved that fate since they had played with people's lives and fates in a ruthless way.

It had been snowing all night long and the property was today surrounded by a crisp white blanket. Louise looked through the window for the umpteenth time, feeling terribly tired and bored of being trapped between her four walls. There was nothing much she could really do. A few days before all her friends had arrived to spend Christmas with the family and stay for the birth of the couple's child. Kid had finally built an extension to the house, adding a few extra rooms, so they could now take in their friends comfortably. Louise really felt happy to have them around, but since Emma had arrived, the red-headed lady and Rachel had not allowed her to move one finger, which added to Kid's insistence that she stayed confined in the house for her own good. Louise thought wryly that these few weeks till the birth of the baby were going to be the longest in her life.

Gazing through the window once again, Louise exclaimed, "I can't see the boys anywhere in the yard. I'll check on where they are."

Before Rachel or Emma could say anything against it, she crossed the length of her lounge as quickly as her state allowed her and grabbing her coat from the peg by the door, Louise slid outside, happy not to be intercepted by her self-appointed guardians. Naturally she did know where their children were; she had been watching them play with the snow in the yard but just a few minutes ago they had followed Kid, Jimmy, Cody and Buck to the stables, but Lou just needed this excuse to break from the prison her house had become lately.

Once outside Lou felt invigorated to be able to breathe the fresh air and feel the cold in her face. With slow steps she began crossing the yard where the snow reached her ankles and little by little she managed to get to the stables. From the door which was slightly ajar she could see the four adults and her two children. Kid was showing his friends the hoof of one of the new horses. Lou knew that he was worried about this beautiful black stallion, which had lately been limping. Jack seemed really interested in what the four men were discussing about the animal while Tommy was obviously bored and his attention was somewhere else. From her position Lou couldn't hear what the men were talking about, so she moved a bit closer. On doing so, Tommy spotted her straightaway, "Hello, mama!" he exclaimed happily as he ran to her for a big hug.

At the boy's words Kid lifted his eyes to the door and saw his wife standing there and cuddling Tommy. Dropping the horse's hoof heavily, he turned towards her with a serious expression. "What are you doing here, Lou?" he asked with a grave voice.

"Just breathing some fresh air," she replied cockily, not flinching a bit at the seriousness in his countenance. Their three friends exchanged amusec looks, knowing what was coming inevitably.

"Hello, Lou. Nice to see you up and about," Jimmy quipped, which gained him a glare from his sandy-haired friend. That stopped him from making further comments, and he decided to hold his tongue; he didn't want to get in the middle of the couple once more. Straightaway Kid turned his attention to his wife again.

"Lou," he started, slowly walking the few steps separating them, "it's all snowed and frozen out there. You could well have slipped over, coming over here and then what?"

"It would have been a heck of a job to put you back on your feet," Cody added with a snicker, making another of his now usual jokes about Lou's overgrown size.

"Shut up, Cody!" both husband and wife ordered in chorus.

"I was careful!" Lou stated loudly, replying to Kid's words.

"Lou..." he tried again, but this time his brown-haired wife didn't let him.

"I wanted to have this baby so much, but now I'm not sure if I'd be willing to go through it if I'd known it would be like this!" she barked angrily. "You know I'm taking it easy, but your stupid imposing rules of inactivity are just unbearable. Next time you come to me, looking for some cuddling, you'll have to find it somewhere else because I'm not going through this anymore."

"Kid, my friend, she's already threatening you with no more dancing, and she hasn't gone through labor yet," Buck remarked teasingly, which made the two other men guffaw raucously.

Louise did not pay them any attention and simply continued her harangue, now in a gravelly tone. "Today's Christmas Eve, and I feel so miserable," she muttered, as her eyes filled with tears.

Her words spurred Kid into action and he drew her into his arms instantly despite her unwillingness and protests. "I'm so sorry, Lou," he whispered softly, "I just want the best for you."

"I know," she hiccupped, "but there are still a few weeks to go, and I'm so darn bored."

Kid tilted her heard towards his by putting his index finger under her chin. "I know what," he said, flashing his smile at her. "What about if I hitch up the buckboard, and we go for a drive together?" Louise nodded faintly with a shy smile. "What do you say, boys?" Kid asked the two children who were at their side, looking at the exchange between the two adults with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.

"Yes!" the two brothers shouted in chorus as they clapped their hands happily with brought a smile to the five adults' faces.

Half an hour later the family was admiring the beautiful white landscape in the surroundings of Rock Creek. Kid drove the wagon slowly, making sure that the carriage didn't roll over unstable terrain, which was something easier said than done as he couldn't really see much with all the snow around. He had to smile as he could see how happy Louise appeared, looking at everything with bright and excited eyes as if it were the first time she saw these parts.

Kid had to admit that his concerns for Lou had got the best of him, but he just couldn't help worrying about her, even more now that she was in the last weeks of her pregnancy. It hadn't gone unnoticed to him how she continually rubbed her back during the drive, but Kid decided not to say anything, considering how peaceful and delighted she looked. He didn't want to spoil the moment, sparking her anger once more. Lately she had been complaining of backaches and being uncomfortable, and Kid supposed that they were normal symptoms as she was now so heavy with the baby due in a couple of weeks.

"This is so beautiful!" Louise exclaimed, bringing Kid back from his reverie.

"It really is," Kid agreed and turning his head to the children, who were warmly covered by thick blankets, he asked, "You all right back there, boys?"

"Yes, sir," Jack replied, and in that brief distraction the wagon rolled on a big stone in the path, which caused a loud thump in the carriage and the wheel to creak.

"Damn!" Kid blurted out as he stopped the horse. "You all right?" he asked, turning to Lou. Louise simply nodded, trying to hide her amusement at her husband's apparently clumsy driving skills. Kid jumped off the wagon and checking the wheel, he exclaimed angrily, "This is just perfect! The axle is broken!"

"Don't fret, Kid, and help me down," Lou commanded, giggling simultaneously. He did as she told him to. The two boys had already jumped off the carriage without waiting for any indication and were playing together without any care. Once on firm ground Louise rested her back against the buckboard frame, trying to find some relief to the aches troubling her. Even though Kid had steered the vehicle carefully, the drive through unsteady terrain had made her back hurt more, but she didn't dare to complain after all her protests.

Noticing her husband's unhappy expression she said, "Kid, erase that long face. It's not such a big deal. Let's unhitch the horse; the boys can ride on it and we can walk to the ranch."

"You sure you're up to it, Lou?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"'Course I am. The walk will do me good," Louise replied without any trace of doubt.

"All right," Kid muttered with a sour expression. He was cursing himself for his clumsiness and being the one to get his family in such a fix. He didn't share Lou's optimism. They were at about an hour's walk from the ranch and with all the snow and in Lou's condition it would take them much longer to reach home. On top of it all, it was freezing cold, and Louise was obviously in discomfort. What a bright idea he had! Driving in the snow! Kid thought that it would be quicker if he just rode to the ranch and brought back another buckboard. Yet, he knew he just couldn't leave his wife and children here in the cold.

"Come on, Kid!" Lou urged him and guessing where his thoughts were going, she added, "It will be all right!"

The Southerner did not say anything as he walked to the front of the wagon and began unhitching the horse. Lou stood on the same spot, rubbing her back against the wooden frame of the wagon as a way to relieve her discomforts. Suddenly, her face contorted as a terrible pain coursed through her back, extending to her front.

"Are you all right?" Jack's voice resounded in the stillness of the place as he noticed Lou's pained expression. His question instantly drew Kid's attention away from the horse he was unhitching.

"Lou?" he called as he rounded the wagon and plodded towards her in a few strides.

"I'm fine," Lou stated in a weak voice. "It's just my back."

Kid eyed her narrowly, noticing her pale and tired countenance for the first time. "You sure, Lou?"

She was about to reply when another sharp pang of pain hit her, and she let out a bitter cry while grabbing her swollen middle. "Oh God," Kid exclaimed, his face pale with fear. Framing her face with his two hands he asked even though he had a strong suspicion that he already knew the answer, "Lou, is it the baby? Is it?"

"I think so," Louise mumbled, her eyes filling with tears.

"Don't worry, don't worry; it's gonna be fine," Kid began, talking at a hectic pace, "It won't take me long to ride home and bring another wagon and..."

Lou cut him off in mid sentence as she exclaimed with a horrified expression, "No! You can't leave me here!"

"Honey, I'm not leaving you! We need a wagon to take you home, and I can't repair this one."

"No!" she repeated sobbing as she threw herself against him and hugged him tightly.

"Lou," he talked softly to her as he caressed her hair, "I need to take you home and get the doctor."

Louise cried as another pain shot through her middle blindly. "I don't want to have the baby here!" she continued sobbing as she almost squeezed the air out of her husband, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Shhh!" Kid soothed her as the pain subsided. It was then that he felt a tug on his sleeve and turning his eyes without letting go of Lou, he found Jack looking at him with a decided and proud stance.

"Pa, let me ride home and bring help," the boy offered. "You stay here with ma."

Lou disengaged herself from his hold and moved to the back of the wagon, unaware to anything happening around her. Meanwhile, Kid was looking at Jack with a grave countenance as he heard his unsound suggestion. There was no way he was going to let him ride on his own all the way to the ranch. "No, Jack. That's out of the question."

"But why? I can ride well enough, and I know the way," the boy insisted.

It was true that Jack had shown excellent riding skills and in these last months Kid and the boy had spent many afternoons in the saddle. Yet, Kid wasn't sure if that was a sound idea; Jack had just turned eight, and the Southerner didn't know if his child was up to the job. He had never ridden on snow-covered terrain where the roads were so slippery. Moreover, Jack was used to the tame mare that Kid had selected for his riding practice and never before had the boy ridden any other horse.

"Please, Pa," Jack begged, noticing the hesitancy in the young man. He was sure he could do just fine, and Lou really needed to be taken home hurriedly. The young boy swore to himself that he would do everything possible not to let his new ma down.

Kid kept thoughtful for a moment, staring at Jack's proud stance. "All right," Kid finally agreed, praying that he was making the right decision. Lou'd kill him if something happened to their older child.

"What's going on, Kid?" Lou asked weakly, from the back of the wagon. The conversation between her husband and the boy had escaped her grasp as her mind was in turmoil.

"He's bringing help," Kid simply said and on hearing her husband, Lou opened her eyes widely as if he had gone crazy all of a sudden. "It will be fine. He's a clever boy," he added, sounding as if he was still trying to convince himself that his decision was a sound one. Lou opted not to say anything else, knowing that they were in the middle of a situation and they needed to do something.

Kid finished unhitching the horse and placed the boy on top of it. He realized that it would be the first time Jack would be riding without a saddle, but hopefully it wouldn't be much of a problem. "Just press your knees against the horse tightly and it will be fine," he instructed.

"Yes, sir," Jack replied without a hint of doubt or apprehension.

"Be careful, all right?"

"I will, Pa," he said as he spurred the horse into a trot and disappeared into the forest and towards the ranch.

"You think he will be all right?" Lou called as she lay in the back of the wagon. She couldn't really come to make herself comfortable but at least she needn't be standing while help arrived. Tommy had moved to her side and was holding her hand in a sweet gesture, not really understanding what was wrong with his mama. He didn't utter a single word, and there was no doubt that he was really scared.

"I hope so," Kid replied to her question, rearranging the blankets around her. It was just useless to try and light a fire; everything was damp and wet and no kindling would set alight. He silently prayed that Jack would find his way home safely and help would come quickly. "Otherwise," he continued, "I'll have to deliver my own child myself and believe me, that's something I'm not particularly fond of trying."

Lou had to smile at his comment, momentarily in the middle of a respite from the contractions. She was cursing herself for her stupid protests. She should now be at home, had she accepted Kid's arrangement. But no, she had to be her usual stubborn self. This baby wasn't supposed to be born for a couple more weeks, but it was true that the doctor had told her that the actual birth might take place a bit earlier than it was due. It had to happen to her and in the middle of nowhere. She wanted to slap herself senseless for her foolishness. All these thoughts, though, came to an end as another pain hit her, stronger and more devastating than any of the previous ones.

* * *

Jack rode hard against the cold wind. The ride seemed endless and all his heart was set upon reaching the ranch as quickly as possible. Nobody would have believed that the fast rider was a young child. This horse was a bit slower than the light mare he usually used for practice and being without a saddle made him slip at times and slowed his progress. With a wide smile Jack welcomed the sight of his home before his eyes and spurring the horse harder he shot towards the property. Teaspoon and his former riders were hanging around at the house porch, and when they noticed the horse wildly galloping towards them, they left their places and narrowed their eyes into the horizon to make out the person on top of the horse.

"Uncle Teaspoon!" Jack called loudly, and as recognition registered in the four men, they dashed towards the boy who was now making his entrance at the same speed.

The marshal grabbed the horse reins, stopping it while Buck helped the boy off the animal. He was breathless after the wild ride and it took him a few seconds to get his breath back.

"Where are your parents and your brother, Jack?" Teaspoon asked.

"We had an accident," the boy explained, and as panic was evident in the men's faces, he continued. "Something in the wheel broke and we had to slide out of the wagon."

"Typical of Kid," Cody remarked with a smirk.

"I'll hitch up another buckboard," Buck offered, already directing his steps towards the stables, but he stopped dead in his tracks as Jack blurted out, "And the baby's coming."

"What do you mean, the baby's coming, son?" Teaspoon asked with a frown, praying that the boy didn't mean what he was thinking right now.

"Ma's having the baby," Jack continued, annoyed at the men's apparent thickness. "She was crying in pain."

"Oh God," Jimmy let out, covering his eyes with his gloved hand in a bitter gesture.

"Can't this family of ours do things the easy way just for once!" the marshal exclaimed, worry speaking through his mouth. "Let's not fret," he drawled as if talking to himself, "All right. Cody, ride to town and bring Dr Webb here. Buck, hitch up the wagon and take Rachel with you. Births can take hours but I ain't takin' any risks."

"I'll go with ya," Jimmy said, following Buck to the stables to retrieve the wagon.

As the three men went in different directions, only Teaspoon and Jack remained in the middle of the yard. The boy looked forlorn and gloomy. "Don't worry, son," the marshal said, "Lou's gonna be fine." Jack simply nodded and clutching him by the shoulder, Teaspoon steered him to the house. "Come on, let's get inside. Your friend Jonathan's been asking after you." The eight-year-old didn't say anything as he followed the marshal's lead. Right now he didn't feel like playing with Emma's son; all he needed was to be sure that Lou, his ma, was going to be fine.

* * *

Not far from there, the stillness of the place was broken by Lou's cries of pain, which were gradually becoming more often. It seemed as if she had been like this for hours when actually it had only been about thirty minutes. Her forehead was glistening with sweat, her hair messed up and she couldn't find a comfortable position for her already tired and sore body. As Tommy looked really apprehensive and scared on seeing the state Lou was in, Kid had decided to save him from witnessing something which would surely leave a considerable impression on the boy. So he had taken Tommy a few feet away from where Lou was, far enough to prevent him from seeing anything more but close enough for Kid to keep an eye on him. The young man had tried to find a distraction and had urged him to make a snowman. The boy hadn't shown much enthusiasm but he had eventually started to do so.

"How are you, Lou?" he asked as he came back closer to his wife.

"How the hell do you think I am?" she barked at the top of her lungs as she dangerously glared at him for his stupid questions. "Can't you see I'm feeling so great that I want to sing and dance... over your head to say the least?" she growled the sarcastic question in a furious tone, and then suddenly she began sobbing miserably. "When are they going to come?"

Kid wasn't sure whether to stay where he was or go to her. She was very distraught and he didn't want to upset her any more, but as she cried her eyes out, his heart went out for her. So steeling himself to spark her well-known fury even more, he crawled on the back of the wagon by her side and tenderly wrapped his arms around her body. "Everything's gonna be all right."

"How can you say that?" she hiccupped against his chest. "This baby's supposed to be born in our warm and soft bed and not in the middle of wilderness."

Kid was as scared as she was. He didn't have the first clue about births and babies and prayed that his words rang true. With some luck Lou could hold on till help arrived and they could go home. "And it will, Lou," he stated, sounding more certain than he really felt. "You'll see. Jack must have reached the ranch by now and help surely is on its way."

"I'm not ready to do this!" Louise cried bitterly. "I'm supposed to have another couple of weeks!"

"I'm afraid there's no alternative here, honey," Kid muttered, kissing her matted hair. "But you will be just fine, Lou. If anybody can do this, it's you. There's nobody as brave as the person I'm so lucky to be married to." Louise lifted her eyes to him and managed a brief smile at his sweet words. In that moment the sound of horses approaching echoed in the place. "You hear that, Lou?" Kid asked, but didn't wait for her answer as he dashed towards where the sound of hooves came from. Soon he spotted a wagon and a horse coming towards him and as they approached, Kid could make out Rachel and Buck on the wagon and Jimmy riding.

No sooner had the carriage stopped than the blonde lady jumped off it. "Where's Louise?" she asked urgently, but before Kid could answer, Lou's loud shout calling her friend's name echoed around. "Louise!" Rachel exclaimed as she ran towards the wagon where the young woman lay.

"Oh Rachel! It hurts so much," Lou cried as her friend reached her side.

"I know, honey. Let me check on you, and see if we have enough time to take you home before that baby makes its appearance." Lou nodded and as Rachel turned her head to one side, she spied the three men behind her. Folding her arms over her chest she said, "Gentlemen, this ain't a public spectacle. Will you please find another sight to entertain your curious eyes?"

At her words the three men looked visibly embarrassed and without daring to meet the lady's sharp gaze Kid muttered, "Uh... yeah... of course. Come on, let's see what Tommy is up to."

Buck and Jimmy followed their friend, and as soon as the boy laid eyes on him, he threw himself to his arms. Logically he was scared as he could hear Lou's shouts now and then. Kid tried to distract his attention but the task was easier said than done as his mind was with his wife as well. After a few minutes Rachel ran to them. "Kid, let's take your wife home, and we'd better do it quickly," she said in an urgent tone.

The Southerner nodded and Jimmy approached his friend who had the boy in his arms. "Hey, Tommy, wouldn't you like to ride with your Uncle Jimmy? You'll see how fun it will be!"

The four-year-old turned his yes to Kid as if asking for his permission or protection. "Come on, buddy. Jimmy's a quick rider and you'll get home and out of this cold really fast."

Tommy hesitated briefly but then he stretched his arms towards the long-haired man and let him carry him towards his horse. Meanwhile, Kid rushed to help his wife onto the wagon his friends had brought, and in no time they were driving towards the ranch. Buck drove the carriage with Rachel by his side while Kid sat at the back holding his wife against his chest. The drive seemed to take forever and even though Buck tried to steer the horse carefully, the roads were slippery and bumpy as the snow was turning into brown slush. Finally, the ranch came into view, which brought a sense of relief to the four on the wagon, and when they stopped opposite the house, Kid wasted no time and quickly carried Lou upstairs to their room. Emma and Rachel had followed him and helped him to place Louise on the bed comfortably.

"Where's Doctor Webb?" Lou asked weakly as she hadn't seen the good physician anywhere.

"Cody came back, saying that he's off at the Hendersons'. Their young child had a fall but he won't be long," Emma replied.

"What?" Kid exclaimed, clearly annoyed at this piece of information. He had promised Lou out there that he'd take her home and to the doctor come hell or high water and now the physician was busy?

"Kid, he'll come, but in the meantime your wife is in good hands," Rachel hurried to reassure the young man, who seemed to be about to explode.

"There's no mystery in helping a baby to be born. Believe me, Kid, I've already gone through the same more than once," Emma added as she took out a nightgown from one of the dresser drawers for Louise to slip in. The young man didn't look any more relieved as he stood in the middle of the bedroom, looking at his wife with a troubled expression. She was fighting another blinding pain, and as Kid was about to plod towards her, he felt a hand touching his upper arm and stopping his intentions. As he turned his eyes to the side, he realized it was Rachel.

"Come on, Kid. Everything's gonna be fine. Now all you need to do is wait," she said as she tried to steer the young man out of the bedroom.

"I'm not leaving Lou!" he stated without any hesitation.

"That's awfully sweet, Kid," Emma said, "but all you will do is make your wife more nervous."

"But..." he tried to protest, but the two ladies did not let him get a word in edgeways.

"Just save your strength for when this baby is born. You're gonna need it," Rachel quipped with a smile, but still Kid did not budge.

"It's all right, Kid," Lou called from the bed. "Just stay with the boys and keep an eye on them. I'll be fine."

The Southerner hesitated briefly but finally he let Rachel steer him out of the bedroom. Slowly he made his way downstairs and to his lounge where his friends were gathered, waiting for the arrival of the newest family member. He didn't say anything as he dropped on the sofa, suspecting that he was up for an agonic wait. Instantly Tommy perched on his lap and Jack sat down next to him, resting his head against his father's arm. Kid had to smile at the boys' ways and felt happy to have their comforting presence in this moment.

A couple of hours later the men were still waiting in the lounge. As Emma had rightly said, the doctor had arrived minutes after Kid had left his wife in the bedroom, which had filled the Southerner with great relief. However, as the minutes had turned into hours, Kid couldn't help but feel restless and troubled. Rachel and Emma had been down on a couple of occasions to fetch water and other things for the doctor, but they hadn't said much, only that labor was slow. The afternoon was turning into evening, and darkness was falling on the ranch and those inside the house. Being children, Jack and Tommy soon got tired of waiting idly, and they had scurried to play with Emma's children.

"What on earth is taking so long?" Kid exclaimed as he rose to his feet and began pacing up and down the room.

"These things take time, son," Teaspoon said.

"They've been up there for hours now," Kid complained, the tension taking its toll on him.

"Our Sarah was born after ten hours of labor," Sam offered, being the only one to have the same first-hand experience the sandy-haired ex-rider was going through right now.

Kid's face drained of all color as he imagined Lou having to endure such a long tribulation. It had been almost unbearable to watch her in terrible pain without being able to do anything to soothe her while they had been out in the open. Just to think that she might be like that for hours longer was simply sickening.

Suddenly, a long wail coming from upstairs sounded in the stillness of the house, which was followed by cheers, hugs and congratulating words from the five men to Kid. However, the young Southerner couldn't come to share his friend's jovial mood yet and held his breath, waiting for Doctor Webb or any of the ladies to appear. He didn't have to wait long as quick steps were heard descending the stairs. As soon as Kid laid eyes on Rachel, he plodded towards her and before the blonde had reached the bottom of the staircase, he asked in a serious and nervous tone, "How's Lou, Rachel?"

The lady smiled at hearing the concern in his voice and said, "She's fine, they're both fine."

"Really?" Kid asked again, wanting to make sure that there was nothing wrong with his wife. After these months of relative peace, some irrational thoughts had been tormenting the young man and even though he hadn't voiced his fears to anybody, not even Lou, he was afraid that they were just enjoying a respite because something terrible was somewhere along the way. After a year full of unfortunate occurrences, it was no wonder that he was still apprehensive.

"She's perfectly well," Rachel repeated, uttering every word precisely as Kid let out his held breath and smiled for the first time. However, he didn't make the least attempt to move as if he were frozen on the spot, so Rachel had to urge him, "Come on, go and see your wife. She's been asking after you."

His mouth twitched into a wider smile and without further ado, Kid scampered up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. When he reached his bedroom, he knocked on the door lightly before opening it to a crack and then craned his head inside. Lou was propped against the pillows, looking flushed but relaxed, and as soon as she caught sight of her husband, she grinned and gestured him with her finger to get inside. Kid began walking towards the bed with slow steps; Doctor Webb was washing his hands and Emma was carefully handing Lou the baby. Kid's eyes grew wide, trying to have a peek of his child, oblivious to Emma's and the doctor's congratulations. He stopped at the foot of the bed and Lou said, "Don't stay there, Kid. Come and meet your son."

"A boy?" he asked as he walked the few steps separating them while Emma and the doctor silently stepped out of the room, to give the couple some time for themselves. When Kid reached his wife's side, he sat down carefully next to her on the bed without taking his eyes off the bundle in her hands.

"Yes, another boy," Lou replied happily as she tilted her arms so that Kid could have a good look at their baby. "Sweetie, this big man is your daddy." Kid glanced at his son in awe, which made Lou smile as she had been overwhelmed by the same feelings when she had first laid eyes on the baby. "You want to hold him, Kid?"

"I... I dunno," he said in a nervous voice. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Don't be silly. You'll do just fine and you need to start learning," she replied, carefully placing the baby in her husband's arms while he looked as if he were handling dynamite. "Just make sure you hold his head firmly."

Kid smiled as the baby briefly opened his eyes to him and instantly closed them again, obviously comfortable in his father's arms. "He's so small and beautiful," he whispered, completely taken by the image before his eyes.

"He's perfect," Lou added, resting her head against her husband's arm.

"Yes, just like his ma," Kid remarked, which brought a contented smile to her lips and she planted a kiss on his upper arm.

The couple stayed in silence for a few minutes till Louise said, "Kid, we need to give him a name." They had been putting off the matter and the untimely birth of their child had caught them with some outstanding issues.

Kid nodded in agreement and asked, "Do you have any ideas?"

"Well," Lou replied hesitantly, "I'd love to name him after his pa."

"No, Lou...," he protested in a low voice, not wanting to wake the baby, who had fallen asleep in his arms. "Never. No way."

"But why not?" she asked, feeling hurt by his flat negative.

"That's something I wouldn't want for my own son."

Louise clearly did not look very happy at his words and as she was not one to give in easily when something got stuck in her mind, she insisted, "Why don't you at least tell me? I think I deserve that much." At his obvious hesitation she added, "Kid, you know everything about me. Don't you think it's high time I knew my husband's real name?"

The Southerner pressed his lips together, not comfortable with the conversation. Why all that fuss about his name? It was just a name but he knew that she was right. She deserved that small gesture from him, especially today that she had endured such a hard and long labor to give him a child. Breathing in deeply, Kid looked into her eyes and after a moment's hesitation he told her in a soft voice.

"You're kidding, ain't you?" Lou asked with a frown and noticing his earnest expression she knew that he was serious. "That's not even a name!" she exclaimed.

"Well, it's your dear husband's name," he stated with a bitter countenance.

Lou tried her hardest to hide her amusement but finally she burst out laughing, which made her whimper painfully as all her body was very sore. "Don't make me laugh."

"It was you who wanted to know," he reminded her, stoically bearing his wife's teasing.

"Why did your parents call you ... that? Was it after some relative?" she asked visibly curious.

"Not that I know," Kid simply said.

"Don't pull that long face on me, honey!" Lou exclaimed, planting a big kiss on his cheek. "I love you just the same ..."

"Don't you dare say it," Kid cut her off, foreseeing her intentions as he cast her a look which clearly implied that he wasn't fooling around.

"All right, all right. Don't get mad. You will always be my big, big Kid to me!"

In that very moment there was a knock, and Rachel's face showed through the half-opened door. The couple turned their eyes to her as she asked, "Would it be all right if I let this troop in? It's getting incredibly difficult to hold them at bay any longer."

"Of course," Lou said as she took her son from Kid's arms.

As soon as Rachel flung the door wide open, two small figures dashed in like the wind. "Hey, boys, take it easy," Kid said as he rose to his feet and stopped his children before they barged against the bed with their uncontrollable energy. "You need to be careful. Lou's tired."

The two brothers nodded their heads as Kid took them by the hand and they approached the bed where Lou was waiting with a big smile. "How are my boys?" she asked and turning to Jack she exclaimed, "Jack, honey, a little bird has told me you rode like a real Pony Express rider!" The boy blushed at her compliment and then Louise turned her attention to his younger brother, who had fallen behind and clutched Kid's hand tightly. "Hey, Tommy-boy, what's wrong?" she asked as she noticed his sheepish expression looking warily at the baby in her arms. "Don't be shy and come closer, honey. Don't you want to see your new baby brother?"

Kid gave the boy a gentle push and Tommy walked closer to Lou with the same shy expression. "Good, a boy!" Jack exclaimed happily and Louise tilted her body towards the two children so that they could see the newest member of their family. Tommy watched him without saying one word, feeling very shy as usual when meeting somebody new.

"What do you say, Tommy-boy?" Kid asked using Lou's nickname for their son as he brushed his hand over the child's head.

Tommy did not utter a single word, but in bold movement for his shy and reserved nature, he dared to touch the baby's soft cheek with his index finger lightly. The little one must have felt the four-year-old's gesture and stirred and began whimpering. This reaction startled Tommy, who suddenly stepped back as if scalded, looking as if he was about to burst out crying. "It's all right, buddy," Kid hurried to say as he noticed the boy's bright eyes, "He's just a little thing and needs to get used to us."

Tommy nodded and still without saying a word he threw himself to Kid's arms and the young man held him against his chest while sharing a knowing look and a smile with his wife, who was rocking the baby and trying to get him back to sleep. It was then that another voice resounded in the bedroom. "Hey, Lou, are you gonna show us your little man or are you gonna hog him just for yourself?" Cody asked in a teasing tone. The five men and the two ladies had entered just after the two boys, but they had stayed aside, wanting to give the family some intimate time.

"Can't you hold your tongue for once, Cody?" Jimmy exclaimed, slapping his friend on the shoulder with the back of his hand.

Lou giggled at her friend's well-known banter and said, "I don't know if I want my baby to come under your influence, Cody. I saw you showing Jack one of your books and you know I don't approve of it."

"Good thinking, Lou," Buck quipped as everybody laughed at Cody's miffed expression.

"You poor ignorant thing," the blonde man added, adopting a proud and cocky stance. "Too bad if you want to deprive your children from the benefits of being with the most handsome, brave and intelligent of your friends. You don't know what you're missing."

"Oh... stop the speech, Cody, and come here," Lou exclaimed with an impatient gesture and all her friends approached to get a good look of the new addition to the family. "Ain't he the cutest little thing?" she said proudly.

"Yes, indeed he is," Teaspoon agreed, letting out a silent sigh. He was heartily glad to be witnessing the blissful occurrence for the young couple. They really deserved some happiness after all they had gone through in the past year. The addition of Jack and Tommy to their lives had been the beginning of a bright period which would be completed with the birth of this baby.

"And does the tiny tot have a name yet?" Sam asked.

Louise cast a sideways look at her husband and as he glanced at her with a strange expression, she said, "Actually he has. I wanted to name our child after the person who has supported me and been there for me no matter what... my husband."

"Lou...," Kid warned in a low voice, not believing that she still held to the same idea after he had told her no.

Louise didn't pay him any mind to his warning and continued regardless, "Ladies, gentlemen and children, let me introduce you to our son, Benjamin McCloud."

Kid let out his contained breath as to his utter relief she didn't pronounce the name he dreaded she would. "Is that your name, Kid?" Emma asked the question everybody was dying to ask.

"No," he simply said and everybody instantly turned their attention to Louise. She smiled as she explained, "Benjamin means 'the young one' in Spanish and... well... it's kinda similar to Kid, ain't it?"

"It's a fine name," Teaspoon agreed as everybody else nodded, confirming the marshal's words.

Kid stared at his wife mesmerized, feeling the luckiest man alive. He was already overwhelmed by all she had gone through to give him a child. The fact that she had come up with an idea to name their son after him was simply moving and filled him with pride for his strong and beautiful wife. Kid couldn't wish for anything else at this very moment, nothing at all. It was then that Jimmy slapped him on the back, snapping him out of his daydreaming as he said, "Some Christmas present you get this year, my friend."

Kid grinned pleasantly and added, not taking his eyes off his wife, "She's a present every day of the year." And it was true. Long forgotten were those days of coldness and emptiness and looking around, Kid silently prayed his thanks for all the blessings that he could count now. This was his family, his friends who were more than kin to him, his two children, who had made them believe in happiness and love again, that baby boy who was a real miracle and Lou. He couldn't wish for anything else right now; it would the best Christmas ever and he knew he'd remember this day years on like the start of their new life.


	33. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

It was cozy and warm in the lounge where a good log fire was burning in the fireplace. A few minutes ago Louise had crossed the room and dropped her now heavy body on the soft sofa. The house was in complete silence, only disturbed by the crackling of the burning logs. Kid had taken the children to town and Lou welcomed the peace and quiet in this winter afternoon. As her body shifted into a comfortable position, her exhaustion got the best of her. Little by little her eyes closed and she fell into a deep slumber.

The night before Louise had had enormous difficulty in getting some rest. Heavy as she was in the last month of her new pregnancy, it was getting increasingly laborious to adopt a comfortable position in bed. On top of it all, last night she had been restless and plagued by nightmares in the brief spells of sleep she had managed to get. She always feared that something might go wrong with the baby and these last months were always the hardest ones.

As she peacefully slept on the sofa, her neck bent to one side, she never heard somebody slip inside and get closer to her. It was when a hand came to rest on her bulging middle that she suddenly woke up, startled. The image of a handsome young brown-haired lad appeared before her still blurry eyes, and she smiled pleasantly.

"Sorry to wake you, Ma," Jack said. "Why don't you go and have your nap in bed? You will get all crooked sleeping like that."

Lou struggled to sit straight on the sofa, and when she finally got herself comfortable, she added, "No, it's fine. I was just resting my eyes for some minutes." She kept staring at her son in silence and marveled at the handsome youngster he had grown into. He was sixteen-years-old now, and it seemed it was yesterday when he and Tommy had come into their lives. Time really flew by and Lou feared the day he met a girl and wanted to start his own family away from them. Yet, she knew that Jack would never be too far from them and the ranch. Since he left school, he devoted all his time working on the ranch and helping Kid with the business. His interest in horses hadn't diminished a bit since he was a young child and as he had grown older, he seemed to love the job even more, and Kid couldn't have a keener learner than Jack.

"You came back from town real quick," Lou said after a while. "Where's your brother, then?"

"Which one?" Jack asked, even though he strongly suspected who his mother meant. He tried to hide his smile as he was aware what lay behind Lou's curiosity.

"Tommy," she answered, noticing his badly-hidden smile.

"He stayed in town; bumped into Amy Palmer and was still talking to her when we left him," Jack explained, amusement shining in his eyes.

"He was so shy when younger and now so popular with girls," Lou muttered mainly to herself. Tommy was barely thirteen but Lou had to admit it was no wonder he awakened the interest of the girls his own age. He was a handsome and sweet boy, and Lou didn't know where or how he had gotten it, but he had a special way with girls. "My Tommy-boy," she let out with a sigh, feeling somehow melancholic for how quick he had grown up. She had always had a soft spot for him and it was now difficult to accept that this boy had grown and didn't need her so much.

"You'd better not let him hear you calling him that, Ma," Jack added. "You know, he ain't very fond of it now."

Lou snorted with an unhappy expression as she shook her head. "My, my, Mr. Big Tom," she said through clenched teeth. She knew that Tommy insisted that he wasn't a young child anymore and should be called Tom from now on. However, he would always be her sweet Tommy-boy to Louise however grown-up he was. Nothing could change that.

Jack grinned at her miffed attitude and bending over he kissed her on the cheek and said. "Don't be jealous, Ma. You know you're the only important girl in my brother's heart."

The boy began walking out of the room with a snicker in his mouth as Lou called, "I'm not jealous, young man!" Her son continued walking without paying any heed to her words. "I'm not, Jack!"

It was then that Kid stepped inside and as her words reached his ears he asked, "You are not what?"

"Nothing," she grumbled, folding her arms over her now ample bosom. Kid sat down next to her on the sofa and looking at him sideways Lou asked, "Where did you leave my children?"

He discreetly chuckled at her possessiveness as if he had nothing to do with those children she mentioned. Yet, he chose not to retort as he knew that she got easily irritated in the last month of pregnancy. He couldn't blame her for her bad mood as her growing size prevented her from moving freely and for a person as active as Lou, it could be really frustrating. "They're playing in the yard," he said, answering her question. "And Tom..."

"I know where Tommy is!" she exclaimed loudly, visibly annoyed.

"All right," Kid just said. They stayed in silence for a while and placing his hand over her swollen belly, he asked after a beat, "And how's the baby?"

Louise sighed deeply and added, "Not as restless as yesterday. I bet it's getting ready to give ma another sleepless night." Kid passed his arm over her shoulders tenderly while Lou rested her head against his chest. "I'm getting too old for this," Lou muttered. "This will be the last time."

"You said the same thing when Lizzie was born," Kid added, kissing the top of her head.

"I mean it this time. We already have enough children as it is," Lou continued. This was her fifth pregnancy in nine years. This one had been a surprise as she had thought she wouldn't have any more children or at least that had been her intention. Yet, when the doctor had told her that she was expecting again, Kid and she had received the news with great joy. Who'd have thought that she'd have a big family when there was a time that she had believe she couldn't have babies?

Every one of her children was like a miracle, even those two she hadn't given birth to. Thinking back to those days where she hadn't cared about anything, Lou couldn't help but marvel at the way life had evolved around her and dug her soul out of the hole where she had decided to hide it. She had refused all help and been adamant to lead a life in isolation. And then out of the blue, like magic, Jack and Tommy had appeared changing everything she had firmly believed in. It had really been a turning point and that was why those two sweet boys would always be so special to her. There was no difference in her heart between them and her other four children, and she knew it was the same for Kid. Soon she would be holding her new baby and even though she was now complaining, she knew that she couldn't change the experience of being a mother again for anything. Things had been smooth with this pregnancy and Lou had barely felt any normal discomforts, but now that she was in the last stage, she was suffering the effects of the extra weight on her weary body.

"All right, as you wish, honey," Kid replied and as he looked down at her, he smiled at seeing his wife sound asleep against his chest. Not a single day passed by that he didn't pray his thanks for all the blessings that he had been bestowed over the years. He had a wonderful family, the best present that Lou could ever give him. Lou ... there were no words to express what she meant in his life. She was everything for him since the day he had found her wounded in the yard of that way station and discovered her true gender. Since that very day, everything had changed; he couldn't think of his life without thinking of Lou. They had their ups and downs, but at the end of everything she was present in his every day and most importantly she was his future... a bright promising future.


End file.
